Sick of feeling this way...

[reader712]

I feel like complete a complete ***. I wake and want to bawl my eyes out. I was taking effexor before and now I'm switching to Lexapro. I feel really restless, irritated and anxious. I don't adapt very well to change and I just wake up and go to sleep with this cloud of sadness, no matter how much i talk about it it just doesnt seem to go away. Like I'm sick of feeling like this. I feel alone and abandoned. I haven't found a psychiatrist yet, but I need to but don't know where to start. I feel like i could die right now and no one would miss me. I constantly think about death as a solution to this problem but I know that would be selfish. I don't know...

[birdie0907]

There must be lots of psychiatrists for you to call living in a big urban area like Mississauga. You got the meds through a gp? I just used my gp in Alberta, so don't know if you need a referral for a psychiatrist but your gp should be able to advise you.

[reader712]

thanks for responding to my post really appreciate it. I live in Mississauga, Ontario. I feel a lot better today than i did the other day. Yesterday i kinda felt like my old self, but today its a little different still have that cloud but not as overwhelming as the other day. I'm still lost on the whole finding a psych thing. Don't know where to start. You can only talk to your friends for so long before they start getting sick of you. They don't tell you but you notice the way they crave conversation with others because talking to you brings their mood down. What can you do? Can't control your mood although I have struggled with the fact that I can't control the way I feel, I'm beginning to learn ways to avoid the things that bring my mood to the toilet. But you can't control everything or everyone right.

[birdie0907]

Where do you live? You didn't fill that in your home page, but it can be useful if a reader lives in the area.
How long have you felt depression? When I took Welbutrin (didn't work) for 2 months I spent 50 seconds of every minute in depression or more likely, anxiety. The med would wear off around 4 pm every day and a much more powerful and frightening steel curtain of grey would come in from nowhere for which there was no escape, other than what Ativan could provide.
I see you have written here 3 other times, but only got a few responses. Write back, and keep this thread alive, as it helps to have all your data together. If the thread dies off after a while and no one responds for a week or so, respond to it yourself to get it active again. Dep is so rough, and you need answers.
I am surprised that you were seeking company on a previous post. That is one of the best things for you to do, but most dep people just want to crawl into a hole to be alone.

[birdie0907]

Depression is like what you described, so you are not alone. Somehow millions live through this every day, so keep hanging in there. Lots of people do get relief from meds, but it can take a lot of different tries to get the one that works for you. I was lucky and the second one did the trick, however something like 20% of people do not get any relief ever, so be prepared for the worst while hoping for the best.
Effexor can have rough withdrawal effects; and have you finished your taper from it? Did you start Lexapro on Sept 5 when you first posted? If so, it takes a few more weeks before it is fully built up in your system.
Write back.

[remar]

I see that your a new member here so I wanted to welcome you.
Yes, finding a good psychiatrist is a really good idea. Are you getting your meds from your M.D.?
I did'nt do well on Effexor either. It really did help my anxiety but did'nt help my depression much at all.
We're here to talk with you so your not alone. So many of us go through what your going through and can really relate. Take care. Remar