7 year old struggles socially

[1970Mom]

I have a 7 year old daughter who struggles socially.  She plays often with other children, but she has a hard time playing with more than one child at a time.  She sets her sights on a child and if that child attempts to play with anyone else, she becomes mad or cries.  

She is a very sweet little girl, but she always feels that she is the victim.  If any child does not choose her first then that child is "no longer my friend."

She believes that she should have someone to play with all the time, but if she finds out that any of her other friends got to play with someone she is devastated.

An example:  I took my four year old son to a neighbor's house for a playdate and the neighbor's 8 year old sister had a friend over (another neighbor of ours).  My daughter refused to get out of the car and sat in the car and cried, because she did not get to stay and play.  She understands that the girls are a year older than her and that they are best friends, but she could not understand why she wouldn't be included.  She eventually started hitting herself in the head and screaming about how unfair it was.  

I have tried repeatedly to explain to her that everyone should be able to have lots of friends and that she should try to play with more than one child at a time, but she doesn't want to listen to it.  I am afraid that she is not going to have very many friends if she doesn't stop putting so many demands on them to play with ONLY her.  I have also tried to explain to her that she will not always be invited to things, but she does not know how to cope with any sort of disappointment without becoming hysterical.

I really need learn how to help her handle her sensitivity and anger with regards to social situations.

[redneckmom]

I would ask her doctor to recommend a good child psychologist.  It sounds like she needs help working out her dissiapointment issues.  I hope that she gets help that she needs and doesn't stay sad for very long.  Is this a phase she is going through or has she always been this way?  One of my friends acted this way for about 2 years when we were about that age.  None of us could figure it out.  Of course we were only kids.  Good luck to you and your daughter.