Is my child a sociopath?

My son is 10 years old and for as long as I can remember we have been having issues with his behavior.  In the beginning it was stealing little things like snack cakes and pens off my desk and it progressed to stealing bigger things like my husbands watch.  Added to this he lies almost constantly, sneaks around and is always making up stories to see if he can trick someone into believing him.  We took all of that in stride and tried to believe that he was a normal child with behavior problems. We tried postive and negative reinforcement, time-outs, grounding, taking things away and just about everything else at one time or another.  We even moved to another state to give him a new start in a new school, with new friends and in a house with his own room instead of in a tiny apartment but things just got worse and worse.  

Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home.  They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.

We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.

When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him.  I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect.  That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again.  We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it.  His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die.  I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us.  I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement.  This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better.  The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.

So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son.  He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow.  If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs.  I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him.  The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does.  He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter.  I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying.  What can I do in this situation?

[kayakka]

Whew! Tonya, what an awful thing to have to deal with. You don't mention other family members and what they think. Are you all alone on this one? This boy needs lots of help. So do you.

[margypops]

I see he takes meds (shots ) for the Celebral palsy, could they be having any side effects on him it may be a good idea to check it out with his Doctor who prescribes them, When he was in the mental hospital did they come up with any diagnosis I am assuming they ran testsI , if he was a sociopath they would know from tests they would do.You have a 10month old could your son have some jealousy issues as this happen s when they are used to being the only child and a sibling appears to usurp them, the peeing sounds like he is upset and is acting out. Have you had any Family counselling on how to handle the situation , I am sorry it is so hard for you all. Let us know how it goes.

[tonya623]

No I am not alone. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband (his step dad) who has been a big part in trying to find help for my son.  Right now he is working 60+ hours a week to support us because I can't work with my son behaving this way.  My son has been tested but he is extremely manipulative and knows what to say and what not to say.

We actually got a little help today a child help group came out and assessed our home situation and my sons medical file and they are going to try to help. They are not holding out much hope because he is such an unusual case and we may still have to put him into a long term care facility but this way I will know we have tried everything else first and it is really what is best for him.

[jacob126]

wow...I have a similar situation with my 8 year old daughter.  The lack of remorse, manipulation, constant lying, peeing, trouble in school...etc.  It almost seems like an abnormal lack of morality or sense on right and wrong...Not exactly the same but a lot of coincidences.  I am in the proccess of getting her a full evaluation.  She was seeing a therapist for 2 years, but we stopped about a year ago because I couldn't afford it and our insurance wouldn't pay for it because it was considered a pre condition.  

I will say the therapy helped a lot! it helped her in that she was very manipulative even with her therapist, but over time she wasn't able to keep all her inviroments as "unaware" of eachother and it made it harder for her to manipulate.  I remember 1 session when she was 5 her therapist was questioning different stories she would tell her mother and her grandmother(my mother) about eachother.  The stories were manipulating them and pitting them against eachother.  When really pressed as to why she makes up these stories my daughter said "I like to see them get worked up and mad at eachother. it's fun to watch".  So from that point on I decided to keep very open lines of communication between all adults involved with her.  Me, her teacher, mom, grandma, uncle, therapist, daycare, etc.  Anyone who is in her life.  She had created small differences in her realities in each inviroment to manipulate people into thinking she was being victimized as to not be held accountable.  so we all talked more and it made it harder for her to do so.

I'm sorry I don't have much insight to offer, other than that you are not alone!  I will pray for you and your family and if in my search for help for my daughter I come across helpful information I will come back to share.

[tonya623]

Originally we had a very hard time getting a therapist to take us seriously.  It was so frustrating because they would talk to him and evaluate him and then decide that there was nothing wrong with him and instead offered to refer me to a parenting class so that I sould better deal with the situation.  It doesnt help that when they do the evaluation they need family history and I am forced to disclose the fact that I have Bipolar disorder.  I tried about 6 councelors with nearly the same result and then gave up and tried things on my own.  At that point he was only lying and manipulting and not doing anything that couldn't be controlled with close supervision.  We even moved from Florida to Louisiana to give him a new start in a new school with smaller classes, a house with a yard and his own room and maybe the chance to get involved in some extracuricular activities.  Well that bit me in the butt.  We spent our savings to move and he just got worse and worse.  Then I found out that I was pregnant, so now we have 2 boys and 1 income.  I can't work because of his behavior and the baby gets to suffer.  When he started peeing (before I got pregnant) I took him to a mental hospital and tried to get him admitted for a thorough evaluation.  They wouldnt admit him at first but then I took him to a neurologist and in the process of ur discussion she got a view of his dirty look he gives when he is mad.  She said her blood ran cold and she sent us to the mental hospital again. This time they kept him for 6 days and decided that it was all me, again.  After he came home he told me very calmly and with a smirk that he was going to kill me then my baby because he wanted to be free of the rules in the house, my husband could live though because he was working and paying the bills. We took him back to the mental hospital and this time they kept him 22 days and after the first week and a half he let his true self be seen. Mostly because he realized that the hospital wasnt all that bad.  He even smiled as he told the councelor that he was disappointed that he stressed me out all during my pregnancy, I was extremely high risk and on bed rest, and all that happened was that I went to the hospital and I didnt die. That got their attention.  Unfortunately they are only accute care and couldn't really do much for his so they sent him home. Now he is on 10mg of prozac and 12mg of Abilify and if anything he is even worse now because he has nothing to fear.  I took him to the mental hospital and that is the worst thing he could think of.

[hangingbyathread30]

Dear God that is my child that you described.  I was sitting here crying because I just got off the phone with a local psychiatric inpatient facility for children and the told me they probably couldn't keep her longer than a week.  I said " you don't understand.  She isn't going to show you who she really is in that amount of time."  They apologized and that was the end of it. I feel like I want to end it all most of the time because I know where she is headed and I can't change the path.  Who do you turn to when you are scared of your own child?

[scaredsick90]

I am sitting here reading this, and I want to cry. I am not alone. You have no idea how that feels. We have had all the same issues with our 9 year-old son. The peeing, no remorse, the lying, manipulation. He drew a picture of me with my head cut off, and wrote a story about killing his entire family, even his grandparents. He is not my biological son, but his mother left him when he was 4. He went through the DCF system, where he was sexually molested. I am currently inquiring about a class-action law suit against that state's Department of Children and Family. He has even resorted to cutting a gash on his arm with a pencil, with the intent of telling the school counselor that we did it, in order not to be grounded to a chair anymore, so DCF would come get him. He cannot be grounded to his room anymore, because he destroyed it, and we have to keep an eye on him every second. I am scared of him, and do not know what he is capable of. When he came to me at the age of 6, he wasn't even potty trained. My husband and I keep waiting for the school to call back with an appointment with the school psychologist. They never do, but he lies and manipulates them as well. So, what are we to do? He is also small for his age, and CAN be very sweet, but it's all an act. I think the teacher, as in your case, also thinks he is being mistreated and I am certain that he lies and manipulates her as well. There is another child in the home, and one on the way. I have looked into inpatient care and long term care, and believe this will be the start of his treatment this time around. He has gone through extensive counseling in the past, but things keep getting worse and worse. Tonya, I know we don't know eachother, but from one mother to another, I want to thank you for sharing your story. But what do we do, when our children can fool educated psychological professionals?

Also, to hangingbyathread30. I want to thank you also, for sharing your story. If anyone can help us please God, leave us comments, help us. Leave us suggestions, and above all, pray for us. Our families are literally hanging in the balances. I have even threatened to leave my husband, and take my other child, but I have one on the way. I love all my family dearly. I don't want my family to be torn apart. What is going to happen to our children? My other child is nothing like this, and displays fear of the other one. What are we suppose to do? We have tried everything. We do not believe in corporal punishment. I don't think a spanking will solve years of this sort of behavior, and I cannot raise a hand to any of my children. I am desperate, and scared. My husband won't tell his parents how bad things with him are, so we get no support from them. He thinks by telling them, he'll be deemed a failure. He loves his son, but he also has no idea where to go from here. Once he has been to the mental hospital, you are right...he has nothing left to fear after that. So what now? There has got to be something we can do. There has got to be someone who can help us.

