Aa
What are your honest thought of the misstress
Since i was a victum of infidelity,,what are your honest thoughts of the person who engage into haveing an affair knowing,,the person who they are doing it with is attached,,and some do have family,,And they no,,How are your thoughts of them persueing the husband makeing excuses to call knowing they have a family,,etc,,But yet when its discoverded by there doing or other doing,,there are some cases ultimatums harrasment towards the wife the inocent,,,reaaly would like opinions thanks
Personally I have never had issues with the other women other than my Brother's wives and my personal friends. I usually only felt betrayed by my husband as he was the one who had an obligation to be faithful to me. (except for those who called themselves "friends" and "family" - I really do feel they let me down too) Probably the other "other women" didn't even know he was married but none-the-less they did not know me personally. I do have a small opinion of women who knowingly cheat with a married man but I did not take those women personally.
I think often the Wife focuses the hate/blame/anger on the other woman because that's a "safe" place to put it when You are trying to get on in Your relationship with Your Husband. It doesn't exactly "remove" Your Hubby cuz Wifey still has all the emotional issues to work through but the blame/hate/anger are POWERFUL feelings and it's "somewhat" easier to direct that at the one You're not living with and still trying to have a Future with.
I was not "stalked" by the other woman as lor and DeeDee were and I would see that as particularly difficult but in my situation I DID and DO feel like my Sisters-in-law are still being shoved down my throat in like I would prefer to never see them again.
I no longer feel the PAIN of the infidelity BUT I do not like these people and would prefer not to socialize with them but that's just not to be. It's kinda, sorta okay in the sense that I am willing on behalf of my Children, Grandchildren, Nieces and Nephews. Otherwise, it would suit me if these people fell off the face of the earth! These are not the kind of people I want to be around. I abhor my ex-husband but I wear my best smile when I have to be around him and I send up thanx that it's not my problem anymore (he's remarried also and he still cheats!!)
I suspect one of the reasons lor is still in such a difficult place is because She still has MAJOR ramifications, overwhelmed by the financial losses, the loss of Her home, etc. that's BIG.
I think often the Wife focuses the hate/blame/anger on the other woman because that's a "safe" place to put it when You are trying to get on in Your relationship with Your Husband. It doesn't exactly "remove" Your Hubby cuz Wifey still has all the emotional issues to work through but the blame/hate/anger are POWERFUL feelings and it's "somewhat" easier to direct that at the one You're not living with and still trying to have a Future with.
I was not "stalked" by the other woman as lor and DeeDee were and I would see that as particularly difficult but in my situation I DID and DO feel like my Sisters-in-law are still being shoved down my throat in like I would prefer to never see them again.
I no longer feel the PAIN of the infidelity BUT I do not like these people and would prefer not to socialize with them but that's just not to be. It's kinda, sorta okay in the sense that I am willing on behalf of my Children, Grandchildren, Nieces and Nephews. Otherwise, it would suit me if these people fell off the face of the earth! These are not the kind of people I want to be around. I abhor my ex-husband but I wear my best smile when I have to be around him and I send up thanx that it's not my problem anymore (he's remarried also and he still cheats!!)
I suspect one of the reasons lor is still in such a difficult place is because She still has MAJOR ramifications, overwhelmed by the financial losses, the loss of Her home, etc. that's BIG.
Thanks for the nice words regarding "manning up". I do love my wife more than anything, and what I did was selfish, completely selfish, and although there are some excuses, there is no excusing infidelity.
I'm going to take a minute and speak on Dee Dee's behalf here. She looks at the board (sometimes it's too painful to do still, but maybe she can confirm some of this or put her own 2 cents in... I hope she does.)
Dee Dee does look at the other woman like a "rotten ho bag" and wants to place all of the blame on her, but she knows that I had a hand in this. I think by her/you wanting to place all of the blame on the ho-bag... it would remove me/your husband from this mess. The fact is, it really won't. Dee Dee knows that, you gals do too. It would be nice if it were that simple.... the person you trusted most, loved the most, did this horrible act, so plopping it in the other persons lap would be able to remove "your knight in shining armor" from the mess......
This ho-bag is everything the other woman in your situation was lor663. She tried to get my wife in trouble at work, called and sent certified mail regarding the situation to my wifes employers, threatened them that if there was any contact that she'd go after their business licenses, she claimed to be this holy person but proved to be the unholiest... this woman was and is a sociopath..... and I didn't see it.
