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7 year old child is out of control
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7 year old child is out of control

My 7 year old daughter is out of control, she does not listen to what she has been told to do, constantly talking back mimicing me, trying to get her sibling to do stuff that is not right. Lying giving me a hard time about everything, when is told to something she says "NO" or if she is told "NO" that she can't do something then she constantly bugs to do it and has a fit. Takes off in stores, ahe will not do her punishment for mis-behaviour like go to her room after school until dinner. She has no remorse for mis behaving. This has been a battle since she was 2 yrs old. I don't know what to do anymore, she knows what buttons to push to upset me.Does not listen to instructions, if asked to do something she will do the opposite or do what she wants, taking stuff away does not work.She is constantly arguing with me about everything. Please give me some suggestions.

Brig 1975
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THIS MAY NOT BE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL AGREE WITH.  OK!!!  MY BROTHER WAS THE SAME WAY GROWING UP, AND HE DROVE MY PARENTS CRAZY,  THEY TRIED THE GROUNDING THING, TAKING STUFF AWAY, TIME-OUTS, NO TV. YOU NAME THEY TRIED IT.  SO THEY STARTED WHIPPING HIM AND IT STOPPED.  MY POINT IS SOME CHILDREN ARE BRAVER THAN OTHERS AND LIKE TO SEE IF YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PUNISH THEM. I DON'T ALWAYS AGREE WITH WHIPPINGS (IVE NEVER HAD TOO)  BUT IF IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE MY KID WERE TESTING ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD THAT WOULD BE A GROUNDS FOR A WHIPPING.
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This is what I wrote in the post above yours ("problem children"), and it goes along with what Emmaboo says about spankings/whippings.

"I'm an advocate for spanking, used as a *deterrant* for behavior; meaning don't spank when the child is well into bad behavior. Spanking at the first sign of bad behavior usually puts an abrupt halt to the behavior, because it's somewhat shocking to a kid that they didn't get away with much of anything before you stepped in in the most authoritative way possible--by inflicting pain. Do not spank in front of other kids. It should be a personal correction between you and that child. Also, I believe spankings should *only* be on the butt, *never* on bare skin, and *never* used as humiliation (i.e. in front of people/friends/family or in public). As I said, it's a personal correction between you and the child."

As Emmaboo said, some kids are indeed braver and far less compliant than others and push and push to see just how much they can get away with. Sometimes the only thing that gets their attention is pain, as difficult as it may be for the parent to be the one to inflict it. But I see it this way--it's quick, not harmful if used and done *correctly,* it gets their attention, it's a learning experience, and you're the one in control instead of the child.

That's just my opinion, and one of my methods for disciplining my own child, who is extremely well-behaved, not at all aggressive, and a very happy, polite and affectionate little boy (in other words, spankings have not psychologically scarred him or made him an angry and aggressive child, because I don't abuse my authority and I don't overuse spankings with all bad behavior).
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MY SON IS SEVEN HE IS ALSO ADHD HE TAKES MED FOR IT BUT IT ONLY LAST MAYBE THREE HOURS WHEN ITS SUPPOSE TO BE  AT LEAST EIGHT. WE HAVE CHANGE IT SO MANY TIMES AND NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK. ALSO HE HAS A SEVERE ANGER PROBLEM HE FEELS HE CAN DO AS HE PLEASE WHEN HE PLEASE, WELL IM THE TYPE OF PARENT THAT THINGS LIKE THAT DONT WORK FOR ME, I FEEL A CHILD NEEDS TO STAY IN A CHILD PLACE. THINGS HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT EVEN THOUGH HE MAKES A'S & B'S IN SCHOOL HE WAS RECENTLY PUT OUT FOR THROUGHING FITS AND ANYTHING ELSE HE CAN GET HIS HAND ON ALONG WITH FIGHTING TEACHERS IF HE DOESNT GET  HIS WAY SOMETIME ITS LIL THINGS LIKE A KID CUT IN LINE AND INSTEAD OF HIM TELLING THE TEACHER WHATS WRONG WHEN ASK HE JUST GO OFF SO I HAVE TO GO PICK HIM UP CAUSE HE IS OUT OF CONTROL THE THING THAT GET ME IS HE TRIES THIS AT HOME WITH ME AND GET PUNISH I EVEN TRIED SPANKING HIM IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER TO HIM WHEN I REMOVE HIS TOYS IF I FORGET SOMETHING HE'LL SAY HERE YOU FORGOT THIS YOU KNOW IM PUNISH AND THEN LAUGH. BUT WHEN HE IS AT HIS DAD HE NEVER ACTS OUT HE IS LIKE A NORMAL KID HIS DAD NEVER HAS TO PUNISH HIM OR ANYTHING. FOR SOME REASON HE JUST HAVE THIS FEAR WITH HIM AND WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTFULL EVERY THING IS YES SIR NO SIR AND HE GO OFF AND PLAY WITH HIS BROTHER AND SISTER. HIS DADS OTHER TOO KIDS. HE IS THE ONLY ONE I HAVE. HIS DAD TALKS TO HIM ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR AT HOME WITH ME.  HE'LL SAY HELL BE GOOD BUT THE MINUTE WE LEAVE HE IS BACK AT IT AGAIN. I CANT SEE MYSELF GIVING MY SON TO HIM. SO WHAT DO I DO? TO BE HONEST I REALLY DONT BELIEVE HE IS ADHD CAUSE HE DONT TAKE NO MED AT HIS DAD HE REFUSE TO GIVE IT TO HIM AND HE DOESNT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS. CAN SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME IM SO STRESS THAT IM HAVING MIGRAINES EVERY NIGHT HOW CAN I HELP GET MY SON IN LINE?
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Avatar_n_tn
My daughter is 7 years old.  At three years of age its like something went off in her like a time bomb.  Then when she got into school it got better.  She is a very smart loving girl on her terms..  I have tried spanking her, taking her toys away, grounding her from playing with friends, she has no remorse and doesnt care what happens.  As of late she has being showing her 4 year old sister to behave badly as well.  I am at my wits end with her.  I need something or someone to help me.  She has also been "experimenting"(sexually) with her older brother.  It was getting so bad that I called Child Protection Services on her to try and fix it...But then I make love to my husband and find out she is watching us fron a hole in wall from the other room (the hole the cable line goes through the rooms)  I am begging for help !  Please im at my wits end help me someone!  If you hav anything you can add my e mail address is ***@****  
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I have the same problem my  7 year old has been out of control since she was 2 years old will not listen to me at all no matter what I do ( out side the home every one and I mean every one says that she is the sweetest best acting little girl around everyone loves her to death) no one understands that this child is out of CONTROL! she takes things from little kids gets them to GIVE the stuff to her and they think they have given her a present she is starting to get her younger sister to act just like her in many ways I have no idea what to do I ground her spank her she screams at the top of her lungs for hours at a time no one in the family can stand to be around not even me I have  started to hate my own child and not want to even be around her at all
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I just beat the **** out of them.









KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But sometimes I would REALLY like to.

SOMEBODY had to say it.

I tell my child to put his nose on the wall. It works surprisingly well.
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Avatar_m_tn
My situation is almost identical to Leebo's, except for I am a father and my 7 year old is a boy.  My son is the gifted program at his school and reading, math, and linguistics have always come very easy to him.  He's a little negotiator too.  He's been diagnosed as ADHD and after a couple years of exploring non-medicated methods of treatment, we decided to finally medicate him.   We've definitely noticed a major improvement in his overall demeanor and coping skills as well as his ability to focus, however he still has major meltdowns from time to time.   The frequecy of his meltdowns are not too much of a concern, it's their volitility and uncontrollability that concern us.   He literally loses his mind and nothing we can do will get through to him.  we've tried every tactic possible from taking away priveleges, grounding him, spanking (which doesn't seem to phase him), talking calmly with him, being stern with him, yelling at him, everything imaginable and NOTHIING works.   I have to think it is behavioral, environmental, or parenting as he doesn't have the same episodes (or at least to same degree) when he's at his mom's.  I accept a lot of the blame as I was way too soft on him when my ex and I separated.  I think that has led to him taking advantage, manipulating, and disrespecting me.   Trying to reverse the curse has proved to far more difficult that I could have possibly imagined.   He's my life and I want him to be happy, well-behaved (or least relatively controlled), and respectful.   He is happy 23 hours out of 24 and  well behaved and respectful 22 out of 24.    If you have any advice .. I would greatly appreciate it.    
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I also have a 7 year old son. He is so smart and in first grade is doing alot of second and third grade work. This would all be great except he has a MAJOR behavior issue. It stated around 2-3 years old and has progressively got worse. We just recently(the beginnin of the year) put him on Vyvanse and Tenex. It seemed to help him focus better at school but we were still having occasional outbursts. Now towards the end of the year his outbursts have got worse and more violent. He trys to punch and kick me, has tried to hurt his 1 year old brother. We had spanked him in the past but we've tried just restaining him until he calms now. We are having to do this almost everyday and multiple times a day sometimes. We have talked about the possibility of biploar as a co-diagnosis along with ADHD and ODD. I wish we could find something that helps. When he behaves he's so sweet and caring. He is so funny and smart. But I fear this behavior will do more to hinder his success.
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It seems that all our kids started acting out at some stage near the age of 3.  Why I do not know but I have a daughter who is almost 9 years old.  It is a constant battle to get homework done, chores are ignored, rules were made to be broken by her and not even bent, she assumes she is the "grown up" in this house and I have to follow her rules.  As I was reading the above comments it seemed like everyone was talking about my daughter.  There is absolutely nothing that helps, no method of punishment is effective. It is as if she cannot control her outbursts, she has these extremele anger outbursts and cannot see reason, no matter what.  She is never to blame for anything (and I taught her to accept blame when you are wrong and then try to fix it) but nothing is ever her fault. I am also divorced but do not think that that has anything to do with it. One thing I noticed is that almost every "cry for help" above is a "problem" child who is overly intelligent.  Maybe that is the key, these kids are not stimulated enough and often wiser than their age and need to be treated more like "small adults" than just a kid. I really, really do not know what to do anymore. She is also extremely well behaved in public and when visiting her dad and stepmom which is so utterly frustrating to me (even though I would never tell her) because it seems like I'm getting the worst of her and she's saving the best for visits. Whether I'm "good cop or bad cop" I always get the same reaction out of her.  I would be SO good if somebody could actually give us some help here.  I'm at my wits end with my girl. Seems her personality has two extremes..little angel and little devil, but I love her with all my heart and desperately need help to help her (and stay sane in the process).
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I have a 7 year old who i just can't seem to move to the proper social behaviors.  he is going to be suspended from the 1st grade!!! OMG!  he is hitting other children and otherwise causing them harm.  it's never his fault...in that he doesn't start the altercation, but one child can say something mean to him and he will hit.  Another child can shove him and he will hit them continuously.  Today a child hit him and he decked him.  his behavior is to the point where the administration is disinterested in how the altercation started.  They only believe he is at fault.  yesterday he was exposing himself at recess.  Today he was spitting on classmates in class!

I have no idea what to do. i want to do what worked for me and my other children. I want to whip his behind!   he got a spanking yesterday for exposing himself and today it continues.  I am at my wits end.  He knows that what he is doing is wrong.  He is very bright...too darned bright.  he reads on a 3rd grade level, is learning multiplication now, plays piano and is just as intelligent as they come. But he is defiant.  He doesn't do what he is told.  He doesn't care about the consequences a lot of the times.  i remember when he was about 4 and I spanked him he said "that didn't even hurt".  Now when he gets a spanking he runs around the room like he is crazy and by the time I get to his behind, I am exhausted.  I've taken things away.  I've put him in time out. I have talked to him and prayed with him (we pray together and read a story every single night without fail).  I have shared how disappointed and embarrassed I am by him.  He lies constantly.  he omits the truth I should say.  If the teachers don't tell me what is going on, I have no clue.  he know this and uses it to his advantage.  

I am so sick of the phone calls and emails home.  I have never heard anything positive about my son from his school.  Never.  I dread looking at the caller ID.

Today I am making a rule sheet for our home and the consequences of breaking them.  I don't believe it will work, but it is one thing I haven't tried.  If he has another incident, he will be suspended from school.  I was thinking that i would just keep him at home for a day to show him what life would be like if he were not in school.  I am at a loss.

