Aa
Confused
Ok, I know this is kind of silly, but I have no one else to talk to! Soooo, I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, in that 10 months we have been thru a lot. I lied to him about my pill addiction, we lost a baby, I attempted suicide because I couldn't deal with it all and I had been lying to him for so long. When we are together we are absolutely perfect together, whenever we are apart it's like I'm devistated! Well yesterday he found his high school sweetheart and she lives in New York, we live in Texas, so it's not like they will see each other, she has expressed her feelings for him, and he told me that he did love her, but was in love with me! I'm so scared, worried, depressed, and yes I am on Prozac, but my prescription has no refills, and I had to take half of my last dose today and then I will take the other one tomorrow, but I'm so depressed and don't know what to do! I know this is all silly, but I have been thru so much in my life and I truly love him, so what do I do?
I am glad that you are feeling better. That is at least a start and it is worth feeling good about. As for the lying about the pills, remember that that is in the past and you are moving away from it now. It's out there, and it is over so now we can move forward.
The thing with the ex girlfriend bothers me a bit. I don't want to set you off, but it is concerning. This is where communication is key, and there needs to be a bunch of mutual support between the both of you. I would go as far as asking that you both see a couples therapist to help work though this. Having a therapist as a mediator, so to speak, might make it easier for both of you to say things that might be a bit more difficult to say alone. The counselor can act as a support for both of you and show you how to work through things like this.
I got involved with an ex girlfriend and it did not end up too pretty. It almost cost me my marriage, my family and did cost me some friends. It wasn't worth it.
Had I brought the problem to the surface in the beginning, I could have stopped so much heart break and pain for my loving wife. I really feel that therapy for the two of you is essential.
The thing with the ex girlfriend bothers me a bit. I don't want to set you off, but it is concerning. This is where communication is key, and there needs to be a bunch of mutual support between the both of you. I would go as far as asking that you both see a couples therapist to help work though this. Having a therapist as a mediator, so to speak, might make it easier for both of you to say things that might be a bit more difficult to say alone. The counselor can act as a support for both of you and show you how to work through things like this.
I got involved with an ex girlfriend and it did not end up too pretty. It almost cost me my marriage, my family and did cost me some friends. It wasn't worth it.
Had I brought the problem to the surface in the beginning, I could have stopped so much heart break and pain for my loving wife. I really feel that therapy for the two of you is essential.
As far as my pill addiction goes, I have been off of them for 6 months as of the 22nd!!!! As far as me lying to him, well I was trying to cover up the fact that I was actually taking them when I was denying it to him. We are good as far as that subject goes now. The only thing that's bothering me now is the fact that he has told his high school sweetheart that he in fact still loves her, but tells me I have nothing to worry about because he is in love with me! Like I said and he keeps repeating, she lives in New York and we live in Texas! So not like they will see each other, it's just the thought that hurts and he doesn't understand! I tried to explain like what if the tables were turned, he sure wouldn't be comfortable with me talking to one of my exes. Anyways, that's where I'm at today now that I'm feeling a little better, still haven't slept but 2 hours, but I am feeling better than I did when I first posted.
I mean no disrespect when I say this. Before I go on, it sounds like you have been though a lot and I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I'd like for you to take a minute and relax and then re-read your above post.
You said, "I lied to him about my pill addiction, we lost a baby, I attempted suicide and I had been lying to him for so long.". You then went on to say that "when we are together we are absolutely perfect together".
Just think about that for a few minutes. In that very brief description of what's been going on for the last 10 months, it sounds like the whole relationship has been based on lies or at least on not telling the truth.
Relationships are so dynamic and each one is different. Healthy relationships need a lot of things in order to progress and grow. Open communication is certainly up there on the list of must haves, right along with TRUTH. We have to be our true selves.... We have to give our true selves to a relationship and that can be real scarey! Real scarey!!! But if we know that we've put the "real us" out there and are getting the "real them" in return, we end up with a foundation on which we can build with.
For you, I think it is important to look at and realize a few things. First off, the pill addiction is something that you CAN deal with. You may need help and there is an abundance of help out there. It requires you to go find that help and do all the work you can to find sobriety. You need to find out the reason behind the addiction and address that first. Again, the help is there but YOU have to find that help and do what is necessary to make yourself better... even if it is just for you! You owe YOU that much, don't you?
AS for losing a baby.... oh my gosh! I have no idea how you feel, but it must be miserable. I am not trying to minimize the pain from that loss, no way am I trying to do that. What I am trying to say is that that is in the past. It will probably always be with you and that just isn't fair. It is life though. (Sorry if that sounded insensitive :( ). Sometimes it is so difficult to not look back at losses like this and not have it affect life. Lord knows I have my issues to look back on.....
