depression.. any advice on amything?(kind of a vent)

[kaykay2k13]

I mentioned to my husband about getting a job and he started saying that I was gonna get a job with pervs and was gonna leave him and all that.  We need the help financially, my husband only makes about 1,600 a month the absolute most.  Getting paid only every two weeks.  We have to pay rent, car payment, phone bill, diapers, wipes, grocerys, gas bill, gas to go back and forth to work,  just the everyday things like.  We get food stamps of 76 dollars a month.  I mentioned that I wanted a job bc we need the extra money bc we have to borrow money from his friends bc we can't buy everything we need and we have to borrow from his mom, I told him it wasn't his mom's place to continue to take care of us every week and that I was tired that we had to borrow from people that if I got a job it would help that maybe I could buywhat his check can't, and he tells me it's none of my business what he borrows or what he does, that I shouldn't even care.  That if I get a job all I'm going to do is waste my money, that it's not going to help us.  I'm autistic and I don't communicate with people very well, like I don't talk very much and don't carry on conversations and stuff like that.  And he tells me that I'm not gonna find or have anything bc I don't have a education(I dropped out in 9th grade, I was two years behind in school bc of being held back and failing a grade) and that my communication skills suck that I should get on disability.  He just makes me feel so low I guess you could call it.  He doesn't support me in anything I want to do.  I told him I wanted to get my high school diploma, or G.E.D and he told me that I couldn't do it.  For one we don't have the money and another reason is bc he thinks I just can't do it.  He always tells me that I'm gonna leave him if I get a job or I'm gonna work with pervs or talk to all kind of people and have all these friends if I get a jib, so he doesn't want me to get a job.  But financially we need the help.  We can't get everything we need every month bc we have bills and sometimes his account gets over drawn bc of the bills, so that's when we have to borrow but I get tired of having to do that so I want a job but he tells me all this stiff that I can't get one that I should get on disability and all of that/: he says it isn't any of my business what he does or borrows that I don't have to do it and that I shouldn't care and that type stiff.  Is there anything that we could do to get more financial help?  Or any jobs anyone knows of that I could do without a high school diploma or G.E.D.?  I'm just tired of not being able to do for ourselves and having to stress and worry and struggle so much/:  it makes me really depressed that I can't help and that he makes it out like I'm just stupid and can't do anything.  

[sara12345]

I do have a better handle on what you are dealing with.  So sorry that your mother is of no help.  And so sorry that it feels like you have no other options.  

It looks like you have looked into all the programs that provide for those at the poverty level since you are receiving food stamps. If not, I would investigate that further.

I would get a job regardless of what your husband thinks.  If he doesn't want you to get a job because he doesn't think that you can get one, then prove him wrong.  I still think that you can get a job with no education and job history.  Look some more.  Low level jobs can't be asking for much and are always in need of help with a high turnover.  You do communicate very well in writing. If you get turned down for a job due to no education and job skills, you might try asking them if they have any employment programs for the disabled since you have autism.  You could put it in writing.  I believe our Meijer grocery stores have such a program.  The Federal government certainly has such employment programs but you would need a medical opinion of your autism or some medical record that mentions it.

Have you sat down with your husband and worked out exactly what the bills are and whether you can manage with his $1600 a month?  Or is he spending on other things?  Not that you could control his spending, but it might give you more insight into the problem.  E.g. could you move into a cheaper apartment?  Probably not, but might be something to explore.

Yes, marriage counseling would be beneficial.  You might call your County's social services department and ask if there is any very low cost or free counseling.

I so feel for you.  You are one smart woman from my point of view.  I do wish you the very best.

Sara

[kaykay2k13]

My husband only gets paid $9.50 an hour.  And works 2-11 sometimes later.  He only gets paid every two weeks and he has his check go through his bank which some how always seems over drawn.  We were over drawn 408$ one week so that really hurts us we then get behind on bills and when we get them caught up we get over drafted again.  I've told him many times to change banks but he won't do it.  And with my husband being an abuser, me and my son have no one else, literally.   Was going to stay with my mom a while back and me and him were going to get a divorce, but my mom can't take care of us.  The whole time I was with her she couldn't even buy diapers, wipes, or food.  She gets checks once a month from my dad being passed away and that doesn't last long she hasn't worked in years, I actually feel as if she doesn't want to work.  And I don't want to go where my son won't have anything.  She always moves around when my son was three months old we stayed in a house that was like pretty much half tore up and seriously everywhere you went there were huge spiders everywhere!  Then she moved somewhere where the floors were falling through then somewhere that had roaches and she had dogs that peed and pooped in the floors and they never washed dishes they stayed pulled up so much  you couldn't even turn the sink on, or set anything on any of the counters and I don't want my son living like that, moving around everywhere every 6 months or less or having somewherewith no food at all and things like that.  I love my husband, and I want to be with him but I do get tired of the abuse.. but we don't have anyone.  Last time I had talked to my mom it was about June and she said she wasn't going to ask to see us or anything anymore and then when I tried getting our stuff from her she was telling me she was in Africa or new Mexico and all over the place.  I've thought about seeing if marriage counselling would help with the abusivness.  Or maybe just really talking to him about it.  It does make me really depressed, but we have nowhere or nobody.  Nowhere will hire me bc I don't have any education nor any experience in jobs.  My dad was physically abusive to my mom, and I don't want to be that way.  I'm not saying he would hit me or anything but I guess anything is possible.  I just don't talk to anyone or anything.  I wish I had help on finding a way to help deal with this and to maybe find something I could do or to get some ideas on what I could do.  

[sara12345]

You are going through major abuse from your husband.  He puts you down something fierce.  Do you really want to stay with him?  He is not providing financially much and is so toxic to you.  

Yes, I would get a job.  Bridget gave you some good ideas for ones that you could do.  Your husband is going to put you down no matter what you do.  So don't worry about his disapproval.

How come your husband doesn't make more?  Is he disabled?  Couldn't he find a job that pays more?  Talk about a lack of skill--it is his lack of skills that are really the problem.

I hope that you can recognize your husband for what he is--an abuser.  I wish you well.

[Bridget8705]

There are several programs out there that will help you get your GED for free.  I think that is a great goal.  I would focus more on job searching for now though, being you are in such a financial struggle.  There are several jobs out there where communication can be minimal for you.  Look at jobs like; dishwasher at a restaurant,  a stock person at a department store, a laundry washer in a nursing home... no matter where you work, your husband isn't going to really like it because it sounds like he doesn't want you to have any independence at all... he'll get over it, just remind him you're not looking for someone else blah blah blah.  Sometimes you just have to stroke your man's ego... sounds like he is very insecure.   Good luck, and just know you are more than capable of doing anything you want in life, you just have to try!!  :)