depression, agitation, anxiety

[bizziebizzie]

I was never told my exact diagnosis but I recently had two explosive episodes in inappropriate places..i.e. airport, in a public hallway (with some sibs).  One said I was paranoid, one said I was too serious, one said I need a mood stablilizer.  I take 300 mg Effexor, 0.05 Clonazapam (prn); 10 mg Buspirone (prn) Trazadol, 2 at night for sleep.  I have to find out from my psychiatrist what exactly have I been diagnozed with. In the past 1 1/2 years, I lost my father, brother (2 1/2 months later) and my mum who was buried on the 1st anniversary of my much loved brother's death.  I am Power of Attorney and Executor of her estate...and I'm trying to sell her house.  I don't know if my problem is situational or what to think anymore.  I have no self-esteem, cry VERY easily (which I couldn't do when I was on Effexor before), don't want to leave the house or see anyone particularly, finding it VERY difficult to get ANYTHING done around the house...have about 4 projects on the go at once and none nearly finished.  I have a huge emptiness in my heart and in my stomach.  Off my food...only eat b/c hubby makes me.  Hubby spends 85% of his time in bed watching sports.  I feel so lonely.  Does anyone have any ideas what I should do next?  Sleep is terrible but a bit better since I started Trazadone.  Much appreciated.

[bizziebizzie]

Thank you so much for your input.  I have a sister who is bi-polar so I'm VERY familiar with it.  Helped her through many of her extremely depressed episodes (to the point where she was catatonic and I didn't think was going to live).  She's doing well now and is on Lamotragine for her mood stabilizer.  I'm 65 years old and have had some situational depressions on and off for the past 10 years...ever since I had to leave work because of chronic pain.  I believe I let work be my 'escape' and my 'solice' for many years.  I tended to stuff things down which is not healthy but I always seem to say the "wrong things at the wrong times" according to some of my sibs. Where I live here in Canada, psychologists are not covered by our health care plan.  I did see one after an accident (work related so it was covered) but didn't feel he helped me much.  I see my psychiatrist every 6 months but the wait list is so long here I only get to see him for 10 minutes..not much time to discuss anything.  I see a social worker who has suggested yoga, walking, meditation, etc .. all good things...I just CANNOT do them at this time.  I think I became an anxious/nervous type in the past 15 years or so....don't know if it's age-related or what.  I really find the support here quite helpful..thank you so much for your input.  I truly value it.  Oh, my sister's manias, which only occur infrequently, can be bad....like driving the car too fast (she doesn't drive now), wanting to shove her cart at the grocery store into someone (she didn't, thank God), dressing up in crazy clothes and playing outside with the kids....then when her depression hits, it's REALLY bad...she can't get out of bed and struggles to do this because there's no support from her immediate family.  For years I looked after her meds because she wasn't taking them properly.  She seems to be on the right track right now, but it's hard to tell because she's VERY good at wearing 'a mask' to hide this.  I can see through it though, but I'm not spending enough time with her right now because I'm struggling myself.  I'm sure hoping to get back on track soon!  As to the Buspar, it was ME who wasn't taking it regularly.  The psychiatrist prescribed it 3 times a day (10 mg) but I don't like taking pills.  I have, however, started taking it regularly as "anonymous" up above mentioned.  Hope it regulates this anxiety as I want to get back to "living" my life and enjoying it.  Thanks so much for your input.  I'll be watching this site more regularly....everyone is so helpful!  :)

[jjswartz_1]

I know only from my experience sometimes pdocs have so many patients to see that you may feel rushed in and out of the office.  Maybe also seeing a psychologist may also help.  Really take to time to sit down and pour your heart out.  Figure out together which symptoms maybe situational and which maybe something else.  

Also BuSpar to my knowledge is an antiolytic ( anti-anxiety) med that only has an anti-anxiety effect after weeks of regular daily dosing.  Something maybe to ask your doc about.

Seems like you are under a heck of alot of pressure from life events.  When to many events happen to close together, it can break anyone.  A mood stabilizer is used for Bipolar because we tend to go manic or depressed in a cycle that is not dependant on our outlook or events.  when just get tossed up and down like we a being poisoned by our own neurotransmitters.  My manias feel like I am on speed.  So I have no choice but to take a mood stabilizer.....believe me I tried many times.

If you are just a very anxious/nervous/ type with depressions you can still tolerate a mood stabilizer could help dull you up, but I would try a pyschologist first.  Mood Stabilizers like Lithium, Valproic Acid and carbamazepine are strong drugs with sometimes difficult side effects.  Many of them have a high risk of weight gain as you may already know.  So keep all this in mind and talk to your pdoc.

I  would go psychologist first then talk about mood stabilizers.   Pyschologist cannot prescribe meds but they can help you figure out if you are bipolar, and they can even work closely with your pdoc if you are lucky.

[bizziebizzie]

Many thanks for your input.  I think this site will be a valuable tool for me.  At least I know I won't be told to "get out of my pity pot" or "you're too serious" "you're paranoid" "you're addicted to the computer" and other things that have been said to me where I've felt as low as I could be.

[Anonymouse88]

While I've heard a bit about BuSpar as a prn, it's a bit of an odd choice for that drug.  Especially with clonazepam as a prn as well.  This will probably sound really dumb, but are you sure the BuSpar isn't supposed to be every day?  That would give you something constant for anxiety + a rescue med.

Anyway, ILADVOCATE is right, you need your psychiatrist to explain things to you.  If they'll email, that might be a good way to get started so that you can spend the time in person asking for clarification if you need it.  You sound really depressed, but you also have very good reason to be depressed due to life events.  If you didn't have problems up until all these horrible things started happening to you, it's more likely to be situational and not a life long mood disorder like bipolar, since those *usually* show up by the early 20s, even if they aren't diagnosed for a long time.  

Either way, antidepressants are probably what you need to get you out of the hole you're in right now.  As long as you don't have any markers for bipolar, adding another antidepressant might be all you need.  If there's worry about bipolar, then they might add an atypical antipsychotic like Seroquel or Abilify, which are mood stabilizing and approved as add-ons to antidepressants.  

Whatever you and your doctor end up doing, you have our support and sympathy here for the hard times you're going through.

[ILADVOCATE]

    It would be essential at this point for your psychiatrist to explain your diagnosis and further evaluate the symptoms you are describing and your treatment. Some of the changes you are describing can occur in bipolar  such as sudden episodes of anger but only a psychiatrist could determine specifics.  If they would note bipolar could potentially part of it a full mood stabilizer is generally what is helpful but they would have to make that decision within their clinical discretion.  In the meantime keep track of when these episodes occur on a daily basis and if there is anything that specifically sets them off. The mood tracker can be helpful for that purpose and the results can be printed our for your psychiatrist.