What I've come to realize is this. Those things are in the past. I cannot change them, I can not make them look better, nor can I make them go away. They happened and they are now a part of who I've become, but they are not ME. We can only control what is happening now in life, and even then we need to remember that we can only control US. There is no controlling other people. It is our job to focus on us, learning from mistakes and other unfair things and moving forward.
Hell yes it's tough. Bad things that happened to us are like sores that barely start healing, and we seem to want to rip the scabs off and grieve some more. With that said, there is nothing wrong with grieving, but there is something wrong with trying to self medicate or to ignore these issues, assuming that they will just go away. They won't, but with the help of a good therapist we can learn how to properly process these losses and move along. It takes work, constant work too.
I used to look back at all of my losses and issues as "now look at the mess I am in". The sad thing about that is, that WAS the mess I WAS in. None of that is happening now! It took a long time for me to be able to look at those things and say, "Holy crud those things sucked" and "it's no wonder I felt the way I did". All of that stuff was devastating! The key word is WAS.... that stuff was devastating and they aren't happening now.
Back to the relationship, in closing. You and he can work on this. It will take an effort on both of your behalves. Seeing a therapist together might be the thing that gets you both through the loss of your child. (He is coping/not coping his way, and you yours.) If you aren't together in this fight, you are working yourselves apart.
I hope things work out for the both of you. Breaking up might be part of moving forward. Who knows.... but not breaking up can be a possibility as well. In fact, there are many possibilities. What you need to do is work on what YOU can work on.
Please find some professional help. Medicine alone cannot solve the problems, and not taking your medicine is not an answer either. Please, seek some professional help.
Good luck and best of wishes!
You said, "I lied to him about my pill addiction, we lost a baby, I attempted suicide and I had been lying to him for so long.". You then went on to say that "when we are together we are absolutely perfect together".
Just think about that for a few minutes. In that very brief description of what's been going on for the last 10 months, it sounds like the whole relationship has been based on lies or at least on not telling the truth.
Relationships are so dynamic and each one is different. Healthy relationships need a lot of things in order to progress and grow. Open communication is certainly up there on the list of must haves, right along with TRUTH. We have to be our true selves.... We have to give our true selves to a relationship and that can be real scarey! Real scarey!!! But if we know that we've put the "real us" out there and are getting the "real them" in return, we end up with a foundation on which we can build with.
For you, I think it is important to look at and realize a few things. First off, the pill addiction is something that you CAN deal with. You may need help and there is an abundance of help out there. It requires you to go find that help and do all the work you can to find sobriety. You need to find out the reason behind the addiction and address that first. Again, the help is there but YOU have to find that help and do what is necessary to make yourself better... even if it is just for you! You owe YOU that much, don't you?
AS for losing a baby.... oh my gosh! I have no idea how you feel, but it must be miserable. I am not trying to minimize the pain from that loss, no way am I trying to do that. What I am trying to say is that that is in the past. It will probably always be with you and that just isn't fair. It is life though. (Sorry if that sounded insensitive :( ). Sometimes it is so difficult to not look back at losses like this and not have it affect life. Lord knows I have my issues to look back on.....
What I've come to realize is this. Those things are in the past. I cannot change them, I can not make them look better, nor can I make them go away. They happened and they are now a part of who I've become, but they are not ME. We can only control what is happening now in life, and even then we need to remember that we can only control US. There is no controlling other people. It is our job to focus on us, learning from mistakes and other unfair things and moving forward.
Hell yes it's tough. Bad things that happened to us are like sores that barely start healing, and we seem to want to rip the scabs off and grieve some more. With that said, there is nothing wrong with grieving, but there is something wrong with trying to self medicate or to ignore these issues, assuming that they will just go away. They won't, but with the help of a good therapist we can learn how to properly process these losses and move along. It takes work, constant work too.
I used to look back at all of my losses and issues as "now look at the mess I am in". The sad thing about that is, that WAS the mess I WAS in. None of that is happening now! It took a long time for me to be able to look at those things and say, "Holy crud those things sucked" and "it's no wonder I felt the way I did". All of that stuff was devastating! The key word is WAS.... that stuff was devastating and they aren't happening now.
Back to the relationship, in closing. You and he can work on this. It will take an effort on both of your behalves. Seeing a therapist together might be the thing that gets you both through the loss of your child. (He is coping/not coping his way, and you yours.) If you aren't together in this fight, you are working yourselves apart.
I hope things work out for the both of you. Breaking up might be part of moving forward. Who knows.... but not breaking up can be a possibility as well. In fact, there are many possibilities. What you need to do is work on what YOU can work on.
Please find some professional help. Medicine alone cannot solve the problems, and not taking your medicine is not an answer either. Please, seek some professional help.
Good luck and best of wishes!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Depression Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
