what's his problem.

[MrsNatHarri]

So I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in January and been living with it the majority of my life before this diagnosis. My life has become boring since being on my depakote so I decided to enrol in a cupcake decoration course to occupy me, then this morning I've enrolled on a hairdressing course to. my husband has gone made saying I'm spending money on nothing and that I can't see that I'm hitting my 'mania' phase. I told him that I'm 30,  I don't need anyone to tell me what to do as I'm fine, that I'm actually not ill it's him, he's obviously tryna play mind games with me trying to control me. He said that he was ringing the hospital for my psychiatrist to see me like this... Like what taking control of something that's crippled me for 15 years. I can't take anymore it's driving me crazy. Sorry if this makes no sense, im just fuming!!

[thatquietgirl]

Hmm...  Have you suggested something he can do when he's concerned about something he's noticing in you that won't make you feel that way?  

Once my family came with me to therapy and heard what worked better for me and realized how saying I'm manic/depressed/whatever was making them sound like they thought I am the bipolar disorder rather than I am a person living with bipolar disorder, they backed off because they hadn't thought of the fact what they were saying/asking was doing that.  They never actually utilized the option I had given them instead, but they certainly backed off.  Sometimes people don't realize what they're doing with their words.  

[MrsNatHarri]

Hi... He comes to my psychiatrist with me and I literally hold nothing back, I'm still awaiting the occupational therapists to get in touch... It's like you can't laugh too much or cry too much without it being the bipolar... I actually feel like a 8 year old the way he talks to me at times. And maybe he's the one with the problem? Just don't know anymore but I just know I can't carry on like this xx

[thatquietgirl]

Try taking him with you to a therapy appointment to discuss your symptoms and triggers and brainstorm another way he can bring up what he's noticing that you won't find so confrontational.  I completely understand the frustration with, "Are you manic?" "You're manic."  "You're depressed."  "Are you ok?" when you're feeling perfectly fine.  People mean well, but it certainly is annoying.  It feels like they're trying to define us by our illness when they do that and that we can't have interests or be happy or sad without being in an episode.

[MrsNatHarri]

Thanks for replying... I know he loves me and looks out for me but it becomes a constant ordeal when I buy something. If it's slightly out the ordinary he starts to start on about saving, or my illness... I know he means well but why can't I buy something nice? It's so hard this it really is xx

[rdmccb]

When you suffer from bipolar you can't always see when things are going a little hazy.  i understand that you want to occupy your time and do something that is relaxing and soothing to you and your needs of emotions.  However we really must rely on those we live with to point out the things we cannot always see in plain site.  It does not mean you wont do great with both course it just means your husband is seeing something that you may not notice that he may think is a little out of the ordinary.  Unfortunately not everyone has tact or has a nice way to bring things to the ones they loves attention.  I hope this helps as I know I dont always see my behavior as irrational when its being done.