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New Years "Amateurs Night"
I had a decent new year, albeit a no frills one. Took in a AA NY eve party. Got home at 11:30 PM. That should tell you it was a mild night. I sat pensively at my computer. Is that all that there is? Is that all that there is to this New Years Eve night?
At the stroke of 12 I heard a thump. I looked outside and some kid had "goosed" his car a little too hard coming down the street and rounding the corner and had slid down my street sideways and planted himself sideways against the telephone pole next to my driveway. As if that weren't bad enough...... he was also "high" and dry on all the snow that was piled up on each side of the driveway. So there he was, probably under the influence, smashed car and his car parked perpendicular to the street; half in and half out. His car door and my telephone pole locked in a almost passionate and forbidden embrace that the driver could not put asunder despite his best attempts. Come the morning the shape of the pole would be wistfully remembered on the skin of the drivers car door even if this tryst were to be short lived.
What do you do in such a situation?
Call your drunk friends on your cell phone. (duh.....)
In a matter of 10 minutes they were battering the car from all angles, effectively denting each vehicle. They thought of creative ways to push the car so as to cause more damage to each side of it. In addition to the help of a 4 wheel drive vehicle an inebriated friend would launch himself at the car not at all unlike an NFL linesman resulting in them always smashing themselves into the inert auto and then promptly landing on his face in the snow and ice. There was a precision in communication between the parties that was beautiful, each launching themselves or the SUV at the disabled car alternatively and sometimes in unison.
They were finally able to break the car free. Using the telephone pole as the fulcrum the SUV applied pressure to the car. While this may have further impressed the pole into the car door....... I was also duly impressed. This act of genius so early in the morning seemed as inspired as if Archimedes himself were watching over them all while shouting instructions from the snowdrift. And then....... Success!!! The driver gunned the car as it tore from it's perch, zoomed across the street and it promptly lodged into the bank of the opposite side of the street at an angle 42 degrees perpendicular to the curb. Progress was being made; slowly but surely.
Undeterred, the 4 wheel drive revved the mighty motor and as soon as the driver was able to align the 2 vehicles so that a new previously undamaged mating surface was found......and he gave it the gas. This time since the front of the car was stuck he pushed against the rear quarter panel behind the passengers side until the car was once again parallel to the street. It was really quite easy; the car slid almost effortlessly on the snow packed street under the force of the 4 wheel drive SUV. As the force was applied the planes of the two vehicles became parallel and brushed each other as one might slide against strangers in a crowded club.
All that was left was for the various pieces of the car that was pulled loose either in the fracas of the original accident or in the rescue mission. As these were placed on the curb the driver gunned the car to sail off into the night. The coast was clear, the car was pointed downhill and driver and his posse was in position to flee the scene. The night was still young.
But it was not meant to be...... no....
Something about the car had been injured in the dance. Like a possum bound by an invisible tether the car was able to only drive in an arc. Despite their best efforts the car once again planted itself into a snowbank, this time again on the opposite and original side of the street
At this point it appears there was little to do but regroup inside and the noise of exasperated teens receded . At the time of this writing the damaged car lies stuck far from home...in peril....and with no exit strategy.
After a time the voices reconvened outside. There was anguish and betrayal in the voices. Someday they may look back and laugh at this dark tragedy that scorned the promise of a new year......but it will not likely be tomorrow morning. When the new day dawns..... probably some time in the late morning or early afternoon there may be a new plan. Perhaps they will be able to reformulate what actions should have been taken. Likely, more pressing matters will be at hand. Will the driver be able to "sell" the possibility that this all occurred while they were parked at the local IHOP having an innocent early morning pancake? Could the gods be that kind?
I think to myself...... my New Years Eve was not so bad after all and......
I'm glad that they are not hunting.
And finally...... hug your kids in the morning (after you check the cars first thing in the AM)
Happy New Year.
Willy
At the stroke of 12 I heard a thump. I looked outside and some kid had "goosed" his car a little too hard coming down the street and rounding the corner and had slid down my street sideways and planted himself sideways against the telephone pole next to my driveway. As if that weren't bad enough...... he was also "high" and dry on all the snow that was piled up on each side of the driveway. So there he was, probably under the influence, smashed car and his car parked perpendicular to the street; half in and half out. His car door and my telephone pole locked in a almost passionate and forbidden embrace that the driver could not put asunder despite his best attempts. Come the morning the shape of the pole would be wistfully remembered on the skin of the drivers car door even if this tryst were to be short lived.
What do you do in such a situation?
Call your drunk friends on your cell phone. (duh.....)
In a matter of 10 minutes they were battering the car from all angles, effectively denting each vehicle. They thought of creative ways to push the car so as to cause more damage to each side of it. In addition to the help of a 4 wheel drive vehicle an inebriated friend would launch himself at the car not at all unlike an NFL linesman resulting in them always smashing themselves into the inert auto and then promptly landing on his face in the snow and ice. There was a precision in communication between the parties that was beautiful, each launching themselves or the SUV at the disabled car alternatively and sometimes in unison.