This shouldn't matter, but I know that it absolutely does since he is the only one in his class and his teacher has made certain comments.  My son is African American.  We live in Germany and he attends an American elementary school.  I just want my son not to live up to stereo types and kill these kinds of people with kindness, respect and his brain!

Can anyone suggest a way forward?
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My six year old daughter is getting me down she does not listen, she is also disrespectful ungrateful an the list go,s on. I don't know what to do anymore I've tryed all of the above, I also have a three year old daughter who is copying her. She tells me she hates her little sister an wishes she would live somewhere else. She hates me aswell, it is affecting my relationship with my partner an I'm at a loss? She is aggressive aswell what do I do? please write in an give any ideas thanks shan
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Hi shan i know exactly what your goin through i have a 7 year old boy who is ungrateful and doesnt listen to me he is out of control. He often tells me he hates me and he is always saying he hates his 2 year old sister and says he wishes she wasnt here. Ive tried everything nothing works if i tell him off he jus laughs at me. I don't know what im doing wrong cause he is very good when he stays at his dads house.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi everyone!  I have a 7 year old daughter who is disrespectful, argues about EVERYTHING, doesn't listen to a darn thing I say, talks back and the list goes on and on.  She also says she hates her brother who is almost 3 and we have 1 on the way (which she says she's excited about but I don't believe her).  She is a perfect angel when she goes to her dad's house but I think that's b/c her dad just spoils the crap out of her and gives her anything her little heart desires.. her step-mother is constantly stepping on my toes and my daughter treats them better than she treats me and my husband.  The interesting thing is, my husband has been in her life she was was 1 and they used to be super close.... then about 2 years ago, (when her dad started dating the woman who is now his wife).  I don't know what to do anymore.  I miss my sweet little girl.  She didn't start behaving this way until about 2 years ago and in the last year it has gotten progressively worse....  I don't want to make her live with her dad (she says she doesn't want to either) and it would devastate me.... I miss her terribly when she's gone even for a weekend....  I just don't know what to do.  My heart is broken.
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Avatar_m_tn
Its great to see other who have the same problem. My 7 year old daughter is a nightmare. She is Jekyll and Hyde. At the minute she is vile. She doesnt listen, is disrespectful, rude and shows us up in public by shouting etc. At times she can be the sweetest, most poliote child and people comment on how lovely she is. But I am starting to really dislike her and not want to spend time with her. Everything is a constant battle, she winds the car window down, I put it up, she puts it down a fraction. She is wearing me out. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I am a primary school teacher. I can cope with a class of 30 kids, why not this one? we try punishing her, I have smacked but dont like doing it and it doesnt really work. We take her priviliges away and she screams, cries and says shes sorry but it doesnt last. I have sent her too her room and she has been up and down the stairs 4 times now arguing about when she can come out. She gets me so cross I want to scream ( and I do!). we have driven her to a deserted house and told her it was the naughty girls home and to get out of the car. That worked for a few weeks but shes not stupid. we praise her constantly when she is good. I dont know what else to do.
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Avatar_m_tn
OK folks, believe it or not, none of you are alone.  First, it's somewhat normal for kids in the five to 10 year range to be "out of control."  And there's the point that most of the "out of control kids" display above-average intellegence.  I have a seven-year old daughter who is severely ADHD.  

She must be on Ritilan while in school, or else I'm being called almost daily about behavior problems.  The thing is you don't want to beat your kid just because they're looking for something that stimulates their inate drive to try and be part of something.  My daughter has the hardes time focusing on anything except those things she really likes, such as riding horses, watching TV or playing games on the Internet. But, she still acts out in public, screaming that whe doesn't want to eat her lunch before she gets desert, ect.

Solution? I don't have one, except that we try and enforce an action/consequence system where good behvior is rewarded, and bad behavior is punished. The key is to be consistent; if she behaves badly, she is punished right then and there, no matter where it is. If she behaves correctly (in our eyes, which is a very subjective position) then she is rewarded, again, consistently no matter where or when it is.

I've been out of work since January so this summer I stayed home with her instead of placing her in a day care environment, where she could interact with other kids.  You just don't know or understand how powerful of an impact interaction is until you deny your kid of it. This summer, she's been couped up all summer long with a grumpy old man who is struggling to keep it together.  Couple that to ADHD, and you can imagine. No wonder her bad behavior has escalated!

Sorry for the rambling.  But remember - the key in changing your kid's behavior is to be consistent with your action plan.  This will not yield results instantly, but over time it will sink in. Kids must understand the action/consequence relationship, and right now, in this seven-year old time, it's more important than ever.

Best of luck to everyone!!

seadub2
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My 7 year old sounds just like the rest of yours.  I am at my witts end.  We are having her checked for ADHD, but they have told me in the past "if she can focus on a puzzle or video game, she doesn't have it!"  Well this behavior started I believe when she was born. She never slept well, always cried in the car and carried on.  She can be so sweet at times, but most of the time I find myself yelling and screaming because she just does not listen.  I make her look at me in the eye and its like nobody is home inside.  I repeat myself constantly.  Now her 5 YO brother is starting to act like her, but when I yell at him, he understands what I am saying.  She just pushing it to the limit. We try time out and as soon as she sits down she starts, "can I get up, when can I get up, can I get up, can I get up" and on and on she goes.  Until you go in there and threaten to spank her and even then it doesn't work.  She gets herself worked up and claims she can not breathe, but when you offer something she wants, its like a switch and she can breathe just fine.  It's like she is an actress at times.  I have her started in karate bc I hear that is good self discipline but its so expensive.  I want to be able to enforce things here at home first.  I don't know if they will say she has ADHD yet but I think she does.  I don't know much about the meds but at this point, I would love to medicate her so she calms down!  I don't know how much more I can put up with her.  And BTW I am not divorced, and I don't believe its a behavorial that comes from broken homes.  She has a loving, caring home with both parents and her grandparents are here as well.  She demands full attention from all of us and if we try to give her brother or sister any time, she acts out worse.  I feel bad for my other kids.  It's like ever since she was born, the world has been revolving around her.  Are there any doctors listening to these questions/comments?  What is wrong with our kids!  As I write this, she put cereal in her brothers cup of milk and thinks its funny.  When I confront her, she runs to her room cringing and calls me a jerk.  
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Avatar_m_tn
  First, kids with ADHD can focus if it is something they like.  See this link - http://www.medhelp.org/add-adhd/articles/Dont-Believe-These-10-ADD-ADHD-Lies/5?page=2
  So it is possible for her to have it.  The question I always ask posters on the ADHD forum is what is she like at school?  If she is having the same problems at school, then the possibility of ADHD exists.  Of course, it is always possible that she has an inexperienced teacher who can't handle her - that's why psychologists do the testing and not teachers.  Point being is that if she is fine at school, than the problem has to do more with the home environment and her wanting to control it to her liking.  I really can't tell from the information you have given, but it sounds like it might be more her wanting to control her environment (which she has done since day one), than ADHD (again depending on what the school situation is).
   However, there is an excellent post on the ADHD forum that will really help you.   Go to this link - http://www.medhelp.org/posts/ADD---ADHD/7-year-old-son--has-no-respect-for-mum/show/1315210#post_6018465.
  The post I wrote and the book I recommended will be helpful.  However, the second post by SpecialMom is worth cutting out and putting on the refrigerator!  Lots of great, useful, workable ideas.  The book she recommends also sounds very good.
  I would also add that you need to realize that changing a childs behavior does not happen overnight.  Experts claim it takes at least 3 weeks of consistent repetition.  The recommended books will help you with that.  
   Do let us know how she is doing at school.  Best wishes!
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I never thought so many out there had the same problem as me.  

My daughter is 7 and does all those things above.  Doesnt listen, screams at me, calls me names then denies it (then after calls me a liar!  funny eh?  She doesnt see the funny it)  She is the youngest and I dont know I figured she does some of the stuff her older brother does (he is 17 and my step son, he doesnt like me at all) but I dont think so.

I havent had her diagnosed for anything but I may have too, my family doctor only refers me to a counselor which she wont talk too, its quite frustrating because she is an angel at some places and no one believes me she is the way she is, my neighbors too though because when she has her screaming fits ... I am amazed no one has called the police with her screams :\  

I dread being left alone with her, she tries to be nice only to get stuff back (like TV or PC), but I say no so she just is back to her old self and is rude and insulting.  It breaks my heart to see her act this way.