[Sandman2]

   No, you are not alone, but for some reason you are or have been forced to do this alone.
First, you can request that the school start a formal evaluation.  If you submit to your school a request for evaluation, "It formally opens a IEP timeline to begin the assessment and special education process."  The school must arrange to meet with you in a reasonable time frame.  This is not only a legal mandate, you have rights to sue their tails off if they don't.  
   However, I also wonder what has happened in school the last 3 years?  And in your family the last 3 years?   You have a new child on the way.  If his actions have been relatively ok for the past two years and have only gotten crazy this year - then part of this could be in response to that.  In other words he could be a very intelligent master manipulator.  I can't tell from what you have said.  Or he could be very intelligent with bipolar.  I am including a lengthy post on bipolar just in case.  
  You said that he was in extensive counseling.  By whom?  The state or a private psychologist?  And have you gotten any private counseling or seen a psychologist/psychiatrist since then?   I am also curious as to when his birthday is and what grade he is in?
  Anyway, below is a list of bipolar traits.  Best wishes!!
        Well anyway here are the list of bipolar symptoms for children. The symptoms in adults are different.
Very Common Symptoms of Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder
• Separation anxiety
• Rages & explosive temper tantrums (lasting up to several hours)
• Marked irritability
• Oppositional behavior
• Frequent mood swings
• Distractibility
• Hyperactivity
• Impulsivity
• Restlessness/ fidgetiness
• Silliness, goofiness, giddiness
• Racing thoughts
• Aggressive behavior
• Grandiosity
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Risk-taking behaviors
• Depressed mood
• Lethargy
• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty getting up in the morning
• Social anxiety
• Oversensitivity to emotional or environmental triggers
Common Symptoms of Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder
• Bed-wetting (especially in boys)
• Night terrors
• Rapid or pressured speech
• Obsessional behavior
• Excessive daydreaming
• Compulsive behavior
• Motor & vocal tics
• Learning disabilities
• Poor short-term memory
• Lack of organization
• Fascination with gore or morbid topics
• Hypersexuality
• Manipulative behavior
• Bossiness
• Lying
• Suicidal thoughts
• Destruction of property
• Paranoia
• Hallucinations & delusions
Less Common Symptoms of Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder
• Migraine headaches
• Binging
• Self-mutilating behaviors
• Cruelty to animals

[bsbundy]

My stepdaughter is 13 now and has been in the hospital 2 times for saying she wanted to kill me and kill herself (each inpatient only lasting 8-10 days).  Yes she says she doesn't feel that way anymore so all is well.  We have been going through therapy since she was 5, and have had her diagnosed with CD, ODD, ADD, ADHD, Anger issues, Abandonment you name it.  But it doesn't stop.  We don't know what to do anymore but stay calm and non confrontational with her so we can have a some what quiet life.  My husband (her father) say the old joke How many psycologists does it take to change a light bulb?  One but it takes a very long time and the light bulb has to want to change.  This is the closest I can come to an answer.  She doesn't understand and unless you have alot of money to send her somewhere what do you do?  Yes she is all that is above and more.  She has been physically restrained by my husband and myself 5+ times when she is extremely aggressive.  We do the best we can.  And pray.

[Wondergirl7]

Childrens behavior is mainly steered in the correct direction in the first 3 - 4 years of child hood. If these problems continue past these years they are alot harder to change, let alone correct. I would suggest that you persist in your endeavors with these doctors and mental hospitals, take videos and recordings of as many incedents as possible ( with hidden audio and visual cameras if necessary) and take as much effort as you can to prove your case and disprove the childs case (so to speak, not that they have a case...). This will at least help further to establish the mental stability of both parties (ie. they will know you are there for the safety of your family and not because you are imbalanced or they think you can't handle your so called normal child). Do this before it wrecks your families lives as well as others. These childrens behavior is not to be taken lightly and you should MAKE things get done.

Myself, my kids and many other parents & kids have been exposed to such a child and have had their lives thrown around, slandered and destroyed. I deeply sympathise with all such parents, yet I find comfort with you all that you are at least trying to get is sorted, but PLEASE TRY HARDER both for yourselves, your family and anyone else out these that these horribbly behaved children are effecting. Please don't think they will get better on their own because the longer they are left to develop their manipulation and activities, the more ingrained in their personallity it will become and the worse they will get, and most importantly, the harder it will be to change (if at all posibble) and the chance of worse damage that will be inflicted on others, ......you don't want the blood guilt and having to ask yourself, "Could/Should I have done MORE???? !!!.

I feel for you and hope the best for you all and pray for you, your families, and the others your child has unfortunately affected. May you find the help and support you need to comfort you in your time os distress. You are not alone, God sees your suffering and so do those that love you.  

2 Tim 3:1- ,"But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2) For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3) having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodnes, 4) betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5) having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away. 6) For from these arise those men who slyly work their way into households and lead as their captives weak women loaded down with sins, led by various desires.

2 Peter 3:8, 8) However, let this one fact not be escaping YOUR notice, beloved ones, that one day is with God as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day. 9) God is not slow respecting his promise, as some people consider slowness, but he is patient with YOU because he does not desire any to be destroyed but desires all to attain to repentance. 10) Yet God’s day will come as a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a hissing noise, but the elements being intensely hot will be dissolved, and earth and the works in it will be discovered.
11 Since all these things are thus to be dissolved, what sort of persons ought YOU to be in holy acts of conduct and deeds of godly devotion, 12 awaiting and keeping close in mind the presence of the day of God, through which [the] heavens being on fire will be dissolved and [the] elements being intensely hot will melt! 13 But there are new heavens and a new earth that we are awaiting according to his promise, and in these righteousness is to dwell.

[Julsy23]

I have been in a similar situation with my daughter her entire life.  I have done years and years of research on the subject as well.  My daughter has been daignosed with ADD, ODD, & BiPolar, yet I do not think any of those are acurate, although she does have some signs and symptoms of them all.  After all the research I have done, I am almost positive she is a sociopath. Sadly, none of the medications for all the above issues ever did any good for any long period of time.  Nor did any of her dozens of psychologists we have seen through the years.  Nor will any of them confirm that she is a sociopath, because they are clueless on the subject.  One reason they are clueless on the subject of sociopathy is because there is no help nor a cure.  There is no medication or anything or anyone that can help!  That is the entire problem with this issue.  They cannot see reality as a normal human being, they only see their own reality in their own mind and nobody can get through to them.  So, all the money in the world trying to find help is a complete and total waste of time and just causes more frustration.  The law will not even help unless they have already harmed themselves or someone else.  Its a bad situation and all I have ever been able to do is live the best I can day by day and do whatever it took to cope.  My daughter is 18 now and living on her own, but I still get phone calls in the middle of the night and I somehow doubt it will ever change for the better.  

I can also add that a sociopath usually does not ever harm animals.  That is one of the first signs of a psycopath.  There are huge differences between the 2.  And again, do your own research and figure out for yourself what exactly that you are dealing with, sadly that is about all we can do.  

[allmymarbles]

We don't know what makes a sociopath or how to treat the condition. Could his problem be related to cerebral palsy? Could there be brain damage? Have they ever done a brain scan? My sympathies are with you and I wonder if you ever have a day when you can enjoy your child and laugh with him.

[k9trainer]

My heart breaks for you.  I have dealt with the same issue for 6 years with my son.  He's now 19 and no longer lives with us.  Stick to your guns with the mental health industry, it will be a long and difficult battle.  You may have to endure the pain of being judged a bad parent, but if you do not feel safe with your child in your home then refuse to take him/her home.  If your child has gotten into legal trouble, this will prove to be a blessing in disguise.  I demanded that my child be placed in a treatment facility, which slowed his downward spiral and kept us safe. Get yourself into counseling immediately.  Find a support group. You must find a therapist for yourself and the other members of your family.  Not all children with the severe problems you've described are sociopaths, if that's any comfort.  Some of the descriptions, however, are extremely similar to my son's.  I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to have a therapist to help YOU through this.  