They were finally able to break the car free. Using the telephone pole as the fulcrum the SUV applied pressure to the car. While this may have further impressed the pole into the car door....... I was also duly impressed. This act of genius so early in the morning seemed as inspired as if Archimedes himself were watching over them all while shouting instructions from the snowdrift. And then....... Success!!! The driver gunned the car as it tore from it's perch, zoomed across the street and it promptly lodged into the bank of the opposite side of the street at an angle 42 degrees perpendicular to the curb. Progress was being made; slowly but surely.
Undeterred, the 4 wheel drive revved the mighty motor and as soon as the driver was able to align the 2 vehicles so that a new previously undamaged mating surface was found......and he gave it the gas. This time since the front of the car was stuck he pushed against the rear quarter panel behind the passengers side until the car was once again parallel to the street. It was really quite easy; the car slid almost effortlessly on the snow packed street under the force of the 4 wheel drive SUV. As the force was applied the planes of the two vehicles became parallel and brushed each other as one might slide against strangers in a crowded club.
All that was left was for the various pieces of the car that was pulled loose either in the fracas of the original accident or in the rescue mission. As these were placed on the curb the driver gunned the car to sail off into the night. The coast was clear, the car was pointed downhill and driver and his posse was in position to flee the scene. The night was still young.
But it was not meant to be...... no....
Something about the car had been injured in the dance. Like a possum bound by an invisible tether the car was able to only drive in an arc. Despite their best efforts the car once again planted itself into a snowbank, this time again on the opposite and original side of the street
At this point it appears there was little to do but regroup inside and the noise of exasperated teens receded . At the time of this writing the damaged car lies stuck far from home...in peril....and with no exit strategy.
After a time the voices reconvened outside. There was anguish and betrayal in the voices. Someday they may look back and laugh at this dark tragedy that scorned the promise of a new year......but it will not likely be tomorrow morning. When the new day dawns..... probably some time in the late morning or early afternoon there may be a new plan. Perhaps they will be able to reformulate what actions should have been taken. Likely, more pressing matters will be at hand. Will the driver be able to "sell" the possibility that this all occurred while they were parked at the local IHOP having an innocent early morning pancake? Could the gods be that kind?
I think to myself...... my New Years Eve was not so bad after all and......
I'm glad that they are not hunting.
And finally...... hug your kids in the morning (after you check the cars first thing in the AM)
Happy New Year.
Willy
hilarious! sounds like an old boyfriend of mine...he wasn't an ex-pot dealer in Malibu was he? Blond hair, and a little dim?
my chem prof&neighbor got pulled over one nite for DWI-his nickname was six-pack jack,need i say more?-he was arrested and placed in backseat of patrol car..on the drive to the station,jack politely asked if he could smoke a cig.these being 'the good old days' the officier agreed ...now ol jack always rolled his own and had a pack at hand...he proceeded to light up... what became immediately obvious...a oops-joint.! the cop braked with all haste,cursing a blue streak ,while jack swallowed the burning evidence...all good intentions&amicable interactions came to an immediate end..jack's profuse apology& explanation fell on deaf ears and a hardened heart...jack's only reward was a ticket & a darn funny story at his expense..
one time we got pulled over in the "crazy eighties"....the cop opened the door, and all these Mickey's Big Mouths (anybody remember them? bottled beers with these huge tops on them) anyway, all these Mickey's went rolling out the door, doing plink plink plink broken glass sounds when they hit the street....
The cop stood there mystified...can you imagine? The cop had us get out of the car to search us....of course....and I palmed these Quaaludes in my hand, and pulled the lining of my pockets out (like in the movies) it worked!!!! This guy was driving us and was all messed up...we thought (though thinking had precious little to do with anything that night) that it would be okay if he drove us cause we were only blocks away from my house....I actually talked the cop into letting me drive home and not taking this idiot to jail...we didn't know he had all these bottles at his feet...man I'm glad I straightened out my act before I could of gotten into some real trouble, whew!!!!! sorry for sharing...lol....
The cop stood there mystified...can you imagine? The cop had us get out of the car to search us....of course....and I palmed these Quaaludes in my hand, and pulled the lining of my pockets out (like in the movies) it worked!!!! This guy was driving us and was all messed up...we thought (though thinking had precious little to do with anything that night) that it would be okay if he drove us cause we were only blocks away from my house....I actually talked the cop into letting me drive home and not taking this idiot to jail...we didn't know he had all these bottles at his feet...man I'm glad I straightened out my act before I could of gotten into some real trouble, whew!!!!! sorry for sharing...lol....
great story! I've always thought New Years Eve was amateur night...ever get stuck in a car while youre going to a party? at the stroke of midnight! I hate that!!!!! Let's all have a much better new year...and mean it!
Thanks and I'm glad that you enjoyed the read. I guess that I was at first amused at the antics and then started amusing myself starting to write about it.
