Am I just depressed?

[cwtn91]

I've been browsing the internet, posting here and there, trying to find answers.  But everyone says that I'm just experiencing depression.  I'll list pretty much everything I feel;

I feel tired all the time, I rarely crawl out of bed unless I have to.  I spend hours browsing the internet for symptoms, sometimes just to reassure myself that I don't have a condition.  I am always trying to find something to worry about, I don't even want to.  I can't control that.  At really low points, I can go days without eating or having the desire to.  I don't enjoy my hobbies such as hanging out with my friends and gaming anymore.  I feel hopeless.  The only time I feel ok is when I can go to sleep.  I look forward to that.  I dwell on things more than I should, to the point where it becomes obsessing.  I feel trapped in my own thoughts, as if I can't escape my mind.  I rarely feel good, but I do have a few high points where I feel decent.  These only last for a few minutes to an hour.  I try to savor them.  I just don't feel 'normal' anymore.  I sometimes feel like rolling over and crying.  I hate being alone, and yet I hate being around people, it's weird.  Sleep is hard to come by, I find myself worrying for hours on end when I'm trying to drift to sleep, and often can't sleep until the sun has already come up.  Even when I do sleep, I can't stay asleep.  Maybe a few hours, then I'm up.  Even when I'm tired, I can't get my mind to stop long enough to go to sleep.  I don't like doing anything, I'd rather just lay in bed.  I prefer the dark, and quiet.  I tend to avoid going outside if possible.  I feel rushed, people want me to do things, and I just feel like I need more time.  When I look up symptoms, I always assume it's the worst possible one.  If it's not severe, I don't have it.  I have frequent headaches, before this year, I NEVER had a headache in my life.  I often forget small details.  I have trouble focusing sometimes.  Once I find something that matches a few of my symptoms, It sticks, I convince myself that I have it, no matter what.  Sometimes it's something that I can't go get checked at the ER either, these are the ones that torment me the most. (ie Mental Disorders) Even when I lack some of the major symptoms of a illness, I can still have it if 1 or 2 lesser ones match up.  I often rehearse what conversations with someone would sound like in my head.  I feel as if I'm going to go crazy any day now, and that terrifies me.  Nothing makes me happy anymore.  

And that's about it.  I've convinced myself that this has to be something worse, so maybe some of the people who have been suffering can share some advice or maybe give me some tips.

[cwtn91]

ALSO; I've had the Anxiety for about 5-6 months now.  It got really bad around the same time my depression started.  It seems to have been getting progressively worse though.

[cwtn91]

The 'Depression' feeling hasn't been around as long as my Anxiety has.  It just started about 3 months ago.  I had a while that it was real bad.  I would just lay in bed for days, my friends invited me to go places but I declined.  It lasted about 2 weeks, give or take a few days.  Then it got a bit better for the most part.  I still had depressed days, but the majority of my feeling terrible was just because of my anxiety.

I don't know what caused it.  It just seemed to come out of nowhere, I was feeling fine earlier this year, and it just hit me.  Nothing traumatic happened to my knowledge.  No major changes either.  It was just kind of sudden and unexpected.  Although I do suspect that it could be caused by my Anxiety(POSSIBLY)

Because on days that my anxiety isn't bad, I usually have a somewhat decent day.  I also feel alot better after I get out with my friends and have a good time.  But with everyone back in college now, I can't do that as much.  And I find it hard to drag myself out of my house when I get this way.

I actually have a Appt with my doctor today, and he is going to refer me to the Therapist.  Hopefully I can get some stuff worked out and maybe get some medication.

[Kayannaboo]

Well it does sound like you have a severe kind of depression and this is not to alarm you. Depression is not a death sentence and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can DEAL with it. How long have you had this feeling? There are many different types of depression and time span is one of the contributing factors that puts your condition in a specific category. Has anything traumatic or has there been any major changes in your life around the start of these feelings? This question gets you to the "why" part of the matter.

No matter what the internet and those around you say if you do not recognize that you need help and seek the necessary help you need, then depression will control and ruin your life, it does not have to be that way but the symptoms you described above are not normal. Talk to your doctor about starting meds and get referrals to speak to a counsellor. I cannot stress enough to persons with depression that speaking to a proper PROFESSIONAL. You cannot use those around you as your therapists. Talking with them helps it does but people are people, they have their own lives to live and some of them are very ignorant, becoming dependent on them may make you feel worse. A professional has all the tools and skills to help you through.

You will not get better if you sit there and pretend like there is nothing wrong with you, you get better by accepting that you are not you right now and take the steps necessary to get your life right back on track. You deserve happiness my dear, not a subsitute but good, wholesome, healthy happiness. Do not let depression rob you of your right, try all you can to attain mental and emotional contentment it is important.

Keep us updated.

Anna~

[freddie8605]

I don't know if you want to hear this, but you do sound very depressed and have severe anxiety. I am not a doctor though so i am only going from what i think of what you have said. Depression isn't nothing, its not a just depression. Depression can be so bad, it changes peoples lives every day and is very serious. I think if you are feeling like this you need to see a therapist to help work out these issues and a doctor might be able to offer some other treatments. Its not good to feel the way you are and its important to feel better.

I can relate with a lot of what you say with your mind pacing when you want to sleep, and not enjoying anything any more, headaches and always fearing the worst, not eating, not sleeping, this is depression and it can be treated, and you can feel better.

So i hope you talk to your doctor
Freddie

[hava]

You have described most of what you are feeling and this list will be useful, when you follow my tip.Do this twice a day, and let me know how you feel after 9 days.
Build up your timing gradually.If you feel tired or dizzy, stop and resume after one minute.
Anulom Vilom pranayam –
Close your right nostril with thumb and deep breath-in through left nostril  
then – close left nostril with two fingers and breath-out through right nostril  
then -keeping the left nostril closed  deep breath-in through right nostril
then - close your right nostril with thumb and breath-out through left nostril.
This is one cycle of anulom vilom.
Repeat this cycle for 15 to 30  minutes twice a day.
Children under 15 years – do 5 to 10 minutes twice a day.
You can do this before breakfast/lunch/dinner or before bedtime or in bed.Remember to take deep long breaths into the lungs.You can do this while sitting on floor or chair or lying in bed.
September 2, 2011