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4 year old peeing on floor
My son started peeing on the floor while my husband was on deployment with the Navy. When my husband came back, it stopped for a few weeks, but then started back again. He is 4, and has been potty trained since he was almost 3. He takes his pants down and goes in his room, playroom, bathroom, and even on the walls in the hallway. I ask him why, and he says he doesn't know. He is highly intelligent and has always been ahead of the majority of kids his age. I know that he knows better and knows that it is wrong, but I can't get him to stop. This has been going on for about a year. I have tried everything from a reward system, talking to him, time out, loss of privileges, spankings, having him clean up his own mess, making him stay right by my side at ALL times, and now am throwing his card collection in the trash. One by one, each time he pees on the floor, I pick a card and cut it up, then he has to put it in the trash. He is also wearing a diaper right now, as well as cleaning up his own messes (just with water...I use the steam cleaner later). I am at my wits end with him. Tonight we had a rational discussion and he expressed how upset he would be if I cut up another one of his cards. We finished brushing his teeth and in less than 1 minute he came out of his playroom crying and said he had peed on the floor in there. I really don't get it. He KNEW what was going to happen and had just told me that he didn't want that to happen, yet he went in and immediately peed on the floor. Most times he doesn't even tell me when he does it. Either I or one of his brothers will find it. Since the beginning, he would only pee on his end of the house (bedroom, playroom, bathroom, and hallway), but recently he even went in my room. He pees on the carpet, and sometimes on books and toys. I am SO angry now, I don't even know what to do with him. I really thought the embarrassment of him wearing a diaper would do it, but once it is on, he doesn't really even think twice about it. What can I do? We are worried that he may have some sort of damage to his brain. When he was 1 month old, he fell out of his baby carrier onto the pavement. He had a skull fracture, and has been followed up on by his doctors. His last scan was when he was around 2, and he was so advanced on everything, the doctors said he was just fine. In the back of my mind, I have always been worried about him though. Do you think he could have some damage stemming from that? Please help!!
I am 42. I used to poo in my bed at 3-4 because I was afraid of monsters!!!
My mothera nd aunt scolded me, called me pig (fiklrthy in portuguese) and snmaked me. This only made it impossible for me to articulate my reasons. they never found out that Iw as simply too afraid of a monster hand that might grab my legs if I stepped out of the bed in the dark. So, when I woke in the middle of the night needing to go to the toilet I literally 'shitted myself'. I was totally aware of how inappropriate pooping in the bed was... after all I had to sleep on it!! But the fear of monsters was greater than the threats and punishments. I was unable to resolve this problem. Had the adults asked me kindly what was going on, instead of making me feel inadequate and treating me like I was evil and stubborn and simply trying to get their attention or on their nerves ( pure psychiatric blurb) we could have handled the issue on the first night!
The issue resolved when we moved from my aunt's into my own family house. There my mother was more tolerant and I was given a room to share with my older brother. There were now two single beds. I jumped from mine onto his, and from there over to the door, far away enough to escape the monster hands!!! this fear was so REAL! So it was that I resolved the problem. It had nothing to do with attention grabbing, fathers away etc. If father being there would make any difference it would perhaps be because I would be less afraid of monsters with him there or so. So STOP worrying, just help the boy resolve the problem. Be his friend, not his executioner. Read parental experiences with this in this site and you will see that all punishments failed to handle the issue. this is because the issue is not a disciplinary one. the child needs a friend to help them resolve the problem. Punishment AGGRAVATES the problem.
DO NOT BRING THIS ISSUE TO THE SIOCIAL SERVICES: they will interpret this as a cry for help, and say that your child is clearly suffering emotional harm from YOU. They are in court as I write trying to accuse me of this regarding an instance of defecation in the nursery (another child invited him to do it and they did it together at age 3) and he urinated once at home. He has not done it since. Not in many months. He's now 4. I never made anything of it. The etachers and teh social worker did but I protected him by ignoring it. Treated him with dignity. He is fine!
Also, this has nothing to do with potty training. The kids know how to control the bowels and they know where to do it, but for a reason or another at some point they decide that it is best to do it somewhere else.
(And often teh reason is hard to tell the parents because of fear of humiliation, through non acceptance. The very attitude of disappointment in the parent prevents the child from telling the reasoning behind their behaviour. For the child feels it is acceptable and rational but the child is too young and inarticulate to confront an adult with language and reason, especially if they feel intimidated or not accepted.)
In my case it was because of fear. It was greater than me.