I hope its just a phase but like everyone else its been going on since she is about 3-4
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Avatar_f_tn
My 7 1/2 year old is a snot. She is a disrespectful,manipulating little girl.I am the only person she treats this way. She is not reprimanded by my husband when she acts this way.Needless to say she interprets that as a big OK with me,from her dad.In fact,I can say "time to get homework started,or dinners ready" and he will start reading her a book,or turn the TV on to "her shows". He is passive/aggressive.....that's another story. She is mean to me,will kick and pinch me,then say what? I was just playing.When she plays with her toys,she always plays like the mom is dead,since she was just little.But,today...she took my vitamins and took them into the bathroom,she took the silica gel pack and opened it and covered my vitamins with it. Now,I know the silica is not harmful,but she thought it was,(I have told her not to eat it,it will make you sick).....She is my adopted daughter,we adopted her from my husbands niece at birth,I have never been considered to be her mother by him,or his family,and I think she can read that somehow.I am sick at heart and sick and tired. After today,I believe I will seriously consider leaving.
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hello everyone.... i have a 7 year old boy.. hes very disrespectful, he talks back he dos what he wants 2 do im so sick of it.. hes so good at his dads house he don d nething wrong over there he says yes sir 2 him and hes good i school but lord starts right when i pick him.. well i hope everything gets better 4 u all..
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Avatar_f_tn
When children exhibit behaviors like yours you need to IMMEDIATELY take her to a child psychologist. Think back to when she was three. Did she start a daycare... was it a school or a in home care? For her to be "experimenting" sexually with her older sibling is a SERIOUS sign that this has happened to her with someone in the home, a relatives home, or daycare/school. DO NOT overlook or think this cant happen. (My daughter was molested by her own father! and she showed signs!) If she is looking at you and your husband during intimate moments, this could be simply curiosity but based on her behaviors... another alarming red flag that she has been exposed to inappropriate things. Often times a child's behavior is a direct reflection of what they are battling on the inside so dont be so quick to judge that she needs medication or has ADD ADHD and whatever else everyone else is suggesting. You need to get her help immediately and BEWARE what could possibly be going on around her, even in your own home that you would never think of!!! I hope and pray that she gets the help she needs.
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Avatar_f_tn
iv a seven year old daughter she tells me she hates me all the time and mimics everythink i do .she tells my other children to do and say nasty things its breaking my heart.im at the end off my teather .please help .
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Avatar_n_tn
i have a ten yr old that runs away when he doesnt get what he wants hits both me and his sister threatens to kill himself doesnt like to do nething but play  video games i tried the reward when good punish when bad, but that is wen he started running away. what can i do im thinking boot camp but it is so expensive and i am very poor with a bby in the way...PLZ HELP
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My 5 yr old neice is a friggin' snot! I tell her no talking right now, "I can do whatever I want" she said.
Her and my brother (3) are screaming in my ear asking for crayons, and then my "step-dad" gives it to her, and yells at me! Then she pulled the cord out of my computer and it died, because i just put it on!
What am I supposed to do?
She NEVER listens. EVER!
Then, while im yelling at her to stop, she gives me this look like she's the boss.
But if I take any action...she'll run in the other room and "tell" on me, then I'll get in trouble. What am I supposed 2 do? HELP.
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I am in the same boat.  My 7 year old daughter is horrible to me.  She's not so bad to her father because he scares her.  He doesn't hit or nor do I but I may start.  I don't know what to do.  She will argue with me, she will lie and say she didn't say what she said and then continues to call me a big fat liar, she talks back to everything I say, she tells me that I'm not the boss of her, she tells me she's going to slap me across the face, kill me, she hates me.  I think that we give her too much and she's just a spoiled rotten brat.  She's an only child and she has everything from everyone.  I threaten to take things away, but I never seem to do it and she knows it because she will say to me, You won't do it.  So, she knows.  I just love her so much and want to have a better relationship with her.  I want us to be friends when we get older and if this keeps up I won't want to be around her.  I don't want to be around her now.  She's so unpredictable.  She will even reach out and squeeze my arm really really hard.  She hates me and I don't know what to do.  She's my only daughter and I can't stand to be around her at times.  I don't want a life like this.  Is there anyone that has any solutions or suggestions?  All that i see here are other parents who are frustrated like me venting their frustrations.  Does anyone at all have any solutions/suggestions?
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Omg reading these things really healped. I realy thought I was all alone. My daughter is 7 and out of control. At scholl she is one of the best kids in class but when she gets out its like she saves all her anger for home. I knw I have anger issues too so I've been in contaxct wth our doctor for her to talk to someone and maybe we need therapy for both of us. Her brother just under 2 and she's telling him not to listen. Could she be add or adhd? I've seen kids like that and I don't see similarities except the explosive outrages. But like I saod she's an angel at school.
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I thought that I too was alone in this world! I have a 7year old son that is all of the above, rude, disrespectful, talks back, etc etc... we have taken him to counseling and they said that it was our faults as the parents for throwing so much into his life. His dad and I were never together, his dad went away for school when he was one and didn't move back til he was 5, so til then i was parenting on my own and we did great! his dad recently got married and I have started dating and my son is treating me like I am doing things all wrong! I just don't know what to do anymore, but i don't want to give him to his dad to deal with cause I do think he needs to be with me i am his MOM! Do i stop my life and not date? PLEASE HELP!
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Its nice to know that I am not alone. I am a step mother, to a just turned 8 year old. She has the same behavior. I feel my own children are at risk to her madness. I cry all the time. The real mother has nothing to do with her three children. Since I can not spank, I do make her swallow vinegar. This does help but It's just so strange to me that I have a problem with a seven year old. Well, she just turned 8 and few days ago. She is having her "episodes" as I call it now. So if my grammar is terrible, its because I just want to vent and vent fast! I have two of my own girls, he has three. I don't think I was cut out for 5! Especially, one that acts like Reagan in the Exocist. I feel like I can never loves this girl. I just don't know what I can do. I am sick of getting kicked, bit, spat on and she will vomit on me too. I am just waiting for her head to spin too!
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There's a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene.  It might be of help.  By the way, have you had your step-daughter assessed by a mental health professional?  This behaviour reminds me of a "budding" personality disorder.  Sometimes, the best solution is to remove the "child" from the home to a residential environment - if there is major mental health (and thus behavioural) issues.  Frankly, your own children must come first - even before your second husband.  So sorry ....
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I have a 7 & 4 year old daughters and they are both out of control. They talk back, have absolutely no appreciation for what they have, act completely ridiculous when we take them out in public, wont do what they're told and will tell us what to do. They tear up my stuff and show no remorse. They fight with each other constantly. . They are just ridiculous and feel like im gonna snap. We spank, put them in corners, take stuff away, do time out and nothing helps. I have no idea what to do anymore. Im seriously considering family counseling to figure out a solution before I go insane.
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OMG my 7 yr old daughter is the same way. I also adopted her. It will be 2 yrs in April. She tels me I am not her mommy and she doesn't have to do what I tell her to do. I have tried so many diffrent things with her and nothing seems to work. I am as well out of ideas. Even brought her to therapy and it didn't seem to help. Not srue what else I can do about it..  I feel like my 2 yr old does a much better job then my 7 yr old.
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My 7year old son is also disrespectful, answers back thinking he's clever and funny, i have used smacking but i wont do that any more because it shows him that if someone annoys him he cen hit them, the only approach that did work was sticker charts, and full attention on him, he has a 5 year old sister going on 16 and a 3 year old brother that copies him too, its the cheek, he says he hates me and when i send him to his bedroom i will admit i have chased him up the stairs when he says no and that scares the living c.rap out of him so there fore makes him cry and to stop me getting angrier i shout waa waa waa up the stairs and taunt him a fair bit. (I'm 28 going on 9 lol) but i get so wound up, i've gone back to self harm, i've gone to 6 groups about behaviour and that i need to change my ways, so i'll let you all know how this latest one goes, good luck with your children, and you love them but its ok not to like them :)
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Hi. I was wondering how you get them to the wall to put their nose to it? My daughter is half the time good, but when asked to do something she tells me no or hold on, then she doesn't do it at all or it takes 30 mins for a simple task. Then I get frustrated and yell(which I know is wrong) but it's driving me nuts. I'm a single mom and it takes a lot of energy out of me as it is without the fits! Help!
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OK well know that we know that all our kids have the same issues; what is the ANSWER????? I'm seriously about to completely give up on this kid!  
Mine is an only child, bratty as hell for me-- yet an angel for others-- the more i try the harder i fail! Talking back, tempertantrums, screaming, she lies...   I'm just so done with this stage!  NOW WHAT?!
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My daughter is 9.  A year ago I would have described her the EXACT same way you are are describing your kids.  We were at our witts end.  We were researching boarding schools!  Daily fights and tantrums.  Coupled with her not being able to sleep at night and waking us at all hours.  It was horrible.  I started with a family counselor.  It felt good to talk about this nightmare with an understanding person.  Where I felt safe doing so.  Then my daughter started going as well.  Together, along with the counselor we broke down some of the major fights and put a plan of action in place to avoid the fights in the future.  I started seeing results very quickly.  It was like she saw I was making a SERIOUS effort to understand her instead of just fighting with her.

Next we saw a psychiatrist who was able to get her neurologically tested.  Low and behold: ADHD with anxiety and depression.  We started meds.  And "talk therapy" for her.  VERY quicky we saw a difference.  Her daily tantrums and anger virtually disappeared.  Yes, she is still a #@it once in a while, but what kid isn't.  

Together with the counselor, the psychiatrist and the meds we improved our lives.  It is not an easy road.  There is no overnight fix.  You have to work, and I still have to work daily, but it is easier now.  No one can do this alone.  Get some help.  It will be well worth it in the long run.
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With my boy I feel like he has learned really well what is expected of him by giving him the ownership of the choices he makes.  A friend of mine told me about letting them know about good/bad choices and the rewards/consequences that go along w/them. I was excited to hear about it that I thought I'd pass it along. I am totally for spanking, when verbal warnings, time outs, grounding...pretty much anything but, doesn't seem to work. I grew up w/spankings and think I turned out just fine! Some kids do just need a good whippin. However, I think our children are very smart and can become great listeners if they are first given the chance!

Whenever my son would do something that could hurt him, someone else, or misbehaive I would explain to him that he was making a bad choice. I would remind him that he is such a good kid, but he's in trouble b/c he made a bad choice. Before I'd let him out of time out, or give hime back his toy I would reitterate the bad choice he had made, why it was a bad choice and what he could do next time to make the right choice. I would also follow up w/an open ended question like" Do you think you could try that next time?" When he would do something good, or share w/a friend, or whatev, I would get really excited and say what a good choice he made! Let him have a treat and tell him how proud I was of his decision.

Also, if I anticipated him doing something that might be a "bad choice" I would stop him and kind of lay out his options. Letting him know what would happen if he made the right/wrong choice. I would say something like, "now what do you think you want to do?"  

He has tested me, and made his wrong choices...paying the consequences. Which vary based on the severity of the situation. Now that we have been doing this for a while we have a pretty good understanding of what is expected from both sides.  Sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself to him asking him to do something. Once that happens I just stop and say "Payton, I have asked you(for example) to get off of he table. I'm not going to ask you again. I hope you can make the right choice, but it's up to you!" I pretty much get my way after that.

Now he will see stuff on TV and say wow mom that boy/girl made a bad choice huh...or...well I think you get the picture. I feel like I'm talking in circles kinda. I hope what I'm saying is making sense, or I am explaining it good enough.

I feel like this method really eases a lot of headache in my household. Hope this helps.  
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TO ALL OF THE MOTHERS AND FATHERS OUT THERE THAT HAVE POSTED WITH ADHD CHILDREN....ALTHOUGH IT MAY SEEM A LITTLE UNORTHODOX AND A LITTLE OUT OF THE WAY MAKE A CHILD SIT ON A WALL HAS UNBELIEVEABLE RESULTS.  LOOKING THROUGH THE POSTS IT WAS LIKE READING ALL ABOUT MY NEPHEW.  WE TRIED JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THEN MY BROTHER DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO TAKE MILITARY ACTION.  

WHEN MY NEPHEW DOES SOMETHING WRONG OR GETS ANYTHING BUT A GREEN IN SCHOOL (THE STOP LIGHT SYSTEM: GREEN IS GOOD, YELLOW HAD A FEW PROBLEMS, AND RED WAS BAD) HE IS PUNISHED MILITARY STYLE.  HE IS MADE TO SIT ON THE WALL (BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL, KNEES BENT LIKE YOU ARE SITTING IN A CHAIR) FOR 1 MINUTE FOR EVERY YEAR OF AGE.  HE IS 9 SO HE HAS TO SIT LIKE THAT FOR 9 MINUTES.  BY THE TIME HE GETS OUT, IF HE HAS NOT LEARNED HIS LESSON, HE IS PUT BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL BUT THIS TIME INSTEAD OF SITTING HE IS MADE TO HOLD HIS ARMS STRAIGHT OUT WITH A 2LB DUMBELL IN EACH HAND.  ONCE AGAIN HE STAYS THERE FOR 9 MINUTES.

THIS HAS WORKED EXTREMELY WELL CONSIDERING HIS ADHD.  LIKE OTHERS IN THIS THREAD HE IS EXTREMELY GIFTED WHEN IT COMES TO SCHOOL, WE JUST DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

ON ANOTHER NOTE:

