Aa
Am I crazy?
Everyone here is well aware of the Riba Rage that most of us experience. My problem is that it seems to be my partner
Hi, Starla,
One of the first things my doc told me is "Don't make any important decisions while you're on tx." That was hard; so was putting myself totally in my husband's hands. It did mean trying to ignore some stuff that bothered me, because I would feel the steam building up, and I knew if I let it bother me, I would blow.
Once I thoughtlessly made a stupid generalization, only to find it might have been really hurtful to someone standing next to me. I apologized to her; she said she didn't know what for. I tried to explain, but she stopped me and said, no one can hurt her feelings because she chooses not to let things hurt her feelings; that it's the other person's problem. If you choose not to be insulted, insults won't hurt you, etc. I've tried hard to use this "water off my back" approach since then, and my stress level - and my BP - have been lower since then.
Oh, well, I hope something in that was relevant... What were we discussing? Oh, yes, there is an end to tx, and a life after.
Maj Neni
One of the first things my doc told me is "Don't make any important decisions while you're on tx." That was hard; so was putting myself totally in my husband's hands. It did mean trying to ignore some stuff that bothered me, because I would feel the steam building up, and I knew if I let it bother me, I would blow.
Once I thoughtlessly made a stupid generalization, only to find it might have been really hurtful to someone standing next to me. I apologized to her; she said she didn't know what for. I tried to explain, but she stopped me and said, no one can hurt her feelings because she chooses not to let things hurt her feelings; that it's the other person's problem. If you choose not to be insulted, insults won't hurt you, etc. I've tried hard to use this "water off my back" approach since then, and my stress level - and my BP - have been lower since then.
Oh, well, I hope something in that was relevant... What were we discussing? Oh, yes, there is an end to tx, and a life after.
Maj Neni
Thank you each and everyone for your support. I can always count on you all to bring me back in step. I have read ech post and there are a lot of wise encouraging things said. I have good news in spite of the stress at home. My Dr. called my office today and said that my 24 wk test, taken a week early, was still "UNDETECTABLE". It's is kind of ironic that on this day I felt as if the treatment was not only killing the dragon but also my marriage. I will keep working on my outburst and try to be nicer, if that is even possible on this s***. Again thank you everyone for being the support I need, withoout all of you things would be really hard and lonely too. It's just that no matter how much a person cares or tries to understand, THEY CAN NOT UNLESS THEY HAVE TAKEN THIS JUNK, (oh I mean life safing meds. that's right. Well I'm going to leave work and head home. Pray that I can be loving and kind and ESPECIALLY forgiving. Love you all!
Starla
Starla
I totally agree with all the above posts. Life is hard enough on you while on tx. The next time he YELLS @ you, put him a xanax in his drink!!!! AND I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING.....that will calm HIM down!!! Hang in there.....it gets worse...LOL (only kidding). We love ya gal, Cindee
Star....Crazy??...Of COURSE you are! We ALL are when we're on these meds! SO WHAT? As long as you realize it then you can deal with it. I was absolutely nuts on that stuff. But..I "knew" it. I let my wife make ALL the important "life" decisions then. I would rage and ***** about a lot of what she did, but she just ignored my "moments" and went right on. Then I would feel guilty and apologize profusely and she would just smile, and nod, and all would be right with the world.....until the next day when it would start all over again. I KNEW I was not thinking straight. I couldn't remember my cats name for the entire year for Gods sake! I kept running out of gas cuz I forgot to look at the gas guage in the car! I was NOT normal! Neither are you. TRY.......real hard...to just let your hubby handle it all until you are done. I know....you will NOT agree with everything he does or how he does it.....but you are just not able to make many "great" decisions right now. You can "fix" all he screws up after you are done. You do NOT need the extra stress right now. Just try to concentrate on remembering the names of ALL your family members...THAT is accomplishment enough for you right now.
Cuteus........CODE?? There is a CODE OF GOODNESS for women??? HAHAHAHAHAHA That is WAY too much for me to handle! Do any other women know about this? NO women I know do. If I actually told my wife that she was supposed to be.....unselfish and of service, make relationships work and be competent without complains; these account for a woman to give and give in often.....AND then made ANY reference to..."compliant behavior"....she would not only laugh at me...she might possibly SHOOT ME! HAHAHAHAHAHA After being married for something like 27 years now, I don't think she is ready for THAT big of a change. Besides...she likes it when I BEG.
Cuteus........CODE?? There is a CODE OF GOODNESS for women??? HAHAHAHAHAHA That is WAY too much for me to handle! Do any other women know about this? NO women I know do. If I actually told my wife that she was supposed to be.....unselfish and of service, make relationships work and be competent without complains; these account for a woman to give and give in often.....AND then made ANY reference to..."compliant behavior"....she would not only laugh at me...she might possibly SHOOT ME! HAHAHAHAHAHA After being married for something like 27 years now, I don't think she is ready for THAT big of a change. Besides...she likes it when I BEG.
after reading yopur post and the rest of the posts i went back and reread your post.
"I WOULD TOLERATE MANY THINGS" , why? relationships are built
on mutual trust, need, love, support, and all the emotions that make us humans. so why tolerate many things? instead of tolerate it should be "we compromised on many things", are you the only one that has to give in and tolerate things?