I was a lovely 3-4 year old girl and the patronizing and humiliating disciplinary actions they gave me degraded me, and NEVER solved my problem. STOP punishing the children, and STOP looking for mental/psychological reasons. There will be some sensible explanation for this.(from the child's perspective it will be sensible). And if the child cannot articulate it, well, let it be, the child will resolve it someday. Lots of love, katiusha
My mothera nd aunt scolded me, called me pig (fiklrthy in portuguese) and snmaked me. This only made it impossible for me to articulate my reasons. they never found out that Iw as simply too afraid of a monster hand that might grab my legs if I stepped out of the bed in the dark. So, when I woke in the middle of the night needing to go to the toilet I literally 'shitted myself'. I was totally aware of how inappropriate pooping in the bed was... after all I had to sleep on it!! But the fear of monsters was greater than the threats and punishments. I was unable to resolve this problem. Had the adults asked me kindly what was going on, instead of making me feel inadequate and treating me like I was evil and stubborn and simply trying to get their attention or on their nerves ( pure psychiatric blurb) we could have handled the issue on the first night!
The issue resolved when we moved from my aunt's into my own family house. There my mother was more tolerant and I was given a room to share with my older brother. There were now two single beds. I jumped from mine onto his, and from there over to the door, far away enough to escape the monster hands!!! this fear was so REAL! So it was that I resolved the problem. It had nothing to do with attention grabbing, fathers away etc. If father being there would make any difference it would perhaps be because I would be less afraid of monsters with him there or so. So STOP worrying, just help the boy resolve the problem. Be his friend, not his executioner. Read parental experiences with this in this site and you will see that all punishments failed to handle the issue. this is because the issue is not a disciplinary one. the child needs a friend to help them resolve the problem. Punishment AGGRAVATES the problem.
DO NOT BRING THIS ISSUE TO THE SIOCIAL SERVICES: they will interpret this as a cry for help, and say that your child is clearly suffering emotional harm from YOU. They are in court as I write trying to accuse me of this regarding an instance of defecation in the nursery (another child invited him to do it and they did it together at age 3) and he urinated once at home. He has not done it since. Not in many months. He's now 4. I never made anything of it. The etachers and teh social worker did but I protected him by ignoring it. Treated him with dignity. He is fine!
Also, this has nothing to do with potty training. The kids know how to control the bowels and they know where to do it, but for a reason or another at some point they decide that it is best to do it somewhere else.
(And often teh reason is hard to tell the parents because of fear of humiliation, through non acceptance. The very attitude of disappointment in the parent prevents the child from telling the reasoning behind their behaviour. For the child feels it is acceptable and rational but the child is too young and inarticulate to confront an adult with language and reason, especially if they feel intimidated or not accepted.)
In my case it was because of fear. It was greater than me.
I was a lovely 3-4 year old girl and the patronizing and humiliating disciplinary actions they gave me degraded me, and NEVER solved my problem. STOP punishing the children, and STOP looking for mental/psychological reasons. There will be some sensible explanation for this.(from the child's perspective it will be sensible). And if the child cannot articulate it, well, let it be, the child will resolve it someday. Lots of love, katiusha
I thought I was the only one. i feel relieved I'm not. my son is 5 and has been potty trained for over 2 years and just recently started peeing on everywhere too. It smells disgusting. He just started doing this after his step father came back from deployment. maybe he's resentful he left? I dont think he understood why he left for so long. I'm going to look into the UTI comment, but I dont think its possible for that to make them do that for such an extended period of time?
Ugh! I cannot seem to get my 3 year old son to stop peeing on the carpet in his room! I feel like he does it just to make me mad!? for example tonight before I put him to bed I made him use the toilet then after I walk off he got out of bed and stood in his doorway and peed! My entire apartment smells like pee! I'm not sure what else to do! I have tried everything but nothing seems to work! I wish there was a simple fix for this! Please anyone with suggestions! I have also tried cold showers still nothing!
i am glad to know i am not the only one....but my daughter has been to behavioral specialist and all and nothing has helped. i even had her checked to make sure she is not or has not been touched inappropriately. its been going on so long i almost forget when it started. to make it worse...she cries a lot and i tried spanking, taking things from her, talking, showing affection and all...NOTHING WORKS....she deliberately pees all over herself. like today she stood in the middle of the floor and peed...the restroom was less that 5 steps away. and to make it worse my other kids are resenting her for it. i love all my kids, and work hard to make sure that they have the best. I even cut back my work schedule to make sure that i am home to spend more time with the 2 babies. Yall I am at my wits end i swear i am about to start pulling my hair out.p/s....she has been to both the pediatrician and the behavioral therapist. I am not big on spanking and yelling and all that cause i hated it as a child...but maybe i need to go old school on her.......HELP!!!
Future References that read this: I know this is a really old forum, but have any of you considered the possibility of your child having a UTI? Little ones don't always know the best way of telling us they have a medical problem. We have to be their eyes and ears as their mothers and fathers.
I really think that every parent going through this should look into abuse being a possible cause. attention seeking seems to be a big part of it too... setting up some special time seems to be a good idea, maybe as a reward for good behaior, but if your kid won't talk to you about what's really the reason they're doing it then a counselor may be needed
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