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A 10 YEAR OLD THAT CONSTANTLY TRIES TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME IF SOMETHING DOESNT GO HER WAY?  MY NEICE KEEPS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME AND WE ARE ALL GETTING FED UP WITH IT.  IF SOMETHING DOESNT GO HER WAY SHE WILL WAIT TILL YOU TURN YOUR BACK AND SHE IS UNLOCKING THE DOOR AND IS GONE!  YESTERDAY THE POLICE CALLED AFTER HER MOTHER WRECKED HER CAR TRYING TO TURN AROUND TO CATCH HER.  THEY FOUND HER ON DIXIE HWY (A VERY BUSY HIGHWAY THAT AT TIMES IS REFERRED TO AS A DIEWAY) AT A RESTAURANT ON HER BIKE.
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My granddaughter is 6. Our daughter has never married and the 2 of them lived with us for the first 4 years of her life. We ALL ADORE her.Most of the time she is sweet and loving and very very loving and close to her mom. She is an average student very well behaved in school. At home ---especially with her mom---her mood can change at the "drop of a hat". Just a simple "no" or if her mom does not buy her what she wants---any instance when she just doesn't get her own way can result in a horrible "fit".   If we do not restrain her she will hit, kick, (usually it is her mom) and call her "stupid" " or "dumb butt" or something similar.  If we try to physically restrain her----she seems to "go crazy" ---hitting, kicking, spiting, biting, head butts. All we can do is just hold her while she screams and screams and screams---fighting to get loose the whole time.  If she is sent or PLACED in a room she will destroy everything in that room. She once threw something at her mom in the car and broke the windshield!  She was only 4 at the time. Thankfully these so called "fits" used to be few and far between----but this past week she has had one every day!! This is taking a terrible toll on my daughter, my husband & me. We love her so much!! She has only had occasional visits with her dad and he says she is very well behaved with him. He thinks we have just spoiled her and that a good spanking would fix things. We have TRIED spanking----she doesn't even feel it!
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I have a 6 year old daughter who is the only child and is out of control just like all these other posts. She doesnt listen to me or any other person close to her (except her dad, we have been seperated since 2007), she is constantly telling me NO, talking back, yelling at me, bullying her cousins, and is very whiny over everything, when I take things away she stomps her feet and yells, I put her in time out and its a constant whiney throwing herself (it gets frustrating) I send her to her room and it is more of the same thing, I have resorted to spankings but they havent worked so I have stopped, Ive tried the corner thing whith the same outcome. I am constantly giving her praise for being good and doing good things, we do things together often, so idk. I am at my wits end and I dont know what else to do, I am at the point of thinking I should take her to see a psychologist. She is a very smart girl, very ahead of herself learning wise, all A's n B's, Honor Roll, Student of the Month, Principals Award a great student, she has been in preschool since 2 and never a problem in preschool or kindergarten. She is very attached to me, she has seperation anxiety all the time, I have to b touching her or within arms reach or she isnt happy, she will say people are mean to her just so she doesnt have to stay with them while I go to work or anything. I dont know what else to do with this child. If anyone could please help I would appreciate it
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I am having the exact same problems! My stepson is 10 now and has been behaving like this since he was 5. He hits,kicks,chokes his lil sister hits me me screams at the top of his lungs. Will not listen to ANY one in the family (the whole family aunts gparents) no one wants him around. He steals money from everyone breaks anything he can get his hands on. So he has to be watched 24 /7 the school has kicked him out many times he's not allowed at the afterschool program, or field trips. He poops his pants and won't wash his self (smears it all over the apt) torchers my dogs when I go to the bathroom. We have tried taking away things, grounding him, spanking counciling having him stay with his aunt. He just doesn't care! His real mother isn't around (she ran away from his behavor) we have tried to find programs for him like the boys club, sports everything and anything. Juvy won't take him because he didn't put his sis in the hospital when he threw her down the stairs and tried choking her out. I had to fight him off her got a bloody lip,bruises everywhere (he's 130 pounds 5 feet tall at age 10) told us to get him on meds the dr's yes many drs all refuse. They all say he needs structure and disapline?? We have dinner every night same time at the table (where he throws his food and spits on us) bathtime same time, home work bedtime all the same everyday! So I after 5 yrs of this (added my mother is terminally ill) I am moving out. I'm giving up living with my loving husband I adore with all my heart and the most wonderful step daughter. I can't take my step daughter with me because her birthmother refuses to let me leave the county with her (we don't get along because my stepdaughter calls me mom)
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My daughter is 5 turning 6 in December. I am so frustrated with her AND my 10 year old son and their constant bickering and not getting along. The yelling and the whining gets on my nerves. My son just can't take anything like teasing or playing or just joking around with him. With me he retaliates by yelling and being a smart *** and with other kids he reacts with hitting and punching or goes the totally opposite direction and cries. My daughter knows how to push his buttons and vice versa. She has a wicked temper and will stomp her foot and scream. She is not listening in school and is so defiant it is almost admirable. My background...I was widowed when I was 8 months pregnant with my son and married my husband 2 years ago but we have been together 7 years. I am and educational assistant but am on lay-off and re-call so I work causually at the time with hopes of getting full time soon. My husband works in a mine in the Yukon and is gone for two weeks and home for two weeks. So, authority is juggled every two weeks as he tends not to discipline like I do. He adopted my son in 2006 but there are times when I feel that he is totally picking on our son and not dishing out the same rules for our daughter. I know there is an age difference, but try to explain that to a 5 year old that she can't do the same things her brother does and try to get it through his head that she is muchyounger and unable to do things he does or as rough. I love my children so much. She has gotten into trouble at school where as the teacher called me on it at the end of the day and also the bus for hitting and spitting and crawling under the seats. So now she gets a pink slip from the bus driver. Like really, what does that mean to a 6 year old. I have explained to her that there are rules in school, on the bus, at home, and in general, rules in life that we must all follow and when someone like your teacher or bus driver tells you to do something or stop doing something it is for your own good and learning. Wow! What a rant! She is not like this everyday. But I do yell at the both of them alot. I very rarely spank them, especially when I am angry at them. I tell them all the time that I love them, but sometimes I don't like them. We camp, we fish, we ride quads, we snowmachine, we eat, we do everything together and do not have much of a social life because we devote our time to our children. So, why are they so unruly and undisciplined? What have I done wrong in raising them? I know that they are spoiled rotten little brats, but I have cut WAY back on buying their every desire. I am relieved to see that I am not the only one struggling with the insane need to beat the little buggers and then hug and kiss them to pieces. I forgot to put in there that my father lives with us (has an appartment) and is with me most of the two weeks my husband is gone. I think I have a case of 4 Chiefs and only one Indian (me). At least I am able to retain my humor. I did go and see a counsellor for a bit, but that got no where fast.Because I don't need someone to point out what is wrong, rather help me search for a way to smooth the situation or "fix" it. Thanks all who respond.
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Consequences are a MUST! You are the boss, not your child. They're not going to hate you, even though they might say it in the moment. They will still love you. They will have so much more respect for you when they get older. Nip it in the bud now or you're going to have one hell of a time during the teen years.
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a good behavior chart...or reward system chart.
its the only thing ive noticed to consistantly work.
im going back to it
we often do when things are really bad
it also plays down the bad behavior
and also keeps us as parents in check for creating negative situations...
which my girl of 5 seems to thrive on.
i used this reward system for good behavior on my son,,,taught to me by his teacher.  we concentrated on just a few bad behaviors...or it gets overwelming for us as parents.  choose only the worst ones.  maybe 3or 4 aspects of the worst behaviors.  instead swop them for good ones. try to let them keep any stickers they have earnt.  creat another system for bad behavior.  time out or soemthing.  i found taking the stickers away...easily discouraged them back to old behaviors.  point out ..not to spoilt it as they were soo good recently.  acknowlege the bad behavior...but make huge fuss over the good behavior.  no problems for a couple of hours...or sat well...or quietly...give them a sticker.  less is more! dont be tempted to do presents ..stick to huge praise and simple stickers for encouragement.  its a visul display of how good they have been.  

im at my whits end...have spanked and screamed.  it breeds more bad behavior...and the child feel worthless.  its harder to praise.  especially when they are such little sh*t's. and make your life a misary. good luck to all.
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excuse bad spelling...tired.  another bad evening from the daughter.  it's soul destroying...chin up guys.  and don't give up the chart...just start again if it all falls apart a couple of times to begin with.  involve your children in making the chart.  make the stickers reall special...keep them locked away..they are real precious right.  you should see improvments.  and you should give huge praise to any small improvements.  hard i know.  let them keep the stickers...or they are easily discouraged and the chart will become a yo yo.  time out for bad behavior...stick to it.  point out the good behavior if they are bad.  
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make life simple.  give up that part time work to spend with your child.  do you really need the money..things like this.  is there enough time ...and quality time spent with your problem child.  i was always trying to do stuff i enjoyed or things i could do once they are in bed.  physical contact.  simple i know.  but it's beyond words and a kids and parent need it.  sit with talking...watch a film...every night for a week so you are in close , hugging type contact.  its destressing for the parent...its good for the child...it doesn't need words or disagreements.  let them choose the film.  give them a say.  try it for a week.  can you do it ?  can you put your arm around them.?  if you can't do this simple thing...then ask your self why.  leave the dishes...leave the homework..leave the shouting alone.  see how therapeutic  it is for your child to just be near.  and how words and shouting isn't needed for this.  make your life simple.  give up the stressful job for a more rewarding one.  or if your in doors all the time filling your face...get out of the house.   we all have a part to play here...and i know i can be as guilty as my child for lashing out and screaming when im frustrated.   experiment for a week....see if you childs mood improves..do they have your undivided attention ever!?   i know when they are bad that all i want to do is lock me or them in a cupboard.  
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my daughter was at her worst when she was three. forget the terrible twos.  3 was hard.  just to let you know.  she's 5 now..its still very hard..she screams at many things still but not as much. the list goes on.  it's soul destroying.  all i know is ...it's supposed to get better.  but i wonder sometimes.  i have spoken to many who have said that 3 is by far the worst and most defiant time.  before the teens that is. lol
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I have a 8 year old daughter who also has outrageous tantrums, i work in a junior school as a dinner lady and witness this at school too.  I am now looking into an area which someone migh or might not agree with - single parenting.  I have been a single parent for 7 years - alot of my friends are too- we all seem to have children with behaviour problems - Recently my partner moved in and the situation is improving, as he takes control and deals with her bad behaviour now - she listens to him but she never listens to me- i think that due to me bringing her up on my own she has learnt all my weaknesses, know what buttons to press and her dad just spoils her at weekends and is of no help - it is a hard job bringing up a child on your own and i think if a anoither person can be bought into ths situation, it helps, i used to take amber down to the police station and talk to a police women there when she was really naughtly which worlked temporarily -  think of yoursleves for once - go out find some love and live it - love  never fail  - anger can.
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How disgusting, what is your brother like today, that poor boy.  How about getting him tested for Aspergers!!!!
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my son is ten he doesnt run away but calls me liars,if he doesnt get his way he cries and screams like a little baby he hits on his four year old sister and his sixteen year old brother he thinks he is my boss can tell me what to do he fights kids at school he is very terrible at my wit ends i dont know what to do anymore his dad died when he was four years old he didnt act like that till he passed away and now my boyfriend is in jail so he is acting worse then ever
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My 7 year old daughter is completely out of control. She is the 2nd child. 4 total. She absolutely hates her 13 and 6 year old sisters. She always screams at them and says she wants them to disappear for good. She has said some plain evil things to them. She try's to hurt them and she would if they didn't get to me first . I spank her but she screams how she hates her life and her family. She has gotten where she will scream at me when I tell her to stop or to do something. She will scream NO . I don't know what to do. I feel like I have failed big time. Her sister cry bc of the things she says and does to them! Please someone help me any way you can. I don't know what to do anymore. .
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I can't stand her anymore. I love her but i don't like being around her and noone else in the family does either. She sounds so much like all the kids on this website and I am drowning myself and making myself and the other members in the family endure such harsh treatments. NOONE wants to be around me or my other kids and NOONE wants to listen to me when i say it's more than ADHAD i think it's alot more...I get counseling but she acts like a bagby and talks so low to them...VERY MANIPULATING....I won't her out my house!!!

dawn.***@****
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whoever told u that if a kid can focus on a video game or puzzle doesnt have adhd if ull of it.  My 6 year old has adhd and he play video games and he focuses on those like you would not believe.  as a matter of fact, and i dont know if i believe this or not, some say video games can cause adhd
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Your message sounds so much like my daughter. We call her our girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead... because, of course, when she is good she is very very good and when she is bad... There is no one with similar issues around here and most parents think I am the problem because when they see my daughter, she is an angel. I really understand when you say why "can you manage 30" but have a hard time with your daughter. If my daughter wants something she is extremely nice. If she doesn't get it, she turns into a brat. We have never raised her this way. We've always taught "please" and "thank you." My daughter has been like this since she was a baby though... speaking of her personality and mood. I am mentioned this to our pediatrician and all they say is, "we'll watch this behavior." Now she is into taking things of mine, hoarding candy and she constantly says she "Doesn't want a mommy...daddy...family." She says she hates everyone on a daily basis and it really wears us thin.
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She wants attention. Don't give it to her. If you are planning to take her to a friend's and she doesn't get dressed - don't take her - stay home. Don't punish her. That gives her another reason to be disobedient. Don't yell, scream, or nag. Ignore her when she misbehaves and treat her in a kindly fashion when she is at her best. She will come around eventually.
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The rare smack is very effective - but it must be rare. I think it works because it is something their mother never does, so what they did must have been very bad. Each of my four have gotten one or two smacks in their lives. Whatever they had done was not repeated.

