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5 Year Old Temper
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5 Year Old Temper

I have a 5 year old son who is absolutly wonderful.  He does what we ask at home, loves books and can tell me every type of dinosaur there is.  He is polite and well mannered.  (After he got adjusted to his new baby brother. Tantrums were present then)  He also displays this same good behavior in stores and church.  He knows that there will be no toys or surprises and does not fuss about it.  He says yes sir and no sir.  But I can not understand this child at daycare.
     He can be a perfect angel for four days at day care and on the fifth day he will have crying tantrums.  He will go to time out at day care and cry loudly.  This summer is the first time I put him in a large group daycare hoping he will get ready for kindergarten.
     We discipline him (Time out, taking things away, etc.) and he does better at school for three or four days and then as if clock work, his behavior returns.  The tantrums at school are crying loudly,kicking his feet and sticking his tongue out at the teacher.  They do not last all day and he does eventally calm himself down.  
     I do not understand why he diplays this behavior at school and not home.  He told me that I would get him at home if he had tantrums so that is why he does not do them at home.  
     We have started a positive behavior chart with him and it seems to be working.  Am I headed in the right direction?  After he has a bad day at daycare, he regrets his actions and draws everyone pictures to say I'm sorry.
     He is very stong willed but can handle his anger at home and other situations but not at daycare.  He does have a cool down spot in home if he feels like he is getting angry.  He also blames the other kids for his actions.  Should I have him evaluated?

Concerned Mom and Dad
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No, you should not have your son evaluated. He is acting in a perfectly normal way for his age, and over time he will stop these tantrums at school. And remember, for the vast majority of the time he is acting very well at school in any case. It's the minority of the time when he displays problematic behavior. All children his age are in the process of learning how to manage their anger, which is usually the result of having their wishes frustrated in some way (assuming that the deterioration in behavior is not due to illness, hunger or tiredness). Keep up your efforst - you are doing fine.
13 Comments
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Avatar_f_tn
My son is 5 1/2 and I have alot of problems with his behavior he could be good at home but at school he hits his friends, teachers and if you try to talk to him he just smiles.  I have tried punishing him taking his toys away.. talking to him and nothing works he does understand but then he will do it again. I took him to the Psyc. and they prescribed RISPERDOL I am kind of worried but I am going to start him only on weekends to see his reaction to it.  Does anyone have any feed backs on this medication?
thanks
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Avatar_n_tn
You do not need to have him evaluated, I too have a child the same age, they can be very unpredictable things at times.  You are doing all the right things, keep up the good positive behaviour charts etc and make sure this is more than often than the repremands, even if this can be difficult at times! I have studied early childhood development and I would be more worried if my child child did not display these behaviours at all. Dont let it get you down, and try to pay as little attention to this behaviour and a lot more to all the wonderful things he is doing, eg in the kindergarten, get the nursery teachers to help with this too.  Ride it out, you are not alone!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
You have good reason to be concerned about medicating your child. Nobody knows the long term effects that these drugs have on children. There must be some other way to treat your child. Have you tried any type of counseling? Children have a difficult time expressing themselves and oftentimes resort to these types of behaviors to make themselves heard. He is so young, be careful of any type of medicating.
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Avatar_n_tn
We are also having this same issue with our 5 Yr old son.  He is fine at home, with occasional tantrums, but at Kindergarten he is having these tantrums.  We don't know what else to do, as we have already had several calls, emails & even a meeting at the school regarding his disruptive behavior.  The school wants to perform a Behavioral Assessment Inventory on him but we are apprehensive about this, since we don't know what will be done with it & if it will become part of his permanent school record, which we don't want him to be labeled as a problem child.  
I have read about ODD, but don't know if he falls into this category or if this is normal behovior; as he will be 5 1/2 at the end of Sept whereas the other Kindergarteners are almost 6.  We were told by our physician about 2 years ago that he is a healthy, normal child that does not need to be medicated.  We agree.  However, we feel the school he is attending has never dealt with ANY other children like this before & they don't know what to do about it.  We can't see how that could be, but that is the reaction we are getting from the school personnel.  Should we have him tested for behvioral issues, & how would you suggest we handle the school?  
Please help!!
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Avatar_n_tn
I am also dealing with a 5 1/2 year old boy that is good at home with the occasional attitude, but is about to move to his third day care.  His actions are impulsive and tend to occur during "frantic" times like playtime outside.  He has also been known to hit older male children.  Yet most of the time he is  very thoughtful, mindful, compasionate and content.  He definitely has an "A" type personality that needs to be controlled.  Day care doesn't want to deal with it and I'm afraid of how the school will react.  He enters kindergarted this year.
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Avatar_n_tn
My son is 5 1/2 and just started kindergarten. He is in a K-1 combonation class. I just got a call from his kindergarten teacher the 2nd week and she informed  me he was wrestling/ placing his hands on other children around during circle time, and when it is time to pay attention. She informed me she continually had to talk to Keith about his hands. They would talk about the issue at hand. The 5 minutes later he is doing the same thing again. My son has been in daycare settings since he was 3 months old.He should not be struggling with this this. Is it the structure issue maybe? Is there something I can do, to modify this behavior. He does well at home. My son is a very smart kid academically wise he is a sponge. As a mom,I know my child and if he is bored, he finds things to keep him occupied mainly inappropriate ones. I constantly have to keep him going I find. I am very worried about him socially and emotionally. I don't want my son to me know as the "trouble maker child in class suggestions?
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Avatar_n_tn
If he is watching tv or gameboys or something like that before school, I would cancel all those til these behaviours calm down.