[MissEcho83]

I started reading this today because my husband and I are at a complete loss as to what to do with our 7 year old daughter. From the time he was a year old she has been the type of child that you wouldn't be surprised to wake up in the middle of the night standing over you with a knife. She's never come out and actually said she wanted to kill somebody but she constantly does things that could endanger her 3 year old brother and 16 month old sister. She has always lied, made up outragious stories, and manipulated people. When she was 5 she went to spend the weekend with her grandparents. She wanted to stay with them longer so she told them that we made her sleep in nothing but her panties, on the floor with no blanket and that we hadn't fed her anything but a pack of ramen noodles in 3 days. When I went to the hospital to have her sister, she told her dad's cousin that our friend who watched them the night before never fed them. Luckily she was caught in that lie. She's a perfect angel at school and gets good grades. But at home she's another child. She doesn't do anything for the enjoyment of it. She only plays with her toys or with her siblings to make sure that we are watching her. She only tells you what she thinks you want to hear. She makes up things about her dad to tell me to get us fighting and then tells her dad things about me. We really don't know what to do with her. My husband has said for years that she was a sociopath but I didn't really know what that was so I didn't agree with him. Now that I've been researching it I'm starting to agree. I keep thinking that she's only going to get worse. Her great grandfather passed away last week. She claimed to be so worried about him while he was sick. When we told her that he passed, she cried for about 2 minutes then asked to play her DS. She's caused a huge rift in our family because she claimed that our 12 year old cousin graphically explained sex to her and showed her pictures. I've known and lived with him almost his whole life and he has never been like that. She told us that because we found a camera where she had convinced her 6 year old best friend to take sexual pictures of each other. I don't know what to do.

[margypops]

I think it possible your daughter acts out from feelings of jealousy could it be possible she has seen her younger siblings getting more attention than she does ? I doubt very much that a one year old would be as bad as you say ..In what way would you possibly believe a child of that age .would be violent ? What are the things she does to endanger the younger children can you tell us ?

[MissEcho83]

I honestly hope I'm wrong about what is wrong with her but I know that something is. Its hard to explain. She's never been raised as an only child. She was raised with her cousins until she was 4, then we had her brother, plus shared a house with friends who had 3 kids, then we had her sister. She's always had plenty of attention but no matter what it's never enough for her. And she doesn't seem to care if it's good or bad attention. She taught her 16 month old sister today to crawl through the slats in our fense to get out of the yard. She watched her 3 year old brother eating poisenous berries. She always put the baby up on high things and doesn't seem to care when she falls off and gets hurt. She has no apathy when her siblings get hurt. She has no attachment towards anybody. Whoever is giving her what she wants at the moment is who she pretends to have affection for. And it's not just us. Everybody who has had close involvement with her for a period of times says that she just isn't right. What is wrong with her?

[margypops]

Then as you seem to belive she has 'something rong' it would be better yto speak to the Doctor  ask what he thinks is going on if anything, he life does sound somewhat muddled with all these folks amd other children.I dont think you should be allowing a child of 7 years old to look after a 16 month old ,and berries cant be eaten or fence slat problems .if you are there , she is too young to be a babysitter ..

[MissEcho83]

Ok first of all, I thought this was a place to share our thoughts and feelings on things with others who have similar issues, not a place to question each others parenting methods. Secondly, she is not being used as a babysitter, my husband was also outside cooking on the grill. Also, in reading back over these posts, I haven't seen any with you sharing your story. All you have done is comment on others. I came here looking for understanding and to get some insight into what other parents have had to deal with. I'm trying to do research into what may be wrong with my daughter before some small town doctor where we live trys to just dope her up on meds. If you don't have anything nice or constructive to say, then don't say anything at all, at least to me. Thank you.

[drjones651]

I know this seems a bit odd, but have you ever taken any medicine for your bipolar disorder while pregnant? In many sociopath cases, such as Jeffrey Dahmer and Richard Chase, the mother has created a chemical imbalance in the brain which can be the direct root of your child's problem. Not your parenting. If that is the case, I suggest that you keep your child happy and monitored. Because from the way it sounds now, he is definitely a sociopath.

[Fourfootfraidycat]

I hate to say this because it may sound like I wish you all harm and trial but:
"thank Gawd I'm not the only one (parent) with these identical issues!
Lies, manipulation, scapegoating, false allegations of neglect, abuse, starvation, binging till vomiting, lying to gain favor or sympathy, abuse to me and dog... Constantly slapping, choking & fish hooking my mouth.
My formerr friends avoid me to avoid facing the fact that they allow and condone my abuse but become indignant at the mention of men hitting women...today I was choking on a piece of food; I asked for help, his response was to move phone from my reach , kick me and leave as he did this he said, ewww you ldisgusting *****! Well u'r making my job easier! I'm out till they rind u'r body!
Please don't bother saying call the cops! I did this was their top results:
He's changing you with a knife? Well we don't disciplin children,
It's he said, she said and kids don't lo
If you don't come down here (I was bedridden) you will be arrested when I come up there!
As of right now he is not home...I can't sleep but his dad is snoring like a log...
Help, in reality my body is shutting down from all the epi & adrenalin dumping and my BP IS 211/121...2 months go he broke my arm; his dad will not assist me with medica

[Fourfootfraidycat]

You are a doctor mr. Jones or RP? first off suggesting medications during pregnancy is the blame is conspiracy minded as well as strawman thereom not to mention Oedipus ! Besides knowing the root, is ONLY useful in defense attorney strategies. Oh and you pro DX IS SOUNDS LIKE sociopath!!! Wrong, the Psychiatric community refrains from name calling until a human is 18 yes old.Go back to school please hate disguised as rhetoric is HATE,

Now some empathetic truths...we sadly share similar realities we will hear DX from "normal kid" , lead, RADD- reactive attachment disorder, ODD-oppositional defiant, conduct disorder, narcissism , anti-social disorder, dissociative disorder to gluten intolerant...
Please don't become hung up on causes nor titles neither of which solves the problems.
No matter what this is our life so how do we best deal with it? If you are blessed use all resources to make a team- school, parents, coaches, relatives, probation, MH/MR..talk no less than weekly, same rules and rewards EVERYWHERE, no matts(don't lay down or you will stay down), ...take vacations even for one hour a day, if married make date night...and if all else fails ...buy a traveling suitcase...quick getaway for you and/or BIRTHDAY present for the child at age 18
Many of us sadly

[dlbpakdd]

I've read your post and I want to tell you how sorry I am.  I married into a family where some of my stepchildren were grown and out of the home and some were not.  One of my adult step sons is a clear sociopath, as is one of the younger ones (he is now 21, but was 11 when I married his father).  Both of these boys are clear sociopaths, no doubt, no mistake.  I had a granddaughter born when I first arrived.  As I watched her grow, it has become clear she has some very sociopathic tendencies.  As a toddler, I watched her behavior and it was clearly not the same as a normally developing toddler.  to those who doubt that a child can be vindictive, mean, abusive and methodical at that age, I applaude you, that you have never been exposed to the type of children we are discussing here.  It is hard to think beautiful, cherub babies have this streak, but once you meet these kids, it's clear from day one they are not a regular child.  The degree of behavior varies so much from one sociopath to another, but there are very common traits.  They have skills of manipulation that I cannot comprehend as a 45 year old woman.  They didnt' have to learn them, they are instinctive.  They get huge amounts of pleasure upsetting people and causing rifts in the family and they count on those with a regular deductive thought process to try to analyze and make excuses for what they are doing.  They don't even have to bother most of the time to make up excuses, everyone around them from their parents, to their doctors are doing it for them.  They feed off of our nature to think the best of people and know that we think if we can just find the missing piece to the puzzle it will all be okay.. that is their fuel.  At the same time, they mean what they are doing, they are sick and cannot behave in a different way.  The pain they cause is so big, that it is more often than not, we forget they cannot think or behave a different way, it's beyond their choice.  it doesn't seem so, but it is.  Now, the only way to deal with a sociopath is to get as far away from them as you can.  I raised my stepson and at no point did I ever feel safe with him.  I refuse to live with him or his brother at this point, and they ask and manipulate their father all time to move back home.  If he ever lets them I will move out the same day.  I had to ride out the childhood of the younger one but that is the extent of my committment.  I have to limit having my granddaughter over and have three people in charge of watching her when she does come over and the other grandkids are around.  I've caught this sweet innocent cherub child hitting others with a bat, pushing them down flights of stairs, locking them in a garage and trying to get one to take pills she had "found" someplace.  She has been thrown out of every classroom she has been in and her parents get daily phone calls from teachers, school staff ect.  They call to ask us what they should do and all I can tell them is to put a camera in her and the other childrens room, let her know that you can see and are recording everything she does and hope that works for awhile.  Their strength is in their lies.  Once there is no doubt, they have no use for the lie anymore and move on to the next one, they are incapable of remorse, but get good at faking it.  They cannot be fixed, medicated, counseled out of it or trained to control it.  All you can do is survive their childhood, hope they don't reproduce and get as far away from the adult them as possible.  I hope this helps.  You are not to blame.  Bi-polar drugs or whatever blame these people are trying to throw at you.. you carry enough guilt being the parent of a sociopath, don't listen to them.  do your best, then get out.

