It's god news that your daughter does not act in a defiant way outside the home. Such good news does not make it any easier for you at home, but makes it less likely that she's displaying symptoms of severe emotional disorder. It sounds to me like your daughter was born with an oppositional, willful temperament. Such children are probably the most difficult to parent, because they challenge the jurisdiction of their parents at every turn. It's important to have a systematic behavior managemnt system in place, and to maintain your equanimity. You can find a thorough description of the sort of behavior management plan I'm alluding to in Lynn Clark's book: SOS Help for Parents.
A related discussion,
HELP was started.
A related discussion,
7 year olds temper tantrums was started.
I came across a wonderful book that has totally changed our family. It's called The Explosive Child and it really has helped us to understand our daughter's behavior. She seems to have a problem with handling frustration and anger, and most of her terrible outbursts stem from times when she is really frustrated. This book outlines how to deal with a child before he/she gets totally out of control. We've totally changed the way we respond to our daughter when she's starting to have a meltdown, and we have a happy, calm family again. No more screaming back and forth! I would recommend this book to anyone who has a defiant, out-of-control child. Good luck!
My son is almost 6 and suffers from the same behvorial issues as you daughter. He is also bright, social, funny, and compassionate, but he has a dark side that enables him to swear at us, hit, and throw unspeakable temper tantrums. I admit that my husband and I have not always been good models of behavior but he has not witnessed our anger enough to warrant his outbursts. He has always been difficult to deal with at times; however, he has shown marked improvement, like in kindergarten. He has had some problems there, but he is getting much better. But he seems to take out his anger and frustration on us at home. I take it all very personally, which would exacerbate the problem with him. How can I handle his tantrums in a calm way? I feel so out of control and I do not want to spank him because we have felt incredibly guilty when we have done so and we also believe that spanking sets a violent example. He doesn't need to have these negative tendencies reinforced through spanking. I feel very out of control. We also have a 1 year old at home who is becoming somewhat aware of what's going on. My older son is surprisingly good with him but this is affecting the dymanics of the entire family. Please give advice.
My son is almost 6 and suffers from the same behvorial issues as you daughter. He is also bright, social, funny, and compassionate, but he has a dark side that enables him to swear at us, hit, and throw unspeakable temper tantrums. I admit that my husband and I have not always been good models of behavior but he has not witnessed our anger enough to warrant his outbursts. He has always been difficult to deal with at times; however, he has shown marked improvement, like in kindergarten. He has had some problems there, but he is getting much better. But he seems to take out his anger and frustration on us at home. I take it all very personally, which would exacerbate the problem with him. How can I handle his tantrums in a calm way? I feel so out of control and I do not want to spank him because we have felt incredibly guilty when we have done so and we also believe that spanking sets a violent example. He doesn't need to have these negative tendencies reinforced through spanking. I feel very out of control. We also have a 1 year old at home who is becoming somewhat aware of what's going on. My older son is surprisingly good with him but this is affecting the dymanics of the entire family. Please give advice.