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And when all else fails there is always the rack.
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Wow as I read these comments about kids acting out I am relieved to know that I am not alone. I can relate to almost all of these stories.  I hav a six year old that has adhd and takes medicine for it during school hours but at home her medicine wears off and she is so defiant. She does the opposite of what i want her to do. She constantly tells me no and argues with me as if she is the adult. Her behavior with her dad is not the same at his house and i do not understand why she doesnt act out with him. sometimes i feel she would be better off with him but she says she dont want to live with him. I feel no connection with her and it breaks my heart that their is no bond between us do to her behavior. she acts like she hates me and never wants to cuddle or say i love you to me. I keep on blaming myself because when she was three i moved in with my boyfriend and when she was five she told my mother that she was being touched in a bad way by my boyfriend . I left him that day but i wonder if she blames me.
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   Hey, its not you.  Its the ADHD talking.  You need to work with an ADHD child very different than you would work with a child without it.  Get the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.  It will help you a lot.  For a quick bit of help and more info on what ADHD does and how it can affect kids go here. -http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm#rewards

     Also, it would be a good idea to mention your problems to your doctor.  The meds can be fine tuned to help at home.  Hopefully, he can also give you some ideas on how to work with her.
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Here I sit ALONE on Christmas Eve because I just couldn't take being with my daughter whom I love very much but don't like very much.  She has been taking my stuff on a daily basis since she was 2 and she is now 6.  She has been seeing a therapist for a year now and the latest was that she would stop taking my stuff when she turned 6, that was on December 1...it lasted about 20 minutes.  Before I went to work that morning, something was missing.  She is perfect other than that but we have locks on all the doors in the house.  Constantly hiding my things from her or leaving my purse, phone, etc. in the car every night.  I am absolutely miserable.  The only thing I am getting out of reading all this is that she needs to see a psychiatrist, not a therapist and that most of these brats are very intelligent.  It is so sad to see these kids with such potential behave this way.  I do feel alone.  My family sees it but unless you are living it day in and day out, no one can really relate.  Merry Christmas and let us never give up hope on our kids.        
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Hi everyone we all have our challenges, our kids, our husbands,our family, all this is good, but it comes with a price. For a instance if you are single, you are lonely and most of the time are looking for the rigth someone to come and fulfill the empty place, if you are married, you get tired of a husband  or a wife that drives you crazy, if you dont have kids, you want kids, if you have them, they drive you crazy too, that you want to give them way sometimes, but when they are sleeping, you see an angel on them. Listen: we are all humans, we are all weak, we are all a children of God. The button line is that we all needed to be loved. We all need attention, like some of you migth have said, spending quality time with your child, or your husband, or wife, without figthing, and screeming at each other, just a peacefull time. that is all what takes to make someone's happy.Don't abandon your child for bad behavior, after all they are just a child in need. The Bible said that God will never leaves or forsake us eventhougt when we are bad. So love one another like he commanded us to do, that is the first commandement of the bible. God bless you all and give you all a brand new year full of a new hope and faith.
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I have a 10 year old son who has just been diagnosed ADHD, he was an only child untill he was 8 so I tried to manage him myself, doing every parenting group possible.

Now I really don't like him anymore I can't bare to be around him!! I love him so much and will have times of kisses and cuddles, playing games ect but 15-18hrs a day I don't like him at all! He steals from us & family regularly I have made him earn money to pay back, he lies about anything even just 'facts'!! He is impulsive he talks and fidgets constantly, he runs everywhere and can't sit for 5 seconds!!

He has burnt paper in his room and in the garage by sneeking downstairs and using the cooker, but only if we have a babysitter, then told the fire service (we arranged the visit) he only does it do we have to come home cause we shouldn't be out we should be home looking after him and his brother!!

He is very intelligent, loving, thoughtful and kind we just wishes he showed it more often.

He needs to attend a bratt camp or something  it do they have such things in uk?

Please help
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I have a 10 year old son who has just been diagnosed ADHD, he was an only child untill he was 8 so I tried to manage him myself, doing every parenting group possible.

Now I really don't like him anymore I can't bare to be around him!! I love him so much and will have times of kisses and cuddles, playing games ect but 15-18hrs a day I don't like him at all! He steals from us & family regularly I have made him earn money to pay back, he lies about anything even just 'facts'!! He is impulsive he talks and fidgets constantly, he runs everywhere and can't sit for 5 seconds!!

He has burnt paper in his room and in the garage by sneeking downstairs and using the cooker, but only if we have a babysitter, then told the fire service (we arranged the visit) he only does it do we have to come home cause we shouldn't be out we should be home looking after him and his brother!!

He is very intelligent, loving, thoughtful and kind we just wishes he showed it more often.

He needs to attend a bratt camp or something  it do they have such things in uk?

Please help
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my son is just the same as above, he lies he steels he hits his sister. He is disruptive in school . we went into school last year asking for help we wanted him testing for adhd but school say because he can do his work which is above average and he only plays up when it is not organised lessons we cannot have help.. we are at our wits end we do not know where to turn , i will say this class teacher is trying her best to help but we need more. but we are fed up of the professionals blaming us as parents , my daughter has the same rules , she is not perfect but she doesnt make our lives a living hell, i seem to be ranting on ,i have been on behaviour managment courses ,doing wall chart worked for a couple of days then he got bored with it , i have tried talking to all i get fromhimis that he doesnt know why he does these things . i just feel that we have no where to turn.
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I am EXACTLY on the same boat with my 7 year old son. Smart, ADHD.

Was taking ritalin, but we took him off it because of the side effects. The worst times are the evenings. He will fight to go to sleep, brush teeth, everything. Timeouts don't work. Cannot spank a kid in New York.(See social services)

To make it worse, mother is protective and cannot punish him, so I am the bad guy. She gives him an IPAD (folks, do NOT DO THAT), with access to youtube. Of course, he's seen inappropriate content and is now spewing some harsh words.

He is beautiful and is my son and I love him, but he is literally ruining our marriage and is not helping my career. When I am alone with him, there is usually no problem. All he cares about is what is for him. Are kids more selfish now that they get game consoles and all kinds of fun stuff?

He is taking Intuiniv, and I don't think it is helping much. I sympathize with all and will read the comments for some kind of direction.
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I'm a single mom of 3...2 boys..1 girl. My 7yr old recently has been out of control wit his attitude and back talkin..just yesterday got in trouble at school for him n 2 other boys gangin. Up on another...it got me thinkin bout what was goin on when he started really gettin out of control...change a lot of times is the factor...after a lot of thought...n speakin wit my grandmother...this is what I got...
It is nature of a child 2 test their limits...some kids r as simple as takin privalages away...or goin 2 their room..or even time out..not all r the same..some need disipline like a spankin...I agree wit AHP84...spankin needs 2 be private n controled...never spank when u r angre...even if u have 2 lock urself in the bathroom 4 few min 2 calm down (I've had 2) have them tell u why they r in trouble...yelling is another factor (I'm super guilty)when u yell at ur child u have already lost..when u yell they knw they have pushed ur buttons right! And what I have found best is choices..they r doin something wrong tell them ONE time...look u have a choice...u can continue what u r doin and this will happen(insert reasonable punishment u plan 2 follow throu on) or u can stop n do this (insert another activity they would enjoy) n leave it at that..don't hover over them or act like ur even payin attention...tell them it is ur choice then walk away...if they continue 2 do the same...say nothin..very calmly follow throu wit the punishment u set forth..n tell them I gave u a choice...remind them they have control of them self...n their results..most important is following throu even when they beg n promise 2 stop...no I'm sorry I gave u that choice already..n stop..there is no need 4 further discussin..it may not result in instant change...but it works...
There is a few keys 2 control
1. Remain calm..don't lose ur temper
2. Never yell
3. Follow throu...don't allow them 2 talk their way out of what u already said
4. Be consistant...nothin will work unless u r consistant
5. Acknowledge good behavior...its important they knw u notice how good they r n how proud they r!
6. Make time 2 give them love and attention..most kids act out 4 attention
7. Involve them in activities in the house..like cookin dinnern settin the table
I promise u this works if u do so correctly...
Good luck!!!
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It's really hard when the child is out of control in an area you can't leave easily - like on a plane or in a doctors office or something.  When you really need it.  This is what I do and I swear it works...

I start counting "No's" - when my child denied my request that I thought was reasonable and important.

Then I wait.  I don't tell her what I'm taking away, because I don't like taking away thing I want.  I just wait until I need it.

It will happen later that day - something good will come up that, for you, is no big deal to take away.  Like dessert.  Or a video.  You can even make it up, have a special dessert - make banana splits or something.

That's when I deny it.  "You said 'No' to me earlier, so I'm saying 'No' to you now" is how I put it.  This parts easy.  It usually results in a complete breakdown, but vengeance is sweet!!!  But, then I don't get emotional at all - you can even be on her side.  "Sorry sweety, but because you didn't help me when I needed it earlier, you can't have this now.  I'm sorry.  Parents aren't allowed to give treats when their children don't behave when their asked to.  That stinks doesn't it?".

After a while, kids learn to associate the "Counting the No's part" with the inevitable response and start begging for another chance.  You can tell them how to redeem themselves, and that feels much better.

The main thing - stay perfectly calm.  She knows she's getting under your skin and is empowered by that.  Just turn into a machine.  Do your best in difficult situations, but remind her the whole time that she is building up "No's".  Then, when you can, deny something important to her.  She will soon learn their are repercussions to actions and you won't get flustered or feel like your out of control.  

And, you won't have resorted to hitting, which will make you feel awful.
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My daughter is six years old and very bright, but it feels like she is using that inteligence for evil. She does whatever she feels like and then lies or talks her way out of it. I have tried timeout, taking toys away, talking to her about her behavior, even spanking. The worst part is she is exactly like me at her age, This scares me because at 15 I was a nightmare. I want to make sure she doesnt make the same mistakes in life that I did, but I have know idea how to change this behavior.
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Hi.  Oh, parenting can be challenging.  There is a book that I really like called "love and logic" written by charles and jim fey, a father and son that are both psychologists.  It is a parenting  book with discipline techniques that seem to work well.  Our school uses it and I've taken some classes on it.  It is about giving natural consequences.  Consequences are the teacher ---  if she breaks a major rule, then perhaps the consequence is that she doesn't go to dance that evening.  It stings, but it teaches. If a child causes a big scene and it takes your time, you tell them that your time is valuable and they have to 'make it up' to you.  They do this by doing a job for you or giving you money out of their piggy bank.  

It is a really interesting way of looking at parenting.  You can find it at your local library or book store or on their web site.  good luck
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i have a 6 year old girl, she talks back and is becoming a problem ,i  dont want to self diagnose her,but we have issues with my husband who only reacts when it affects his quiet time.We had an incident recently where he was so upset that he scared our little girl and she dialed 911, she i constantly tells me she wish she had another daddy.I have been searching an outlet to find help and i dont know if maybe im the problem? i do spend a lot of quality time with her and my husband is always busy with work, his mom, his workout routine and emails. HELP
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Hi.  perhaps your daughter is actually acting up to GET dad's attention.  His reaction to her of impatience and intolerance and even anger to the point she feels threatened for her safety would create a child that might have some emotional issues.  I think you should approach your husband about some counseling for himself or insulate her from him so that he doesn't do anymore damage.  good luck
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You have told me the same that my little girl is and she is 7 .. I am not married either my marriage ended 1 1/2 years ago guess to much for him to handle .. Now my daughter trys to leave and run away .. I try to find long term help , but so far i find nothing but short term because of being on medicade .. I am not for sure what to do either .. We all are crying out for help..b-linda222 at hot mail ******* if can get this email please email me maybe we can support each other in this war of life
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what were the results of her tests? I am in the exact same position as you with my almost 7 year old daughter. She just got suspended from school!!! She kit a little girl in the face and kicked her because her friend told her to. She has a behavior specialist helping her every day at school, this is week 3 and she did extremly well for a week and a bit,, but now the honeymoon is over and she is bad again! shes bad at home, at school, with her nana (my mom) every where, but again, she can be an angel. The teacher and the principal say she is a lovely child but is choosing the wrong things to do almost ALL the time. She always needs attention, she has never liked to sit and watch a movie, but she has always been a pretty good sleeper, but lately I am having problems with her going to bed and waking up! She told me that she when she grows up, she wants to kill me and kill herself. She is just messed!!! She is also VERY smart and learns all that stuff from watching the news at my moms when she is being babysat, my mom has stopped watching it with her around but she remembers things from ages ago! She swears, kicks and hits me too! Its so frustrating! I took her to a child pysycologist when she was younger who talked to us for about 5 minutes and basically said I need to dicipline her better, hold her in a corner and let her kick and scream. That lasted about a day!! It was torture and felt SO wrong! I dont want to medicate her, I want to find out what the problem is! She has never met her dad and I think she may be the only one in her class without her dad in her life. shes so smart, it probably really bothers her when other kids talk about thier dads all the time. I just want  her to stop making bad choices! Shes so smart, why does she choose wrong ALL THE TIME!! ??
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what were the results of her tests? I am in the exact same position as you with my almost 7 year old daughter. She just got suspended from school!!! She kit a little girl in the face and kicked her because her friend told her to. She has a behavior specialist helping her every day at school, this is week 3 and she did extremly well for a week and a bit,, but now the honeymoon is over and she is bad again! shes bad at home, at school, with her nana (my mom) every where, but again, she can be an angel. The teacher and the principal say she is a lovely child but is choosing the wrong things to do almost ALL the time. She always needs attention, she has never liked to sit and watch a movie, but she has always been a pretty good sleeper, but lately I am having problems with her going to bed and waking up! She told me that she when she grows up, she wants to kill me and kill herself. She is just messed!!! She is also VERY smart and learns all that stuff from watching the news at my moms when she is being babysat, my mom has stopped watching it with her around but she remembers things from ages ago! She swears, kicks and hits me too! Its so frustrating! I took her to a child pysycologist when she was younger who talked to us for about 5 minutes and basically said I need to dicipline her better, hold her in a corner and let her kick and scream. That lasted about a day!! It was torture and felt SO wrong! I dont want to medicate her, I want to find out what the problem is! She has never met her dad and I think she may be the only one in her class without her dad in her life. shes so smart, it probably really bothers her when other kids talk about thier dads all the time. I just want  her to stop making bad choices! Shes so smart, why does she choose wrong ALL THE TIME!! ??
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I have a 5 year old boy and he is so well behaved, when he was like 2 he tested me by trying to be a bad boy and not listening, didn't want to go to bed when told, throwing fits at stores or restaurants so I remember what my dad used to do when I lived in El Salvador, he would take me to the room grab the belt and give me 1 or 2 in my butt really good that I remember keep crying 20 minutes after it was done lol but you know what? I appreciate that he wasn't like a lot of the parent that think that u don't have to spank your kids, who knows where I would be if I didn't have the right correction. Going back to my kid, one day he tested me so much that I turn him around spank him in the butt really good and put him on time out, he kept crying for a few minutes and when he stopped crying I talked to him about what he did and why I did what I did, he understood I gave him a hug and told him I loved him  ur if he ever did it again the punishment was going to be the same, from that day he seems to behave a lot better and I don't have to spank him that often it just takes me raising my voice like I really mean it and he knows there are NOT second chances because the next one is a spanking.
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I have a 5 year old boy and he is so well behaved, when he was like 2 he tested me by trying to be a bad boy and not listening, didn't want to go to bed when told, throwing fits at stores or restaurants so I remember what my dad used to do when I lived in El Salvador, he would take me to the room grab the belt and give me 1 or 2 in my butt really good that I remember keep crying 20 minutes after it was done lol but you know what? I appreciate that he wasn't like a lot of the parent that think that u don't have to spank your kids, who knows where I would be if I didn't have the right correction. Going back to my kid, one day he tested me so much that I turn him around spank him in the butt really good and put him on time out, he kept crying for a few minutes and when he stopped crying I talked to him about what he did and why I did what I did, he understood I gave him a hug and told him I loved him  ur if he ever did it again the punishment was going to be the same, from that day he seems to behave a lot better and I don't have to spank him that often it just takes me raising my voice like I really mean it and he knows there are NOT second chances because the next one is a spanking.
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hi i have a 7 almost 8 yr old daughter who i cant handle anymore.she is a little angel at school and when i take her out and everyone comments on how well behaved she is, bbut as soon as i get her home bam she changes she is very rude, very abusive, she hits her brother and sisters and tells me she hates me and doesnt want to live with me, she causes an argument over everything and i mean everything when its dinner time to bed time to cleaning her teeth such mundane things r  such a chore for me to get her to do.I have tried the supper nanny way bringing myself down to her level and telling her what the correct behavious is .

