thinking of death way too much not my own as such but the end etc

[xand]

I have already posted on here but i'm having a major issue with the idea of death at the moment and that i'm doomed to die kind of thing, i keep watching sad shows and stuff a lot and even started wondering about funerals.
in part as you know i get very stressed over situations and after getting off with a stranger from online whose prof said he had a bfd but he said he was now single and had been assaulted on the scene a few months before i keep thinking off hiv etc even though we had no penetrative intercourse.
its not just that though my best friend drove off tonight and i thought please be careful on the drive etc i cannot stop this and i'm a nervous wreck

[xand]

I think one of my other issues at the moment is that I cannot switch off from terrifying thoughts about having put my life in danger for so long, I have had problems with alcohol for a while and am always scared about my liver, having dallied with a stranger i met online and engaged in low risk activity i keep thinking about having hiv, i don't know how to get to october 3rd half the time.
i am thinking about going to church at times i need something more in my life right now

[Jikan]

Namaste,

Suicidal ideation is a common symptoms of those sufferring from depression or another form of psychological disorder. If you feel suicidal and have developed a plan, please call 911 immediately and explain the situation to them, so that you can get immediate assistance.

There are also suicide hotlines available for those in crisis. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With more than 130 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

You do not have to be suicidal to call these hotlines. From immediate suicidal crisis to information about mental health, crisis centers in the network are equiped to take a wide range of calls. Some of the reasons to call 1-800-273-TALK are listed below:

Call to speak with someone who cares

Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself

Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area

Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you're concerned about

Regardless, please schedule an appointment with a professional mental healthcare worker so that they can obtain a complete psychological profile and develop a treatment plan that may or may not include the use of medication(s) or adjunct therapy, based upo your symptoms and diagnosis.

Oftentimes, just having someone to talk with is enough to ease your mind, especially if your thoughts are temporary and situational.

Jikan

[ParamedFlorena]

In my opinion we will sooner or later in life think about what death in general means. Maybe as in wondering how we'd cope with a loss? I wonder if it doesn't fall in under existential questions - such as what we're doing here, what we live for and what our life is/can be.
When we find out what our life is, then we can move on to what we want to do with our lives and move towards that. I hope you see the positive in it?

It is normal to worry when someone we love leaves and we don't trust that they'll be back, but isn't it so that 999 times out of 1000 it goes well?
What about calling your friend and ask how the journey goes? You don't have to let it become anxiety when it can stop at concern. That is at least how I have had to "train" my head - where I can chek, I do check. Trust in facts.

Florena