really feeling bad!!!

[rita863]

last night i took my shot immeditaly felt like my legs where like jello,   i had the feeling like i was going to faint. i went to bed immediately, took twi advil pm and slept pretty well

when i got up today i took a shower and thought i might go to maybe a store or two, not happeninng.

I am very shaky, have had a headache for the past week, very week and absoultely no energy.  my count is hovering at 10.6 my wbc are really low about 1.7 i think, no saftey meds.  today was the first time i knew i couldnt drive.

On top of all that, i had a melt down.... and just sat here and cried.  i felt so bad, not only physically but mentally, that my husband came home from work.

i am at week 33?  i cant even remeber, i know i have until Dec 5th. for everything to be done (even my last riba)

how will i get to the end of this and still work......

thyroid is good, iron is good...

i hate this tx

[rita863]

Dragon

Thanks that made me laugh, YEs they all thank God, there parents, there first grade teacher.. etc etc

Thankfully i have felt a bit better, now i just get ready for fridays shot and hope for the best!!!

peace
rita

[DragonTamer]

Hey Lovely Rita..... You forgot to thank God,your parents, your agent, lawyer and Meryl Streep, in your acceptance speech...I don't know seems they all do!!!! :)    Hoping today was better than the last few !  Every day is a new  one, unfortunately  no one can prepare  us for the good days and bad in advance. I wish it were so... so I could know which days I could just pull the covers over my head and not get up and x them off on the calendar ahead of time!    And which I will be strong enough to swim with the kids in the pool or take them somewhere fun without running out of steam!   I got a shocker today as well...but have to deal... Life on lifes terms. Like it or not...believe me I am in NOT mode tonight!

Any one who gets through this without losing their mind or ending up incarcerated for causing unwarrented crankyness and outbursts in public places, deserves the academy award!!!   You deserve it girl!! And all those who have made it in the past and will follow in your foot steps!   A Life of health is just around the corner!    

Hang in there!!!
Dragon Tamer

[nygirl7]

I kept taking those ADs even though I didn't think they were doing anything....I guess they did. Is there any way you can get back on them?

I've said it before in here - I didn't have a bad shot reaction until about week 30.  I never really had any fevers or severe weakness (aside from the anemia which was different completely) until then.   I don't know why.  It did take a few weeks but I DID get stronger again.  you just have to hang in there and take it easy until then.

I think after a certain point your body reaches saturation level from the meds and just needs time to 'reboot'.  At least in my case it worked and I was able to do the next 42 weeks.  It seriously sucked in the meantime though.

Hang in there my friend - you'll rebound soon enough.  I don't nkow why this happens to some of us it just does but remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Love Deb

[comeagain]

I´m really feeling bad to, I´m one week behind you went in the wall shot 30 after 10- 12 days felt much better but it only lasted 3 days now I have felt so terrible I wonder what the heck is going on.

Have scary pain in whole of my head, neck, ears, , gum and the bones in my lower legs even my brain feels infected but no fever it seems, got som synthetic morphine and mixe it with asperin it has helped in 2 days but not so much today.

On thursday gonna take blood draw will talk to my nurse then.

As someone else pointed out it comes in periods this awful moments with the meds, othervise  I doubt it would have been doable for me.

And its a totally new sx in some points thats why I think its worse then ever at the moment.

Take care its really one day at the time some days.

ca

[GSDgirl]

Academy award----LOL.  I think that you, me, and all of us deserve some kind of award for going through this TX.  Oh wait..........our award is a chance of SVR.  Like Lady Laurie I get my 6 month post next month.  

I wonder if it is the anemia like someone above posted that gives us that shaky, rubber leg feeling?  I had 5 phlebotomies and after the 5th I ended up in the ER for just that same thing, showed V-Tach on the EKG and I ended up in there for the weekend.  I started TX the next Sunday.  Ended up in the ER 2 more times, always for that same thing, I wanted to sleep but hubby insisted.  I didn't know ANYTHING about the rescue drugs, I found this forum at the end of TX.  I am glad for you that you have this place and all these wonderful people and your great hubby to help you thru.  Glad that you are feeling better.

Denise

[rita863]

Charm, Deb and Trish  - I know we are all going through this sides...thanks for cheering me on...

Dragon, you are my buddy you let me vent and ramble and whine,  Thank you.

Laur,  i will get through this i intend to be on the next ride

Eric ~ thank you.... i try and thing this just this weeks. sides

Marcia ~ thank you and good luck with starting tx

Fret ~  thank you too....its all different for everyone perhaps your sides want be too bad

Kickbox  ~  you are the ultimate cheerleader here, thanks we needed that

Kristina ~  thank you too... resting and drinking plenty of fluids have helped some

Kimmy ~ Girl you know i wont let this beat me....SVR TO YOU!!!