I have even tried the naughty step, the thinking chair and the naughty corner nothing works she has reduced me to tears more times than i can count i just dont know what to do anymore i love my daughter with all my heart but i have to say i really dislike her at the minute and really need help to get my family back together.She is not even allowed to go to her aunt/uncles or grandma and grandads because they cant control her either i think it jealousy about my other 3 children but i cant understand why as i treat them all 100% the same PLEASE HELP im at the end of my tether and dont know how much more i cane take
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thank you. out of all the posts here on this board, this one resonanted with me.  in fact, so much,that i am still crying as i write this message.  
god bless.
lindsey
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I agree with you Lindsey about emmasolas.  You are very wise emmasolas. I have a short story to tell that just happened today.  I too have a 7 year old grandson who could be described identically to the other 7 year olds here.  Today he hit a girl at school. ( I have a grannie unit here with my daughter, so I get to play an active part in my grandchildren's lives.....9, 7, and 6 years old.)  Anyway I was interested to hear what my daughter was going to do about a punishment for this 7 year old boy.  Just a few minutes ago I heard this conversation:    In a very calm voice she said:  Joey this is what your punishment is going to be:  She said:  I want you to take this coloring book and color everything a different color, very lightly, and I want you to stay in the lines, I want you to use light colors, take your time and make it look very neat, and while you are doing that I want you to think about what you did today at school and what you should have done or not done....she gave him a few pages to color and then said I want you to show me your coloring when you get it done and if it is not like I have told you to do it (she had given him a demonstration) you will have to do it again, and maybe again and again until you get it as I have shown you.

I do not know, nor have I discussed this with her...but she is a first grade teacher....and one that really cares about her students.  At first I thought this was an unusual punishment...but I think she has some ideas of what this may accomplish.....Do any of you??
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Exactly!  I bet childrenarepeopletoo.... doesn't even have kids, or perhaps she has just one kid, or perhaps she has not ever full-time raised a 6 or 7 year old (and I don't mean just sees a kid on the weekends or has a close niece or nephew).
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Wow! These stories are something.  7 and 8 year old kids that are out of control. Each story is different, but if your kid is in school then take them out and homeschool if possible. Spend more quality and quantity time with them. One on one time is important. For boys and girls, they need more exercise and sleep. No video games. I am a stay at home dad and exercise, good food, sleep is very important. How can they throw a fit if they are tired? I talked to a mom who was having similar problems like you all and I told her to get her son up and going and to the park and run the heck out of him. Guess what? Problem solved. Mom who's kid steals her stuff, take away 2 of her things for everyone of yours, starting with her favorite toy / item. Watch the Duggers on TLC. Speak gentle, but firm. Girls get hormones around 7 - 8 so they need more sleep. Have to go, will post more later.
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So to everyone that is talking about how bad their girls are when throught the same thing and she would hit me and beat me with every fit and nothing ever worked.  But after 8 years of doing it and thearpy we came up with exercise for her to try to control herself and then I also would ignor everything after not being able to handle it anymore.  I would call her grandparents they would drag her out of the house and gone untill she would calm down and ready to rejoin me. ( all her anger is usally at me)  it seems to help when she couldn't be mean to me she has started to slow down on the fits and talking back.   She still talks back more then anything but she has slowed down it has made me 10 times less stress.
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My 9 year old has been this way since birth, when she was 1 until 5 years of age she threw fits for hours at bed time, as of now getting her to go to bed takes An hour, she does have ADD, I have started homeschooling her this year because the school system and teacher just are not papared to handle kids like her. my daughgters begaining of school year test showed her in the at risk groupes, now at end of year testing she is in the advanced group so in that area there is improvement, but all the fit throwing is still there, I have always kept to a set retuine and have disaplined all my chidren the same way and give encourragement , and yes in my house hold we do beleve in spankings, I dont understand why she is so diffrent, I cant handale being told she hates me anymore, or that im the worse mother ever, she thinks she is the boss of everything and is great at geting her sisters in trouble and starting problems with them as well. this is causeing a rip between me and my husband  as well, I love my daughter so much I just want her to have peace and I want to be able to help her. I just want to know why this is happening! Im relived to know im not alone and i will pray for all of us.
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I have a 8 year old daughter and she is so out of control at home and school.  I just do not know what to do with her?  About 3 years ago I was told she had ADHD and was put on medicine.  And she seemed to be doing well..  And about 3 months ago I was told she had depression.  She she was put on medicine for that.  I did ask the doc if she might have bipolar, because I do and he said it was to early to tell?  But about 3 weeks ago she started being so out of control, disrespecting, not listening, ling, basically she thinks she can rule over her dad and I.  She is always being very rude and that to her dad.  Its like she has to blame someone for everything that is going on.  So she is blaming her dad.  He is her escape goat.  She has told us so many times she is going to change and that, but it may last 1 hour and she is back being devil.  I just do not know what to do any more with her.  She needs help and she told me she did not want to be helped..  I told her she is going down the wrong path in life now..  She just does not give a rats a***.  So if anyone has any ideas or suggestions please let me know..  Her dad and I are at our wits ends?  Her dad that lives with us, is not her bio dad..  He was in and out of her life and has not been in for 4 years.  He did tell her that once a month he would come and visit and he has not..  And I know for sure she is so pissed and hurt and what ever a child feels when the other parents walks out on them..  But her dad in her life now, has done everything and anything for her and she is so ungrateful for everything he has done for her.  About 3 years ago she went to him and asked him if he would be her DAD..  So what on earth happened between then and now that she is treating him like he is a piece s***..  She has started with me now?  What the heck is going on?  She wants to blame him, but why?  Anyone please Help?
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I have been haveing the same problems with my 7 yr old son, after a while when everything i tried didnt work i gave in and spent the money on the total transformation program if you return the survey that somes with it within 180 days, they refund your money... not a gimmick i got all of mine back... the program worked wonders, for him and our family all of his behaviors did not go away completely, but I can now get him under control before it gets to bad.  It is mostly for us parents and does say all the things we already know but it helps with knowing how to implement.  
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Hi my name is Chloe... First off Ive read many stories on here about boys and girls all of the same conditions. My wife and I ( yes we are a lesbian couple ) are raising two boys... One is six the other is ten. Bet you can guess which one is the one out of control.... our lil one. He has been diagnosed with non classified bi polar disorder.... Yes at the age of six....
We had him seen by different doctors over a period of a year and a few months.... the first diagnosis was obvisouly... (everyone say it with me ) ADHD... But this therapist did not seem to give a crap about our lil man... just another kid right??? I mean what else would they diagnose a hyper child.... aggressive... bouncy... tried to stab my wife with scissors child right??? well recently we had a horrible eposide where he just exploded and threw everything he could at us and around him... he broke everything you could think of... said hateful things... curse words and gave evil looks... no amount of restraint could stop this child... i was punched in the ear and the leg... I mean our house was torn to S***....
But we got him the help he needed nevertheless. So on round two of seeeing doctors he was diagnosed as being bi polar.... This place helped for when he was beeing seen.. but the minute he's home and not in public the slightest things set him off...
I tried making a deal with him that he could go throw a rock into the forrest behind our house... which helps 70% of the time.... but then sometimes that doesnt cut it and he resorts right back to the way he was the night almost 3 weeks ago.... I guess in his mind because of how it went down that night that acting in the same manor is ok... it's okay to throw things and to do as he pleases and says no whenever he feels like it and its getting to the point where I and my wife have no idea what to do.... It's tearing us apart and tearing a hole between the lil one and the older brother... Mind you.. the older brother doesnt help with the situation sometimes.... but brothers are meant to bicker but not like this...
Oh btw these kids belong to my wife.... i came into the picture later in their lives... but they accept me as the other mom so that has no negative weight on the situation... He started acting like this before i came into their lives....
So all in alll i understand what everyone is going through... I'm also tired of hearing i'm a horrilbe mom, that he hates me, that he wishes i would leave... all this stuff... but one day he'll get over it... but until then any ideas that might help me and my wife,....
If so you can contact me at ***@****
Please and thank you very much.....
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    Wow!  First thought is that - could you start a new post.  This could take some time.
     We really need more info.  When he was diagnosed ADHD - what happened?  was he put on meds?  if so did they help and what were the meds?   If not - did you get counseling?
   In round 2 - you say he is fine in public.  Why?  Change of meds?  Any meds?  Any counseling?  What kind of a doc made the last diagnosis - in fact, what kind made the first ADHD one?
   The one thing that I do know from being on the ADHD forum is that kids who try to hold it together in public often come home and go nuts.  They just gotta release the pressure.  Also there are things like Sensory Integration Disorder that have many of the same problems your child has.  You can learn about that by going here -  http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396
   If you can answer some of these questions, we may be able to help.  And ya, got lots of ideas as some of our other posters will have too.  Just too bad your docs haven't been a bigger help.  Get back to us.  Best wishes.
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for you maybe, if you haven't already, understand what a step parent's role is a little more, do some research, also, I recommend looking at 123 Magic. It's a book I think you can scroll through on amazon and it guides families and teachers in disciplining kids.
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I cry for all the children, truly. I had a son like that once. I felt exactly as most of you do, so desperate, so stressed, so angry at him at times for making life so hard. He was 7.

He is an adult now and he remembers every unkind thing I said, every mistake I made, every time I was so frustrated I shut myself in my room. He asks, "why couldn't you just love me?" And my heart breaks for my little boy who was JUST a little boy, just a child...

