5 year old problems

I have a 5 year old that won't won't stop touching people.  when he walks past people he will touch or hit them.  he has no sense of personal space.  if i'm sitting watching tv, and he's sitting close to me. he'll touch me with his feet or touch my feet.  It's rediculous almost,  he drives me nutz.  he always touches people when they don't want to be touched.  i walked into pick him up from day care and he was playing by himself, which worried me, because it's like the other children don't wanna be around him.  my nephew and my father can't (my whole family for that matter) stand being around him either because of this.  he constantly asks questions even when he knows the answers, he is always talking.  i know this sounds terrible, and i feel awful about it but i can't stand being around him sometimes.  he get's red lights at school because he constantly procrastinates, and almost seems like he does it on purpose.  it's not like he doesn't get attention his mother is home with him all night when he gets home from school.  I don't know what to do, can someone anyone give me a hand here.

[waitingwithhope]

First off, a lot of what you are describing is normal behavior for a 5 year old. If they don't get immediate attention, they will turn to other methods. Boys also do not learn personal space for a long time. Hitting is a different thing-you can teach him good ways to touch or get attention- high fives, using phrases like "excuse me..." and giving hugs to those people that he knows. He seems desperate for attention so make sure you take the time to cuddle with him at bedtime, read him stories and lavish affection on him when you can- you may think this will lead to him wanting it more, but it will do the opposite, it will make him feel secure and loved and he will want it less. The problem is, he has been labeled as a problem and with your family having issues with him, it is going to get worse, not better- he senses people are withdrawing from him and he will just do it more and more because he wants it. He is only 5- less than 5 years ago he was a baby.Don't expect too much maturity at this age. Teach him, though, through modeling, how to give and receive affection. Tell him things like "drawing a picture for someone you love is a great gift..." The fact he was playing by himself at day care does not mean he does not have friends-it may mean he feels secure in the environment or takes that time of the day to have his space. And, watch what type of attention he is getting from everyone- negative attention is better than no attention for a lot of kids. Brushing him off will cause him to feel insecure, unloved and it really will affect him for his whole life. Now is the time to build security. Find things you adore about him and praise him about it. Give him as much praise as possible when you see things he is doing. And, don't be scared to let him crawl up on your lap while watching TV or reading a book. Kids crave this. Chances are he just wants to be understood. And, not all kids are the same or will behave the same way. If he seems unattentive or distracted a lot, you can check into with a pediatrician. In the meantime, change your mindset (hard, but you can do it) and learn to love him-pick one thing a day that he has done well and tell yourself what a great kid he is. And tell your nephew and father not to be negative around him. Sometimes a kid gets a label (like "you're such a pest") early in life and they never are able to shake it. How sad it would be if he felt destined to being a bother in everyone's life....depression and other behaviors will follow and you'll never have gotten to know the real kid inside. Best of luck...just remember, he is only 5 & and he is dying for attention-this is normal.

[tiredbuthappy]

Sounds like it may be a sensory processing disorder, specifically hyposensitivity to touch, but there often other ones thrown in with it.
The following website can be very helpful: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html

If the link doesn't work, good sensory processing disorder.

Children with sensory problems often act out and have behavioral problems. once the sensory issues are address, usually by an occupational therapist, we often see dramatic improvement in the child's behavior.

Here are some of the possible symptoms- (a child doesn't need all)
2. Hyposensitivity To Touch (Under-Responsive):

__ may crave touch, needs to touch everything and everyone

__ is not aware of being touched/bumped unless done with extreme force or intensity

__ is not bothered by injuries, like cuts and bruises, and shows no distress with shots (may even say they love getting shots!)

