Terrified of HIV Exposure From Risky Behaviors

[Lamia87]

Hello, all.

I want to make this quick - I am experiencing certain symptoms that are making me very frightened that, after 12-14 years, my idiotic behavior has caught up with me. Let me explain this in a list format.

Symptoms
-Moderate Fatigue
-General aches & pains
-Muscle weakness/atrophy
-Depression
-Trouble concentrating
-First ever shingles outbreak 12/2017
-Painful lymph nodes, sometimes swollen
-Gastroinetstinal issues (often diarrhea, but not always)

Idiotic Acts & Time Period
-Unprotected vaginal sex with cheating boyfriend / 14 years ago
-Broken condom with random male during vaginal sex, unprotected blow job after, spit out / 12 years ago
-Unprotected vaginal sex one time with known promiscuous male / 12 years ago
-Unprotected blowjobs, multiple times, uncircumsized, his female partner was known opiod user (pill form) / 8 years ago
-Unprotected blowjobs, 6 times, male did not finish, PROTECTED vaginal sex, somewhat promiscuous male / 8 years ago

I am beyond ashamed of and infuriated with myself for this absolute lunatic level of behavior in my younger years. As messed up as I was in my head, there is still simply no excuse...

I have never been tested for HIV, and have never displayed any symptoms until 2017. I am also morbidly obese for a female of my height and frame - I only bring this up because I believe by this point, were I to be HIV infected, I would be entering or already in the AIDS wasting phase of the disease.

I understand that I NEED to be tested and plan to be, but I must wait until I either have the money to purchase an at home kit, or can discreetly make my way to a clinic. I am currently unemployed and living with family that will destroy me if they were to find out I even went to get tested.

Thank you to anyone who takes time to read this nonsense and bothers to answer.

[Chima7]

A lot of people, too many actually, post the same or similar questions here all the time asking whether their symptoms are likely or not to be HIV related. Unfortunately for you and all the others who all these types of questions, there is no way to answer. Because that's not how HIV is diagnosed. Even if you walked into an HIV specialist's office today and asked them, they couldn't give you an accurate answer without doing an HIV test for certainty.

Therefore, anyone who even tried to answer these types of questions related to symptoms, would be, at best, just guessing and not with any kind of authority. Is that really what you want is some anonymous strangers in the internet to guess your HIV status based on your reported symptoms? Or would you rather be sure, the kind of sure that you can only get from getting tested? It's your choice but I know which option I'd choose.

[Lamia87]

I understand that full well, as I believe many in my situation who come here do. I think that a lot of us know we can’t get a definitive answer on the forum, so at the least we want to be told we’re just being paranoid, and to receive the encouragement to test because things are going to be okay. As I said, I will test when able, I simply need to find the right window of opportunity to do so. I live in a profoundly strict household that can never know of my foolish actions, or I’ll face a hell that I can’t begin to imagine. This is also why I sought some humane treatment from people outside of my immediate circle.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Buy a test at the drug store.  Not sure how your household can have anything to do with that.

[Lamia87]

Hello again.

Just...looking for something to do to feel proactive about all of this, so I post here once more.

I wanted to ask if my assumption was correct. The one which states that at this point after possible exposure, I would be entering the final stages of HIV, a.k.a. AIDS, thus experiencing the wasting that is common in that twilight period. As I said, I am morbidly obese for a woman of my build with no weight loss in sight. Surely that would’ve happened by now? Or is what I’ve heard a few people say true, and you CAN go up to 20 years before entering the AIDS stage? Appetite is normal (for me), just more often than not I have soft stools or diarrhea as opposed to solid. That could very well be a diet type and quantity issue on my part however, and honestly, it probably is. Maybe this is just all my age and poor diet coupled with dismal acticity levels catching up to me. God in heaven, I truly hope that’s all this is.

I guess what I want to know more than anything is can someone tell me my chances based on the info I’ve given above? Again, I know nothing is as absolute as a test and I WILL get one when able, I’m simply stuck in a very probibitive situation at the moment. Thanks again in advance.

[AnxiousNoMore]

The more you study statistics the more you will get frustrated because you are an individual and stats are only conclusive as predictions for large numbers of people. I got shingles a few years ago too - that proves nothing since I am HIV negative.

You need to stop analyzing your body and stop Googling for death COLD TURKEY. There is no useful diagnostic info for you on Google and it is a known fact that medical students often think they have contracted a disease that they are studying, so it is best for you to stop studying HIV.

[Lamia87]

Let me just add that during the broken condom incident with a random male 12 years ago, we caught it before he came in me, so he pulled out immediately, no ejaculation. He only came afterwards, in my mouth, which I spat out.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Only a test can provide an answer.
Your symptoms are self-diagnosed so could be in your imagination. Even if a doctor says they are real, that doesn't prove hiv, because multi-millions of negative people get those issues too.
Until you get a test, use condoms.
Oral is not a risk for HIV, btw.

[Lamia87]

Hi, thank you for answering. I know a test is the only way to get anything resembling a true answer, but I suppose I just needed some reassurance/encouragement from the more knowledgeable people here until I can get myself tested. It’s nice to hear that these symptoms are common in many HIV- people. Intellectually, I knew that...I’m just having a lot of anxiety and depressions issues as I age, which makes stuff like this impact me harder.

Oh, and I would like to add that all of my symptoms have been doctor confirmed (I was on a 6 week round of Acyclovir for the shingles last year, am seeing specialists about other symptoms listed).