Your child is so small at 7, please, it seems so huge but back it up. They need LOVE. If you don't want them around, they know it. What a heartbreak for a little child. And they will remember it when they are an adult, and you will wish... oh how you will wish... you could go back and do it differently.

So do it differently now, whatever it takes. They are only 7 for a short short time. Please love them. Please.
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hi i have read most of the comments on this page, and can i just say that we should never judge, i am a single mum of two children i work part time look after my home, my children are well loved and cared for. My daughter is now 18, i had no problems with her as a child at all, just as a teenager. I am not a strict parent, i do not believe in smacking, i am a bit soft as a mum, because i love my children. My son is seven and he is completely different from my daughter. I have had to go to my doctor about his behavior, as i am now suffering from depression and can not cope on my own with him any longer, i feel he may be asphergers or adhd i don't know, but i show him love and affection all the time.He has had a problem since a baby really, crying all the time, not sleeping, as a toddler he would throw tantrums and hit me, his speech was slightly delayed, but talks very well now, his motor skills have been delayed he couldn't ride a trike or bike like other children, and has only recently learnt to ride a bike and scooter, he is very accident prone and clumsy. the only thing is is that he is really sociable although argues and falls out with his peers frequently when they dont comply with what he wants occasionally resulting in fights. He doesn't seem to feel pain either, he fell 9 ft on holiday, cut his head open and broke his collar bone, got up and walked off, and he didn't cry, or show much emotion, the nurses were quite shocked, hes like this whenever hes had an accident its amazing. As for meltdowns, during the summer holidays they were daily, sometimes twice a a day, he is better at school because he is in a daily routine, the teachers say hes OK at school accept he doesn't listen. MY mum would look after him while i went to work and she said about his behavior, which is why i went to my doctor, i realized that he has a problem and although i'd coped alone for so long i just cant anymore, and now hes older the meltdowns are worse and more frequent, i would come home after working with adults with learning disabilities, which is hard mentally, and find that i was very often confronted with punching, screaming and kicking over the smallest thing, whether this was because of the change of me going back to work i don't know, he has had a lot of changes in the last year, hi dad died last year, he saw him frequently, we moved house and he moved schools, i do know that these are major changes, and because i am sure he has a problem this would account for his behavior, he does have counselling which his school has set up. I am particularly concerned now because he has resorted in hurting himself and my property, he throws things in temper punches and kicks doors, walls, and very hard i'm afraid he will hurt himself.I  think i am a good mum i try my best but that does'nt seem good enough. i really need some advice of what to do.
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your post made me cry.!
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cant believe it ! there r so many of us out there in the same boat . My son is 6 he's seen a child psychologist pegged  him wit ODD which i have to agree wit not add or aspergers -lots of similar behaviours as others he spits on me, head butts when restrained, throws skateboards @ our glass patio doors when i put him out because of his behaviour, not a good solution i know just sometimes have to separate , his bedroom doesnt have a door and anyway if i put him in the bathroom he' d probably threaten to throw the clean laundry on the floor or smear toothpaste on the mirror- infuriating stuff- we've had family support, social worker, mental health and school involvement - i took ece that is early childhood education assistant course that helped a bit just learning different ways to discipline is helpful -difficult to stick to and change our behaviour .. i find all of this highly fascinating and highly reccomend parenting courses or a book called Positive Child Guidance by Darla Ferris Miller from my schooling it is much more clear than the 100 other books i read on parenting .Remember eye contact at eye level, appropriate touch and to use childs name when disciplining it seems kind of foreign its all about practise . Remember to model desired behavior.These children have a mssg (i'll be darned to know what it is )! It is a cry for something.Remind them of 3 basic things is it kind it is safe is it neat these are things reinforced in daycare by early childhood educators in disciplining.

Ignore mildly annoying behavior that is neither harmful nor unfair.

distract

redirect inappropriate behavior

hope this helps someone and i dont believe spanking is the answer and i am not innocent my limits have been pushed i resort to reacting. calm would be the way -practise practise practise and lets all support each other.

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My Daughter has severe ADHD, the adderal is only for her attention, her moods and her impulsivity needed to be addressed, she started on a low mood stabilizer, 5 mg a day and she is like a new child. Last year at this time, I would be in tears becasue of her anger, inability to function, complete refusal to respect or acknowledge my husband and I, abhored school and other children, resfued to participate in anything, fought to the death over homework.

Today she is cooperative, funny, doing very well in school, making frineds, tackles her homework most of the time, listens and participates. Affectionate and engagede with my husband and I. Of course we also taker her to thereapy know and then, but the difference is the mood stabilizer and our constant praise ohf her behavior. She still struggles with anxiety and some social issues with other children, but she is more confident and happy now.
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TRY A NEW THERAPIST, WHAT IS SHE TAKING FOR HER MOODS? MY DAUGHTE RIS TAKING GUAFICENE AND SHE IS A COMPLETELY NEW CHILD. SHE IS 9 NOW, HAS HAD ADHD ANXIETY SINCE SHE WAS 5, SHE IS DOING WELL IN SCHOOL AND VERY LOVING AND FUN NOW MOST OF THE TIME AT HOME VERY COOPERATIVE NOW IN THE EVENINGS AND IN THE MORNINGS. WE ARE ATTENDING AN ANXIETY GROUP FOR KIDS AND CONSTANTLY GIVING HER PRAISE AND LETTING HER KNOW HOW HARD SHE HAS WORKED AND WHAT AN AMAZING KID SHE IS, LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME SHE WAS SHOUTING SHE WAS GOING TO KILL US OR HERSELF, THROWING THINGS, RUNNING AWAY, LEAVING SCHOOL. 360 DEGREE TURN AROUND. IT IS SO HARD FOR THE PARENTS, BUT THESE KIDS ARE NOT DOING THIS BECAUSE ITIS FUN, THEY NEED HELP AND GUIDANCE, THEY NEED YOU TO CALM DOWN AND HUG THEM WHEN THEY ARE REALLY UPSET, ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW, YOU WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT! IT WILLALWAYS BE WORK WITH THESE KDDOS, BUT THINK ABOUT HOW STRONG THEY ARE! I WONDER WHAT THEY WILL BECOME! STAY POSITIVE
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   Thanks for your input.  I am glad to hear things are going well for you and your child. Do keep your selves and her involved in group and individual therapy - it is just as important as the meds.  Best wishes.
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that is the greatest funniest thing i have ever heard in my life well done x
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YES!! My soon to be 7 yr old girl lies, steals, hurts other people, chucks a major screaming tantrum if she doesnt get her own way, tells me she wants me dead and shes going to stab me in the heart, i cant trust her. we have tried everything from a behaviour chart, to time outs and taking things off her to the point she had nothing left, to more recently smaking her and even that doesnt get her to behave!! shes terrible at school as well, lashing out at everyone, i am so lost as to what i can do!!
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My 7yr old very bright son only has a problem when at school the bus or religion. At sports and any other events when myself or my husband is there...will he act normal. Other wise he won't listen or follow rules or stay in his seat. He is being removed from the bus from school and from religion. We have tried eeverything but medication...any suggestions? Ty so much.
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Does he like school? Does he like HIS school? Is his school excessively permissive? I think the forum needs more information.
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Im completly off my head with my 12 year old son I cant cope anymore he's been like this since he was 2....temper tantrums, aggresive (aggressive), cheeky, lies and tells me he h8s me constantly. Refuses to do anything he asks each day is a battle today I spanked him as I had tried everything else and he put a whole in my door what else can I do??? his father died 2 n a half years ago but he was like this before I feel like running away x
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   Hi,  with over 100 posts on this question, you would have a better chance of a response if you copied and pasted your post into a new post for just you.
  How is your son doing in school?  Are they having the same problems?
    Also (and completely off the subject - in a way)  Saw your use of "cheeky" and wondered if you were a Brit?
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my name is Justin. I heard your story through my dads voice. Here is Justins answer. Justin "How bout if you have enough money buy her something that she wants." Dad "what if she has no  money son" Justin "wait" Dad "ill wait but I need an answer" Justin "mmmm" Dad " why is this little girl saying these mean things to her mom, when she loves her." Justin " should we just say the problem is about 1 girl right?" Dad " which girl has the problem?" Justin "uh um she just says mean things when she wants to just does not want to feel love inside" he whispered this. Dad " Even though you don't feel love you don't have to be mean." Justin "true!'
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Omg this sounds so much like my 8year old daughter she mimices me when I ask her to do something like tidy her room,she constantly saying I wish u was dead. I recently lost a friend in a motorbike accident this still didn't stop her even though she saw the hurt his little girl is going through. Kids say some horrible things then expect u to buy them new things in shops and if u say no oh dear tantrums of all tantrums happen mine will run away screaming round tesco. I am so pleased I am not on my own after reading others makes u feel better slightly
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Well, My daughter (7) is like everyone else discribed it started before she was 2 and has only escalated.  I always knew she was difficult, bright, energetic and not like her friends. I have taken away, grounded, thrown stuff out, used all forms of PPP. Talked to her Doctors, asked to have her assesed but was told unless it was affecting her school work there was nothing they can or will do!! Spending more one on one  time, works but short term. the system is fighting me, my daughter is saying her life is my fault, and i just started back to work full time in 8 yrs. Her Daycare said if she does not start to listen she is not able to take her this summer. I'm at the end of my ropes. Any help would be appriciated!!
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   I question your doctor's expertise in the matter.  There is very specific criteria for AD/HD and no where does it say that the only criteria is not doing well in school.  In fact, young, intelligent kids can do quite well in school until they hit the point where their natural intelligence is not able to grasp the subject matter.  I am guessing that your doc was a pediatrician?  Either find a new one or look for a pediatric Psychiatrist.
   Of course, the question is does she have AD/HD or not.  How you work with kids with AD/HD is different then how you deal with bright kids who are trying to control their own world.  I can suggest books that cover both area.  Over on the ADHD forum, the site I usually suggest to look into things like ADHD is        http://www.help4adhd.org/about/what/WWK8
   If it looks like ADHD could be the problem get back to me on the ADHD forum here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175  and if can give you more info on the next steps.  If you don't think it is AD/HD then post back here and I can suggest several good books that should help you.
   By the way, I should have asked at the start.  What do her teachers say about her?  Not talking about her grades, but how she listens, obeys, follow rules, plays with other kids, etc.
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    Oh, and if you do reply back could you please start your own post so that I don't miss it?
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Hi, i am a nanny and I dont have any child of my own. I have a brother and a sister wich now  are 13 and 17.

I have experienced all this examples you guys gave here.  When my brother was the age between 5-8 he was " a monster". As you guys mentioned and some comments above no one wanted to be around him. He even refused to eat many of the times. My mom always feed him because she did  not want to see him  to be hungry and even more  bad behaved ( which she thought)

It did not mattered how much we would  be nice or not nice to him, he would act the same way. The only thing I can say is that he was not disrespectful to people around him. Also my sister went to the same phase ( as I call it). With my sister things were way worse. Because everyone always said she was cute and smart. She always to advantage of it to to act like a brat. In school she even pooped  and peed in her pants to call the teachers attention. My mom and I were  several time call at school to pick her up because she was pooped and making fun of teacher's face. He had this evil laugh that she use to give me when she saw that I was angry and upset because of her misbehaving.

Anyways...

My experience with this age kids is based on a child that is not diagnosed with any type of disease.

As I said all parents should aknowlege that  this  is a phase that the child is going thru.  Think with me...

When they  are little you clap and cheer for them a lot about everything they do right ?. ( this is not a desencoragent for you not to do so)
So, because they are not being threated like  toddlers anymore and we don't clap to them everytime they pee in the potty or  say "yay" evertime they point to the square color shape  you are asking them for anymore the child misses it. It's like a command  in their brain that outmaticaly tell them get them  to" clap to me".

You maight be thinking that  this does not make sense in your case. Just keep thinking with me.

So what's is going on with the child's mind is....


as they grow they know how to call you attention very well. And they know what you do and they are watching you all the time.

because its the law if life to grow and come out of "phases of age"  they have to find a way to call your attention no matter what. Some times thr child will  behave and  or mimic what you say and do. I know this will not comfort you but they will keep on doin it. It's not completely your fault especially if you behave properly in front of your child. Remember this is a phase  that they all go thru it just happen that some kids go thru it in a less rebellious way.

