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how do you tell new partner you have hsv 1 gentally.
I was with my partner exclusively sine I was eighteen . I am now thirty one and have been diagnosed with hsv 1. My partner was militAry and did stray over seas. He has not been checked for it and when I got diagnosed with it he told me he accepted me and loved me not matter what. Because I forgave him when he cheated. A month after the Christmas holidays he left me saying he couldn't deal with me having herpes like he thought he could. He didn't feel that he could accept me while being afraid he may catch it. This makes me feel dirty because he was my only and took my virginity so how could I have gotten it if he was the one that cheated. I didn't. Well I dealt with him leaving and thought that my dating life is over . Severe depression and thoughts of how I feel disgusting and nasty and ruined because I have this. I met someone after while and he is great. However I haven't told him Bout my diagnosis as we have not been intimate with one another. We took our time. My new guy says he loves me. Wants to be with me and is ready to take the step. He is ready to be intimate. I feel that its time to be honest and tell him about my diagnosis. I don't know how to go about it and I'm terrified that I will lose him . He says there is nothing I can say that will change his opinion of me or stop him from being with me but I really feel like me having herpes will make him leave. He is a greT guy Nd I don't want to lose him but know I have to tell him. Please give me some advice dealing with depression since my diagnosis hasn't been easy but losing him would be a lot worse.
your hsv1 genital infection came from your former partner. Even if he couldn't recall getting obvious cold sores ever, he can still shed the virus orally and transmit it when performing oral sex on you. He was your only partner so you know you got it from him. He really wasn't at risk for contracting hsv1 genitally from you. Darn shame he evidently didn't do much homework to find this out :( of course perhaps it was just an easy excuse for him to end the relationship too. you might never know.
So how do you deal with this with your new partner? Well, keep in mind that your "talk" is so much more than just about the hsv1 genital infection you know you have - it's about what he might have to give to you too! You need to talk to him about all std's - ask him when he was last tested and if he's sure he knows exactly what he's been tested for or if he just asked for std testing and was told it was negative.
He'll need tested for herpes to see what his own status is. Once you hit your 30's, 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has hsv1. It's very common. Of course hsv2 is also very common the older you get and you'll want to protect yourself from that which is 1 more reason why it's important he gets tested. If he hasn't covered his other std testing bases from his last partner, make sure he does so too. Also be sure to discuss condom use and birth control too. Neither are something to talk about after the fact. It's not the most romantic conversation the two of you will ever have but it's an important one! Just one evening bring it all up - let him know that you are attracted to him and you believe in being sexually responsible so you'd like to talk about a few things with him. start with the easy part - do you use condoms all the time? let him know what birth control you use. Then ask about his std past and his testing history. Then let him know that you too have had full testing ( if you haven't, you should ) and that you also know you have hsv1 genitally. Ask him what he knows about it and give him some basic info.
Are you seeing a therapist for your depression?
grace
So how do you deal with this with your new partner? Well, keep in mind that your "talk" is so much more than just about the hsv1 genital infection you know you have - it's about what he might have to give to you too! You need to talk to him about all std's - ask him when he was last tested and if he's sure he knows exactly what he's been tested for or if he just asked for std testing and was told it was negative.
He'll need tested for herpes to see what his own status is. Once you hit your 30's, 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has hsv1. It's very common. Of course hsv2 is also very common the older you get and you'll want to protect yourself from that which is 1 more reason why it's important he gets tested. If he hasn't covered his other std testing bases from his last partner, make sure he does so too. Also be sure to discuss condom use and birth control too. Neither are something to talk about after the fact. It's not the most romantic conversation the two of you will ever have but it's an important one! Just one evening bring it all up - let him know that you are attracted to him and you believe in being sexually responsible so you'd like to talk about a few things with him. start with the easy part - do you use condoms all the time? let him know what birth control you use. Then ask about his std past and his testing history. Then let him know that you too have had full testing ( if you haven't, you should ) and that you also know you have hsv1 genitally. Ask him what he knows about it and give him some basic info.
Are you seeing a therapist for your depression?
grace
I haven't seen anyone for it as I am very embarrassed and don't like to speak about it. He has been really good and patient and not pushing for intimacy . I really can't complain. But I really don't know his history as he is very private. I was hoping when he said that he is ready only when I'm ready he wouldn't bring it up and it would delay me having the talk with him. But its only honest and right to mention it to him. I cry when I see the sores and when I thinly about it. Have had full testing. Have bacterial vaginosis as well been a battle to get rid of that. Still have occurrences of it. So I feel very dirty and nasty and ruined for rest of my life going that nobody would want me ever and I wouldn't ever have to deal with telling.
Bacterial vaginosis will often trigger herpes outbreaks. They can be a pain in the neck!
How were you diagnosed as having genital HSV1? Blood test, swab? Are you getting reccurrence or this is your first outbreak?
