up and down

[ladybuglola]

I'm feeling very confused right now.  
My husband and I have been going thru a rough patch lately.  
Being on tx I've noticed I've become very sensetive to my surroundings, which is a good thing because I"ve discovered he's been abusing methamphetamines.  Now that he is in sobriety (2 wks) all I do is think back on the behavior that this drug causes.  
I'm trying to get over it and look forward, but out of no where I start dwelling on it and just  explode.  I feel like i'm just repeating myself.  
Now I'm confused; I'm sure it comes partially from the meds,  I hate that I just keep  reliving the past and find anything I can to accuse him of still using
I really feel like moving out just so that I can be alone and not focus on him.  
I dont know if I'm just behaving like a co-dependent or its the meds.  
Has anyone gone thru something similar while on tx.  Help I'm going crazy.

[ladybuglola]

harrybeads-Thanks for you advice, I am looking at some hepc support groups in my area.
Meki-Girl it was almost scary, I feel like your in my head. You made some very good points.  Every question you mention I have thought, but I thought its just paranoia due to the meds.  
I cant help but look at him and wonder what else havent u told me or done.  I feel all my thoughts and actions feel justified, except that maybe I'm reacting more intense than normal cuz of the meds. I am normally a very laid back person.  
One good thing, I thank meds, because now I'm not taking any c*** and expecting change which normally I would probably stay in denial.  I am definitely taking all you said very seriously.  
Wilful-Ditto dude, my thoughts are exactly in line with yours.  nasty nasty meds.
I feel these meds are making me crazy but possibly saving his life because normally I dont know if i would have reacted so agressivly, I'm just not used to that type of behavior and it scares me.

[Wilful1]

Meiki makes some very good points and I can certainly identify with many things you are thinking and feeling.  I get very confused myself about whether my complaints are legitimate or am I making more out of a problem than I have to.  I feel that I obsess about all kinds of comments or actions that I perceive to be less than supportive, and have lots of times where I want to run away and be alone so I won't say things that take "it one step beyond."  I second guess almost everything I say or think.  It really helps to have someone to help counsel a person through the anxiety, anger, and confusion.
Best wishes,
Wilful

[meki]

It's not the meds --- you found out that your husband was doing something that he was hiding --- ANY NORMAL person would blow up... It takes time to get over anger and hurt like that.

Now --- throw in the mix a whole bunch of medications that whack out your emotions and your hormones.

So - are you inappropriately angry? Probably not.

You're busy fighting a disease - and he's partying.

You're feeling horrible - and he's having fun... on stuff that he isn't supposed to be on.

He lied... He hid stuff from you... and you found out and busted him

Can you trust him now?

Can you believe him?

Do you have to watch every step he takes in order to trust him again...

Do you have to ask him a million questions to find out if he loves you.

Do think he's going to do it again?

How much was he really doing?

How much money was spent?

What else do you not know about?

All those things and more are probably coursing through your mind.

All of those things are bouncing off the walls while you're dealing with some very stressful things on your own - like getting better.

Like feeling better.

Like holding on to your own sanity.

NO - you're not abnormal.

And no --- it's not wrong to feel hurt.

You just have to decide if you can get past it --- and if you can handle it and that you are willing to trust him --- and you want to make your life together work. AND THEN YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

If the answer is NO... then you need to protect yourself and get yourself mentally and physically prepared to move out and do things on your own.

You will need to weigh Love, Trust, happiness, stability vs anger hurt and humiliation.

And you will need to choose which comes out on top.

But don't put yourself down --- or make yourself feel bad... you're reacting like a normal person... and the meds certainly aren't gonna help.

Hugs,

Meki

[HARRYBEADS]

Sounds like the ribavarin has got the best of ya, have you tried seeing someone to talk to about this. You are very week emotionally so find some one.

Harry