The fact of the matter is, the other woman/person in all of these cases is, they aren't free from any blame and certainly am I or anyones spouse who does this. There is plenty of blame to go around. It's not funny, but for a lack of other words, Ill use funny. It is funny that the other person in most of these cases will try to duck any wrong doing and will place "God's will" or "fate" into the equation. Anything to make them try to look better.
I know that I am a $hit because of this, and I am never going to try to duck that fact. But the old, good guy-me is still in there, and I am now new and improved. Better than that, I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to show my beautiful wife that I am the guy she married, and am even better than that guy and working to get better yet.
Everyone on this thread/board has a level of peace that they haven't acquired yet. Some are further down the road than others, but even they will get to more peaceful spots. I wish that on the whole lot of you ladies, and any guys out there looking for that peace.
I'm going to take a minute and speak on Dee Dee's behalf here. She looks at the board (sometimes it's too painful to do still, but maybe she can confirm some of this or put her own 2 cents in... I hope she does.)
Dee Dee does look at the other woman like a "rotten ho bag" and wants to place all of the blame on her, but she knows that I had a hand in this. I think by her/you wanting to place all of the blame on the ho-bag... it would remove me/your husband from this mess. The fact is, it really won't. Dee Dee knows that, you gals do too. It would be nice if it were that simple.... the person you trusted most, loved the most, did this horrible act, so plopping it in the other persons lap would be able to remove "your knight in shining armor" from the mess......
This ho-bag is everything the other woman in your situation was lor663. She tried to get my wife in trouble at work, called and sent certified mail regarding the situation to my wifes employers, threatened them that if there was any contact that she'd go after their business licenses, she claimed to be this holy person but proved to be the unholiest... this woman was and is a sociopath..... and I didn't see it.
The fact of the matter is, the other woman/person in all of these cases is, they aren't free from any blame and certainly am I or anyones spouse who does this. There is plenty of blame to go around. It's not funny, but for a lack of other words, Ill use funny. It is funny that the other person in most of these cases will try to duck any wrong doing and will place "God's will" or "fate" into the equation. Anything to make them try to look better.
I know that I am a $hit because of this, and I am never going to try to duck that fact. But the old, good guy-me is still in there, and I am now new and improved. Better than that, I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to show my beautiful wife that I am the guy she married, and am even better than that guy and working to get better yet.
Everyone on this thread/board has a level of peace that they haven't acquired yet. Some are further down the road than others, but even they will get to more peaceful spots. I wish that on the whole lot of you ladies, and any guys out there looking for that peace.
Thank You, specialmom
Ya know Tinkerbell, a second hats off to you. You are a very articulate woman that has endured a good deal in your life time. It sounds like you have sacrificed for others, suffered for others, tried to be good to others. You obviously have great love for those in your life. And that is a beautiful thing as important people in your life (your mom, your ex) could have made you bitter. I at one time viewed you as bitter. I hope that doesn't make you mad---- you only get snippets from people's posts and it takes time to 'get to know someone'. I don't think you are bitter. You have moved on in your life and made it a happy one. You are not stuck in that place. The anger is still there and will always be but you even sound less angry as time goes on and more resolved to the fact that he was just an idiot loser.
I absolutely agree that the turns in life can lead to better places. Sometimes we have to get out the map and find the way to the better place---- but it is there waiting for us if we make the effort. Continued peace to you and all who read this.
I absolutely agree that the turns in life can lead to better places. Sometimes we have to get out the map and find the way to the better place---- but it is there waiting for us if we make the effort. Continued peace to you and all who read this.
thanx for tipping Your hat to me. It's appreciated.
My brothers are my Little Brothers. Our alcoholic mother did not beat Them pysically as She did me but the emotional abuse was there for all of us. I took it upon myself at a very young age to try to "shelter" and "protect" my Baby Brothers the best I could. Fast forward a few years. When I learned Their wives had cheated with my husband I was "desperate" to keep it from them. I wanted to "spare" them the pain I was feeling. Silly thought maybe, but remember I was still very young myself and "protecting" them was something I had always done. Fast forward a few more years. When I left my husband these "rotten ho bags" were worried I might tell my Brothers what they had done so they told them. Of course my Brothers were deeply hurt but by the time they learned of the indescretions it was "history" to Them, They had Children, etc., so, long story short, They stayed in Their Marriages (kudos to Them). As a Therapist - You know that while no-one likes or enjoys abuse, some of us do learn to carry on and function when abuse does exist.