__ may not be aware that hands or face are dirty or feel his/her nose running

__ may be self-abusive; pinching, biting, or banging his own head

__ mouths objects excessively

__ frequently hurts other children or pets while playing

__ repeatedly touches surfaces or objects that are soothing (i.e., blanket)

__ seeks out surfaces and textures that provide strong tactile feedback

__ thoroughly enjoys and seeks out messy play

__ craves vibrating or strong sensory input

__ has a preference and craving for excessively spicy, sweet, sour, or salty foods

[30something13]

I agree with tiredbuthappy! That is not normal fo rboys at that age!!! I ahv etaught children ages 3-7 for over 15 years at church and have noumerous children in the family and NONE of them where like that nor children that I babysat. Except for one which had the sensory problem. I would go that route and get therapy for it, I forget the exact term but it was a oocupational therapist I think, like where they get physical therapy. Ask the school district or head start to test him and then they can reccomend who can help. He may need an IEP during school so they monitor and treat during school and the school will NOT then in turn get him in trouble all the time and instead help him. My little girl has an IEP for her hearing but you ge tthem for everything imaginalble really. THings like this happen and once you know what it is it is easy to understand and like a light turned on to what is really going on. Best of luck and I ahve to say that is horrible that people would not want to be around him! I understand personal space but give me a break he is a little boy too that can learn.. I hope you find something out soon for you r little guy

[waitingwithhope]

I agree too with the above posters that a sensory problem could be at play too...but the kids I have taught who have had that also tend to be self-abusive and do repetitive behavior over and over...I had one child who had to touch every single wall and feel the texture over and over again for hours...I have had other kids go on "overload mode" and have to cover their ears and rock back and forth because the sensory overload gets to be too much.Some kids get to the point where they have to have a self-soothing blanket or object with them, especially in transitional times. The one thing that the OT will look into is the intensity & repetitive, self-soothing nature at which the child does it.
Five year old boys, I still do contend, do not get the whole "personal space" thing very well (go to a mall and they will run into you and keep on chugging) whereas girls learn it much earlier and are more in tune with feelings & social cues.
There are also social skills classes you could get your son into if you also feel it would help (it might be something that appears on an IEP). You may wish to look into ADD/ADHD as well- get some professional opinions.
In the meantime, don't shun him & label him-you can label the behavior to yourself as uncomfortable for you, but make sure the label does not define him. Some kids seriously do act out because negative attention is better than no attention at all. You & a professional can assess, though, the serious nature of it and whether it warrants behavior modification techniques, positive encouragement/praise, mediation or OT support.

[himynameis159]

Thanks for the comments everyone. I talked to his mother yesterday about it during lunch, and she agreed she would get him to the doctor for this.  It really makes me sick to my stomach to think that my father feels this way about him, and especially since my sister told me that he said "can't they see there's something wrong with him"  and can't say it to me.  I thought that was an absolute a-hole thing to say.  Either way i do believe it's more of a sensory problem.  I didn't honestly know that there was an actual med condition like that.  I just want to get help for him.  I don't want to hate being around him and i don't want it to cause problems for him later on down the road.  

His teacher is also concerned about him getting behind in school, he isn't stupid and is academically where he should be but his procrastination and not doing his work is becoming a problem.  

[himynameis159]

oh also he doesn't abuse himself in any way shape or form.  and also he is VERY CLUMSY, definatly a pro at falling down!  could that also be part of a sensory problem.

[RockRose]

Yes,  that's a part of sensory integration,  being clumsy.  

Along with sensory processing,  look up "sensory integration disorder".  Kids with that often don't know where their bodies are in space and so hanging on to someone gives them a grounding place,  and they tend to be very clumsy and feel surprisingly heavy for their actual pound weight.

[RockRose]

Here, I found this for you.  If you read down to the part that is entitled "Diagnosis" that might help you.  It's a confusing muddle,  with SID kids falling on either side of a lot of spectrums - like hates to be touched/may crave touch.  

The kids I've known with SID are also very uncomfortable with messy things on their hands (even water between their fingers) or they seem unaware that they've got gunk all over their hands.

http://www.brighttots.com/sensory_integration

[tiredbuthappy]

clumsy is also a sign of low muscle tone or spatial awareness problems. These are also terms you can look up.
The good news is- all of these behaviors and symptoms you describe can be significantly helped with therapies. The bad news is, without these therapies his behaviors will only get worse.

[himynameis159]

thanks guys we have an appointment on wednesday.  I'll let you know.  everyone has been very helpful.