mom in law

[JRG]

Hi everyone:
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.

Thank you!
Jackie

[viennaustria]

You are non existent to me. Don’t bother.:) I know who you are,but .... if I am wrong ,.....I really hope I am....then...
I am sorry Jack !!!

[dmil241]

That is really great...quite commendable. However from what I've been able to glimpse of you through your posts here, the only personality you would have been able to love or been able to be kind to and not make miserable would have been the dog in the whole situation. The fact that your kids learned to take care of themselves is not at all surprising. I'm sure that they learned this at a very young age.

OOPS...I almost forgot....God Bless.
Being so saintly, I'm sure you love this type of sign off.

LOL.....Can't wait for your retort. You make me smile and laugh! What a hoot you are!:)

And you are so right, SurfingSue or PVCQueen or Hineywhiney or whatever you newest alias is (your writing style is just too easy to pick out).....this is SOOO MUCH FUN!!!!

[viennaustria]

I believe in Karma. I might  get mine for that, oh why oh why I am not kind with Jackie and ‘hug’ her, or maybe not, there is an ultimate truth in everything  and I do not say that is mine.
    
I do not think the only right thing is home care for the ill and old, but it doesn’t mean our decision right if more people saying it is just  from politeness, or from sorrow and I mean it in general not in this case only.
In Jackie’s case if she started to explain the whole story in her first post,   the awful pounds that her poor mother in law has, I am sure I would just shut up and this conversation never took place.
  
…but who knows maybe I could  pick up on that how the earth  can somebody be over300 pounds ,while being  42 years insulin dependant!!!!????.

Sorry I am not here to hug everybody but to tell what I think. It might be useful for somebody and won’t see me as a personal attacker.  

I like to see black and white somtimes.
Bad habit.:)

Rest my case.

Next we can talk about pounds, overeating and exercise!!

while the fact remains poor mother in law at the place that she HATES....life goes on...

...I feel sorry for HER.

    

[ireneo]

I'm just scanning the comments and want to ask - why isn't hospice an option? JRG just said that doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I know there's certain criteria that have to be met before someone qualifies for hospice but it sounds like the MIL is ready for that. My Dad has the best of both worlds I guess. He has hospice care at home, my Mom cares for him in her own grumpy way and my husband and I go over to care for them both (work around the house, run errands and listen to them talk about their troubles). Because of my own goofy heart and fatigue I'm not sure if I could handle full time care for them but we are certainly available and do what we can. I don't want to be a martyr but I won't feel any regrets either. I'm there for them, not because I get any benefit from it (their anger is quite toxic and draining) but as vienna said - it's the right thing to do. JRG - this isn't actually answering your question but maybe all these comments will give some more ideas and options. I know it's rough.

[scrat42000]

Not just yet.  Sort of testing the waters

[Tarheelguy1967]

I think that you did a great thing in taking care of your mom is very commendable.  No need to try and convince me - I'm convinced.  But you can't convince me that anyone who doesn't follow your course of action, judged by reading a couple of blurbs on a website, is a bad person or taking the wrong course of action.  The world would be a great/easy place to be if it were so black and white, but it simply is not that kind of world.