My daughter scolded me a little about why I didn't call the police. I had thought about it while I watched the kids. First, I didn't think that they would show up; being midnight and New Years eve and all to a car sliding and getting stuck in a drift. I also noted that many people who tried to help remove the car appeared to be under the influence but the driver actually seemed to be within the range of OK. (although it was clearly impaired reasoning calling his friends to get him out of the predicament) Finally, the car never succeeded in getting much more than 60 feet from where it was first stuck. My assumption is that the car was a front wheel drive and that the drivers side front wheel either lost it's drive or had it's brake stuck. The car once freed was unable to drive anywhere and was towed away about 2:00 AM. I also feel a little ashamed that I did not involve myself in helping the kids free the car. My answer to that is that I try (that's "try" in italics) not to rescue people from their own foolishness. That's part of the learning process that I should not cheat them out of. Of course, then there is the even stickier issue of the journalist getting involved in "the story". I was torn but I maintained my detachment although had I been asked I probably would have helped them
My source of inspiration (and a little merriment, I admit) was the antics in trying to extricate the car. A few observations;
1) Decision making when you are in a panic or hurry is often compromised.
2) Being under the influence may compromise ones cognitive skills.
3) Youth and inexperience did not lend a hand in the process much
4) Having lots of power at your disposal does not always offset the prior 3 factors
5) When you combine all of the prior 4 factors..... it's a bad kocktail.
The origional damage may have been limited to a dented door panel and possibly the front wheel drive or braking issue. By the time the friends were done however I think there may have been damage to all sides of the car. The most amazing thing was seeing the telephone pole being used as a pivot point in the process. The car was rotated about 70 degrees in that process and had been turned close to 180 degrees and nudged on many corners before it left the first point where it had become stuck.
It reminded me of some scientific theorum that I'd read several years earlier about it something is inexplicably broken in your home...... your kids probably did it. : )
Another addage that applies here is that if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer....... your solutions tend to involve hitting.
Happy New Year,
willy
My daughter scolded me a little about why I didn't call the police. I had thought about it while I watched the kids. First, I didn't think that they would show up; being midnight and New Years eve and all to a car sliding and getting stuck in a drift. I also noted that many people who tried to help remove the car appeared to be under the influence but the driver actually seemed to be within the range of OK. (although it was clearly impaired reasoning calling his friends to get him out of the predicament) Finally, the car never succeeded in getting much more than 60 feet from where it was first stuck. My assumption is that the car was a front wheel drive and that the drivers side front wheel either lost it's drive or had it's brake stuck. The car once freed was unable to drive anywhere and was towed away about 2:00 AM. I also feel a little ashamed that I did not involve myself in helping the kids free the car. My answer to that is that I try (that's "try" in italics) not to rescue people from their own foolishness. That's part of the learning process that I should not cheat them out of. Of course, then there is the even stickier issue of the journalist getting involved in "the story". I was torn but I maintained my detachment although had I been asked I probably would have helped them
My source of inspiration (and a little merriment, I admit) was the antics in trying to extricate the car. A few observations;
1) Decision making when you are in a panic or hurry is often compromised.
2) Being under the influence may compromise ones cognitive skills.
3) Youth and inexperience did not lend a hand in the process much
4) Having lots of power at your disposal does not always offset the prior 3 factors
5) When you combine all of the prior 4 factors..... it's a bad kocktail.
The origional damage may have been limited to a dented door panel and possibly the front wheel drive or braking issue. By the time the friends were done however I think there may have been damage to all sides of the car. The most amazing thing was seeing the telephone pole being used as a pivot point in the process. The car was rotated about 70 degrees in that process and had been turned close to 180 degrees and nudged on many corners before it left the first point where it had become stuck.
It reminded me of some scientific theorum that I'd read several years earlier about it something is inexplicably broken in your home...... your kids probably did it. : )
Another addage that applies here is that if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer....... your solutions tend to involve hitting.
Happy New Year,
willy
We have an award here for the inept antics while struggling to control objects of mass in time and space. It is called the "Captain Physics" award. I think you described these worthy recipients well!
Hi , I also heard the fireworks from First Night,last night (I have been to it about 4x..) ...there's been a few of us around here lately.
I was in Portland...
welcome to here!!!
Pitter
I was in Portland...
welcome to here!!!
Pitter
Thanks for the laughter...and a reminder of the insanity that once was.
Happy New Year Willy.
I too, enjoy reading your posts.
y
Happy New Year Willy.
I too, enjoy reading your posts.
y
i am v concerned with todays youths..inebriated or not-they appear clueless in regards vehicles,traction&physics...what's the world coming to.i ask ya?
I have to say as well that you are a good writer as I stayed with your story and felt I could see it all happening! Thanks for sharing and making a few others New Years day a little better... have a great one too!
Blessings
Scotty
Blessings
Scotty
Thanks for that! It made me smile after a horrible morning (don't know why I awoke so horribly depressed)
I had no such entertainment at midnight, was stuck in the bathroom giving back the evening meds when I heard the fireworks from "first night" and knew 2007 was behind me. I have great hopes for 2008, despite the inauspicious start.
Happy New Year and best wishes for SVR in 2008.
JD
I had no such entertainment at midnight, was stuck in the bathroom giving back the evening meds when I heard the fireworks from "first night" and knew 2007 was behind me. I have great hopes for 2008, despite the inauspicious start.
Happy New Year and best wishes for SVR in 2008.
JD
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