As Grace already stated, HSV1 is very common and chances are that your new partner already has it. Besides, genital HSV1 sheds much less and the probabilities of genital to genital transmission are very low. You should gather all this info when you have "the talk" with your partner.
Don't feel dirty or nasty - it's just an inconvenient skin condition that affects many, many people. =) Everything will be alright.
How were you diagnosed as having genital HSV1? Blood test, swab? Are you getting reccurrence or this is your first outbreak?
As Grace already stated, HSV1 is very common and chances are that your new partner already has it. Besides, genital HSV1 sheds much less and the probabilities of genital to genital transmission are very low. You should gather all this info when you have "the talk" with your partner.
Don't feel dirty or nasty - it's just an inconvenient skin condition that affects many, many people. =) Everything will be alright.
I hate bv way more than I could ever hate my herpes!! sometimes once you get bv, it's hard to get rid of it and keep it gone :( I've had good luck with fem dophilis by jarrow. It's a probiotic proven to colonize the urogenital tract in females and decreases yeast infections, bv and also uti's. I buy it online ( amazon carries it even ) and store it in my fridge. Take 1 2x/day for the first month or so and then back down to 1 a day. when you feel like you might be getting vaginitis back, increase it back to 2x/day for a few days. It helps to replace the "good" bacteria that helps to fight off vaginitis.
You definitely should talk to someone about these feelings you are having. You aren't dirty or nasty!! Really why would you even think something like that? how can there be something wrong with you if you have something that 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has??? Don't get hung up on the idea that genital herpes is a std - it's a germ, the same as every other germ out there. It says nothing bad about you because you contracted it from sex in a loving relationship especially!
You definitely should talk to someone about these feelings you are having. You aren't dirty or nasty!! Really why would you even think something like that? how can there be something wrong with you if you have something that 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has??? Don't get hung up on the idea that genital herpes is a std - it's a germ, the same as every other germ out there. It says nothing bad about you because you contracted it from sex in a loving relationship especially!
Thanks for reading and the advice. I have tried to get rid of the b v three times with no luck. This was my second outbreak. The first one wasn't bad . Then it was four months since The first outbreak that I have had my second. I got Tue gi virus that went around my work. I work in a retirement community. Had severe diarrhea and vomiting for one week and my second outbreak came on during that time. The second outbreak was on my butt where the first was on my left thigh. I got diagnosed through swabbing of the first outbreak. I had one simple to start and scratched and then developed a rash. Doctor swabbed and diagnosed it as hsv 1. I feel very down about it because I forgave him for cheating never threw it up to him and now I have herpes he promised he would live me forever and he dumped me. So with the shock of having it and losing him I never expected any one else to accept me. Now that I found this guy I completely love him and am scared that he will leave me too. I can't handle another one leaving because they think I'm gross. The ex's last words of break up were I'm sorry I can't love you anymore. I can't live anyone that's gross.
I was raised with my parents thinking that sex is something that you wait for until marriage . And that stds are gross and if I ever got one I would never be loved by anyone. That I would forever be shunned from people. When my ex broke up with me he said he couldn't love me anymore. He couldn't love someone so gross. Nice words to hear when your already upset thinking your life is now done. I know its a skin condition. But my family is so closed minded that I feel like between the and him I shouldnt want to be with anyone . I should just stay alone . Then on top of that feeling like I'm ruined because now I found a really great guy and am afraid of losing him. I have tried getting rid of the b v and still there. I wash and douche and shave to keep the odor away. But still can't get rid of it. The depression and stress hurts .
You need to talk to a professional and deal with all of this. this is all unnecessary baggage you are dragging around through life!! Parents all tell you sex is bad and std's mean you won't ever be loved - it's the scare them from having sex way of thinking that never works and just screws your mind up !! People need to be educated about std's, not made to feel scared of them or think that only lesser people get them!!
you shouldn't be douching if you have a bv issue. It just pushes bacteria further up into your reproductive system and can cause long term issues. It also alters your vaginal ph so it can't protect you too. It's a pain in the butt but keep going back to your gyn monthly as needed to be tested and treated for bv until it's gone.
you shouldn't be douching if you have a bv issue. It just pushes bacteria further up into your reproductive system and can cause long term issues. It also alters your vaginal ph so it can't protect you too. It's a pain in the butt but keep going back to your gyn monthly as needed to be tested and treated for bv until it's gone.
Thanks for the advice will stop doucheing. what do you think my chances are of my guy understanding? He is an older man 52 years old. Emt. he is very understanding but I'm not sure just how understanding. been patient with me for a long time. what's your opinion.
I've had hsv2 for 20+ years now. I've only ever been turned down 2x because of my herpes. the rest of my partners haven't had any issues with it at all. most of my friends who have hsv2, have never been turned down at all. It's really not the red flag you are thinking it is!!
