what to do.

its been 7 months since my dog died. I think about him everyday and every second. As the months went pass, I couldn't live, I lost my appetite, my interest in everything, and most of all I can't stand dogs anymore. I use to love dogs, but now when ever I see a dog, my heart hurts and I think about my dog and I can't stand being near a dog. I can't stop thinking about him, and I know i shouldn't because he probably hates me. After all, it was my fault he got sick and I was the one who took him to the doctors to put him to sleep. He was so scared and he didn't want to go. He didn't want to. My dog has always been the kindest. When I yelled at him he would always come back. He would wag his tail and look at me with his big brown eyes and rest his chin on my lap and just stand there staring at me. Is it bad to think about him? after all i had done to him? is it wrong?

[ginger899]

Oh you poor sweetheart! I am so sorry. This guilt and grief and pain is something we all go through when we've had to have a dog put to sleep. I know -I did. And whatever the cause of the death, we always blame ourselves in some way...either for not knowing something was wrong soon enough..or for taking our eyes off our dog for one second....or for making a decision which had a fateful outcome....or for doing something we do a hundred times, then one day we did it wrong...or perhaps for not having the money to get to the vet sooner, and then it becomes too late....
We all get haunted too, by those last moments. The look in the loved one's eyes, the way they don't look as if they want to leave us, or in the case of a human death, they may even SAY they dont want to leave us.  Or in a dog's eyes, the sad look, the pleading look -"help me. Make me feel better"

There aren't enough words to describe that sadness when a dog dies.

Listen -I'm in a bit of a dash right now and have to go, but will be back in here later on this evening. You are not alone. Many people here have gone through that grief and pain, and totally understand.
If you feel like it, come back and chat with us.
Talk to you later....God bless.

[specialmom]

I've read your post and feel so bad for you.  You are clearly suffering and I'm very sorry.  Pets are like family to us and we love them with our whole heart.  

I will tell you that I had a doggie for 18 years that I adored.  She was a small breed dog and lived such a long time.  When I got her, I was a single lady and she was like my child.  She really felt like my child.  Years passed and I got married and had kids.  I was an older mom, and had two kids 15 months apart in age and got 'consumed' with that.  This coincided with my dog becoming very old.  I was so exhausted as one of my kids was a terrible sleeper and both were beyond energetic that my dear doggie, my first child got ignored.  She died when my boys were 1 and 2.  I had tremendous guilt because I wasn't there for her during her final years.  In fact, there were times in which I was annoyed with caring for her as well as my kids.  Some days I looked at her like  .. . . heaven forbid . . . as a dog!!  I don't say that lightly because I am a dog lover and get very attached to my pets.  I cried and cried when she died and it felt a little like a broken heart.  The guilt made it worse.

It was my sister that said to me----------  "you can't feel guilt.  You loved that dog better than anyone else could and gave her a good life."  And that was true.  I am human and imperfect.  But I sincerely loved her and tried to be good to her.  Life happens and I was preoccupied in the end.  But it doesn't take away from the bond we had.  

Nor does the circumstances of your dogs end take away from your bond.  You loved this dog based on the state of your mourning after the death.  We at times have to act on behalf of our pets to make decisions that are hard and if your dog was going to suffer, you did a humane thing.  Please don't be hard on yourself for loving your dog to the end and making difficult decisions.  

I am worried about you as well in terms of depression.  Do you think you could be depressed?  We all go through very hard times in our life.  You certainly are.  If it persists for a long time (more than 2 weeks of feeling this deep despair) then it might really help to go and speak to someone such as a therapist about this.  They can help us sort out our emotions.  If you have true clinical depression, then treatment is available.  I know this is off topic of your dear dog, but wanted to mention it as I hate to think of you suffering so.

I am very sorry for your loss and may you find peace.  

