Aa
should i be worried out of my mind?
Hi. New here. Never expected I would need to ask a question here. Separated for 14 months after a long, long marriage, many decades. I decided after 14 months of separation and finally getting myself into a good place to try the dating scene. Talked with a guy a few times then we met for a drink. Went back to his house after a nice long talk, revealing we know mutual people, and stupid me thought something might happen but not "going all the way" was not what i expected. Well it happened now im freaking out. He used a condom which was good until the condom came off or he took it off. He was having a difficult time maintaining an erection. I couldnt even tell you if he finished while in me because he couldnt keep it in much. I am scared to death I could have caught something. (HIV) We talked after and he said he was tested because of a recent surgery and he was clean of everything. I want so much to believe him. He even told me the next day to chill because he was clean. I went to the doctor today and was tested for stds but found out i have to wait for HIV test. I lost it. How could i be so stupid. I am a woman in my 50's.I should know better. What is anyones opinion? Please I need to calm myself down.
No need to worrie calm down. First off all Im am a little mixed up you used a condom but then took it off and still had intercourse?
If you had sex without a conddom, then you will require testing. You can receive a conclusive result at 3 months post exposure.
The good news is, it is unlikely you have anything to worry about for a few reasons. For one, most people do NOT have HIV, your partner probably does not. Secondly, it isn't a guarantee that you would become infected, even if you DID have intercourse with a POS man.
Get tested at the appropriate time, but don't lose too much sleep over it, chances are you will be just fine.
Lastly, I know you already know this, but with you getting back into the dating scene, always insist on condoms for any type of insertive sex (vaginal or anal). Use plenty of lube also, especially because at your age (and I'm NOT calling you old, lol), there are typically less vaginal secretions.
The good news is, it is unlikely you have anything to worry about for a few reasons. For one, most people do NOT have HIV, your partner probably does not. Secondly, it isn't a guarantee that you would become infected, even if you DID have intercourse with a POS man.
Get tested at the appropriate time, but don't lose too much sleep over it, chances are you will be just fine.
Lastly, I know you already know this, but with you getting back into the dating scene, always insist on condoms for any type of insertive sex (vaginal or anal). Use plenty of lube also, especially because at your age (and I'm NOT calling you old, lol), there are typically less vaginal secretions.
I agree 100% with what nursegirl6572 says. The main thing is dont lose any sleep over this at all. Your odds are very low.
Thanks to all that responded. Of course i am still worried. The condom did come off or he took it off before i realized it. He was having a difficult time with it staying on (for lack of a better explanation.) Im so scared. I feel like at my age i should know better. I will worry until i have a negative result. I heard there is a test that can be done 3 weeks post exposure. That is what i was told by my doctor. I wish it could be NOW. Thanks everyone. Please I could use more support.
honey, this may be new for you, but think about how gay men feel: we go through this anxiety many times in our lives. Chances are overwhelming that he was indeed not infected. There are few people that lie about their status when directly asked about it, especially after the sex has taken place. As nursegirl pointed out, even in the unusual circumstance that he was somehow positive, the odds are 999 in 1000 that you didn't contract it (1 in 1000 risk). From now on just educate youself on the correct and consistent use of condoms and get tested to put your mind at rest. I am living with a similar fear but one must try to be rational and rise above this fear by using positive self-talk.
doesnt matter if you're stragiht or gay...the use of condoms prevents the spread of hiv ! ! !
I never said it did make a difference. Gay men deal with HIV for our entire lives, regardless if we ever actually become infected. And yes anyone can catch it and everyone should be faithfully using condoms.
I agree the gay community faces this the most. I'm and im worried as hell. I hoped my partner is telling me the truth about the plasma donation. I'm getting tested either way.
We all make mistakes that life. Dont be hard on yourself or stress too much. Your odds are low. Dont waste your time or money testing in a few weeks. Get tested at your 3 month mark. Intill then block the subject off. In your mind. Dwelling on the subject only makes things worse.
Anyways, I was just trying to say that I know this worry you have all to well, and I empathize.
thanks to all of you. Your concerns and comments are helping. i dont know how much into details can be posted on this sight. iam worried about one other thing which i dont know if its proper to discuss. its in regards to anal. i am so embarrassed by all this. but it is helping to be able to get your feed back.
You can take an HIV DUO test anytime after 4 weeks and it will be 99.89% accurate,throw in an HIV RNA by PCR and you can just about be assured you don't have the big H.Then you can test at 12 weeks for a final result.The two tests I just mentioned Have been designed for early detection of the virus and are excellent tests.There is no need to suffer for 12 weeks when you can take these tests now.
i have a test scheduled for jan 27. i just dont know emotionally how i will make it that long. i didnt sleep from worry lastnight. it seems like im just nagging about this but really i am so scared. THank you for your info.
here is something that is really bothering me. we did not have anal intercourse only vaginal but he did use his finger anally. when everything was finished and i went to the bathroom i wiped and saw a tinge of blood from my anal area, not my vagina. i do have a hemmrhoid and sometimes it does bleed. gross i know. should i be worried even more about this. maybe it was just irritation from the finger. I do know definitely it was not with his penis because he said for anal he would need to put a condom on for anal and i didnt want that anyway. really i feel sick to my stomach over this. i dont even know if i want to know the answer to this one. thank you everyone.
The answer is that fingering is zero risk under any circumstance,just test on the 27th of JAN and be done with it.
thank you. even at my age i do know the difference between a finger and a penis. i was just concerned because of the blood. I swear i will never have sex again at this point. can anyone tell me just how hard is it to catch HIV? I would really like to hear from anyone. Maybe someone in my similar situation. Friends that i have talked to about my experience said im fine. Even at the doctors office there were trying to tell me through my being hysterical i will be ok. But obviously catching HIV happens.
It is an extremely hard virus to contract,you have to engage in high risk sexual activities to be at risk or share iv drug works.Even if you had unprotected sex with an Hiv+ person there is always the chance that transmission won't occur.This is a virus that is so fragile outside the body that it becomes damaged as soon as it is exposed to air.
isn t unprotected sex high risk? or atleast part of it was unprotected. and what about seminal fluids,or pre seminal fluids or vaginal fluids, cant it be transmitted that way? If you go back and read my story im not sure he FINISHED the job for himself, he might have but he didnt act like he did, but of course there are still fluids involved. And then with seeing the blood tinged TP im just so freaked out because i wonder if any of his fluids did get to the anal area is that a risk? i know im asking so many questions and you dont know how i appreciate you taking the time to respond back.
You had a risk but I wouldn't class it as a high risk and the the small amount of blood on your anus doesn't come into play at all.You have to realize that transmission takes place inside the body not outside it,so any fluids outside the body are not infectious.Bottom line is you require testing so I suggest you test and be done with it.A DUO test at 4 weeks post-exposure is 99.89% accurate.
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