[amber191]

I'm so glad I found this discussion. I'm the soon to be ex-stepmother of a sociopathic little girl. I'm divorcing because my husband refurses to believe that there is something wrong with his 'princess'. He thinks she will outgrow her problems but instead, they keep getting worse and worse.

When I married her father, she was 8 but she used to act and talk like a two year old. She would even go to the extent of pooping her pants if she didn't get her way. She finally grew out of the two year old act but still poops herslef whenever she doesn't get what she wants. She lies, steels, and manipulates all the time. She will tell you that she loves you and then expect a prize for it. When she is being talked to about her behaviour, it goes in one year and out the other. She would give us that "I don't give a f****" look.

She steels, a lot. At first it was things she actually wanted like candy at the store, or my makeup that she wanted to play with, but now she steels for the sake of steeling. Recently, one of her father's friends informed us that his wife and he are missing a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and a pink vibrator. A few days later, her boi-mother told us that she found a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and a vibrator in her closet. Why would an 11 year old girl need those things? Does she even know what they're for? Recently, I had a couple of credit cards that disappeared from my wallet, when the only people who were home were me, my stepdaughter, and my soon to be ex-husband. He also noticed that he is "loosing" money from his wallet but he refuses to believe that it's her who takes it, although she spends her birthday money but never runs out of it.

When she is caught with the things she's stolen, she lies and cries saying she didn't take them and puts the blame on us. According to her, we gave her the things and are now accusing her of steeling them.

When she does something bad, she always blames someone else for the act.

She's incapable of love. One time, she even told her father that she only loves him when she could use him. And if she doesn't get what she wants, then she hates him.

She lies at school and manipulates the teachers. We've all been called into the school because according to her, she is being abused at home. Supposedly, her mother and I always go out to bars in the middle of the night and come home, throw up on her, and make her clean it up. Her mother and I are civil to each other, but we don't go out drinking together, never have never will. Upon interigating her, we learned that she made up that lie because her mother told her to either behave better or no trick or treating on Halloween.

She's also told her school that I make her sleep outside in the yard because I hate her so much. That's absurd! She has her own room and more run of my house and I do.

She threatened to kill the family dog because I care about him and I shouldn't love anyone but her. She's also convinced her father that if he loves anyone other then her, then he's a bad daddy. When she comes over for the weekends, he tells her that he only married me so that he wouldn't be lonely when she's not there because other wise, if she knew that he actually loved me, she would throw a very big fit.

Some of my in-laws are convinsed that she is dangerous and they don't invite us to their house when we have her. Her aunt, cousin, and grandma even warned me not to have any kids of my own because she's likely to kill them and make it look like it was me just so she could have all the love and attention on her.

My exhusband and I are divorcing because I think his daughter needs a lot of help and he refuses to take the rose colored glasses off.

[KillerGirly]

Okay everyone shut up and listen to the actual sociopath.

OKAY I AM GOING TO CAPAITALIZE THIS SO THAT IT WILL GET YOUR ATTENION.

Got it? Good. Firstly, I have the most mild form of sociopathy, which means I have some form of a conscious. A conscious with "holes". I do love my family dearly. However I am a dysocial sociopath, which means I have a very strong loyalty towards my family, and he may not be like me. In fact, I seriously doubt it.

Here's the deal: your son seems to be a full out psychopathic little boy. I was the way he was, however my mother was a tough *****, and there was absolutely no way to get my manipulating/lies by her, so I just tried my hardest to stop. Because of this practice, I've got a very great deal of control over my manipulative ways.

I suggest you are STRICT with your son. STRICT, STRICT, STRIIICTT. I was out of control. I can honestly say because of my mom and teachers, I stopped my progress of becoming a full-fleged psychopath. Although my mom loved me too much to ever suspect I was anything but a difficult child. >:) Even now I still love manipulating her, but MUCH more subtly and less emotionally damaging way because, well, I love her In my own way.

Take your son to a psychiatrist. Tell his psychiatrist that you have a strong reason to believe that he may be a sociopath, and he's veryyy manipulating so his doctor will try to see past his deceptions. Also, just by reading your writing, I have already got the impression that you're letting your love for him blind you. Don't allow yourself to do that. Try to get him to see that nothing can get by you.

Uh, I'm hesitant to say this, but... He may not, well, ever completely love you the way you love him. We love selfishly. We only love when it benefits ourselves. Once he's older, if he doesn't change his ways now, you're going to have to love him from afar or else he'll crush your heart. It's what we do, it's what we are.

Good luck.

[Nazavek]

It is very relieving to know that my wife and I are not alone. My 12 year old stepson has shown a lot of similarities to the children described in these posts. The lying, the manipulating, aggression, disrespect, lack of emotions or concern for anyone but himself, and the list goes on. When he was 7, he urinated in a spray bottle and sprayed everything including the rest of us in the household. We have joint custody of him during the summer. Most of the year he lives with his father and stepmother. He constantly tells us how horrible he is treated at his father's and then goes back to his father's house to tell them how horrible we treat him. We noticed his behavior getting worse and all four of us agreed it was time for him to see a therapist. He was diagnosed with ODD, ADHD, and CD, with a high potential for ASPD when he gets older. My wife and I know how hard it is to deal with children like this and there really isn't much out there for support groups so we created a Facebook page (I know its not much) for parents like us that are at wit's end that just wished someone out there knew what it feels like to go through this. So if anyone reads this post looking for the same thing please join us at http://www.facebook.com/***********************************************************

[Sadstepmom]

I realize this post is years later, but I am just now divorcing my husband (who i believe is a psychopath). For 9 years, I raised his son like my own (he was 7 1/2 when I came into his life). Now he is 16 1/2.  It sounds like the same story, except it wasn't wetting, it was breaking things. We never enrolled him for pysch evaluation.

I am sad to say that I feel like I've had very little influence on many of his bad behaviors.... He still lies - even for no purpose, he's very manipulative, self-centered, unpunishable.... He does not learn from hismistakes. He seems to have no conscience, impulsive. He is a handsome boy and sweet, but the sweetness is to manipulate to get what he wants. Every year, his female teachers are manipulated by his sweetness and they let him get by with stuff until 2nd semester. Then they start seeing thru it. Now that he's in h.s., he's had more men teachers, and they don't fall for it.

Other characteristics
Has to have immediate gratification
And immediate consequences
Low iq
Very concrete
Low verbal/English skills
Parrots social behavior to cover up what he doesn't understand
ADD
Refuses to study - thinks he shouldn't have to do the work. Thinks things that apply to other people shouldn't apply to him
Treats girls with little respect
Found out he was smoking pot and k2 (lied convincingly about it)

Needless to say, I saw concerning behavior when he was 7, he is becoming the person I was scared he would become. It's been like standing in front of a train that is on a collision course.

Sad step mom

[theonlyjill]

   My nephew has all the same traits as the others . At the age of 8 he had had his mother thrown out of two appartments, lit a fire in one ,and knocked another childs teeth out. He convinced child services he was being abused and all her children were taken.While in foster care he stole money and broke into rooms to steel others things .The only punishment was just to move him to another home. He has made the statement to his mother that things would be better if it were just him.He's home now and so are his siblings. My sister has been taking him to emergency meetings daily in reguards to , self destructive behavior and hurting others. He kicks at his mother and when she restrains him , he has begun threatining to tell on her. even the power struggles that include him bashing his head on the floor , seem to feed the demon(for lack of a better term)I've seen everything you describe, and pray for you all          

[ecnepS]

Beat this kid's ***. This is what happens when kids are coddled. If you slapped him across the face the first time he pulled any manipulative ********, the message would have been clear. What, were you afraid? The kid's a bony little ten-year-old, and "disabled", just give him a belt across the *** when he steps out of line. Why spend money on a camp when you can retrain him yourself?