My adivise

As all child are  different even if they are brothers and sisters  all you should do is to find out what what works better to your child's personality.

What I've been applying is what I will suggest to you.

First of be Patient. This is the key if you want to go thru it without pulling all your hair out of your head. For example, if your child gives a "show" while you out shopping. Patiently get to your child's eye level. Eye contact is VERY important. Talk to her with a calm voice and state to her that you are not going to buy her what he is demanding/ asking. after saying it ask the chikd if she understood what you said. Remember if you say no, DO NOT say yes shortly after. And do not say if you stop and be quiet I will get you what you want or go where you want to go. This is a very bad habit. This way you are basically  saying  "you can get from me what ever you want even if throw a temp and embarrace me in public."

You don't want that I am sure. If you can and want you could give your child the option of getting one item for her self, like something she wants, but make the  deal of just  one. Or make a deal with, saying that is she prefere to trade from home at home. Option is always good.

Now my favorite option for those kids that pretend they are not listening is... Do not call their attention over and over again. They are not hearing. Give it close to a minute between each call. Also don't call too many times. 3 to 4 time if neacessary. If the child does not respond go to her and ask her if she heard you. Kids are easy distracted and easy focused on what they want. so if they are playing or watching something it is very likely that they will not respond to you.  Now to give you a hope is that everything will work based on consistence if you are not consistant with this Training, you and your child " will not be in the same page."

Another thing a like to do which I find to be a very good trick and it always work. Distraction, to use this trick you have to think quick an be creative doing the same thing over and over dies not work because the child will know what you are trying to do and them the whole plan is gone. For example your child when is extremely bad behaving and crying tell her that you have something to show her, but say it with a enthusiasm like if what to have to show her is  really cool even tho you find it not to be that interesting and the child come to find it is not of her interst, but the key is that the child listened to your voice and gave a break on crying and calmed down.  

Making a list of your family's rule is effective way of letting you child that there is order in the house and everyone should follow it even the parents. For example, if you place a no shouting, yelling, screaming, hitting you the parent have to follow those rules as well.

With this steps you should get this under control. Remember don't try to show the child that you are the grown up and you rule the house because they already know it. the only thing you should do is get your child to respect the rules placed by you and your spouse and that you all will follow it.

Good luck!



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my 7 year old starting acting out from 3 years old. 3 hour tantrums, bighting kicking, everything, much to often. we stopped allowing her to eat artificial colors (documentary from australia "fed up with kids behavior"). after 6 weeks, she became an angel. now about two times a month she goes nuts. I took her to a farmers market to walk around. bought some flowers, vegetables, bought her some honey and honey tubes (staws filled with honey) as a treat.....then she asked for a popsicle, I said no. she threw a fit a phYscically assaulted me in public, tried to spank me, kicked me hit me. I took her home and she spent 5pm until the morning in bedroom (we fed her of course. ) next morning she is watching some crazy stupid cartoon like spongebob or cat in the hat, at like 530am. told her to turn it off...crazy nut tantrum. she has been in her room all day eventhough we had a beach party planned with friends today. starting tomorrow we should have ten days of angel, but it will come back im sure. now, if she were still eating red40, etc, she would be locked in a mental hospital. that was when i learned about food coloring. when it first started, she was at a preschool, had her first tantrum when getting dropped off one morning, she really freeked. we never let her go back to that school and took her to a psychologist to be checked for sexual abuse, and the doctor said, nope, nothing happened....  as with most of you, child is way above average in intelliegence and we have her a in a private school that is teaching her at 3rd grade level, and is always an angel at school and with other people. watch documentary "medicated child" and dont give in to medication. maybe its all the GMOs and hormones the government feeds us or all the crap they dump in our water.
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My 8 year old daughter is Out Of Control Please Help she is 8 yrs old and still acts like a 2 yr old I've give her everything a 8 year old would ever want she promise she would do right and now at night she still acts worser then her baby brother & sister
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billthecat3, I have to say, though it is SICK, I agree with you and maybe all this has to do with our government!! I don't know but have any of you feed your child as an infant the baby formula that had added (not sure what but they were 3 letters) and claimed to be more like mothers breast milk?. Reason being I read somewhere that is now discontinued because they were finding that the children that were on that formula were developing adhd and add more than those who were not on this formula. It maybe something you may look into.  I believe too organic food is better as well with behavior problems especially. I am a firm believer of not too much videos and tv! even the Disney channel shows are "bratty" and sponge bob and these other cartoons are awful for children.  Heck the commercials are horrible too for that matter, Trojan twister really REALLY!! And then there are those children who don't get the "parenting" they crave.  I believe you should communicate constantly right and wrong and include them in almost everything. I also believe in (though I hate to do it and sound like my parents.... this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you!!) You guessed it a good ole fashion whip on the behind! *not a beating an ole fashion whip! then make them go to their room or corner let them think about what they did then you calm down and then explain the proper thing they should have done and WHY.  If they harmed another they must apologize and then apologize to that childs parents or if at school they must apologize to the principle! In other words not only do they get a spanking they must also own up to there ill behavior and then they must correct it. If they refuse to correct it you whip them again.....though I never had to whip again. They must learn and the adult must teach them. Never EVER back down or change the punishment once you put it in place! Another hard thing to do but as must is at all times do your best to remain CALM yet stern.  If you have to take 5 to calm yourself down first, and tell the child that what you are doing tell them to sit, go to room or what ever that you need to go to your room for a few moments to think  and calm down because right at this moment you are feeling to mad or upset.  Now this is my opinion so don't bash me for this next one, I personally don't believe in medication for how one thinks and/or acts.  We were all "wired" differently and no two minds think alike.  You want me to take a pill, because I don't think like you think I should think??  Now that's crazy!. I think our gov. was / is paid by the pharm's and ins.companies and they all profit when we take medication.  Therefore they don't want us to be healthy! Google behaviors of high needs children. Yes "High Needs" some need more than others, and we should respect and love the child we were blessed with and raise them the way they deserve and that is by their individual self.  Who ever said we all sleep, eat, learn, and live the same? Diversity it makes the world go around! Good luck every one.
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I have a seven year old girl.  She is an only child,very sweet, thoughtful, giving, empathetic, and intelligent.  The only issue I've been having is that she gets upset most of the time when she doesn't get her way, and sometimes has meltdowns.  I'm thinking she is doing what many seven year olds do.  I'm really not trying to be judgemental, but many of the comments I'm reading are very scary.  If I were in most of these situations, I would have my child begin therapy immediately!  A lot of the things happening with your children are very extreme!  I know of another seven year old who have a lot of these same issues and behaviors I'm reading about on here.  Her parents have sought help for her, and she has been diagnosed with various disorders.  She is now seeing a Psychiatrist and is on medication.  Something was so obviously wrong.  Please get help for your children.  Our job as parents is to know when we can no longer handle situations, and need to seek help, for the well being of everyone!  
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Therapist/counselor  Let her talk to him, their has to be a root reason why he is not minding.
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Wow....you need to have a BIG talk with the family. If you guys adopted this child then SHE IS YOUR CHILD, that family must be crazy...maybe the little girl plays the mommy is dead game because she doesnt see you as her mother ( from maybe how the family is acting) so to her she doesnt have one and just plays as she is dead. I would talk to your husband and the family. If that did not change IMMEDIATELY. I would leave.
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Do you ever give him rewards and praise for good behavior? It seems you are just focusing on the bad behavior. Make a big deal out of great behavior no matter how big or small. This kid is screaming for attention. YOU need to learn his language, ask him what he wants, what makes him feel happy,  or what he would like to change about his  you as a parent or his environment.
Stop hitting him. It is absurd for someone to teach a child to not hit and treat others with respect by hitting them. This is very conflicting and confusing for a child.
What does he watch on TV or movies? Are they violent with bad behaving characters who want power and treat others with disrespect? What about video games are they violent?
Are you cursing or screaming at him or others in your home. Do you and your husband fight in front of him. Do you disrespect each other?
Is he being sexually abused or being exposed to deviant media?
This child needs help in a huge way. If you can't figure it out for yourself get him  professional help as soon as possible.
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My 7 year old daughter is violent manipulative controlling and out of control, she has been removed from 1 junior school at 5 yr old . Her new school is in the process of having her removed she is in a behavioural unit part time in school hours she has had assessment after assessment and all I get back is your daughter is very complex she has many things wrong and they can't pinpoint anyone thing although she did get adhd diagnosed last yr to what help? None they still can't control her they still can't help me what do I do now ! I'm seriously considering putting her in residential care full time as I don't know how far she is going to go and what my reaction will be if it gets that bad. She assaults teachers quite badly it rakes 4 teachers to restrain her and she is 7 when she is 10 12 or older and stronger how is anyone going to be able to control this behaviour ? I'm lost and can't find my way out
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Is she on any medication for her ADHD?   If so, what and how much?
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i have a 7yr old daughter and her behaviour is getting out of control and i just dont know what to do, she Answers back,mimics what i am saying, she doesnt listen to what i am saying, Attacking a friends youngest 3 kids from the Ages of 2 and 6, she graffitied a neighbous garden wall,she smashes furniture when kicking off, she runs off from me when out shopping, i have tried every trick in the book, i am just at my wits end, i need help
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  Does she have the same problems in school?   Did you get complaints from teacher or principal?  Are both parents at home?
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Where to begin... I will start by saying that I have read top to bottom of this discussion; and that what lead me to this page was in fact, seeking confirmation that I am not losing my mind.
I have a 7 year old boy... we'll call...  X and a 3 year old boy... Y  a 27 year old wife... A of course there's me ... B. My family has had many, very similar situations to almost every post here, on this page, and a few unique repeating occurrences of our own. Depending... ha... that's just it... there are so many, variables between X,Y,A, and B cohesively and harmoniously existing; being so complex that there is no "one" particular point, reason, or fix to explain/solve the problem. Why couldn't my name have been Aladdin?  *_*  Okay, so...  well, X has A.D.H.D. there was a time when he did-not-have medication and now he does.   whoop-d-do...   Y, well he likes to copy the behavior...  duh...  Outsiders don't feel the same way about the situation as A and B. Even when outsiders are empathetic or able to show sympathy; the void or lacking of... (the everything will be alright) "reassurance", remains... "What do I do now?" ...   typical...  Don't pretend that A and B on some level reassure one another... no matter what A and B have communicated... it's quite the opposite, try to be understanding that A and B got into this mess together... derp...  This... personal "What do I do now?" this "Help Me" feeling only results in friction between A and B, more friction between X and B, and of course X and A, where is Y in all this... well, wouldn't you know... coping what is most similar to himself. The cycle goes on folding in on itself. This is a common scenario in not only modern but past families, separated or not, however more so today than yesteryear.
Now you take the following however you wish. A.D.H.D. well... just take a magic pill and everything will be okay... ha! ha! ha!... I am not putting off an "awe phooey" there is and has been a professional diagnosis of A.D.H.D. regarding my son X, but with an open mind understand 1. Therapy and 2. Medication is the leading recommended plan of treatment for persons diagnosed with A.D.H.D. . For those readers that don't know... A.D.H.D. is one of the most common childhood disorders, yet confusion about its causes and implications dumbfound researchers. Conventional wisdom says that children displaying symptoms of A.D.H.D. "are likely" less intelligent than children of the same age that are not diagnosed with A.D.H.D., however "modern research studies" of persons diagnosed with A.D.H.D. although having impaired social and interpersonal relationships and pose serious challenges to academic achievement; "have above average I.Q." ... if you didn't now you know... and knowing is half the battle...  lol...   I stand by my previous statement there is no "one" rhyme or reason of why so many families have a child "so similar" to my 7 year old boy X, but it only takes one word to tell you whats wrong... EXPOSURE.  That's right exposure... from discussions/arguments being overheard, things seen in/out of home, media, and the worst thing of all at any age, the reassurance collectively, (be it body language, actions, or the expressed thoughts)  from the majority of their peers that what they are feeling is normal. Think what you will, but I am not saying burn down "the house" or completely isolate your child. I am saying that knowing... as above mentioned... persons having impaired social and "interpersonal relationships"  will not process information in a like manor as those without the impediment. Therapy of course, that's the answer right... nope... but, coupled with a better understanding, and a butt-load of patience it's a real good place to start.
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Can you share an update now that your child is a little older?
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