still worried about my safety.

This might sound like I can't get over it. And to be honoust I just can't get over it yet.
I have posted these questions allready on the board but since a week I have a burning and painfull feeling in my armpits. It's really in the middle of my armpits where my arm is connected with my upperbody. It's also the place where my clothes come together and in the morning the feeling is less painfull or burning. The reason I'm panicking is because I have read all those symptoms about HIV. Now here you can read my full story.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/673820
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/699949

I have gone to several doctors that think I wont have HIV, they searched for swollen lymph nodes wich they couldn't find and did a body search. I also had a test a week after exposure wich was negative. Nevertheless I am feeling very scared and I would like to get a little bit more educated about my exposure. Am I not at risk at all? Can I have unprotected sex with my girlfriend without thinking I will infect her? Should I still test? (I'll do it anyway but what do you think?) What could that burning and a little bit painfull sensation in my armpit be? I'm also opening this topic in the HIV forum because that's the only thing I'm scared for right now, and somebody recommended me to do it. I also want other people that did the same thing to get educated about it.

I hope you understand why I'm still concerned. I'm really just seeking as much education as possible on my subject. I thank everybody that will react. Please don't rant me for posting yet again because I also won't this to be a very reliable thread for people with the same problem. I'm also really scared. Thanks.

[LIZZIE LOU]

you have been told that you were NEVER at risk for contracting hiv from receiving oral sex.  if you cannot accept your NO RISK situation...then seek out the help of a mental health professional.

[Rainydayzz]

Ok Lizzie Lou, but I rather be safe than unsafe. The problem is I can't find an explanation for the pain in my armpits? And is it right that in case you get HIV from oral sex the person that is giving would have to have her mouth full of blood or you should at least see the blood and the person recieving oral should have a big wound on his penis to and that's the only case you can have HIV form oral and that's that 1/10 000 chance? I'm a right with thinking that?

[LIZZIE LOU]

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

MOVE ON...

[Rainydayzz]

Ok, Lizzie Lou I'll try to move on, but can somebody please answer my last questions? I really don't want to take this board hostage or something. I'm just concerned that's all. If i offend somebody or do or did something wrong you have my sincere appology. Nevertheless I do wan't to thank for all the help and answers I got allready.

[LIZZIE LOU]

YOU CAN'T GIVE SOMETHING TO SOMEONE THAT YOU DONT HAVE...GEEEEEEZ!

[Rainydayzz]

Just an update and a little bit why I'm still worried about it. I respect the advice I have already gotten. My armpits really started to hurt the last couple of weeks and I have some rashes in my groin area, my armpits and on my finger (clearly from the rash in my groin --> because of treatment. ) I went to several doctors and they said the HIV chance is very very slim but nevertheless today I went to the doctor again and he said I might be allergic to some colour in clothes (this was a skin specialist). Now I'll start treatment against that with wath the doctor has prescribes but nevertheless I never had something like this before wich put's some fear in me again. I'll test early februari. I just hope all the things I'm feeling now have nothing to do with my one mistake or if it has it's just what it is they are saying and nothing to fear.  Nevertheless still scared.

[Teak]

You didn't have a risk. Swollen lymph nodes with HIV infection does not cause pain. If you can't get over this non risk issue seek professional mental help.

[Rainydayzz]

With all respect Teac. I have read and taken up you're advice and I know you are a very believable person and I said I wouldn't ask questions anymore wich I won't. But the reason why I'm still a little bit scared is that I have had a rash in my groin area wich didn't hurt (thats the scary part) within the 2-4 weeks period and my doctor said it was a fungus and I am taken care of it with a prescribed product. It's almost gone but not totally now I'm in week 7 after my exposure (I keep trac of it.) around the 4th or 5th weak my armpits started to hurt and a very small red rash came on it and on my chest,neck area (very few). The pain is durable during the night but by day it's really annoying. (It's been so for three weeks --> not two like I read with HIV-symptoms) My limph aren't swollen according to my doctors. Now offcourse my mind keeps going over it again and again and I must say that offcourse I started to think maybe it's my immune system. All these things I'm experiencing are first time things for me. Maby it's anxiety, maybe it's some fungus infection (wich I hope for), maybe it's an unknown allergic reaction but than again the HIV questions keeps going around in my mind. If I wouldn't have these symptoms I would probably be less affraid and what the mental help part is considered I'm 100% sure that If I have that conclusive test I will be able to let it go. But now I have to wait and that's what keeps me thinking, fearing and hoping.

