I want to die now this is too much

[richtaz]

Hi thankyou for reading this, this maybe my last ever. i know it sounds selfish but the pain is so serveare its getting un bareable. My life feels like i cant move on.
      Ill fill you in as brief as possible. I have had depression for 5 years i been on effexor upto 300mg at one point. begining of this year i changed to zoloft which didnt work so now i am back on effexor been on it around 3 weeks building upto 150mg.  I have had a roller coaster. But now i am in pain mentally. I wake up ok then within 30sec bang my head goes for it. what do i mean go for it ill explain best i can.
      Basically i start to feel down then it automatically thinks of my fiancee and starts putting into thinking and saying i dont love her anymore and i want to break up with her. then i start crying. the other things it does is it just remembers all the bad things about her and not the good things then that upsets me. then i think yes thats the way forward is to end it. then i cry then i think or see breaking up with her and one minute it hurts and i cry and then i dont. since saturday i have been crying non stop pretty much. i feel exauhsted drained tired sick all the time off my food off anything. not interested in anyone get irritated. I just dont know what to do i dont know if my depression is doing this or is it the end. thing is i have had this exact scinario with my ex fiancee. my parents have spoken to me till there blue in the face and are getting tired. No one can seem to help me i have talked to councilers they confuse me my doctor has not got a clue and my specialist doesnt seem to care. so i am getting to the pont of leaving this world as the confusion and pain is getting to much to bear. If some one said to me its comon and its your depression that is doing it to you and said you will re gain your love etc your meds are not right then i probabbly be patient etc. but i have lost the energy to fight its to hard and painfull.
sorry if its a bit confusing but thats me. thanks

[Phtartist]

I want to end it often. It gets real bad. Then I remember the last time it got real bad and how good things were when it passed.
SSRI and SNRI meds may not work for you, they didn't for me. Try an NDRI like Wellbutrin. It is worth a try before you do something as final as ending it all.

[mammo]

Hi.  It takes time for medication to reach a full therapeutic level in your system, so you do need to be patient.  Death is not the answer and it may take you to and even more painful place.  Often it's trial and error finding which medication will work for us, but once we do...it is well worth it!!  It gave me my life back!  But I do think you need to call your doctor and let him know how you are feeling just to make sure he still feels this is the best medication for you.  Journal your feelings and emotions, it's a form of release for us and is very therapeutic...even if you toss them away!  Often re-reading what you wrote can help to put things in perspective.  You are very strong and can get thru this, don't go by other's stories, they don't determine what yours will be!  Take it one day at a time, and be patient with yourself and the medication, it's going to be okay.  Take care.

[richtaz]

i have but scared in case i get worse you hear of stories

[stephanie1o]

sometimes the med makes you fel worse ubtil it gets to the right dosage have you thought about going into hospital it may be a good thing for you have a total break and support around you

[Bubulous]

I am sending you a message......