"DOESN'T MATTER IF I HAVE A VALID POINT" WHY? are you less than your husband? do his valid points mean more than your valid points? if so why?
"NOT TOLERATING THE BULL HAS HUSBAND FREAKED OUT" why should you have to tolerate the bul, does he tolerate your bull?
why is he freaked out that you chose not to tolerate the bull?
is he afraid of losing controle of you? are these controle issues to begin with?
"MY HUSBAND KEEPS YELLING" does yelling realy solve anything?
would he yell if you were in a hospital recieving the meds instead of at home? does he do this when his friends, family are around? would he react different if he knew the world was watching him yell at a person that is very sick?
"HE USES THAT TO THROW THE BLAME AT ME" why must there be blame?
is he so perfect that he never has anything to accept the blame for? blaming does not solve any problems, and in fact can cause even more as others scramble to cast the first blame.
"POWER WEAPON FOR MY HUSBAND TO USE AGAINST ME" why does anyone that loves you need a weapon and specialy a power weapon to use against you?
some of this may be indead the meds effecting your perception.
some of this may be fear, perhaps your husband is afraid of losing you to the disease and does not know how to deal with the fear( acting out and being angry are common ways some people deal with unadressed fear).
from reading your post though i feal that this is realy about CONTROLE. not knowing your husband i ask you.
if he feels that you are not in controle of your self, due to meds or the disease, would he be acting this way to let you know that its ok to be out of controle as he will take over controle and keep you safe? i dont know only you would know the answer to this problem.
it is very important to matain a positive attitude during any illiness, many studies have shown the importance of this.
it does not sound from your post that this is happening at your house. perhaps it is time to seek outside professional help?
if not for the both of you then at least for you to resolve the issue of " AM I CRAZY" I DONT THINK YOU ARE! but then i am here and you are there. again maybe you are seeing things in a different light. i'm not sure about all the otheres here but once again i have had to confront my mortality in this disease.
in confronting the very real possibility that this disease could kill me i have looked at what is important and not important in my life, i have looked at my wife with a slightly different view as i approach treatment. we evaluate our resources in our loved ones, will they be strong enough to help us through this, can they handle all the litle things we used to handle but can no longer. will they can they be the ROCK to which we can cling as we feel as if we are drowning? i have my answers to these questions.
do you star have yours? i dont know if this ramblin post helps but i hope in some small way it does.
AND ALWAYS REMBER WE YOUR OTHER FAMILY HERE IN HEPPERLAND ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
in love and best wishes for you
dan
"I WOULD TOLERATE MANY THINGS" , why? relationships are built
on mutual trust, need, love, support, and all the emotions that make us humans. so why tolerate many things? instead of tolerate it should be "we compromised on many things", are you the only one that has to give in and tolerate things?
"DOESN'T MATTER IF I HAVE A VALID POINT" WHY? are you less than your husband? do his valid points mean more than your valid points? if so why?
"NOT TOLERATING THE BULL HAS HUSBAND FREAKED OUT" why should you have to tolerate the bul, does he tolerate your bull?
why is he freaked out that you chose not to tolerate the bull?
is he afraid of losing controle of you? are these controle issues to begin with?
"MY HUSBAND KEEPS YELLING" does yelling realy solve anything?
would he yell if you were in a hospital recieving the meds instead of at home? does he do this when his friends, family are around? would he react different if he knew the world was watching him yell at a person that is very sick?
"HE USES THAT TO THROW THE BLAME AT ME" why must there be blame?
is he so perfect that he never has anything to accept the blame for? blaming does not solve any problems, and in fact can cause even more as others scramble to cast the first blame.
"POWER WEAPON FOR MY HUSBAND TO USE AGAINST ME" why does anyone that loves you need a weapon and specialy a power weapon to use against you?
some of this may be indead the meds effecting your perception.
some of this may be fear, perhaps your husband is afraid of losing you to the disease and does not know how to deal with the fear( acting out and being angry are common ways some people deal with unadressed fear).
from reading your post though i feal that this is realy about CONTROLE. not knowing your husband i ask you.
if he feels that you are not in controle of your self, due to meds or the disease, would he be acting this way to let you know that its ok to be out of controle as he will take over controle and keep you safe? i dont know only you would know the answer to this problem.
it is very important to matain a positive attitude during any illiness, many studies have shown the importance of this.
it does not sound from your post that this is happening at your house. perhaps it is time to seek outside professional help?
if not for the both of you then at least for you to resolve the issue of " AM I CRAZY" I DONT THINK YOU ARE! but then i am here and you are there. again maybe you are seeing things in a different light. i'm not sure about all the otheres here but once again i have had to confront my mortality in this disease.
in confronting the very real possibility that this disease could kill me i have looked at what is important and not important in my life, i have looked at my wife with a slightly different view as i approach treatment. we evaluate our resources in our loved ones, will they be strong enough to help us through this, can they handle all the litle things we used to handle but can no longer. will they can they be the ROCK to which we can cling as we feel as if we are drowning? i have my answers to these questions.
do you star have yours? i dont know if this ramblin post helps but i hope in some small way it does.
AND ALWAYS REMBER WE YOUR OTHER FAMILY HERE IN HEPPERLAND ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
in love and best wishes for you
dan
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