[marksme]

I know exactly how you feel. I beat myself up for months since Jack died out of the blue. I know he was trying to tell me too, but we were treating him for what he had and finally I accepted his fate. He's not coming back, but I know he had a good life. I know your dog had a good life with you. You need to realize we cannot control everyting in life. I'm can control how
I handle my dogs from now on and I understand your feelings around them
If you let them trap you into caring about them, then you will feel the pain
of this loss again, so I have come to the conclusion you need to build a wall and not let them in. I understand you completely, but hopefully you
forgive yourself someday. I will never forget my Jack and how good a dog
he was, but I've learned my lesson. Take care,

Mark

[TwoBitsMom]

Hi...
I just read your post from a few days ago.
It is not your fault that your dog had liver cancer.
I think you did the right thing to help your dog die.
My Boxer had liver, lung and heart issues that were causing fluids to build up in her lungs, My dog also had the fluid in the pads of her feet. She, like your dog, was drowning in her own fluids, and she struggled to breathe every time she would try to lay down or try to go to sleep. Our dogs were struggling to survive, and had we not helped them with a peaceful death, they would have died horribly by suffocating and drowning in their own fluids.
I had my dog put to sleep in 2007, and I still miss her terribly, as I know I always will.
It took me a long time to realize that I did do the right thing by having her euthanized.
Struggling to breathe is suffering, and I am sure you would not have wanted your dog to suffer any longer. You may not realize it yet, but eventually you will see that you did the right thing to end his suffering.  
You did nothing wrong.
It is OK to love other dogs...this does not mean that you are being unfaithful to the dog you lost. After all, he is the dog who taught you how to love in the first place..!  Sharing your love with other dogs is a wonderful way to pay tribute to your dog that is gone. Hugging, holding, talking, playing...etc...with other dogs will be difficult at first, but it is also therapeutic.  Yes, these dogs will remind you of your other dog, and at first it will be painful,...but there is a certain beauty in being reminded of someone you love so much. These reminders offer comfort, in knowing that you will never forget the dog that taught you so much about love.
I find that I like to be reminded of the dogs I have lost, and even though it does bring tears to my eyes, it also helps me keep them alive in my heart.
After I lost my Boxer in 2007, I, like Marksme...also tried to build a wall to keep myself safe from any further heartache. Oh yes...I built the biggest, strongest wall you can imagine....but..somehow, the dogs I have now, have managed to sneak over it...around it...under it.... or through it...!
Heck...I think they may have even managed to knock the entire thing over...!  I'm not sure how they got past that wall, but for now.....
I am glad they did....and I will Love them for as long as I can.  I guess it just goes to show us...that love finds a way.

Hang in there....and Hug a dog today...!
Connie

[lindapalm]

Please don't feel guilty about your dog, you did the best and only thing you could do for him.  Our dog was put to sleep two years ago because of Cushings Disease, and it still  doesn't take much to get me crying when I think about her.  I felt guilty, but deep down I knew we tried everything, and the situation was only going to get worse, as it would have with your dog.  Please don't hate dogs, there are so many in shelters that would be so lucky to have an owner like you.  Maybe you could volunteer at one, they definately always need the help, and it might make you feel better knowing your putting some happiness into a caged dogs life.

[helppmee1234]

I try to tell myself that, but when I think about how I neglected his plead for help...I can't say that I loved him to the fullest. It makes me wonder if I was caring enough or I was just thinking that in my mind. I sometimes wonder if he hated me but because he had no choice he stuck by me.

[helppmee1234]

actually, one and a half month later, my mom adopted two new dogs (one from a shelter and one from an owner). I was so devastated but i couldn't tell my mom that. after our dog died she had been really sad and i couldn't be there to comfort her so i let her have the dogs but, im suffering. Everyday. Its like i feel like she is replacing our old dog. and I know i shouldn't hate the new dogs but I can't seem to love it, nor can i accept them. its not their fault and its not fair but i can't. I can't. and everyday gets worse and worse.

[helppmee1234]

yeah i guess, but i don't really like being reminded of my dog everyday knowing that i can no longer hold him or just see him is therapeutic i find it actually torturous. I can't look at dogs the same way, I can't love a dog the same way. I just can't. i don't know.

[specialmom]

sweetie, maybe talk to your mom and tell her exactly how you are feeling.  I'm sure she'll understand. The death of your pet has been traumatizing to you.  Maybe even talking to someone professionally like a counselor would help.  If you have a bit of depression and this has triggered it, then it is important to treat it.    

I've noticed that people fall into two categories when they lose a beloved pet----  they either want another dog immediately to take away the pain or they want nothing to do with any other animal.  Everybody grieves in different ways.

But your mom will want to know what is going on with you.  So, try to talk to her and open up.  I'm wishing you peace in your heart.  

