BPD and Emotion Regulation, not working

[Dex3434]

Hello everyone, I just turned 18. I've been diagnosed with a disorder called BPD aka Borderline Personality Disorder. It's a very serious personality disorder. And it messes with how I feel emotions. But it mostly reflects on Anger/Rage and I can't physically or mentally control it. But; I've just realized way more I feel like.

It just almost feels like, my body, isn't connected with my emotions in a way. Or it's involuntary in a way. And throughout that it's also really complex because humans are hard wired with their emotions to body movements and yet I feel like I wasn't so I have to find those body movements that click with emotions in a matching game. And throughout that sometimes I can't find the clicks so I have no idea how to control or explain what I am feeling... I feel like I feel deeper than most but all at the same time I don't feel at all. Because what am I feeling? But then again what am I not feeling? I could tell you every single emotion their is on the face of this earth. Although I cannot match the name to the emotion as we'll. Making it so I must go through all those names, and all those symptoms, and all those signs, and choose which it is. Then make that emotion onto a deeper level so I can distinguish it easier the next time I am looking for it. But sometimes that's impossible and I simply couldn't tell you or understand how I'm feeling or what I'm feeling. Or if I'm doing something why I'm doing it. I just feel so lost, and so mind f*cked it's ridiculous...like I'm a robot almost. I just feel like I need answers that help me. I can't tell you how many therapists I've gone too, including anger management, mood therapy where they hold up pictures of people's faces and if they have a sad face then that's sad, or they try and show me what I feel. Just help, someone.

[offthewall_warped]

Hey, I commented on your post under BPD forum.
I hope you start to feel better!

[Bubulous]

I have been diagnosed with BPD in the past and I understand why I received that diagnosis.  You seem to be a very intelligent person and I applaude you for trying to learn all the emotions and the correspondences between them and the body but you are leaving out something.
What is your sign if you don't mind me asking?