Obsessive love and suicide

[laius]

I am 20 years old. I have been suffering from depression for a long time. I don't know why as I seem to have all the ingredients for a good and happy life. I am at a top university with great prospects. I have a lot of friends and a family I can rely on. Yet for the past two years I have felt increasingly suicidal. I was on Effexor for 3 months. I stopped it and my depression came back. Now I am on citalopram which is sort of helping but hasn't cured me. I have fallen obsessively in love for the second time now. The first time nearly killed me and it took me 2 years to recover. I'm afraid I won't be able to get over it this time and her rejection seems imminent. I've seen several doctors and the meds don't seem to be making it go away. What do I do? I don't want to die but at the same time I feel this is the only way to stop the pain. I know it's irrational but I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself next time I'm desperate.

[ivan_elbisivni]

why does every second topic in this forum relates to me? feels familiar? i am bored of thinking so much! it hurts!

[remar]

I think you may have hit the nail on the head when you said you had childhood issues. It sounds like you need to find a good counselor who you really trust to talk to about your childhood. They will be able to give you the tools to deal with these issues. Use the self help techniques even when your not feeling depressed. Your very young and you'll probably have lots of relationships in your life. I know it hurts when you have a breakup but it's not the end of the world, you will move on and meet someone else. You have so much going for you, please find another dr. if the one you have is'nt helping. Take care. Remar

[LeftCoastChick]

You may not have simple depression, there are several types out there, and yours may be refractory (hard to treat). Bipolar depression does not respond well to anti-depressants at all, but mood stabilizers. Drugs will not cure you, it helps you so you can help yourself, don't expect a miracle cure, because it's not going to happen. If you feel suicidal again my friend, go to your ER, this is a serious illness and can be lethal.

[ILADVOCATE]

Your feelings are very real but if your suicidal ideations haven't gone away then I would say that the medication really isn't doing what it should. I would not in anyway state that your childhood experiences didn't affect your relationships but "feelings of hopelessness" are a sign of clinical depression. If someone is talking to you about it as "the power of positive thinking" or some manner like that it won't work. Its part and parcel of the depression. On the other hand if someone is trying to medicate your real life troubles away then that's not right either. A good combination of medication, talk therapy and in some situations behavioral therapy works the best. The first thing to work on is suicidal ideations and that would probably take medication adjustment. As things improve for you overall, then any negative feelings about life in general can be talked over with specifics in your life and solutions to them. All of this is supposed to work together.
I'm not personally familiar with anti-depressents but that website should help and other people here are and you could detail what you've been on and see if people had more ideas (or post in the expert forum) and bring those ideas to your psychiatrist and then work with your therapist as well.

[laius]

Thank you for the support. I have talked to therapists and psychiatrists. The latter simply prescribe me pills which help but haven't completely suppressed my suicidal feelings. The therapists keep offering self-help techniques which I cannot make myself do when I am depressed. I think I've simply developed issues from my childhood which I won't be able to change. I will always feel worthless when I am rejected and the more worthless I feel the more times I will be rejected.

[ILADVOCATE]

Those are standard SSRI anti-depressents that are usually effective but for more information look up "Depression Central". As for relationships a break up can be a miserable experience for anyone but if this lasts for years and brings suicidal ideations on I would speak to your therapist about why and see what's going on. As much as I can say its an unhappy experience and I support you as we all do it will happen again and if it would bring on suicidal ideations then that would be something to talk over with your therapist and if those feelings happen in general your psychiatrist as well.