Izzy ~ thanks for the wishes, hoping you too are doing well

Smaylea~  you are so right this forum has been my life saver

Elaine ~  my friend, thank you for cheering me on, it so good to see you post.

thank you all'

peace

Rita


(now i just looked at what i posted and i feel like i was at the academy awards and that was my acception speech..... the Academy goes to Rita for enduring the side effects of the most toxic treatment"  

at least i still have a senes of humor, that or i totally lost what little of my mind i had left


peace
rita

oh and by the way i slept all weekend, and i feel better today, still shaky, so i will take off tomorrow but at least i ate and slept...so thats all good...

love you guys

[Andiamo1]

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling badly.  My own experience is that you do not stay at your low for long periods of time.  I cycled up and down; the down days were really down and the up days were bearable.  One day at a time.  You get through it by saying I can get through today.

I hope you feel better soon.  I assume you are drinking lots of water!

Take care,
Eric

[Really Rose]

Hi Rita:
I had to pack it in at work around week 31-32 as I just couldn't do it any more.

I do hope that you can push through this rough patch.
Take Care
Rose

[fuzzy1dar]

I'm so sorry to here you're having a tough time!  I found that each inf injection gave me somewhat different sx.  I hope you are feeling better and that the next one won't be so hard on ya!  Working on tx is hard...I did it too!  Pulled myself outa bed each day and told myself that I can do it.  There does come a point when you just can't make it that day, so please try to rest and take care ot you!  You will feel better and you will get thru this!

best wishes to you!
Darla

[DragonSlayer45]

Hang in there girl. You rest and take care of yourself now and hopefully you feel better tomorrow. I know you have had some work issues lately from a boss who is an insennsitive a$$. The bottom line is if you can not go you have to take care of yourself first. I know this may sound silly but jobs will come and go in life but our health is most important,  without it you have nothing. Right now  rest, take care of yourself and with a little luck this will pass.

Take care of yourself buddy

[Lady Lauri]

I'll try and find a couple older threads while I was on tx.....I don't remember which girls it was (and guys) that commented so well on..'the world will still be there without you for awhile' when the realization first set in that I'd be near useless during tx. I was so stressed on work, getting things done, being there for others, etc.  I got some pretty good 'how too's' from here saying...it's all about YOU right now, just thru this time. The world can get by without you!' and so on. They were all so great :)

And....others, work and family life....realized how much I do do! As I wasn't doing it all, lol!

Any area's anyone can find a way to take some stress, responsibility off for awhile, try to do it. Take that extra few sick days, let the housework or laundry go , etc.

Hugs ladies, LL

[Lady Lauri]

  Rita, Charm, I hate hearing these post and I feel so bad for you all when your 'here'.  So sorry it's hitting you hard. It truly is, can be, just unbearable yet you keep getting thru it every time you feel you just can't take anymore. I went down early in tx, as per work, 'normal' life and it just stayed that way. I remember those days feeling 'I just can't do another day'. I quit at least 100 times, lol, only to take that next dose.  I was very lucky in all work area's, all could hold (or was covered) , all still there when I'm done,so I could do whatever I was up to (2 not at all) in the work area. I just can not imagine having to get up every day for work, having to be there.While I'm sure I would have if I had to, tx would have been even harder.:(....and that I can't imagine!
When your feeling so bad-this bad- and you do that "I'm going to work, get this done, that done" you really suffer for it more as when you push yourself on these drugs, it can take days to feel better.  Some go into this thinking they can keep up their routine, work full time, work out, keep up the pace and for most of us, you simply can not use that ol mind over matter thing, it doesn't work much in this, plus your mind is going thru h*ll also!
I got to 'I just can't do another', many times, but something always kicked in (and much 'cheering on' from here) and you get there. Girls, you'll get there, somehow, even when you feel you won't......you will.

I also am just amazed at those 72 weekers, even you 48 weekers! 24 was h*ll, my heart really feel's for you struggling to 48, 72.....105!!! I know that Dec. mark seems so far away right now. As many times as I felt I just couldn't get to my last dose day, here I sit ready for my 6mth. PCR's next week. You'll BE HERE!

Give yourself all the TLC, rest you possibly can!

