HSV1 Positive and Newly single

[Onlytime]

I am HSV1 genital positive (for 6 months now). I have recently broke up with my partner (who did not have the virus but new i did). I am now very stressed out and starting to feel somewhat depressed about how i am meant to deal with meeting new men. I know some men are ok with the virus and sleeping with someone who has it but then i know plenty of men that consider it the black plague.

I already am having an extremely difficult time with dealing with the fact I am infected (and keeping it a secret from my friends and having to lie to them why i am always sick). So i just know that being honest and being rejected would be to much to bare, but i don't want to be alone... I feel that If i go on a date I am lying and being deceitful for wasting time with someone because I automatically assume they will freak out and run if i tell [I have the virus] them before any chance of getting sexual.

Does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement or perhaps a similar situation?

[petal130]

How were you diagnosed as having genital HSV1? You commented about "always being sick" from it - what do you mean?

I have genital HSV1, transmitted from my boyfriend's oral herpes. It's been a couple years now, and since my primary outbreak, I've only had a couple very minor outbreaks. Aside from a few uncomfortable lesions that healed within a week, it does not cause any other illness for me - nor should it for anyone.

As to going forward with dating, remember that about 60% of the adult population has oral HSV1 - the same virus you happen to have on your genitals. Any time you consider a new sexual partner, it's important to discuss with them their STD/HSV status (remember, you still can get HSV2) - it's the responsible thing to do to discuss  both your and his status. Also, you should be discussing birth control too. If your partner already has HSV1, then it's no big deal - having oral HSV1 gives a person significant protection against getting it elsewhere. Remember, even if a person thinks they don't have herpes because of a lack of symptoms, they very easily could. Only a blood test would determine that. Even if they don't, genital HSV1 sheds very infrequently and your outbreaks should be minimal too, maybe once a year - possibly never again.

When people are educated, you'd be amazed how it becomes no big deal - for most people I think. When I first was diagnosed I felt devastated - but then realized how common HSV1 is. I just happen to have it genitally (which is easier than oral, I think). I told my sister and a couple close friends - none knew it could be transmitted this way and all agreed after becoming educated like I did that it was really no big deal.

Try to become educated about this incredibly common skin condition, and toss the stigma of genital herpes out the window (I think that if a person themselves believe in the stigma, then they'll never be able to confidently move forward). It is so, so inconsequential in my life compared to other things. And most people, who are willing to themselves become educated - and who really care about you (remember you're not herpes, you're you!), will clearly be able to agree that it's no big deal.

You may want to consider Terri Warren's book "The Good News About the Bad News", for newly diagnosed folks and their partners. As well, the Herpes Handbook online (google it). And, surely you have a good trustworthy friend/relative who you can talk to - remember, knowledge is power and I think you'll be surprised it can help to have someone to talk to about it.

[Onlytime]

Hi Petal, thanks for your response, In answer to your question "how was I diagnosed" and "What do I mean about always being sick" please read below.

I had unusual sores 'down there' and after seeing 2 different doctors, I was swabbed and given a HSV1 positive result.

And by always sick? I seem to get outbreaks every 2-3 weeks or so. Its hard to tell I am having an outbreak as I do not get the sores as I did on the primary outbreak, I have only ever seen a "red line" on my inner butt cheek once - and since, there is no visual sores of any sort that tells me I am having an outbreak.

I do however, get intense headaches, hot flushes, extreme fatigue (Im not kidding, I just need to sleep ALL the time) lack of appetite, flu like symptoms and wake up in a pool of sweat in the morning. I become moody and emotional and unpleasant to be around.

You mentioned after 2 years of your primary outbreak, you have seen a re occurrence only a couple of times and that is was just mild. This is what i keep hearing about HSV1 and its simply not the case with me, its constant and destroying my life!