well finally...

[Sexybare]

So my bf asked me why I was actin so weird towards him. I'm not being mean just not much to say. So I told him how alone I am on this journey. His response was what do you want me to do? I said alls I wanted was someone to hold my hand when I'm in pain and don't feel good and tell me everythings gonna be alright. He said he does, umm no he don't. I need emotional support. He turned it around on me saying when was the last time you hugged me or held my hand. Really....I told him he's self centered. Just two weeks after my surgery he made a comment about sex... I'm almost to the point where he needs to leave. And I realize what's important to him. Thanks for letting me vent, hugs Dana

[selmaS]

  Dana u have to do what is best for u...and we can not tell u what to do, not to do, I only caution u that this could be all related to being overly emotional post op....

  I am just sorry u r having to deal with this and hope u can get someone like ur mom to come stay with u for a while....u need to rest and allow this all to calm down.

Whatever u choose to do we r here for u <3

[Sexybare]

Well since last night, I stated to my bf (if that's what we even are anymore) and I've been ignored all day. He lives with me and texts me instead of talkin to me. He just text me from bed to say he was goin to bed and that while he's at work tomorow he's not gona text me at all. Ok. I know I'm not emotionally stable right now to really decide this but its more stress than I need and sometimes its ok to let someone go. I apologized for making him feel like crap. Once again he made the situation all about him. So I feel I cannot do this anymore. I need to focus on my health and being here for my kids. I think its my time to do that.

[cash242]

I apologize my last post wasn't very sympathetic. I just feel for you. These surgeries and recoveries a are a huge life event and probably one of the biggest strains on your relationship. I think as we go through the stages of acceptance we are emotionally fragile and it is hard dealing with others when we are learning to deal with ourselves. The most important thing is that your relationship work for both of you as everyone is different.

[cash242]

You know my thoughts...how many times have you asked for this? Its not like this is your first surgery. And I agree I don't believe it is a man thing as I know plenty of men that help. I do know even when my husband was there I still felt isolated at times as it is emotionally hard to deal with it all. Hang in there.

[selmaS]

  Well, I am with my DH 33 yrs and I know him and he is very diff from me, and I do not know him to hold my hand or say things will be ok, he gets mad, and he will stick close to me and not let me do a thing and gets a little over protective, but no hugs, which I would prefer too, but for men that is the start of something else and they know we can not go there, so they keep their distance as much for themselves as for u....it is hard on us both...

When I was in ICU, my DH had to go, as he had to work the next day it was 11:30 at night and he was still there...I was having issues with the meds and he just would not leave...that is how I know how he feels.....

And this past ER visit, I was knocked out from the meds and he sat on the edge of the bed, to make sure I was still breathing(his words) ...trying to be funny as it is his way to cope...no hugs, no how do u feel....but I know he cares and I accept him that way....

I also feel alone....he is constantly gone, working, running to the store, doing the laundry....cooking,..and I feel guilty a lot too...especially when I get mad for something he forgot to do that I asked for, bcuz he does  a lot....and it is hard on him too....

I know ur situation is diff, but what I am saying is, we do not always get things just the way we want them, but I think that is fantasy and if we accept people for who they are we can see just how much they do care for  us....even when they appear self centered, I have called my DH that on many occasions....not recently...but I have.....

Jessicah brought up a valid point, we r overly emotional post op...do not allow that do make a decision for u, wait until u heal,...and as I keep saying, rest, do not do the things u want ur family to do.....

Hang in there ((hugs)) <3

[Sexybare]

Its not about chores and all. Alls I've wanted since I found out I had chiari is for him to comfort me on my bad days, to tell me everything will be ok. Just good old fashion comfort, that's it. I'm alone when I don't feel good. And when I feel scares I'm the only one who tells myself that its ok, tomorows a new day. You are right about the rest. But as for guys being wired diff, I don't buy that for a second. I believe its just an excuse.

[JESSICAH1230]

Men are simple minded as women are emotional minded. U r going through alit right now and im sure he just doesnt know how to cope with it all so he just returns to normal as u are all messed up physically  mentally and emotionally. It will get better!

[selmaS]

  Dana, men don't always get it....and many r self centered....and to get a point across u may have to do less as I have said b4....u keep doing so they see it as u r ok to do it....not that it is diff for u....u have to stop doing everything.

I also remember to thank my DH when he does things for me, when I ask and when I do not....it helps him feel good about what he is doing....

Keep in mind also if it was just sex he wanted he can get that newhere, it wanted to be close with u....

I know u r at ur wits end, but it is like the person that does not feel the other can do something right so they do everything, then get upset  that they do it all....u have to let go and do nothing....let them see u can not do it.....JMHO