[m3168]

I have read several posts and am glad to see I am not alone. I am currently in a same sex relationship with a Caucasian woman and I am an African American woman. I have often stated to my girlfriend that I am considered for her younger son who is ten years old.  He continues to wet the bed, binge eats (obsessed with food consumption), manipulative, has a grandiose perception, intrigued with arson, fantasizes about murder (video gaming). His mother and father are going through a divorce; his father has a family and personal history of severe substance abuse, domestic violence, revolving door of mental health issues and suicidal ideations. The mother and father meet in treatment at the age of 16 and 14 due to suicidal attempt on mother’s part and the father manipulating the system to avoid incarceration. The father grew up severally impoverished in an abusive, unstructured home with only an eighth grade education. The mother a submissive upper middle class only child; encouraged but stifled with self-esteem issues and an eleventh grade education. However, the child and his three siblings currently live with his father by choice often expressed by the fact that the mother encourages structure not by any means in extremity.  In example simple things such as bed-times, chores, doing homework or having manners. The father often verbalizes his hate for the mother for her choice of leaving the unstable and abusive relationship. The children are told the mother does not care about them and she is a liar, cheater and has hurt the father beyond repair. The mother shares nothing regarding the relationship she agrees it is inappropriate and not essential for their well-being. The father often reduces his self to outward emotional outburst (violent crying fits, verbal assaults & property damage of home). The ten year old is the youngest and was daunted over by mother due to her previous pregnancy ending in the first trimester. He is teased by siblings and peers for being whinny, weak and obese. Six months ago he admitted he has suicidal ideations. Although, the ten year old has a loner personality the entire family structure is very much submissive to outsiders; he and his siblings have very addicting personalities. By example there is a cult like submission to negative, personal and outside influences. All of the children idealize the father and all of his behaviors. The home were the children reside has no structure, nurturing or peace. The ten year old only experiences and visualizes love in our home on court-ordered weekend visits. I am very respecting and attentive of their mother. Their father addressed her as “******* *****” and they argued constantly. He is is very demanding of his mother’s affection. Recently, he has went from an A student from a year ago when the mother was in the home to a B and C student. This child is very intelligent and capable but not required of being a good student by the father. He does attend church but I feel church is his escape from chaos he has been compulsive about being baptized. He was told that was his last step in being saved by the Baptist Church which he attends due to the bus retrieving him for attendance. After a year of encouragement the mother has finally placed the child in counseling. But the unstable environment is constant, irrational and a breeding ground of his grandiose perception.

[jbm444]

I have the same situation with my stepson. He s ten but I know him since he was six. He is always misbehaving, constantly but I mean constantly lying and defying. He has an obsession with eating his boogers and with breaking things.  He is highly manipulative and he lies to his mom so she can get mad at me and hi does the same with his dad, he tells him that I am bad and blames me for all that bad things that happen to him. He also blames his mom (my wife), for example, if he looses his iPod is her fault. He used to hit me in the face, punch me, kick me, rob my things, and even break my things, I won even mention the beatings he use to give to his mom. I we went shopping, anyone who came into his path got hit (men, women, babies, kids, elders... anyone). When we go out with him 90% of the time he crashes down the day, at malls, restaurants, family or friends homes, movies theater. Is freaking crazy!

Me and his mom have two year old daughter, and when he knew that his mom got pregnant he got so mad and stared threatening us that he was gonna tell his father. When the baby was born one day I found him poking the baby's belly with a toy ninja sword, as in stabbing her. Hi sticks his boogers in the baby's hair, pushes her, and even threaten to beat her. Since then I don let him alone with the baby.

He is always drawing guns, swords, or people killing. He is always playing as he has a gun and start killing people and the he shoot himself. He is almost alway alone at school and always threatening other kids, he doesn't follow rules, and always sneaking. he pinches himself and doesn't clean himself after going o the bathroom. He is always making up fake stories so people can see him as a victim and manipulate them into getting whatever he wants.

His mom took him to the psychologist and they said that the boy was more than well  that it was me who was suppose to change. He convinced the therapist that he was behaving like that because I was bad. The fun thing is that during the first 7 -8 months that I met him I never said anything behavior and even tried to tech him about respect, moral and good manners. I asked his dad, mom, and therapist if even during that time it was also my fault. They got mad! In a later conversation with his mom it came out that the kid has been like that before I met her.

To make the long story short, I am currently unemployed but I started to have counseling from a lawyer to see how I can leave the house and get the custody of the baby since my wife has shown to be negligent, irresponsible, and close minded about her son's behavior (whenever she gets mad at him she takes him to the psychologist for two or three sessions and then she stops going because she thinks the kid has improved.) Every time I complain about the kid she gets mad at me. She even tend to be more protective to him than to the baby.

I have demonstrated her how her son is a threat to our daughter, and even she has seen it but she does not realizes it. It is hurtful and difficult to look for a way out but I have to protect my daughter. Any advise?

[JC_Allin]

It's perfectly normal, don't worry. I used to do way worse than that when i was a kid and today I'm a perfectly fit and functional member of society.
Seriously don't worry about it, and above all don't let the members of the girl's family guilt trip you into believing that there's something wrong with your son. So what if they can still hear her muffled screams in their sleep? Everybody has problems yet you don't hear me complaining about what I hear in my head.

[greatteacher]

It seems that if this is such a common problem with children, there ought to be more information available, and at the very least, these psychological tests should be able to detect contradiction in the most subtle ways. Perhaps try inquiring at your local university to see if any of the professors can advise you of recent studies. If I were going trough this, I'd try to change the system by banding together with other similar families and gaining national attention in order to protect these children from themselves. My heart goes out to every single parent and sibling going through this, as parenting is already difficult enough!  My thoughts are with you all.

[meathouse]

I have a similar situation with 1 of my 2 daughters. Her mother (my ex-wife) is a sociopath overlapping with borderline/histrionic traits. My eldest is following in her mother's shoes, but my youngest shows no signs of the disorder at all.

The only things I have learned are:
1) Never ever ever give up on your child. Ever.
2) Lead your life as the best positive role model you can be.
3) Surround your child with other positive/healthy/loving family and friends. Psycopaths/Sociopaths can learn by example and will imitate behavior when conflicted.
4) Never forget that your child's version of reality may be fundamentally different than yours. When your child acts out try to empathize rather than criticize because they just CANNOT understand.
5) Do not be afraid to seek professional help for your child and for you. You may need counseling and medication at times in order to endure this tremendous task. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, get advice, or take medication if it becomes overwhelming. You cannot be there for others if you are not there for yourself first.
6) Find acceptance of your situation and search for the good in it. Don't dwell in the "why is this happening to me?" thoughts. Instead remember that sociopaths have talents. Many artists, actors, and business leaders are psychopaths.

Stay strong,
-m

[Angelfaces]

I am so glad I did a search and discovered everybody that is suffering through raising a child with severe mental challenges.  We are not alone!  I was searching for therapeutic services for raising a sociopath and I landed here.  I guess what path I have been on for the past 6 years has been the right answer and treatment plan up until now.  I am tired of the run around and I want action for my child's disability.  I am working with Recipient Rights and Child Protective Services against a major mental health agency.  I am appealing a denial for long term residential treatment for my 10 year old adopted daughter.  Actually, the case was closed before I could respond to it and now I am appealing to an even higher level with the state government for action to help my daughter.  Tomorrow is just the first steps of many towards major change in our messed up mental health system in regards to direct therapeutic services for our explosive, aggressive, life-threatening children that we are raising.

If I am not able to manage long term residential treatment for my daughter there better be an alternate safety plan for my home.  I am not safe, my husband is not safe, my adult sons are not safe and neither are our animals.  We have police reports, letters written, school reports, letters from professionals that she aggressively attacked, etc.  I have been stabbed, sliced, welted and bruised up where my husband is typically bleeding pretty badly but is in denial because she is a girl!  UGH.

My daughter needs help and I will not stop until she gets it!  I was told by Child Protective Services that we would have two options; to take all the money out of our home and pay cash for her residential treatment or give up our parental rights and give her to the courts.  What!  I do not think so.  My daughter suffers from several mental illnesses, Reactive Attachment Disorder-Disinhibited, Bipolar, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Learning Disability with a mild intellectual disorder.  I will not give her to the courts she suffers with a mental illness and will never be placed or abused and then abuse more against others within the system.  I do not ever want to face giving up my parental rights after saving her from the orphan life she came from caught up in foster care.

Somehow I will find the strengthen to challenge the system to provide for our children who so desperately need our help.  I will not give up.  CPS will be at my first meeting tomorrow because our mental health agency is neglecting our child of services and therapy.  Most people believe CPS is in the business to take children away from parents but if they discover that there is a lack of requested services for a child in need CPS can be very helpful.  They have funds that non-profit agencies do not.

Linda R.

[whatmorecanido]

This sounds like my step-son.  He was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and mild Asbergers syndrome.  He started having issues around age 9.  To top it off, when his mom and dad divorced, she literally abandoned him for four years  It's like the only moment he can live in is right now.  He cant remember punishment from yesterday to be able to make a good decision today, and tomorrow everything fom yesterday no longer exists.  It's so sad, but at 18, we finally had to ask him to leave.  He now lives with his Uncle, but that is getting ready to fall apart too.  His Uncle finally realizes what we have been going through--we were looked at as "bad parents" for several years.

