Aa
mom in law
Hi everyone:
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.
Thank you!
Jackie
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.
Thank you!
Jackie
Sounds like the skilled care situation is the correct answer. We all need to recognize our limitations. As the situation is described, there would be no way I would attempt it. She needs to be where she will be given the best care by attendants that have the knowledge and equipment to give it. Whether she likes to be there or not is of no matter. When I was in hospital with heart problems, I didn't like it one bit, but it was the correct place to be to get the care I needed at the time.
As for how we would like to be treated 20 or 30 years from now, I would hope that my decision makers will make the decision to pull the plug at the appropriate time. Maybe assisted suicide will be accepted by then also.
As for how we would like to be treated 20 or 30 years from now, I would hope that my decision makers will make the decision to pull the plug at the appropriate time. Maybe assisted suicide will be accepted by then also.
Thanks for the comment. The doctor made the decision because he said he couldn't give me a clear date on how long she could live. He then said even if he approved it that the hospice nurses would have to look it over again. I am going to see how she does in the next couple of weeks and make a determination on if I should move her or not.
Her mental state is on and off. Sometimes she is very clear and knows what is going on and other times she doesn't know where she is or why she is in bed. It depends on how sick she is. They have had a really hard time keeping infection out of her body especially in her kidneys. They have had three kinds of antibiotics dripping into her IV valve for the last week and they still said she has bacteria and e-coli growing. I think she has had so many infections that she is becoming resistant to the antibiotics. She has became sepsus before and we almost lost her. Her kidneys are functioning at less than 50%.
God Bless
Jackie
Her mental state is on and off. Sometimes she is very clear and knows what is going on and other times she doesn't know where she is or why she is in bed. It depends on how sick she is. They have had a really hard time keeping infection out of her body especially in her kidneys. They have had three kinds of antibiotics dripping into her IV valve for the last week and they still said she has bacteria and e-coli growing. I think she has had so many infections that she is becoming resistant to the antibiotics. She has became sepsus before and we almost lost her. Her kidneys are functioning at less than 50%.
God Bless
Jackie
You can call it what ever you want to call it or me. That’s fine with me.
I stand up for what I said. I am not an angel and I know I did do things I could do differently, then I just ‘swallow’ it. I won’t go with it to an open massage board for ‘support’ of my ‘wrong’ doing, just to get justification.
Or if I go…like in this dialog …I can go blunt and can get back the same blunt answer ,like I get it from you. Fine with me. :)
Yes I strongly believe it is a 'wrong' doing not to PROVIDE care at home in a family setting for old sick parents. IN CASES LIKE THIS WE TALKING ABOUT , AS OP STATED IN HER FIRST POST : MOTHER IN LAW HATED THE PLACE SHE WAS IN. I don’t care if they are hard to lift, if they last some control, etc. Send them to an institution is heartless soulless, poor choice. Point. Period !
If the old, ill , like the place or choice of her/his institutional care it is different story.
Now if the old and ill hates the institution as in this case.
Some people have no other choice. (?) Maybe. But that is the point when they have to look at in to there heart deep and should pick up the right solution.
Professional help is available at home setting!!!!
It cost money? Right it does. Like everything in life.
How many hundreds, thousands we spend on junks.
We are here on this earth because our parents are/ were, people greatly underestimate this.
I know millions are doing it, still doesn’t make it right.
About my false saint note.
I was on an other board this old women over 80 was a big ‘saint ‘
Doing regular bible reading in her home, never let the ‘Lord’ the 'God bless', out from her posts. She was living alone .but in a lovely and helping happy relationship with her many kids and grandkids, they had regular visits and get togethers
Her also old brother had few months to live, and being alone had no other choice then just die in an institution that he was hating…..she was sorry…he had a WISH to die home with her…..he didn’t, he didn’t get the biggest gift they could of give him ..The lovely family….
…they might still read their bible ….now this is what I call falls saint act …
Have a good day to you too.
I stand up for what I said. I am not an angel and I know I did do things I could do differently, then I just ‘swallow’ it. I won’t go with it to an open massage board for ‘support’ of my ‘wrong’ doing, just to get justification.
Or if I go…like in this dialog …I can go blunt and can get back the same blunt answer ,like I get it from you. Fine with me. :)
Yes I strongly believe it is a 'wrong' doing not to PROVIDE care at home in a family setting for old sick parents. IN CASES LIKE THIS WE TALKING ABOUT , AS OP STATED IN HER FIRST POST : MOTHER IN LAW HATED THE PLACE SHE WAS IN. I don’t care if they are hard to lift, if they last some control, etc. Send them to an institution is heartless soulless, poor choice. Point. Period !