It's very easy talking to you because you understand. I just got diagnosed last November with hsv 1 . I had my first ob thanksgiving and my second one in march. I guess I just feel that way because of what I have been through with fAmily and The ex. Thanks for listening and understanding andvthe advice. You were very comforting back in November when I first posted with my diagnosis .
Your former partner was so misinformed. He transmitted HSV1 to you and therefore it was highly unlikely that you would be capable to transmit it to him in the genital area. But I guess it's time to leave all this behind you and start a new chapter in your life - this guy obviously was not right for you. If he can't stay with you because of a inconvenient virus that HE passed it to you, he's not the one for you.
As for your fear of rejection, Grace said it best - this is not supposed to be the red flag you're thinking it is. Just tell him in a very relaxed way, throw some statistics of transmission and let him decide. If he's reasonable, he won't care at all - the risk is way too low to even bother =) Good luck!
As for your fear of rejection, Grace said it best - this is not supposed to be the red flag you're thinking it is. Just tell him in a very relaxed way, throw some statistics of transmission and let him decide. If he's reasonable, he won't care at all - the risk is way too low to even bother =) Good luck!
He is very understanding and reAsoNable. i just didn't know to what extent. will tell him calmly and hope for the best.
Grace I have another question regarding the bv . The doc treated me twice for it. She diagnosed it as bv. But two treatments and its not gone away. In your opinion. Does that mean that it could be caused by something more serious like hpv or lid?
Meant pid in last post by the way. Another question is can the bv be hard to get rid of because of the herpes? Caused from the herpes or a part of the herpes.
bv can be a booger to get rid of :( I had it almost 4 years non-stop myself at one point :( Keep going back monthly as needed for proper testing for bv and treatment to try to get it gone.
herpes doesn't make bv "worse" or linger longer. Bv can make you more susceptible for std's in general, including herpes. bv is an alteration in your vaginal ph that allows bacteria to overgrow and takes away your natural "good" flora that helps to protect you from std's.
if you've never had gonorrhea or chlamydia, odds are you don't have pid. they are the 2 most common causes of it.
herpes doesn't make bv "worse" or linger longer. Bv can make you more susceptible for std's in general, including herpes. bv is an alteration in your vaginal ph that allows bacteria to overgrow and takes away your natural "good" flora that helps to protect you from std's.
if you've never had gonorrhea or chlamydia, odds are you don't have pid. they are the 2 most common causes of it.
Was just tested for herpes chlamidia gonnorhea hiv the only thing positive was herpes. Just worried because new partner is wanting to take that step . I was just wanting to make sure I was prepared to have the talk and for his response.
When I was younger I went in for a uti and the doc diagnosed me as chlamydia. I was eighteen with my ex then. No treatment. Had been recently tested and it was negative. How is that possible? I did go to another doc Nd they treAted me for a uti and it went away.
Okay I have another question. I appreciate your patience with me. You mentioned fem dophilis in one of your posts . Does it work? Is it safe from side affects? Where can I find it? Does it have to be stored in the fridge? And is it something that a gynecologist would recommend? Also I was prescribed bactrim by my doctor during my last ob. I had gotten that g I virus from Tue nursing home where I work. The outbreak was on my butt when it occured. She thought I might have had a secondary infection. I didn't use the medicine. They healed. I kept them very clean and dry. I still have the medicine would it be good to use it to treat The bv?
I buy it off of amazon. You can google to look for the cheapest price. it should be refrigerated but it's ok if you are going away for a few days to throw some in your bag and take with you and not keep it cold. The bacteria lasts longer if it's kept cold. No side effects to it. If your gyn is up on the latest studies then they'd be fine with you taking it Plenty of studies on pubmed on the probiotic strains in it and their effectiveness on women with uti's and vaginitis issues. It's been available for years outside of the US under the name uric cap 5.
bactrim doesn't work for bv.
bactrim doesn't work for bv.
Hello again. I just wanted to say hello and I appreciate ur advice. but to keep you updated we have not spoken invaluable month . I was confident with how I was going to tell him about my having hsv 2 but didn't get a chance too. he has not answered my calls nor text . we didn't have a fuss or fight. but he wanted to keep our relationship secret because he didn't want people to know about our twenty year age gap . we got caught having dinner together by one of our co workers and he got real embarrassed. haven't heard from him since then. I miss him terribly and am back in depression about it all over again. need to see therapist before it gets worse. any advice please? And once again thanks for listening.
Oh and sorry for all the errors in typing. Doing this from a touch screen mobile phone sucks. Lol I meant to say hsv 1. Not 2 I hit the wrong button.. and also that him and I haven't spoken on bout a month.
obviously he has issues from the sounds of things. time to mourn the end of the budding relationship and move on to someone new. Anyone who can't deal with being seen in public with you, isn't a person you want to be with!!
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