[whatmorecanido]

Although my step-son has many issues, he does have a conscience.  The main issue is my step-daughter, and I'm wondering if she is a sociopath with narcissistic tendencies.  She has never been physically violent--but I have witnessed her kick our cat in the face and laugh about kicking another child at school in the stomach.  She is 17 now, and ever since her father and I moved in together 5 years ago, her emotional abuse towards us, especially her father, has never stopped.  The day we moved in, I set up a desk for her and my daughter to share.  I gave half of it to my daughter and half of it to my step-daughter.  The next day, all of my daughter's belongings were boxed up and in the basement.  She has treated my children so badly, we started family counseling.  I actually thought it helped, but the sad fact was that she just began hiding things better.  She has stolen from us and my children several times.  I can watch her do something evil, and when I confront her, she'll say "It wasn't me."

She has no friends, but if she thinks she can get something out of someone, she will use them.  She once spent the night with a girl she spoke so badly of and we couldn't figure out why.  Come to find out, the girl was giving her her old Blackberry phone.  She was caught red-handed with my daughter's money and when she was confronted by my son, she said that she was teaching my daughter a lesson for leaving her money lying around.

She seems very immature for her age and at age 17, is OBSESSED with Katy Perry and Bones.  I mean obsessed, not a normal teenager obsession--something that is abnormal.  She makes plans that are like fairy tales, and will take anyone down that tries to interfere.  She lies constantly about eveything and her manipulation abilities far exceed that of an adult, let alone a teenager.  She has convinced the owner of her dance school that we have pretty much abused and neglected her, going so far as to pretend like she has an eating disorder when she stays with her.  She told her dance teacher we were leaving her home alone on Christmas day, that the whole family going on vacation without her out of the country and that she wasn't invited, that her dad told her for no reason that she couldn't see any of her friends for the whole summer, that her dad was kicking her out, that we weren't going to help with college, way too many things to list, but in every case, she was able to get material things from her dance teacher, along with a lot of pity.  Blatant lies and manipulation and its very embarassing.  

She can post something filthy mouthed and horribly evil about her dad on the internet, and turn around and come sit on his lap an put her arms around him and call him daddy while she asks him to buy her something.  She is completely obsessed with possessions.  If she doesn't have something she wants, she will manipulate someone into getting it for her or steal it.  She tries to befriend adults of authority--teachers, etc., but if they won't give her the attention she wants, she ends up hating them.  Any other friends she has had have been several years younger than her, and those relationships never seem to last.

At first, her dad didn't accept any of it, but after long it became apparent he didn't have a choice.  He has become very strict with her and will no longer let her manipulate or lie to him.  Now she absolutely hates him with a passion like I've never seen a child hate.  All teenagers go through things with their parents.  This is downright scary.  But when she can be in a rage one minute, and then an hour later be back to her normal, sweet self, it is hard for us not to second guess ourselves.  When her mom and dad divorced, her mom abandoned her for four years and now her mom has come back into her life and is buying her all kinds of things.  We are quite positive her mom is a sociopath with BPD.  The only connection they have ever shared is their obsession with buying.  Her mom is a drug-addict/alcoholic who has supposedly stopped, but she still lives with the drug dealer she left my husband for who had just spent 5 years in prison.

I feel like my step-daughter is soul-less.  At one point, I had a pair of capris in my closet that I bought my daughter, but the didn't have my step-daughters size.   I always have tried to make sure they were treated equally, so I wanted to buy something for my step-daughter before I gave them to my daughter. My step-daughter found them and asked me who they were for.  I told her they were for my daughter.  I had a new sweater for myself hanging next the the capris.  I had tried it on in the store.  Our laundry room is across from my room.  Later that day, I caught her coming out of my room, but pretending to be coming out of the laundry room.  The next day I put the sweater on to wear it work and the entire back had been cut out of it.  I didn't see her do, so I could never prove it, but I know in my heart it was her.  Nothing she ever does is outward.  The same thing with her mother.  Her mother has stolen things from my car, did damage to my house, and she is the one who left my husband.

Because the lying and her hatred for us has become so bad, we did something we never said we would do and have decided to let her live with her mother.  We know it isn't a good thing, but we're really hoping it doesn't last long.  She thinks it will be great because her mom will buy her anything she wants, even though she hasn't spent a night with her mother in four years.  She scares us, because she is so passive-aggressive, most of the time we don't even know what hit us until after the fact.  There is NEVER remorse or guilt.  Only joy for any conflict she causes.  The more we catch her and confront her, the sneakier she becomes.  We have had her in counseling with two separate counselors, but now she refuses to go at all, because the counselor wanted to test her for Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Disorder and Mood disorders, but he felt she was a classic case of BPD with sociopathic tendencies.

Does anyone know if sociopathic tendencies are inherited?  Does my step-daughter sound like she could be a sociopath?

[red123668]

I would just like to hear, from someone, if my situation is similar.

I didn't experience the bed wetting when young nor did I notice outward manipulation--It could have been that I was a single parent and just trying to keep all of the balls in the air that I didn't see it.... BUT- my son is now 19 and seems to display sociopathic tendencies-- such as:

Manipulation of others
Utter disregard for authority
Lack of responsibilty for actions
Self serving only--doesn't seem to care who he hurts
No remorse

I had him in counseling for years and the only thing he seemed to learn is master manipulation.  He went so far as to turn me into social services after letting him know that he needed to make other living arrangements (at the age of 17) after he refused to stop smoking pot and also exposing his younger brother to it.  He told such elaborate stories to everyone involved that it made me look like I was a drug addict that couldn't get out of bed--which I do NOT do drugs. We live in a nice home in an affluent neighborhood that I've worked hard to provide.....yet, during that time, he made it sound like he lived on the streets.

I am searching for answers.  He's highly intelligent-- is enrolled in a four year university-- and, because of his behavior over winter break, I've had to change the locks and remove him from our home.  He can charm the socks off of anyone--which is what he did when I was being investigated-- and doesn't have any regard to consequences--in fact, stating that it's other people doing it to him....  Is my son a sociopath?  I've spent so many sleepless nights blaming myself for his behavior, an answer might  be nice...any guidance would be appreciated.  

[HoldingHope5581]

In my quest to understand/figure out my 7 year old son, I came accross this site.  Since the age of 1 1/2, there has been something a little different about him.  He was a quiet and observant baby until he started to walk.  At 2 he learned to climb on the kitchen counter to sneak food out of the cabinets.  He did this weather he was full or hungry.  He would also climb on them and wait for someone to come into the kitchen so that he could spray them with hot water from the vegitable sprayer (yes he knew hot from cold and always used hot).  He began to eat things like dog poop, plug in air fresheners,sillica gel packs, and wood.  I have poison control on speed dial.  Thankfully he hasn't eaten anything in the last year.  He does passive-agressive things to his younger brother like talking him into eating a battery, hitting him, scratching him, slamming his fingers in things, pulling things out from under him.  He will take something right out of another kids hands if he wants what they have.  He never shows remorse for these things.  In fact, he laughs about them.  His reasons for doing those things are always because the 4 year old did something first.  I however know for a fact that only about 30% of the time that is true.  If he sees anyone get hurt, weather by his own actions or not, he laughs at them.  He steals little things mostly from the check out isle in the store and his older and younger brother's money.  The first week of 1st grade, he stole play money from school.  I have caught him picking our dog up by his throat and throwing him down on the sofa.  Our dog recently had puppies and on more than one ocassion, his brothers and I caught him throwing the puppies.  If he wants something, he'll just take it.  If he want's to do something, he'll just do it.  I tell people that he is my live in the moment child.  That's exactly how he opperates.  He has been taught from the begining (I'm a stickler for consistancy) that there are consequenses to his actions but in the moment he doesn't seem to care about them.  I know that if I don't hear him for a period of time, that he is in a room doing something he shouldn't be doing.  When I dicipline him, he stares at me without blinking until I'm creeped out enough that I look away.  The look in his eyes when he's doing that is one that lets you know he is thinking something along the lines of "I hope you die in a car crash" or worse "Don't sleep to hard tonight" and after he gets punished he will say loud enough (but not to my face) "I hate you".  He reads above grade level and seems to have no problems in any subject in school.  My family thinks it's just "middle child syndrome" and he will grow out of it.  His father's family thinks that he is the sweetest thing and they laugh when I tell them the things he does.  They have no idea what the "real" him looks like.  He lies about EVERYTHING.  I'm pretty good and catching him in the lies for now but, I'm afraid it's going to get much worse.  He doesn't like to be hugged or kissed.  He plays it off like he thinks it's funny that I want to hug him but his body language, when hugged, is stiff and uncomfortable.  I haven't had a "real" hug from him in years.  He often says perverted or gross things at the most inappropriate times such as church and resturants or the dinner table and laughs about it.  He has exposed himself to my best friends daughter and when he was 4 he set the carpet on fire.  I haven't had to deal with him wetting the bed but he has peed and pooped in a bucket outside on more than one occasion.

