Thank you so much for your advice. I will definetly talk to her.
Be up front with her. Tell her you want help, but you have a real fear of a medication that has a side effect causing suicidal thoughts. You don't care about being monitored, you want something that does not have that side effect. You have every right to have a say in your treatment and decline a medication you don't feel safe taking. You can talk to your pharmacist and get suggestions of medications for treatment that does not carry those risks, then discuss them with your dr. Hope things work out for you. If she doesn't want to help you, there are other drs and I would go to one of them.