At the time, I was FURIOUS that my Sisters-in-law told my Brothers what they had done. I felt the "sacrifice" I made to "suffer in silence" was made futile by my Brothers having to go through this but I have come since to realize it wasn't my responsibility to spare my Brothers pain - that Their wives should have done that!!
Today my Brothers and I are good. We've always been close (I'm sure it helps that I haven't been mean to Their wives (rotten ho bags that they are!!)
P.S.
While I have said here that my husband was a "serial cheater" as far as I know my 2 sisters-in-law only cheated on my Brother's the one time they were each involved with my husband. If there were other cheats on their behalves, I do not know of it.
My brothers are my Little Brothers. Our alcoholic mother did not beat Them pysically as She did me but the emotional abuse was there for all of us. I took it upon myself at a very young age to try to "shelter" and "protect" my Baby Brothers the best I could. Fast forward a few years. When I learned Their wives had cheated with my husband I was "desperate" to keep it from them. I wanted to "spare" them the pain I was feeling. Silly thought maybe, but remember I was still very young myself and "protecting" them was something I had always done. Fast forward a few more years. When I left my husband these "rotten ho bags" were worried I might tell my Brothers what they had done so they told them. Of course my Brothers were deeply hurt but by the time they learned of the indescretions it was "history" to Them, They had Children, etc., so, long story short, They stayed in Their Marriages (kudos to Them). As a Therapist - You know that while no-one likes or enjoys abuse, some of us do learn to carry on and function when abuse does exist.
At the time, I was FURIOUS that my Sisters-in-law told my Brothers what they had done. I felt the "sacrifice" I made to "suffer in silence" was made futile by my Brothers having to go through this but I have come since to realize it wasn't my responsibility to spare my Brothers pain - that Their wives should have done that!!
Today my Brothers and I are good. We've always been close (I'm sure it helps that I haven't been mean to Their wives (rotten ho bags that they are!!)
P.S.
While I have said here that my husband was a "serial cheater" as far as I know my 2 sisters-in-law only cheated on my Brother's the one time they were each involved with my husband. If there were other cheats on their behalves, I do not know of it.
Thanx for Your Kind and Understanding words.
I still have "somewhat" difficult moments at Family Functions with the presence of the "dog" and the "rotten ho bags" (specialmom taught me those despcriptive words!!) but I LOVE my Other Family Members so I get through it. My "new" Husband is ALWAYS at my side and He's always incredibly supportive. My Family loves Him too, so I'm good!! My first marriage was very destructive but it serves to remind me of my Good Fortune today. I would go through it again if that were the price I had to pay to have the Relationship I have now. I really do think things happen for a reason (even hurtful things) - we just are not able to see that when we are in the midst of our pain.
There was a long, long period of time where I thought I could just die but today I feel it was all worth it!! This kind of pain and destruction is never "over" - it is part of You forever. You don't "forget" Your experiences - everything that ever happens is part of who You are. My biggest Hope in the World right now is (with or without Your present husband) that one day YOU find the Peace and Comfort that I have found. May You be so blessed one day!!
I still have "somewhat" difficult moments at Family Functions with the presence of the "dog" and the "rotten ho bags" (specialmom taught me those despcriptive words!!) but I LOVE my Other Family Members so I get through it. My "new" Husband is ALWAYS at my side and He's always incredibly supportive. My Family loves Him too, so I'm good!! My first marriage was very destructive but it serves to remind me of my Good Fortune today. I would go through it again if that were the price I had to pay to have the Relationship I have now. I really do think things happen for a reason (even hurtful things) - we just are not able to see that when we are in the midst of our pain.
There was a long, long period of time where I thought I could just die but today I feel it was all worth it!! This kind of pain and destruction is never "over" - it is part of You forever. You don't "forget" Your experiences - everything that ever happens is part of who You are. My biggest Hope in the World right now is (with or without Your present husband) that one day YOU find the Peace and Comfort that I have found. May You be so blessed one day!!
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