I'm a single mother of three biological children and I'm also raising my ex's son.  I've spent the last six months trying to help them and I'm now unemployed due to all of the doctor and therapy appointments.  My step son is undergoing tests for Apsergers, my  9 year old was just diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia, and my 4 year old is a Migrain sufferer and when you add his behavior on top of it, it gets overwhelming.  The therapist is tossing around the idea that he too has Aspergers but, I think it's so much more than that.  Does anyone out there have any suggestions?  Am I looking at dealing with a sociopathic child?  

[jmoz]

I truly feel for all of you going through this,it isn't fair or right the way some doctors are so quick to say nope its you not your child.  Would you really take the time to go through all of this if it was just that easy.  I don't have any answers but I hope your days get brighter.  Here's a though for all that have children who show a different side to the doctor how about a camera up without them knowing that way when they act different you have proof of what you have been going through.  Good luck

[Julsy23]

You are so right about the Dr's seeing the good side and thinking its more the parents problem than the childs.  I just get so frustrated because with every other type of disability out there, there are correct labels and then medication and strategies for what to do to actually GET HELP!  With us and our children, THERE IS NONE!  As much as my heart goes out to all these parents of children with Autism, I still literally feel angry when I hear all over TV of all the awareness and help groups now for Autism and so many others, but NOTHING for us because there is truly no real awareness, even for most of the professionals because they know that most therapy and medications don't work for sociopathic children.  It is truly sad!

[Sinrau]

My daughter just turned 11 a few weeks ago, and I have been dealing with pretty much ALL of these symptoms since she was 2-3 years of age......
So much now.....that she has almost convinced her teacher and counselor (5th grade) that it is ALL MY FAULT that she is failing 5th grade, and that she does NOTHING wrong!
I have taken her for multiple testing to multiple doctors......but no one wants to diagnose an 11 year old with being a sociopath.......or bi-polar disorder.....
BUT I am the one that has to live with her, and try to find new ways to try to deal with her outbursts, lack of empathy, lack of affection, lying, stealing, nothing is EVER her fault.....she thinks she is LITERALLY above doing any type of homework or schoolwork........and will lie to me and then to her teacher......(different lies.....her teacher she blames me.....at home she says she is sorry, she forgot, etc, etc).
But yet I have NEVER seen her upset for being "Sorry"
When I was a child and I did something wrong, or got in trouble I ACTUALLY felt bad.......my daughter DOESN'T feel bad in the least.
The ONLY time I have seen her upset is when she gets "Caught"!!!
I could write a book, can anyone lend me ANY advice? Or help? Or encouragement?
I LOVE my daughter to DEATH, I just don't feel  that she feels the same way..........or EVEN cares at all.....

[Sinrau]

My daughter has acted the same way since she was about 2. She get scolded or grounded and she will laugh (and now at 11 years of age)  she will yell and slam doors in my face......telling me how much she "hates me" or that she is "Going to call the police because ......"I am MEAN!") She has figured out at THIS age how to manipulate the system. She is the best liar I have EVER met!......All the doctors seem to think that she will grow out of it, or want to blame it all on me (thanks to her manipulation)......

[Sinrau]

My ex-husband was a sociopath. And my daughter, as MUCH AS I LOVE HER.....seems to be the epitome of my husband....... And I have done A LOT of researching, and Everything that I have read says that is is, in fact hereditary.......but that doctors WILL NOT diagnose until after the age of eighteen.

[Sandman2]

    Actually over on the ADHD forum I have seen these same characteristics mentioned.   If she has something like ADD, it would explain a lot about her actions.   You might want to check out this site and see if any of the symptoms sound familiar!
     http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm
    
    If you have any questions about what you have read or need more material or suggestions, feel free to post here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175.

[adgal]

I just have a question on your post.  When your ex was in the home, how was the situation?  What I mean was, did she witness a lot of fighting, or even any violence?  The reason I ask is that I work for a social services agency, and one of the things we have is a school for kids where the focus is working with the entire family.  Many of these kids come from homes where there was violence, addiction issues, very unstable environments.  And your daughters behavior are issues we see a lot of.  Even when the home has become stablized, it often takes our kids a long time to work through their anger and the emtions surrounding the break up of their family (even if one parent was outright abusive, the kids miss that parent and often silently blame themselves).  These kids also become quite manipulative as a means of self protection.  I am not in anyway, shape or form suggesting you are or ever were abusive or neglectful.  I only bring this up as you mention your ex (I am assuming her father?) is a sociopath, and that cannot have made for a very good homelife for you or her.  And if this is the case, then it's great you have him out of the home and I have no doubt you are doing everything you can.  I am just suggesting a possible reason for her actions.  Whatever the case, I wish you all the best.

[ladonnacuriosa]

I hope I am not out of line suggesting this, or inquiring... but have any of you at wit's end considered bringing your child to a respected regression therapist?  I've heard that they can help with lots of emotional and mental issues that are deep in the consciousness.  I am sorry to everyone dealing with such hard issues such as these, and hope and pray for the best for you all, and all of your children.

[Amytom]

My 7 year old daughter is starting to display the same behavior and I am overwhelmed. She is very impulsive, very rarely shows remorse, is becoming cruel to animals and people. I am seeking help and doing research online. I cant put my daughter in any activities due to her social behavior and defiance. She seems to thrive on negativity and I have tried every approach I can think of. She is so impulsive, it is in one ear and out the other as if she has no conscience. I am a single parent and have my hands full, I can not have kids over to play because she will start to be mean to them. I want her to have friends but she cant handle them or treat people properly. There are other symptoms but the ones I listed are the more severe ones. I cannot trust her around animals because she will injure them and pull on their limbs. A week ago on the farm she was carrying a cat around and when the cat wanted to be let go she wouldnt let him go so the cat scratched her. She did something to the cat, who proceeded to climb up a tree and not come out. The next day we found the cat dead at the base of the tree. Today she had a friend from school over and proceeded to throw a gravel rock at him and it cut his head open pretty good. The only reason why she apologized because I was infuriated, and as for the cat...what cat? Something is not right with my daughter. I hope for her to have a normal child hood, a normal life. It is the diagnosis, cause, effect and treatment that I am looking for.

[Sandman2]

   A very important question is how does she do at school?  Has she had referrals for being mean on the playgrounds or at lunch?   Can she sit still  in the classroom or is she interrupting what is going on?  Has either the principal or the teacher (this year or in the past) called you with concerns.  How are her grades?  Has there been a change in her grades between this year and last year?

[Amytom]

She has improved in school from the beginning of the school year. She would have crying fits and get frustrated very easily and still does. She is in a reading group and has a reading tutor one on one. She is not violent or defiant in class. Gives up easily hence leads to the crying and I cant do it scenario. Or does her work too fast and doesnt pay attention to it. The teacher says she is very observant and suggestive and creative in class, but lacks social interaction and friends. She failed teamwork in p.e..she is really lacking in the social department as far as friends go. She can be very rude and impulsive with other kids..example being physically rough with them or saying impulsive things. She can be down right mean and shes aware of what she is doing. When you ask her why she did what she did she will say " I dont Know", and go back about her business. I just am shocked for the lack of absorption for cruel acts that she demonstrates.  