It seems like the death of your pet has left you traumatized and that is underst

[specialmom]

I also want to tell you that my sister was one that wanted nothing to do with another dog after hers died.  She really suffered and missed her dog terribly.  There was no mention of their getting another pet but after a couple of years, my sister was ready.  She's a dog lover but needed time to get over the pet she lost.  Eventually she became ready to love a pet again.  You probably will too and there is absolutely no hurry.  peace

[helppmee1234]

I can't tell my mom, she is hurting inside, and telling her will make her feel worse. She worries too much. my problems will only make her feel worse...im going off to college in a few months...ill be fine.

[swiftdan]

I am going through the same thing

I lost my dog on 1/11

I am feeling really guilty and depressed and it's not getting any better. All I've been doing since my dog died is go to work and climb into bed all day. I think about my dog 24/7 and cry myself to sleep.

check out this petloss chat room. It helps a little

http://www.petloss.com/newchat.htm

[TwoBitsMom]

To Helppmee and Swiftdan....
You two are not alone...it has been 5 months since I had my TwoBits euthanized, and even today I cried throughout the day...I do understand your pain, and I am sorry for your loss.
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.
Connie

[specialmom]

What I think could happen if you let it is that you and your mother could comfort each other.  You are both hurting.  And trust me, as a mother, I can tell you that your mother senses something is wrong and that you are pain and that is adding to her emotional distress.  

I grieved a loss that rocked my soul in the same house as my sister.  It was for a person but grief is grief whether for a beloved dog or a family member.  We suffered in silence for a time and then turned to one another.  My healing as well as hers was so much better by being supported by one another.  I just offer that because I am sure your mom hurts but helping you will actually help her heal.  And the same for you.  

Anyway, I do wish you peace in your heart during this sad time.  

[tonyb286]

I don't believe you hate dogs now. I think the experience you have had and the utter love you had and still have for your dog - and the dreadful pain of losing him - has now made you fear the same thing happening with another dog. I can tell you, it WILL happen again, because all dogs die too young and all dogs steal our hearts and their deaths (regardless of how they may have died) make us feel terribly guilty, even though in almost all cases we have no reason to feel this way. By believing that you now don't like dogs at all (and certainly the ones your mom has), you are trying to push them out of your life - and thus prevent any future emotional turmoil with another dog.

Believe me, we all understand exactly how deeply the love is between a dog and its owner. And we appreciate how painful it is to lose them. It is a natural part of grieving to feel this way, so don't beat yourself up about it. Recognise that this process will continue for weeks, months and even years ... but the intenseness of that pain will diminish as time goes on. Eventually you will remember the good times, the happy days and experiences you spent with your dog - and you may then be able to open your heart enough to let another dog into your life.

I am truly sorry for your loss. I have lost several dogs in my lifetime and each one still has a piece of my heart with them. I lost my last dog in November just gone - and I still cry from time to time, because I miss her so much. You are not alone. This forum was designed partly with you in mind. Please use it to express your feelings, knowing that people here genuinely empathise with you - and if you want to, feel free to tell us more about your dog and the extraordinary life he enjoyed with you. There are so many dogs in the world that are starving, have no propper shelter from the cold, and have no one that loves them. Your dog was one of the lucky ones. Big hugs from the UK, Tony

[helppmee1234]

I can't, I won't forgive myself. My dog gave me strength and love. And in return I killed him. I'll regret this for the rest of my life. I won't love another soul. I can't and I won't.

[tonyb286]

You say your dog gave you strength and love, which is true. But it is equally true that he needed you to provide love and have the strength to be compassionate when he needed you to be, even though you knew it would hurt you doing this. In the end, he relied on you to help him out of suffering and pain, which is exactly what you did. If he could have said it, he would have thanked you for being so brave and so loving and for bringing his pain to an end. A good and loving human being cannot stand by while an animal is clearly suffering - that would be inhumane - so intervention (including when necessary, euthanasia) is always the mark of a kind and considerate dog owner. You must consider what the alternative would have been for your dog had you not intervened ... pain, suffering and eventually a potentially tortuous death. You did what had to be done and for all the right reasons. And you were thinking about your dog, not yourself, so as I said before, don't beat yourself up about it. Tony

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

am so sorry for your loss i to love fur-babies i to had to put mine down 4 years ago. but i got me a new fur-baby and gave her a great home. thats what your fur-baby would want you to do love another one and give it love and a great home, not suffer rest of your life.

i really do think you need some help with this, you need to talk to a dr of some kind to help you get over this. Prayers are with you .