If the old, ill , like the place or choice of her/his institutional care it is different story.
Now if the old and ill hates the institution as in this case.
Some people have no other choice. (?) Maybe. But that is the point when they have to look at in to there heart deep and should pick up the right solution.
Professional help is available at home setting!!!!
It cost money? Right it does. Like everything in life.
How many hundreds, thousands we spend on junks.
We are here on this earth because our parents are/ were, people greatly underestimate this.
I know millions are doing it, still doesn’t make it right.
About my false saint note.
I was on an other board this old women over 80 was a big ‘saint ‘
Doing regular bible reading in her home, never let the ‘Lord’ the 'God bless', out from her posts. She was living alone .but in a lovely and helping happy relationship with her many kids and grandkids, they had regular visits and get togethers
Her also old brother had few months to live, and being alone had no other choice then just die in an institution that he was hating…..she was sorry…he had a WISH to die home with her…..he didn’t, he didn’t get the biggest gift they could of give him ..The lovely family….
…they might still read their bible ….now this is what I call falls saint act …
Have a good day to you too.
Please ignore V's comment...when one is on a high horse it can be hard to see.
Is your Mother-in-law mentally unable to participate in this decision? I have no first hand experience with Hospice but from what I hear it is a wonderful alternative for those who are terminally ill. Perhaps you could talk with her doctor to find out why he opposes such care. If that fails then maybe you could take her medical records to a hospice in your area and sit and talk with a counselor there about how you might be able to get your MIL into the program. Sorry I have no more solid advice to offer. I wish you well in this tough and very personal decision. God bless.
Is your Mother-in-law mentally unable to participate in this decision? I have no first hand experience with Hospice but from what I hear it is a wonderful alternative for those who are terminally ill. Perhaps you could talk with her doctor to find out why he opposes such care. If that fails then maybe you could take her medical records to a hospice in your area and sit and talk with a counselor there about how you might be able to get your MIL into the program. Sorry I have no more solid advice to offer. I wish you well in this tough and very personal decision. God bless.
I could only read your response and shake my head. What kind of shape was your mom in? How much did she weigh? Have you ever tried moving someone that is dead weight and weighs over 200 more pounds than you? When a person is of this age and health their skin is like paper and without the proper care and equipment their skin just peels away at anything and they bruise with a touch. I am glad it was a situation you could take care of your mom but did you not read that I physically cannot. If I tried she would be hurt every time I had to turn her or get her to a bedside comode or even get her to sit up. I think you see only what you want to see.
As far as the saint comment, lets ask you a few questions. Were you married when your mom was ill? Did you have children to care for? Did you have anyone else to take care of and consider other than yourself when she was ill?
It takes a big person to correct a spelling error on a anonymous forum and follow it with a saint comment. I think that shows me the kind of person you are.
I want to say thank you to the other comments everyone has made. I just wanted to make the right decision on where was the best place for her at this time. I don't want her moved around anymore than needed.
God Bless
Jackie
As far as the saint comment, lets ask you a few questions. Were you married when your mom was ill? Did you have children to care for? Did you have anyone else to take care of and consider other than yourself when she was ill?
It takes a big person to correct a spelling error on a anonymous forum and follow it with a saint comment. I think that shows me the kind of person you are.
I want to say thank you to the other comments everyone has made. I just wanted to make the right decision on where was the best place for her at this time. I don't want her moved around anymore than needed.
God Bless
Jackie
Vienna, you made your comments - was it really necessary to come in for the kill. I appreciate your "tough love" approach to advice at times, but in my opinion you crossed the line with your answer here. You say you didn't judge the poster, but you most certainly did in a very strong way - especially with your "false saint act" comment. Such a comment should require much more knowledge of a person, and you are quite presumptious here. I'm sure you'll come back at me w/ something harsh, and that is okay. But I just want to see if you can handle hearing a negative comment about yourself, since you are sometimes quite quick to provide them to others (see if you can take your own medicine). I usually try and keep quiet and ignore these things, but for some reason your posts on this thread made me want to write. I applaud your efforts to take care of your mom the way you did, but that was YOUR way. And your way might not be right for everyone - doesn't mean they don't love their parents just as much as you do. Good luck to all, but I encourage this site to be helpful, not simply mean. I understand/agree that sometimes a harsh response is more helpful and needed, but I think you crossed the line w/ this one Vienna. Good luck to all.
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