[Sandman2]

        Thanks for the added information.  I am assuming she is in second grade?  Is she young for the grade level - birthday after September?  You mentioned reading problems.  Is English her first language?  Is it the language spoken at home?
        The above things do make a difference.  I can understand why you are worried.  There are a couple of possibilities.  The one I am leaning towards is ADHD.   I have been monitoring the ADHD site for years and many of her acts have been similar to other posts on the site or my own experience working with kids.  This doesn't mean she has ADHD, but it would explain a lot.  
      Kids (especially young kids) with ADHD have no "filters"  They do things impulsively and many time are not even aware they have done it.   They may do what seems like cruel things, but its usually because they haven't thought about the action.  Friends with other kids can be difficult.  And, of course, grades can suffer.  
     For a list of symptoms this site  is pretty good.  Although I have many more I can recommend.   Go to  -  http://www.rxlist.com/attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_adhd/article.htm#tocb
       If you need more information about ADHD, I suggest you start a post here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175.
       That way I can answer any more questions you might have about ADHD and what to do.  And, of course, it may not be ADHD and hopefully others may give their opinions about what is going on.    Hope to hear from you again.

[princess6677]

I came across this site when researching sociopathic behavior in children. My boyfriend has taken custody of his 9 year old son, and I am seeing behavior traits in him which concern me.  

I have not witnessed any peeing, whcih seems to be a common occurance based on the above posts however he is doing poorly in school, has displayed bullying and aggressive behavior towards others, including beating up a much older boy, has an unrealistic sense of everything is his and he owns it and paid for it, even when clearly he did not, when he is reprimanded or spoken to, he shuts down and ignoors his father, and i am now more and more seeing him stare at his father when this happens, a cold dark stare which has instilled fear in me.  

He is attached to his father like no other child i have ever seen in my life, and sometimes follows me around ths house stuck to me like glue.  He interrupts our conversations, answers for his father, has to know everything going on. He has not stolen that I know of, however he eats everything in sight. This past weekend I caught him THREE times while his father was in the shower, standing in my bedroom doorway (he thought i was sleeping) staring at me.  His brother has pulled a knife on his father, I have not seen that behavior yet from this child, however he watches westerns and killing movies / horror movies, is obsessed with guns, etc.  

His speach is often slurred and hard to understand, and he can barely read. He told me when he takes a test, he has to stand, and when he is worried, he has to sit.  He also awakes nightly screaming for his father, even if his father is beside him. He then claims he does not remember this.  He told my daughter that he controls his father, that his father will do as he says and that if he doesnt want to come to our house anymore, his father will never see us again.  Then he lies and tells his father he never said it.  He gets out of everything by crying and manipulating his father.

He has been getting in trouble in school, and I believe bullying his older brothers. He wants nothing to do with his mother, and tells her he is never coming home.

My gut is telling me something is wrong, very wrong, or at least headed in that direction. He scares me, especially with that stare or watching me as i sleep.
Am I paranoid, or am i seeing early signs of something to be very concerned about?

[mrslisa]

Came across this thread accidentally searching for info on my sons ASD social issues.  Oh my...It is interesting and so very sad and disturbing. It seems that there is no help out there when you need it for this extreme circumstance.  Just a thought, can you call the FBI criminal profile unit?  Since they are people interested in figuring out what happened in childhood usually in their cases of murders/serial killers who are sometimes sociopaths (NOT that your child will be one, just thinking of an idea to help you find help with anybody in that field who may help), maybe they can serve as an adovate since certain behavior might lead to those types of crimes.  Maybe they can serve as a resource to help find ways to stop serious problems before escalating?  Maybe they would want to study your child and family for their research (maybe intrusive but help is help and well worth the sacrifice) and in the process that they will see the obvious signs and want to prevent any more future problems in a field they work in, and will then help you find resources to help you.  I feel for you who are going through this. May God bless you and keep your family safe and healthy, Never stop trying different things until you get help you all deserve. One of these days you may be the one who has made a profound chage for many parents who come into this same type of issue.

[Sandman2]

    Yes, you definitely have cause to be worried.  But I would be really worried for him.  He is a very anxious child.  Obviously, the separation has been very hard on him and his father is (at least for now) the only stable thing in his life.  Thus he clings to him.  He is also at an age where he has the ability to try and manipulate his surroundings to make him feel comfortable (which is one reason for the lies).  But, it sounds like he has or is getting to the point where he feels unable to control what is going on and is withdrawing.  And that's not good.  
    You say he can barely read.  Is this by your standards or the schools?  In other words, how is he doing grade wise?  The next question is why?  Did he miss school a lot?  Does he have something like ADHD which would explain some of his other actions too?
    And yes, he has learned that he can cry and dad will bail him out.  Kind of understandable given what he has been through.  Dad can change that but it will take time and patience.
    I would start with the school.  It sounds like he may be having many problems there.  Is this a new school for him by the way?  Because, kids who are new to a school often times get overlooked.  Anyway, you definitely need talk to his teacher.  Find out how he is doing in class and on the playground.  It really sounds like the school psychologist needs to get involved.  And if he is new at the school, you need to work on him finding some friends - does he have friends?
   I mean there are really a lot of things going on here.
   But to answer your question - yes, he is probably only going to spiral down unless some things change.  Of course, paying more attention to him in a positive way will be helpful, but I think it runs much deeper than that.  Please post if you care to share any more info.  And I really think you need to start a whole new topic.  By now, there are usually more people who would have posted to help you, and I think you kind of got lost in the posts above you.

[choochoo2011]

What happens if you refuse to take the child back into your home and you are afraid of him?  Will the court system try to take your other children?  Will you be put in jail due to neglect, etc.

[allmymarbles]

There is an important article in today's New York Times Magazine on psychopathic (sociopathic) children.

[brownlove7]

I have had my step daughter who is now15. Since she was 7. She has 2 sisters who are not like her at all. Her mother was a drug addict, so I have raised all of them for over 8 years. She stole the first night here, has lied and says she got skills at it , her words in the first grade. She has stolen ever since she is a compulsive liar, she has no remorse. She has threaten me in the beginning that she may say something untrue about me, I looked straight in her eyes and said try me, god is watching and he knows everything I am doing is for the best, so never think your lies will move me...mind you spirit came through me that moment lol, but I was in het face. These children need constant reminder that they will behave appropriate because that is the rules and they are loved but you will not be pretending you don't know what they about, they need be reminded you love them but you are watching thier every move! I home school her, she does the work because if she does not she can write the whole book then, I don't play, net education is important. I tell everyone about her because everyone can't believe or see it. I accept this , I make everyone in family accept the truth otherwise she would pit people against eachoyher , steal from everyone..even though she has the best of everything, she would lie, hurt het little sister in the middle of night, oh and even her drug addict mother could not handle her since she was very small. No abuse happened, she has this about her. I am very kind and lobe animals, when she first came, I noticed animals acted funny toward her, she tried to play off that to see if her dad would react, *** through it and spoke on it asap in front of everyone...I discuss everything no fake quiet pretend. She has grown to love animals very much and she even puts flower let's beds out from our rose trees very sweet and the one thing that is genuine. So because of that she goes to animal protests for circus extra. With me and her sisters, otherwise,the way you live your life in front of them matters. Do good, but don't put up with any disrespect, I also constantly say you will not disrespect me and you should never let anyone disrespect you! I do not always engage her in conversation like the other kids, because I can not trust her and when I can then I will period. I have no fantasy about this, she will just minipulate any wishy washy why can't everything be different. Stop with looking for someone else to evaluate them, because what then, on then they get sent away, or prescribef more mess? No not going to fix anything just make it worse and 99% can't handle yours or my child so just do the work. I have to stay home and literally stare at her to make sure she is on task. So I do, because I know what will happen if I give up on her and no one can or will do this job but the parents. If you send them away it should be because of saftey issues, otherwise put locks on doors, never leave valuables around make sure all family is aware, be very honest and out spoken about it, that is the only way to actually help them to stop living inside thier own heads for a minute. Also pray and pray in front of them.

[Aryana31]

My son matched your son EXACTLY!  I can't believe how many things you have experienced that I have also....the lying, stealing, peeing, manipulative, failing assignments in school but because of choice, threats to baby, knowing exactly what to say in therapy seesions, therapist saying parent needs parenting help, showing no remorse, punishments not working, problems wiht behavior since you can remember.  I have went through those very things and my son is 11 years old now.

I notice what you wrote is from 2008 and here it is 4 years later.  I would LOVE to talk to you to know if you found the source problem, if your child is doing better now, to receive any suggestions you may have being that you have experienced the same thing I am experiencing.

[Sandman2]

   Your son is 11, so he is in 5th grade now?  I wonder how he is doing in school.  The reason why is because even if your parenting skills are not perfect - schools tend to be pretty rigid and can get results.  Thus if the child is not doing well in school, it could indicate other problems like ADD or ADHD - among other things.  And I know the school year is ending, but has the school done anything to help him?  And if by chance he is in 6th grade (that would explain a lot) when is his birthday?