[Rainydayzz]

I expected somebody to react to those symptoms, are they somehow connected with HIV or totally not?  (I promise this is my last question untill I take the test.)

[LIZZIE LOU]

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

[Rainydayzz]

two days ago I have done a blood test on HIV, this was at the 62th day or 8th week mark. It turned out to be negative. I panicked because i threw up and had a flew of one day. I also have red dots on my neck an right shoulder and still some pain or burning sensation in my armpits which is far less when I don't have my clothes on or just sit in my pyama really strange. I wonder if this is because of the anxiety or some new allergic reaction to some fabric or washing product. It would be the first time. I'm just posting this because I said I would keep this thread updated so people that have made the same stupid mistake like me can learn from it and hopefully some will read it before they do anything and make the right decission. I know what that decission is now. I'll retest myself in februari. Then I'm in the thirteenth week and then I'll have a 100% conclusive result. the armpit question and some slight red rash does worry me. I wander if it could be an other STD? Or maybe some vitamineshortage or something else. But for now I'm glad with the results I have.

[Hubbins]

62 days is one day shy of 9 weeks, FYI.  All of your symtoms (symptoms) are stress related.  I have the same exact sympoms.  You are thinking and stressing about HIV everyday.  You probably think about it every waking moment that your mind has time to wonder.  It's stress and anxiety.  A 9 week negative is 99% proof that you do not have HIV.  Plus acute symtoms (symptoms) would have come on suddenly and all left at once, but you already know this becuase you probably spend several hours everyday looking at this site and others.  I have a fungal rash on my inner thigh, i have rash on my neck (front and back), chest, waist, face.  My armpits feel tight and have a slight burning sensation sometimes as well.  If you look up stress and axiety you'll find that it's not uncommon to have rashes or funny sensations under your arms and other areas.  

You are fine.  Your symptoms will go away when your mind finaly realizes your body is not infected with HIV or anything else.  The mind is very powerful my friend.  You just need to figure out what it's going to take so you'll quit worrying, then you'll be all better.

[Rainydayzz]

Hy Hubbins and others, thanks for the comforting words. The last bloodtest did give me some relief. I have had two stressles weeks. The reason I'm back here is because not everybody in my immediate network of friends believes I'm 100% safe yet. And that makes me nervous and anxious again. Psychologicly this is a very hard period. Today I'm two weeks away from the 12th week mark. I will do a last test at the thirteen week mark so three more weekends to go threw. As time go's on I'm getting scared to do that last test. I haven't felt scared for the first. I did feel scared for the second especially when I had to wait for the result and I just now the third test will be the absolute scariest for me. That's what's bothering me now, i'm getting scared by the day and I'm still hoping that this thing will be a wise lifelesson for me but that I'll be able to return to a normal life after this. I said I would keep this thread updated so that's also the reason for my post and the fact that i'm searching for comfort or reading advice. So Here's my update. I'll post again and for everybody that has helped me already and other who will read this. I'll hope you'll have a great 2009!

[Rainydayzz]