[helppmee1234]

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY I DON'T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY ALL I NEED IS TO BE PUNISHED. i can't continue living know he's no here.  you all don't know anything. go awaY!!!!!!

[helppmee1234]

STOP LYING TO ME! ALL OF YOU. STOP LYING.... I KNOW I KILLED HIM...why him? why did I kill him.... I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF> i should be dead not him WHY!

[littlebit667]

This is not pity...You need help and NOW!  You did NOT kill your dog you helped end his pain.  He did not understand why he was hurting and you did the only thing you could do to help him.  I want you to call this number and talk to them until you calm down.

The number is:  1-800-784-2433 .  Then tomorrow talk to your mother and ask her to find you help.  You have been kicked into full depression and need help immediately.  These people are trying to help and you are not ready to hear it yet.  I understand that.  Please call the number and be truthful.  You will get help until tomorrow when you will talk to your mother.  She needs to know the pain you are in and she will want to know.
she is your mother and nothing matters more than that.  Please, Please do these things.

[ginger899]

Please listen.....I am not pitying you, but I certainly know the depth of that pain and grief when a loved one has died, and the guilt that goes with it, feeling that we let them down....feeling that we ever did things to hurt them...feeling that we didn't give them NEARLY enough love and care in their lives...
A lot of my loved ones have died, and I am very much alone nowadays, so I do know. And there isn't ONE of them that I feel I did things perfectly with while they were alive. If I look at it deeply -every single one I let down in one way or another, and yes there are regrets in my heart.
All I do is try to do my best next time. That's all we can do, any of us. I wonder if that's what were here for -to keep learning how to do better, to purify our Hearts more and more.

Anyway, please listen. Your beloved dog was suffering the late stages of cancer. His body was filling up with fluids, (ascites) nothing inside him was working properly any more. Yes, the fluid could have been drained off, but because of the cancer, it would have all come back again. Hewas beginning to shut down.
Cancer is weird, there are good days and bad days. Sometimes, even in the late stages of cancer, the patient can seem to rally, and we believe they can even get better! We think some more medicine, or some more treatment or whatever -will help them. But it never works for long. All we can buy them is days at a time by that stage.
So what happened there was that you took your dog to the vet....you didn't want to, he didn't want to go (they never do) and you made that heart-rending agonising decision, to have his suffering ended.
That was the bravest thing, probably, that you have ever had to do. It will torture you. You WILL blame yourself. We all do.
But never forget, you are brave, and you had the strength and selflessness to do that.
Now please get some help for the deep and painful depression. I know. I've been there. Someone, something -is there for you. Go and find it. If you had the strength to come to the help of your dog under such dreadful circumstances -then you have the strength to do this.
Bless you. Please take care of your own precious Soul.

[littlebit667]

I read your other posts and I want to say my husband is bipolar and I understand your concerns.  Please talk to your doctor about this episode.  You may need more help than we can give you at this time.  

[tonyb286]

You have been given some excellent advice and suggestions by prior posters and I just want to add my own concern about you. Please make sure you let your mom know how you feel and please call the number given by littlebit667 above. Keep in contact with us ... we really want to know that you are ok. Depression is a terrible thing (I know from my own experience) and it can cause us to lose the sense of rational thoughts. Please take good care of yourself. Tony

[workshop]

I have just lost my dog through misdiagnoses from a vet , my new vet said there was probably a tumour on the lung come in tomorrow for an x-ray. That  night she died fluid built on her lung her upper respiratory tract gave way and died through drowning from her own fluid and not being able to breath it was awful had we of known we could have allowed to go peacefully. Im gutted my old vet never picked up on it only because we could have prevented her horrid death. She was nearly 15 and i rescued her at 1.
Thanks all who read this , by writing this it helps me get through.

[tonyb286]

Hello. I am so very sorry for your loss. That must have been a dreadful experience. Please accept my sincere condolences to you and your family. You deserve a pat on the back for rescuing her and for giving her such a wonderful life, full of love and compassion. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs, Tony

[helppmee1234]

i could have done something. i could have saved him. but i didn't.  i killed him for neglecting him.. i killed him

[freakier_darkali]

I know how you are feeling we have a lot of us been there but I also know more than most how you are feeling because I have bipolar disorder and after my dog was put to sleep i went of the charts. From the way you are talking you really need to seek some counselling this you need to seek professional help. You are not just grieving you are depressed and you need real help. Please go and see your GP although you don't feel it now its really not your fault