15 month daughter cries whenever father comes to visit

[tooold350]

My daughter is 15 months old and her father visits her every week in our home and in addition she stays overnight with him and his parents every other weekend.  Recently, she began to go into hysterics everytime he visits - during his weekly visit she will not allow him to feed, bathe or change her, nor will she play with him - she never warms up even after three hours.  As I am not at his home I do not know her exact behavior during her overnight visits, though i have been told that she may not warm to anyone till the next morning. However, whenever she returns from a  visit she is kind to him and will give him a kiss goodbye and seems happy.  He has never lived with us and he loves her dearly and is very gentle with her.  I'm worried that the current visitation (which we came to ourselves) is traumatizing her and she may be too young to be separated overrnight and away from her home.  I don't know what to do -I don't want them not to have these times together as I want her to know  her father and don't want to make it hard on him as he travels an hour each way to visit.

[LRM1021]

Your daughter is at a specific age when being away from her primary caregiver is painful to her. She has separation anxiety when this comes up. She associates her father with going to stay somewhere unfamiliar to her.  Please know that her reaction is based on her age, most likely. If she was a different age -- a little bit younger or about 4 months older- she probably would not react this way.
You could contact her pediatrician and describe the situation to get some advice that might help her with these visitations. Or, you could temporarily suspend the overnight visitations until she reaches a more secure age. I would ask her doctor about this, though. I completely understand how you want her to be involved with her father, and I think it is commendable that you two are working together to parent her. Not everyone would be willing to do that.