Actually to be honoust with you that's not the reason. I agree that I haven't listened to many persons here. But that's because I have done a stupid thing and I'm taking my responsability to others. I will do that last conclusive test just to know and be 100% sure I'll never put somebody elses life in danger. That's the real reason I'm still scared and going threw this. If I wouldn't care about others and just about myself I wouldn't test and would probably be convinced already. Besides that I'm also very aware of the stupiest mistake in my life I have ever made and I'm also aware that I'm not the only person on this board who has made the same mistake like me and has had or has the same questions like me. So I decided a long time ago to keep everybody as updated as possible about my status and what I feel. The reason of this all has everything to do with the fact that I wan't to help others with this thread to understand the danger they went trough or better to stop them of ever doing something like the thing I did because I should have never done it and If I would have read such a topic like this I probably wouldn't have. You can be angry on me and that's you're opinion and I'm angry on myself to for the thing I have done. But at least I can look into the mirror every morning knowing that I have never put somebody else in risk besides myself and that I have taken full responsabality for my actions and have gone threw a lot of doctors, advice from very good and helpfull people here on the board and two bloodtests. It's not a matter of needing a psychologist. It's a matter of taken responsability for my actions and in that giving advice to other people. Althoug I do agree with the fact that I'm not in the position just yet to give people advice. (I'm sure Teak for example would say such a thing and I would understand him 100%) But I do believe that when I will post my last and conclusive thoughts here this will be a very good thread for people who have to go threw the same thing like I am going threw now.

[ExtremeStress]

YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND TEAK 100%, BECAUSE HE HAS ALREADY TOLD YOU IT WASN'T A RISK!

[Rainydayzz]

I know and he's not the only one. And I do believe those persons but there's still some doubt in me. That's why I'm going for that conclusive test just to put my mind at rest. And Like I said before over and over again, when I have that 12 week test I'll be 100% sure I don't have to worry about it. And you really shouldn't type with your Caps Lock on...

[Teak]

Maybe you'll understand this since you don't understand anything else.

* Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to action by MedHelp. Conclusive negative results or a no-risk situation will be based up the criteria MedHelp’s doctors. Action will be taken as follows:
    * After excessive posting, a warning will be issued by MedHelp
    * Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
    * Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.

[nursegirl6572]

Contiuning to read and post in this forum is only adding to your obsession about this.

Collect your last result, and if you cannot accept it, then seek some help.  You never had a risk to begin with, you didn't believe that...and now you cannot accept your test results.  It's not healthy.

Lastly...why in the HECK would you share personal info about yourself to your friends?  It isn't ANY of their business...and you have NO responsibility to "convince" them that you are not at risk.  That is on them.  I would strongly advise you to be selective on what you share with your friends....really.

Like Teak said above......time to move on, this forum has rules in place for a reason.  We've given you all the reassurance we can....we cannot do anything more for you.  If you continue to post despite your no risk event and prrof positive test results that you are HIV neg, you will find yourself banned.

I hope you get the help you need.

[Rainydayzz]

I really don't want to say that I don't believe you guys or the doctors of the forum here. I do believe you but everbody in my envirement (I meant some very very close person in my family and my doctors) say I still have to take that three months test,  so that's why I'm doing it. I have read a lot on these forums and there are a lot of people that have the same questions and/or anxiety like I have (had). So therefore I really thought it was a good idea to keep posting in this thread so It would give some relief and information to others maybe also persons who don't dare to post here. I do understand that you said I'm not in risk and believe after that 8 week test i'm pretty much convinced to, but just to rule out that 1% doubt in my mind I'll do that 12 week test to. The reason I'm doing that is because I don't want to take the risk of hurting some very dear person to me. No If I have offended somebody or have made a foul out of myself by being to concerned I apolegise. On the other hand I also want to thank people that have helped me and answered my questions on these board. I also want to say that I have understand it but I hope nobody will mind that I will post the third and conclusive test result and then I will give some more gratitude to the people who have helped me. I really don't mean to be bad, or do something wrong or annoye everybody. I'm just trying to find relief and to tell my story. No I'll read answers if there will be on this post. But I promise and I will do this that I won't post here anymore untill I have that third result and for the people who are wondering. I really believe you're advice, it's more than probably the best medforum on the net here, I just wan't to rule out that 1% chance. I really hope some people can understand it from my viewpoint and I really understand yours to. So again my apolligy but i'm just thinking I'm doing the right thing at this moment in my life.

[Rainydayzz]

You guys where right all along, I did the three months conclusive test and everything is just fine with me. Thank's for all you're advice and support. It was a real though lifelesson i hope this thread will give some guidance to people who are in the same situation I was. I had multiple things rash, pain in armpist, vomiting... But now i feel better than ever. Thank you everybody.

[CG822]

These posts have ANXIETY written allll over them.  I thought I was bad!