Lost sister to suicide

[pedinurse]

I lost my sister to suicide on Dec 2, 2002.  I was not able to say goodbye to her because of a rift between me and the rest of my family AND I was in nursing school and had to be there to take the practice boards or repeat the quarter.  She shot herself in the head on Friday and lived through the weekend.  My parents terminated life support on Monday and her organs and all other donatable tissues were harvested.  She was cremated and we had the memorial servide the next Saturday.  The only thing I was able to do for my sister was sing the "Ave Maria" for her at the Memorial.  I still can't seem to let go of the grief and the anger that I feel about her loss.  Can someone tell me if it will ever end?  I myself and currently battling an agressive form of breast cancer (my punishment for abandoning my sister when she needed me, I guess).  Please help !

[SassyLassie]

I cannot add anything more, you have received wonderful, caring replies, all I can do is send big hugs to you for comfort and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Susie

[Judy246]

My very deepest condolences on the unexpected, tragic loss of your belove sister back in 2002 and your current battle with Breast Cancer. In July 07, I experienced "7" deaths, within and 8 month period, which included my beautiful mother who died in my arms, a week later her brother in law, a week later my fiances father whom I loved dearly, 2 friends to cancer, my mother's best friend who attended her wake and funeral and died of cancer, 2 weeks before Christmas, my only brother and his wife loss their first baby, my beloved dog Toby died and I loss my job. Death was haning out in my family and friends and brought my entire family to our knees. It has been 2 years and I will never be the same. It has been a journey from hell and back, but my strong faith in God gave me the strenght to get right back up, so I understand your pain. I also attempted sucide at the age of 17. Spent 3 days in a coma, 1 wk in intensive care and lived to ask God to forgive my inmaturity and lack of copeing skills.  

When someone commits suicide it was because they felt no way out of a situation that in reality was only temporary and they lacked the copeing skills necessary to just hold on to one more day.

I truly belive in God. I believe that He is the only one that can judge and God is a God of love, mercy and forgiveness and your sister felt tormented in life and I truly believe that God will have mercy and forgiveness for her actions and give her the help that she so desperately needed after death. I can't imagine God not forgiving someone who was tormented in life. Also, it's important to have mass intentions said for her and I trust that she will be just fine. I can understand how anguish and haunted to you feel at not saying a last good bye, but there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't have a conversation with her in prayer as you are reading this right now. Remeber she is only a transition away and death can never seperate you spiritually and can never take away the love that you have for each other. She knows it and feels it too. She can feel your emotions, so simply tell her what you wanted to in prayer and in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  

I also recommend grief counseling. It is soooo important to talk about what you feel. It truly does help and it will get better, but it will take time and not time frame on it. Everyone grieves differently, but it will get better. Your sister heard your "Ave Maria" song in spirit. It's such a beautiful song and it reminds me of my mother. Another favorite is "On Eagles Wings", which I sang this morning. I love it.

Right now, it's really important to focus on you. On making the right decisions to get your treated and healed and bring back hope into your life. There is so much hope and great advancements in breast cancer, so never give up and make sure you have a good support system, which you will need and pray, lots, of prayers, because the Lord works in mysterious ways, but you have to have the faith first. I will say a very special prayer for healing for you tonight....God bless, Judy

[Lisi251]

So sorry about your sister,I lost my sister to bone cancer in 1989 & wasnt able to make
it to Virginia in the two days she became terminal. For so many years I was left
with such a guilty feeling for not being there.
In 1996 I lost my father then most recently in 2006 my mother to (lung cancer that met to the brain) & It made me realize that maybe it was Gods wayof protecting me from
watching her suffer that way.
Watching that was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure.Always remember God
knows your heart & how much you loved her.
Know that God loves you & would never punish you like that.I am sure this terrible disease has caused him tremendous pain that if we saw what he does our hearts
could never take. Stay close to him & know how much he loves you.
I am sure your sister would never want to leave you feeling guilty either.

God bless
Lisa