feeling hopeless...

[kissym83]

I went to my first support group the other night and i liked being able to talk about my mental illness but when i left and went home i was feeling kind of sad and hopeless. I still am having trouble dealing with the fact that my being bipolar is never going away. I am constantly asking WHY ME? I miss the days that I could concentrate on how great my life is... now I am just pissed off in general. How can I be happy when i know that at any time i could be back in an episode. I feel like I cant plan anything for more than today... no trips or going to see family, because i may be passed out in bed. And I hate the fact that if i tell anyone what is wrong with me they think i can just convince myself to be over it! I live in a small town and I used to be the owner of the only restaurant... so i cant go to the post office or grocery store without some weird looks or whispers, or my favorite when someone i have known for years just totally ignores me and pretends I am not even there. How can people be so judgemental? To think if i had cancer they would all be stopping by the house and bringing me food... I hate that I have this! I really need to move :(  Sorry if I keep going i just need to vent and be heard, by someone who understands. any advice on how to cope??? my husband and parents are trying really hard to understand and be comforting but even other family members don't take me seriously. And with the holidays it is going to be rather hard to face all the inlaws... so do i go over there smile and attempt to behave or do i stay at home where i feel safe and no one can judge me or pity me? Thanks for listening to my venting i am going to try and get some sleep if my mind shuts up... :)

[paranoid_cataclysm]

There's a lot of stigma and ignorance surrounding mental illness but people are working at getting rid of it and mental illness is recognized a real illness, there are people who just don't know that or refuse to believe it.  It's frustrating I know because I've ran into people like that before but there's also people out there like people here for example who are accepting of it and listen.  I don't understand why people think it's impossible to have a disease of the mind if you can have a disease of the body... maybe they just can't accept the world is that harsh and cruel as to also mess up the one thing you have that should never be messed with?

[Xila31]

Well, we all need someone to listen sometimes and it is frustrating when you think no one hears you. I don't mind listening because I know I will probably going on about something sometimes. We're all in this together. Plus, even though I can't give medical advice, I can at least give a sympathetic ear, you know?

[kissym83]

Thanks for the encouagement and listening...it means a lot! :)

[Xila31]

I think the biggest thing is knowing we're not alone. I used to think I was such a weirdo and no one in the world was like me until I just happened to come to this forum one day. Then I started reading and seeing people having such similar issues to me and it really made me feel a lot better. Just to know that I am not such a weirdo after all and it is just the bipolar.

I'm sorry the people in your town are behaving that way. >.< Sadly, bipolar is one of those issues that people do not understand at all the media makes it worse. You're right, if it was cancer everyone would act different. But, to the world bipolar = "crazy" which is dumb. It is okay to vent I'm sure that is very frustrating. Better to let it out.

[kissym83]

Thank you so much for your advice. I will continue to go to the group, it feels nice to know that i am not alone in all of this.

[Alex_X_18]

I agree with what ILADVOCATE said about NAMI they offer really decent support groups I would call them too because they also offer classes for people who are friends and family of those with a mental illness. My mother took one and it really helped her to understand my bipolar.
its really easy to be unsure about things after you very first get dianosed and start going through treatment. It can be a bit of a shock many people question their diagnosis and medications; Furthmore a tendancy of bipolar makes it really hard. I know its easy to feel judged or isolated but your doing the right thing by going to a support group. Just continue to go regularly. As for other people and their judgements they will likely always be there. Its very hard for normal people to understand those with bipolar becuase they have never suffred from the same issues? Frankly who can blame them we cannot epect them to understand something they've never expericed before.  try to do is think of it as two seprate pieces of life really. One life is coping going to places like this website,  seeing you  doctor, and communicating with people who you already know will understand. The other piece is you with the normal public and socializing there. In terms of both pices you want them really ivovled in your life but still seprate from each other completely.

[ILADVOCATE]

I would say NAMI friend and family support groups can be helpful with this. Remember how you feel about yourself is one thing but if you respect other people then any stigma or discrimination comes from then. Don't think of yourself as less of a person because you have a psychiatric disability. Other people have to understand it as well. It took me a while to reach this point as well but family and friend support groups are good to educate others.