Cheating? Micro-cheating? Or am I overreacting.

[BabySasaki_]

Basically, me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now, and we've had sex a handful of times, and I tend to give him photos/videos because I'm uncomfortable with him masturbating to OTHER women. (Normal?) Recently he shared with me that he wants a sort of roleplay-style audio recording (confused me at first) then went on to explain that there is a specific woman he listens to who provides just that; she starts off like normal day to life, saying like "hey, how are you?" etc. and pausing to allow the listener to "respond," but she gradually gets more and more sexual as the recording goes on which he jerks off to...a lot. And while I appreciate his honestly in telling me that...that was a huge shot to my ego. When I asked why, he said its because she had a certain tone in her voice which he...likes a lot. Which also kinda hurt my pride.

I honestly feel a little taken aback; he knows the thought of him using other women content makes me uncomfortable, and we've talked about it before...but I don't know if I'm overreacting or if he *is* crossing a line.

[auntiejessi]

What people think is cheating is up to them. Some people find watching porn less bothersome than listening to a voice that seems to be interactive, and others might find the opposite true. Some find it all problematic. There's no right or wrong here.

You do seem to have some insecurity, though - just because your partner likes one voice doesn't mean he doesn't like yours. Just because he finds one woman attractive doesn't mean he doesn't think you aren't the hottest thing to ever land in his bed, or that he doesn't realize how lucky he is that you're there.

Someone who does that kind of voice work is a professional. They obviously have a certain talent for it, one that most of us "regular" people won't have. I certainly don't have a phone or audio sex voice.

Maybe he needs to express his feelings about how he feels about you. Maybe you need to work on self-esteem. Maybe both.

In the meantime, have you communicated your feelings about all this to him? Are you trying to find out if it's cheating to put a stop to it to just spare your feelings, or do you have strong feelings that this is cheating? Again - no right or wrong, just things to think about.

I'm not a big believer in "micro-cheating". I think things are cheating, or they aren't. If my partner wouldn't do it in front of me, or won't share it with me, and other people are involved somehow, there's at least some level of dishonesty there. I'd like to know why - are they just a liar, or am I making it hard to share things, or what.

Also, I notice on your profile that you are 15. Any photos you send to him are illegal, given your age. How old is your partner?

[BabySasaki_]

He's a year older than me: 16. I didn't know it was illegal in all honesty...especially given our age gap is very little...I should educate myself a little more. Thanks for enlightening me about that--

Honestly, I am just an insecure person. I've talked to him about it, and the way he reacts seems like he understands, but then he keeps doing it. It bothers me how addicted he seems to another womans voice and the lack of remorse on his part.

I probably just need to work on my self-esteem and, ironically, let go of my attachment issues.

[auntiejessi]

Even if he's just a year older than you, him being in possession of pics like that of you is illegal.

You might be insecure. We all have insecurities. It's concerning, though,  that you've talked to him about how it makes you feel and he keeps doing it. He either doesn't respect you and your feelings, or he has an addiction to it - or both. Either way, it's troublesome. You deserve a boyfriend who respects your feelings and cares more about them than porn.

You're at a great age to learn how to set boundaries in a relationship. If something makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to just deal with it. There are so many other guys who I'm sure are interested in you, and even if there weren't, being single is so much better than settling for someone who doesn't respect you.

You'll learn that being in an unhealthy relationship feels so much lonelier than being single. Find your confidence and know your worth - you're beautiful, smart, and he should know he's lucky to be with you. :)

You can work on your self-esteem, and I hope you do,

[AnnieBrooke]

BabyS, I might add, your boyfriend is only 16.  I would be AMAZED if anyone were to suggest that a 16-year-old that has discovered Internet porn is grown-up enough to stop doing it just because it bothers his girlfriend. You see him as mature because he is older than you, but he's still a boy in a lot of ways, and even adult men sometimes have trouble stopping a habit of masturbating to some woman on the Internet even if it bothers their committed partner.

I second the notion that you never send any nudies to him again. Once on the Internet, they are never going to go away. Do you want them to be seen by the guy's buddies? Because that's probably happening. He will be proud to show off that he got them. Please be more smart. Please value yourself more. You're not proving your adult-ness, you're proving your lack of wisdom and self preservation. He's not going to worry about consequences to you or your feelings, you have to take care of you.  

[AnxiousNoMore]

Yes stop sending pictures, because there is no person that can be trusted with pictures. Relationships can fall apart and some people like to hurt others. I would ask for all the photos he has to be deleted in front of you.