dIAGONOISED WITH DIFFERENT DIAGNOSIS not sure which is correfct?

[admccoy]

I have a very serious mental problem since early childhood due to suffering much abuse from father until 9  yrs. old.
I exhibed several violent acts against teachers and classmates.  I can recall hearing voices telling me once to kill a toddler who I thought in my six yr. old insane mind was about to attack my baby brother. I have suffered much heart break and trauma throughout my entire life and now I am very sick physically as well and this is not helping at all.
I am confusioned by being diagnoisis by different doctors as bi-polor, schizophrenic, boderline personality disorders,major depressive disorder, parainoid.    I have made a list of my emotional characeristics and I might have one or two characteristics of each.  Is it posibble to have many different dsiagnosis.  Furhter,I have been very depressed my entire life but I do not fit the bill but I know I AM UNHAPPY BECASUE i HAVE CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP ALMOST EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE BUT i HAVE WORKED FULL TIME 29 YRS. BUT NOW ON DISABILITY DUE TOMENTAL ISSUES AS WELL AS A HOST OF PHYSICAL ISSUES.   I WAS TERMINATED FROM 13 JOBS AND WORK VAROUS DIFFERENT JOBS TO GET THE 29 YRS.  I WAS TERMINATED MOSTLY DUE TO SOCAIL ISSUES, I DON'TLIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME PERSONAL QUESTIONS, LIKE  HOW OLD I AM, DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, BUT I WAS AN EXCELLENT EMPLOYEE WITH ATTENDANCE, PUTUNATUALNESS AND HIGH WORK ETHICS,MY WORK WAS OUTSTANDING AND I RECEIVED SOME AWARDS FOR THIS.  I JUST COULDN'T STAND THEM TRYING TO BE A FRIEND TO ME.  DON'T ME WRONG I HAVE A FEW TRUSTED FRIENDS BUT THEY ALL HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH THE TYPE OF FANTASY PEOPLE I CREATED IN MY LIFE TO COPE AS A CHILD AND YOUNG ADULT.   THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERSONTHAT FIT COMPLETELY AND I LOST THEM DUE TO MY PARANOID FROM THE SEXUAL MISUSED OF MEN WHO ONLY WANTED ME FOR SEX DUE TO MY PHYSCIAL BEAUTY AND THEY CARED NOTHING FOR MY HEART.   I AM VERY CONFUSED IF THEY SAY WHEN YOU DEPRESSED YOU USUALLY ARE NOT WELL GROOMED AS I AM ALWAYS, I CAN CONCENTRATED ON ANY TASK AND EVEN AFTER GREATA TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES LIKE RAPE IN YOUNG ADULT I WOULD GO TO WORK THE FOLLOWING DAY. I WOULD BE SAD  BUT WOULD HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES AND JUST CRY ALLNIGHT.  I AM VERY CONFUSED  BECAUSE THEY CLAIM THAT MOST SCHIZOPREHRENIC ARE NOT IN CHILDHOOD BUT WHY DID I HEAR THOSE EVIL VOICES, WHY THE VIOLENCE?

[medicmommy]

Hello...As a incest and childhood physical and mental abuse survivor, I can relate to what you are going through...I did the opposite -instead of acting out, I shut down. I was afraid to talk to anyone, to get angry, or to think of myself as worthy of respect from others. Like you, I built walls around myself to protect from getting emotionally injured (to this day, I'd still rather be hit than yelled at) and tried desperately to control my world. I was merely existing, not living. Only around animals could I feel safe enough to express myself, and I talked to them as if they could understand me. At times, I had convinced myself, they talked back -not with their mouths, but by sending their thoughts to me...I felt like damaged goods, and I didn't fit into the human world...People couldn't be trusted because they were betrayers of trust and love...I was terribly depressed, and even thought about killing my stepfather in his sleep just to make him stop. (I was 13 then, the abuse had been going on since I was 11.) I attempted suicide twice (mother never did know), but botched that too, which really made me feel like a failure...
Many years later, after extensive counseling that gave me tools to sort out my "head", I reclaimed my "power", and learned to draw bounderies so I could like with people without them taking advantage of me, and so I wouldn't keep reliving the victim role again and again...I never was diagnosed with mental illness (although I'm sure I was for some time), but gladly, I am living my life now without walls, and am able to be genuinely happy and at peace. Now and then, I struggle with bad memories, but I let them come and pass through me, realizing that time is past, and I no longer carry hatred or anger (but I will always remember) because that anger only affected me, not my stepfather, and it was a slow form of suicide. Until I was able to let it go, I couldn't be whole or at peace...
I hope this helps...It seems to me you are still living in the "victim" mode -afraid to get hurt, afraid to let anyone close...afraid to live...Please find the book "Courage to Heal"...Read it slowly and don't be afraid to put it down if it overwhelms you. Your insides are fractures right now, and it is time to began the healing process...(((HUGZ))))))))~MM

[ILADVOCATE]

Only a psychiatrist could provide an exact diagnosis but if a person was abused there are psychiatric disabilities such as PTSD that can occur that include psychosis and also if a person was raised in this manner sometimes they can often engage in behavior that is self destructive or destructive towards others because of what happenned. Regardless of the specific diagnosis talk therapy and often cognitive behavioral therapy can be of help in addition to medication. Any forms that they ask you to complete are to understand what's going on with you and if they are for benefits specific eligibility criteria. They are standard forms and not intended to be intrusive as regards your life and by law any confidential forms cannot be shared with other people.