my husband has Chiari - sex life gone

[KLHuhtala]

Hello, this is somewhat not something I would like to talk about but is weighing heavily on me. My husband was diagnosed when he was 26, I was 24, &we just had a child. While I was pregnant my husbands symptoms started and well we choose no sex during my pregnancy, but since that day (18 years later). Both my husband and I are in our 40's and we have absolute no sex. I know that it hurts him, I know he stresses out when he has to preform husband duties. It is a topic that usually turns into hard feelings. I am trying my best to be understanding and to put his needs and wants first, but to never feel the closeness of the one you love is so hard. We went through a very scary situation on Monday (my 18 yr old fainted while in shower); it was a very long day; all I wanted to do was get lost in each other for an hour and he wanted to cuddle and fall asleep face to face; that's what we did; am I to selfish to want more?  I am struggling daily to keep my head up. In less than a year my son will be off to school in another town and I will be living here basically alone;  my husband will be going to get his neck fused at some point this year as well, I am doing the best to prepare us for that when it does happen. He is a fantastic man and my best friend, I will always be beside him, I just need help understanding why sex means nothing to him. He doesn't want it, crave it or desire it; so am I being selfish when I ask about me?  any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

[selmaS]

Hi and welcome to the Chiari forum,
We do have an older thread if you would like to read it....I am sure if your hubby is anything like the rest of us it is not the lack of desire or want but the inability to continue once started...either due to pain or a lack of sensation.
Please read the other threads and do try to find a way to help him thru this...
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Chiari-Malformation/sex-sorry-selma---ill-keep-it-clean/show/1385141