Maybe before school let him play on the schoolground equipment for 1/2hour, or ride a bike, do something physical to let his energy have somewhere to go.
Sitting still in class can be impossible for kids, and that is no reason to suspect ailments or hidden problems.  This is normal. Maybe find a Montessori school?  Getting him involved in anyway physically will round him out, and it will spin over into better behaviour in class.There is a great book that will change both your lives, called How to talk to kids so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk,by Adele Faber is so great, I can't say enough about it.
woofytoyou
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Avatar_n_tn
It was unbelievable to read this.  We are having the exact same problem with our 5 year old.  He is very good for us, has been in daycare since 3 mos, but as soon as Kindergarten started he began throwing tantrums and hitting.  And the schools make you feel very much alone.  We have chosen to see a Psychologist, privately, and will not be working with the school directly because we do not want to have him labeled.  The work the Psyc. does with the child is limited compared to the time spent speaking with the teachers, and staff in kindergarten and daycare.  This has only been going on for about 2 weeks, and everyone's initial response is to treat this as a behavioral issue.  But the symtoms (symptoms) of behavioral problems didnt really fit.  Then we shifted our focus on how to help a child deal with feelings/emotions.  And it sounds exactly like our five year old.  It addresses anger, frustration, and stress...almost as if the child is completely overwhelmed.  The one thing we have learned is that this is beyond time outs and punishments.  When he acts out we take away TV, movies...but we do play board games, read books, and give some extra TLC without rewarding him.  Good luck everyone, its comforting to know we arent alone!
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Avatar_n_tn
It was unbelievable to read this.  We are having the exact same problem with our 5 year old.  He is very good for us, has been in daycare since 3 mos, but as soon as Kindergarten started he began throwing tantrums and hitting.  And the schools make you feel very much alone.  We have chosen to see a Psychologist, privately, and will not be working with the school directly because we do not want to have him labeled.  The work the Psyc. does with the child is limited compared to the time spent speaking with the teachers, and staff in kindergarten and daycare.  This has only been going on for about 2 weeks, and everyone's initial response is to treat this as a behavioral issue.  But the symtoms (symptoms) of behavioral problems didnt really fit.  Then we shifted our focus on how to help a child deal with feelings/emotions.  And it sounds exactly like our five year old.  It addresses anger, frustration, and stress...almost as if the child is completely overwhelmed.  The one thing we have learned is that this is beyond time outs and punishments.  When he acts out we take away TV, movies...but we do play board games, read books, and give some extra TLC without rewarding him.  Good luck everyone, its comforting to know we arent alone!
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Avatar_n_tn
My son just turned 5 in august. He started kindergarten at the end of the same month.
We had a lot of changes in the past few months, including moving to a new house, a new area and also taking hin out of a familiar preschool environment and throwing him in what we thought is a good place to start a full life of learning.
On the third day of kindergarten I went to pick him up and I found the tescher raising her voice at my son becuse he got up from the chair and tried to come to me. Then when the teacher saw me she immediately told me that my son has biiiig prblems in school. That was the third day of school!!!
This continued and still continues now. I am told mostly every day that he had a bad day in school. He behaves good at home. He is not an angel; he is a 5 year old boy, sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't. We discipline him at home and it seems to work pretty good. We had meetings with the teacher and the principal and they tell us that my son is very bright but he doesn't have any social skills, in other words he is not discipline at all. That hurts us a lot. I am trying to think is there is a problem in school that agravates mu son and entices him to behave bad there but good at home. We are very concerned. My son WILL NOT go on medication. Please help!
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Avatar_n_tn
My son just turned 5 in august. He started kindergarten at the end of the same month.
We had a lot of changes in the past few months, including moving to a new house, a new area and also taking hin out of a familiar preschool environment and throwing him in what we thought is a good place to start a full life of learning.
On the third day of kindergarten I went to pick him up and I found the tescher raising her voice at my son becuse he got up from the chair and tried to come to me. Then when the teacher saw me she immediately told me that my son has biiiig prblems in school. That was the third day of school!!!
This continued and still continues now. I am told mostly every day that he had a bad day in school. He behaves good at home. He is not an angel; he is a 5 year old boy, sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't. We discipline him at home and it seems to work pretty good. We had meetings with the teacher and the principal and they tell us that my son is very bright but he doesn't have any social skills, in other words he is not discipline at all. That hurts us a lot. I am trying to think is there is a problem in school that agravates mu son and entices him to behave bad there but good at home. We are very concerned. My son WILL NOT go on medication. Please help!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
My son just turned 5 in august. He started kindergarten at the end of the same month.
We had a lot of changes in the past few months, including moving to a new house, a new area and also taking hin out of a familiar preschool environment and throwing him in what we thought is a good place to start a full life of learning.
On the third day of kindergarten I went to pick him up and I found the tescher raising her voice at my son becuse he got up from the chair and tried to come to me. Then when the teacher saw me she immediately told me that my son has biiiig prblems in school. That was the third day of school!!!
This continued and still continues now. I am told mostly every day that he had a bad day in school. He behaves good at home. He is not an angel; he is a 5 year old boy, sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't. We discipline him at home and it seems to work pretty good. We had meetings with the teacher and the principal and they tell us that my son is very bright but he doesn't have any social skills, in other words he is not discipline at all. That hurts us a lot. I am trying to think is there is a problem in school that agravates mu son and entices him to behave bad there but good at home. We are very concerned. My son WILL NOT go on medication. Please help!
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Avatar_n_tn
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