confused

[cowboy19]

my wife is bipolar 2 and suffers from hypersexuality. she had an emotional affair with a friend on the internet. they texted sexaul things to each other and even planned to meet and do it for real. she says it was all just a fantasy for her. nothing was real. but he thought it was real and wanted her. now she wants to keep him as a friend on my space and it hurts me. she say theres nothing there but idont know. just the other night we went away for our anniversery and she asked me could i pretend to be him in the bedroom. i said no and she dropped it. how is this dealing with it? she says it would bring closuer. i told her to take him off my space and she refused. i said chose me or him and she said she will not end the freindship. is this the disease or is it something else. i love her more than anything and i am willing to help her. please tell me am i wasting  my time. she is going to start taking meds. for the bipolar this week. i hope this fixes things.
signed,
hopeless

[Xila31]

See.... I don't agree with your councelor. She is choosing him over you. That is not good. But it is your decision. I understand staying by someone in sickness and in health, but don't forget that you are important, too.That's the number one mistake of a caregiver. Maybe you did take her for granted, but it seems to me she is taking you for granted. Maybe the meds will help her.

Since you are in counseling, then give it a chance, I guess. But once she become more stable and if she still wont' give him up, I would take a serious survey of the marriage. Good luck to you.

[cowboy19]

we are in counseling now and i'm keeping my fingers crossed. everyday i find out something new about this disease. i love her too much to walk out on her. before this manic stage hit i believe i took her for granted, i never will again. i'll stay with her till the day i die, if she'll let me. i know that she loves me, i just think shes real confused right now. our counsler told me that if she didnt love me she would have cheated physically by now. i just wish she loved me enough to give him up. the counsler said the meds may help her judgement. its in Gods hands now.

[Malaksharif]

Hi there

i have one thing to say to you as my colleagues said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

bipolarity has nothing to do with it

,and even hyper sexuality has nothing to do with it((((((bipolar or not all of us can have some strange sexual thoughts but to take it further to action is something else))))))))),,......

either she is FAITHFUL or not,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i think the only one thing to do is counseling if she is willing to save your marriage for the sake of your son

Hope things get better for you and your family

[Xila31]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Although hypersexuality is part of bipolar it also is treated with the mood stabalizers that help with mania. If her hypersexuality is not going away she could have other problems like sex addiciton, etc.

As for the affair, that is horrible. Bipolar is a disease but it is not an excuse. Just like an alcoholic that only beats up his wife when he's drunk, he's still an abuser. She has broken your trust and hurt you deeply. Your marriage is in serious trouble. If she really wants to save your marriage she needs to not be friends with that man any more out of respect to you and to show good will that she wants to keep you and rebuild the marriage. She needs to rebuild your trust, take her mediciation correctly, go to her psychiatrist, and the two of you will need marriage counseling. You should also see a therapist because this is damaging to you.

Otherwise, the marriage should not be saved as it will be unhealthy for your little boy. She is putting her family at risk by going out with men. Maybe this time she did not actually sleep with him, but what about the future. Also know that emtoional affairs are considered more damaging than actual affairs to a marriage and far harder to recover from.

Just because bipolar is an illness does not make anything she has done right. I'm very sorry about your loss.

[cowboy19]

we have a son. this behavior just started 2 months ago and she was diagnosed 2 weeks ago.

[adel_ezz]

look. one question: do you have children ? If not then there is no need to hurt yourself. Being in love with her doesn't entail that she can fail you. My opinion, if she doesn't stop this nonsense, just drop her. Bipolarity is not a pretext for her.

Don't be so weak in front of her. Pls be decisive. Don't play also with the fire by accepting things that are not done.