Aa
mom in law
Hi everyone:
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.
Thank you!
Jackie
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.
Thank you!
Jackie
I'm really having a hard time understanding your ever-so-sweet, careful--not-to-offend posts to Vienna. She is absolutely cruel in some of her posts.....and all are arrogant. So she graciously finally admits that she wouldn't have been so insulting if only the poster had included every detail of her circumstance..............That is sure the closest thing to an apology I've ever seen out of her......
I did my stint as a caregiver for a much older half-sister, and earlier shared my Mother's care with my other sisters.........they never went to homes..........don't worry V............I'm not asking for my sainthood pin............and I think that when you've been there, done that, if it was difficult enough for you............you would certainly never, never, never, cast judgement on someone whe is not able to do it......or who's own health would be forfeited for it.....or signifigant quality of life............I would never want my children to be burdened with taking care of me and I tell them so all the time...If I'm incapacitated, the government's got a place for me......and Vienna, if you have a different opinion, I wouldn't dream of being so rude as to shame you for it.
I did my stint as a caregiver for a much older half-sister, and earlier shared my Mother's care with my other sisters.........they never went to homes..........don't worry V............I'm not asking for my sainthood pin............and I think that when you've been there, done that, if it was difficult enough for you............you would certainly never, never, never, cast judgement on someone whe is not able to do it......or who's own health would be forfeited for it.....or signifigant quality of life............I would never want my children to be burdened with taking care of me and I tell them so all the time...If I'm incapacitated, the government's got a place for me......and Vienna, if you have a different opinion, I wouldn't dream of being so rude as to shame you for it.
Vienna, dearheart, I love you! And I always love your openness and honesty, and we all don't have to agree with you and you are ok with that! I hope others appreciate my bluntness as well and my honesty. I consider it one of my best qualities. And you should too!
However, I do not agree with you this time. I might have argued in the past that everyone could be taken care of at home, but it just isn't so. My mother had the means to stay at home and had 24 hour private care for about 4 years, costing over $100,000 a year. She had to go into the hospital for a blood clot and was never able to walk after that. She was sent to a rehab place where she flunked rehab a couple of times and then was sent to the long term care part. She weighed about 200, I think, and was also, like Jackie's family member, a total dead weight. She could not help move AT ALL. She required a type of Hoyer lift that needed TWO people to just take her to the bathroom. It was literally unsafe to try without 2 people. We tried and tried to think of alternatives and ways to bring her back home. I could hardly even push her wheelchair. All she wanted was to go home, and eat. She happened to LOVE the food at her LTC facility, thankfully. She had all her marbles mostly til she died, and at one level, did understand that she was not able to be cared for in her own home or one of ours either. She hated for any of us to go home, even though she always had her own private caregiver still with her. She would beg us not to leave. In the end, we were all comfortable with our decision, since there really was no decision to be made. We couldn't care for her and they could. When she died, all 6 of her children were in the room, and a number of the grands as well. She was buried a year ago tomorrow, and some of us till find it hard to believe that she is gone, but we did our best. Jackie, I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right decision.
However, I do not agree with you this time. I might have argued in the past that everyone could be taken care of at home, but it just isn't so. My mother had the means to stay at home and had 24 hour private care for about 4 years, costing over $100,000 a year. She had to go into the hospital for a blood clot and was never able to walk after that. She was sent to a rehab place where she flunked rehab a couple of times and then was sent to the long term care part. She weighed about 200, I think, and was also, like Jackie's family member, a total dead weight. She could not help move AT ALL. She required a type of Hoyer lift that needed TWO people to just take her to the bathroom. It was literally unsafe to try without 2 people. We tried and tried to think of alternatives and ways to bring her back home. I could hardly even push her wheelchair. All she wanted was to go home, and eat. She happened to LOVE the food at her LTC facility, thankfully. She had all her marbles mostly til she died, and at one level, did understand that she was not able to be cared for in her own home or one of ours either. She hated for any of us to go home, even though she always had her own private caregiver still with her. She would beg us not to leave. In the end, we were all comfortable with our decision, since there really was no decision to be made. We couldn't care for her and they could. When she died, all 6 of her children were in the room, and a number of the grands as well. She was buried a year ago tomorrow, and some of us till find it hard to believe that she is gone, but we did our best. Jackie, I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right decision.
I will comment that I am sorry for the assumption made when I first read your original post. I have been around enough people of great greed and it hit me that the buzzards were circling. Sometimes the post seems long, you think you have put in enough information and then past experience of the readers can cloud your meaning. I do not doubt your concern for the old gal. Good luck with your decision. Sometimes the caregiver just gets worn out themselves, and if you have had 3 1/2 years, I would say you deserve a break. I just wish you had some family members who could step up and help you out.
I really never meant to cause all this. I love my mom in law very much. I have been her primary care giver for 3 1/2 years. I have been with her all day to make sure she is settled and comfortable and at this point that is all we can hope for. The cardiologist will see her in two weeks and at that time I plan on questioning him about his decision about hospice. My husband is a very busy man who travels 75% of the time with his job. He loves his mom but he is the only bread winner in the family so he leaves it up to me to provide care. Janet also has two other children who have not been to see her since their sister died of cancer. If she is lucky they will call every few months. Janets wieght balooned upward when my husband was a young boy after she got diabetes. She has actually lost weight in the past year but still about 300. I will update everyone on how she is doing and let you know what the doctors have to say.
God Bless
Jackie
God Bless
Jackie
No way am I going to hide behind Jack! I wouldn't do that to him. You guys ride him enough just for your pure pleasure and to see if you can push him over the edge. It is how you get your kicks which shows what truly pathetic lives you have.You guys really ARE sick and I'm not just talking about the physical ailments! (It is a good thing that some of you are posting over on the anxiety forum but I don't think it is going to help you all. Shame really.) I could almost feel compassion for you but as SurfingSue, the Hineywhiney PVCQueen, says it is just TOO MUCH FUN this way!
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