Wishing you some good days, LL

[kickboxingmom]

Girls you Can and Will do this.You have came to far to let Anything get in your way.
Rita, you have had such an overwhelming time with work and now your sick.Your not feeling well.Honey be sure and get off your feet today and see how you feel tomorrow.If you have to miss a day, two days, etc.Only you will know when you can no longer continue to work.Your body will, excuse me won't or can't, do it anymore.Then, you'll know.My husband fought disability for years.That's what he said, you will know.
Rita and Charm,you girls have been through hxxx and back.Brutal.Don't give up the good fight.Your both almost there.The Finish Line.You've both almost beat this ...
Rita why no rescue drugs?If it's anemia don't you have to have them?To bring your blood count back? I'm not tx. yet, really don't know you but I do know you can DO IT.
My prayers go out to you both and all that's fighting in this horrible fight.
Tammy

[kimmypoo2]

your gonna make it girl...those shots sx can be tricky because you never know when they are comin down..
we are all here for you
it may seem like these sx are getting the best of us
but never ..were getting the best of it
hang in there

[Trish77]

Hi Rita, I hope you're feeling better by now.  I'm glad you've got someone to scoop you up when you have those really tough overwhelming moments.  You're much closer to the end than you are to the beginning, Rita.  Just hang in there.  If the side effects persist, see if there's any relief for you and just think of how close you are to done .. and one foot in front of the other all the way, looking forward to the finish line.  We're all here for you, Rita.

Take care.

Trish

[Kristina538]

Ladies, I hugely admire you both, and have picked up on your struggles and tips on different threads.

I am so sorry for what's happening with you Rita - with no rescue meds will they, at any stage reduce you?  Is it feasible at this stage of tx?  I hope resting/eating/drinking will help; prayers for you girl, for an improvement.  Hugs Kristina

[Marcia2202]

Sorry it's going so bad. I wish I could send you some of my strength. I'll keep you in my prayers! Hang in there. Hugs, Marcia

Charm... I will do the same for you.

You can both do it!!!

Hugs

[fretboard]

I feel bad for you having to go thru this difficult time period, especially being well over half way done.  I hope your doctor figures out if you need some rescue drugs.  I haven't tx'ed yet, but I wanted to cheer you onward anyways, even if I can't offer any tx experience. God Bless

[smaylea]

You are doing the right thing by reaching out to your support network. We are all in this together and we have to get through it. When it gets really bad, like now, know that it will get better. The pain and difficulty of tx is a temporary situation. It will get better so hang tough. I'm at 23ish weeks and had a mini-meltdown a couple of weeks ago. hgb dropped to 8.5, wbc 2.2 and I felt like a was falling down a black hole while swimming against a current. I really think the low hgb made me suffer. Once it went up to even 9 (now at 9.5) I felt better. Have now had two shots of procrit. Keeping up with the riba pills and certain shots on certain days is a pain. Did I already take 2 tylenol today? Can't remember. Still, we've got to keep our eyes on the ball here... a good outcome that can save our lives.

Take care and you can do this!

[Deb_c430]

I don't know what feeling good feels like any more, I pretend a lot.    I push myself, I try and keep at least functional, I strongly suggest Rita you go back on ADS.  You might not think they are helping but they do.

I will not even go into sides, they are so beyond all the other challenges I have had in my life.    I will rarely even post them here or privately.

Keep pushing ladies, do what you need to stay sane, for you and your family.

Love

Deb

[Isobella]

I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time.

You both have fought long and hard.  This win will be well deserved!  

Hats off to the 72'ers, but hats off to you both as well.  Getting hit hard with sx and working full time as well-not many are as tough!!!  I can only hope for your stregth as my tx continues.

Prayers for strength to fight another day to you both.

Izzy

[rita863]

Thanks Charm, I know you have had a rough ride most of your TX.  The AD's prescribed didnt help me much so I stopped taking them..  I am hanging in there....and to the 72 weekers hats off you all, I cant even imagine doing that.

And your right Charm, whatever it takes to get to the end of this we will do!!!

Love
Rita

[charm27]

Im sorry you feel like this. Ive been feeling like this since shot 25 or so. Youve been lucky Rita youve been working and functioning well so far...Actually my legs have felt like theve been in quicksand since week 10. Its a long ride and  psychologically challenging aside from the devestating sx that can occur. All I can say and I tell myself this everyday it will be over soon. Im on A/D and find it really doesnt help that much and I increased it. As my doc told me b4 I started this tx ix brutal. I said I would make it and so will you! Hang in girlfriend this is 48 weeks were almost there,
I hope you feel better soon and you will.
And to all you 72 weekers I commend you all.
Rita take care and do whatever it is you have to do to get you thru this right now.
You Are not alone.
Love
Charm