finding myself again

Hi, Well I just came out of a ten yr relationship that has done lots of damage to who I use to be. Its a big step walking out of a relationship that had you brain washed,made you feel mental,emotional,and pshyical pain. I'm not that brave of person but I guess I must be as I look around and find myself in my own place now. I should of left the relationship long ago but I always thought it would get better. I am just wondering if there are people out there that almost had to find themselves all over again and be that happy person they once were. Its been one month today and I can say I all ready feel happier, do you think anyone ever gets over the hurt and pain someone drills into them?

[elvy66]

You are a very strong person and you will only get stronger and stronger.....I was married to a man for 28 years and he cheated on me with a 22yr old and it took that to realize that I had turned into him and he doesnt like himself....I use to be fun and happy and laugh all the time, I would go out there and try everything and I basically loved life a lot....and over the years I became very over weight and I stayed at home and catered to he his needs and forgot about my own.....It has been 3 months since I threw him out and it is only in the last week that I have begun to feel strong and starting to see my old self coming back..and I have lost 30 kgs (around 60 pounds)..so yes you will slowly come back and you will start to enjoy all the things you forgot....some days I have terrible days ...but they are happening less and less.....I have decided to go back to UNI and study Law because I have always loved to learn...so go out there and take on the world you deserve it....love Linda

[specialmom]

Yes I've had to go through that too,  my relationship was almost 8 years and I felt like I lost myself a bit by the end of it.  I'll be honest and this is a little bit 'glass half full' but this is your opportunity!!  This is your chance to be on  your own and delve into everything and anything you ever wanted to do!!  You can explore what hobbies you like, make new friends, spend time with old ones but as a person free of a bad relationship, you can live any way you choose now.  This is a great thing.  Freedom is wonderful and being able to JUST focas on YOU is an opportunity.  

I commend you for leaving a bad situation and being brave and starting a new life on your own.  I think that giving yourself tlc once in a while really helps if you are having a bad day or a doubtful day----  that is when you indulge in some special things you reserve for those moments.  I read tabloid magazines, buy myself some fresh flowers, take a long bubble bath, and have something sweet to eat.  

I also think keeping a journal about your journey is really a great way to get emotions out.  

Exercise is also key to feeling really good, I believe.

I do wish you luck and hope you come back and let us know how you're doing!!  Peace

[hopefloats75]

    It was good hearing other stories so glad I got answers as it makes me stronger. I hear you about the weight gain it happened to me to but since I left I am on a diet and a exercise program where I feel better and all ready am starting to look better. I have to get beck into my hobbies yes, as all my hobbies and stuff I enjoyed to do has been put on the back burner so I could do everything he wanted to do. The journal is a great idea I sat down and wrote some stuff out and it did make me feel better too.I no it will be a long path to get me back but reading the comments you two gave was another days push for me so thanks :)

[elvy66]

You have got some wonderful ideas and very good friends on here, writing in a journal is a wonderful idea and I have done this to since the break up and I have found great comfort......and a good way to vent.....and your hobbies will come in time....I am glad to hear that you have gain so much strength and your words seem happy....remember you will have bad times and bad days but just live through them and remember there is always tomorrow.....please keep in touch....love Linda

[hopefloats75]

  Well just a update for you. I have lost weight which is a great feeling! I exercise ever morning and night which is relaxing to me,lol never thought exercise could be relaxing but it is.At the beginning I never thought I could do it but I have adjusted real well, I feel peace again.My old self is sneaking up on me which is a great feeling.I laugh,joke and smile so much more.Its amazing how people stay with someone when they can be so mean and make you hit rock bottom.I'm almost ashamed to say this part but for the past few years I was drowning myself in booze to cover and hide the pain I was going threw, I thought I was a drunk, but I am happy to say I went out and got major drunk when I left for a few days and have not touched it since.I dont need to drink cause I dont have no pain to hide anymore!( I do still plan to go out sometimes though) Im not completly healed from the abuse but I will be.I am completly over that relationship though!

[Kayannaboo]

Its so nice to hear that you are doing so much better and putting in an extra effort to yourself back on track and don't be ashamed of the alcohol situation, we can always use bad things in life to make us stronger. It is seeing how far we have come from to make a change and difference in us and that makes us proud to be who we are. Take care

[specialmom]

Hopefloats, congrats on moving on with your life and losing weight!  We all make mistakes and we learn from them and you learned that alcohol doesn't help with our problems.  It is actually a depressent and can make us feel worse.  

I'm so glad to see signs that you are moving past the pain onto a happy, healthy life.  Keep it up and we're here cheering you on!