What should I do?

I cheated in my fiance' before I found out he cheated on me I just found out I was pregnant, the girl that he cheated with he is still trying to have sex with her, we are supposed to get married march 27, 2010 what should I do? I mean was wrong for cheating and he did not know I cheated but the girl cheated with called me and told me that he was still trying to have sex with her after he dropped me off @ home one night from telling our families that we were expecting a baby.

[mami1323]

I think you both aren't ready for a mature committed relationship nor marriage. I really am sad that a baby is being brought into a relationship where there is no respect. You are both wrong here. I guess the only thing you both can do is decide if you want to make the relationship work and that's by starting fresh and being honest with eachother but frankly I have little hope for you two.

[nikkismith_nikkismith]

That hurts but it is the truth I guess

[nikkismith_nikkismith]

Why do you say it lil hope for us?

[mami1323]

Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.  I just feel that a relationship where both people are cheating on one another, shows a lack of real commitment.  There is no communication, no respect, no loyalty.  How can you both continue to be in a relationship like this?  You cheated on him, which he's unaware of and you did it before you knew he was doing it to you.  So it's not like you did it out of revenge, which I don't agree with either but it would say more than you just doing it because you felt like it.  He's doing it to you also.  So he's continuing to do it even after knowing about the baby.  Where do you two stand now?  Has he stopped cheating?  I mean you just found out you were pregnant and you told your families and he's still chasing after the other girl so this is all recent.  I have been a victim of infidelity and was able to rebuild my relationship but it took a year of couples counseling and remorse and regret.  If your fiance has none of these things, then I don't see your relationship succeeding.  Neither one of you is valuing your relationship.  If you both want it to work then you will need to work really hard at rebuilding the trust, at being serious about committing to each other and spend a lot of effort on focusing on this child.  You both need to grow up and take this relationship seriously.  I'm not sure if you are both committed to doing this.

[nikkismith_nikkismith]

So, should we still get married? I mean we both still love one other, and we are willing to change for the better I think we should we both know that we mesed up and we now can grow and learn from.

[mami1323]

I would honestly seek out some type of counseling first before you even consider getting married.  Marriage to most people is a lifelong commitment and you have to be very serious.  People make mistakes and they can learn from it but I think that it takes a lot of work to rebuild a relationship after there has been significant cheating.  Work on rebuilding it first, then see if the wounds can be healed and then consider marriage.  You don't want to get stuck in a marriage that is unhealthy.

[jo929]

well you cheated first and he is still trying, is this a good basis for marriage > do you think that will stop him  no it will not you did not give your age, but wait awhile until you are both very sure you want to spend the rest of your life with each other also maybe this is his way of trying to tell you he is not ready to settle down, and it seems like you are not ready either or you would not have cheated.  luck  jo

[nikkismith_nikkismith]

thanks for all of the response they really helped a lot, we are trying to wrk things out, it will take somtime but With the Lord on our side we would be okay he still thinks we should wrk it out, we have talked about it and he his truly sorry for what he did and I am 2 I guess it is good that we found out before we got married I didnt want any skelton in the closet so we have to get get on the grind and really be about it, He is my man and im his woman and we are going to try to wrk in out.

[sammy73]

I take it you are sure that your fiance is the father of your baby... ?