Any "super moms" out there?

I have a very, VERY active almost 10 month-old DD and most of the time, I spend all my day running after her rather than getting things done around the house.  I feel terrible when DH comes to no dinner or the house that is not sparkling clean (in fact, it's far from it lately) and a dead tired wife.  If you're one of those "super moms" who has her house all clean, dinner all cooked, baby all happy, and you looking perfect etc, etc...HOW DO YOU DO IT?  Share your secret b/c G-d knows I need some pointers.  Thanks.

[jifnif]

haha, supermom I am not but i can share some things that are working for me.  I work 9hr days and I do not have my son all day but on weekends i do.  he wakes up at 4am and he also wakes up at 2am for a bottle so i am always running on no sleep.  my dh is a big help when he is home but he works night shift so it is tough there.  i have a play space surrounded by those gates w/ just his toys in.  i also have may things that can occupy him w/ out me like the exersaucer and a walker.  sometimes he just wants to be w/ me so i will put him on the floor w/ pots and pans and a wooden spoon.  sometimes the high chair w/ some melon keeps him quiet for a good half hour.  I am constantly having to put him somewhere.  it seems he is needing constant stimulation.  then other times i am needing a break from my stuff and i will just sit down and play w/ him..  i'm sure you have tried all of these but thought i would throw in the stuff that works for us.  :)

[Me2mommy2b]

unfortunately, I live in a small apartment in NY where there is no room for many toys or play areas.  DD loves to be near me when I'm in the kitchen.  She HATES being in her crib if I'm not in the room so if I'm vacuuming, washing the floors, she has to be there which I don't really like too much.  DH is very understanding and has not said a word (I guess he knows better, HEHEHE).  

[jifnif]

haha, funny...my house is never clean.  it is now my ds's house/playroom.  i dont even worrying about cleaning up except the obvious like the kitchen, wash and bathroom.  doors were made for reasons so when i cant clean i just close the doors!!!  

[jifnif]

oooo, in that case....sometimes i have to put on the carrier and do the wash and vacuuming w/ him....this keeps him busy for a bit...:)

[Me2mommy2b]

LOL..that's me...DD crawling all over the place, toys all over the living room, and I'm tired on the couch!! Not a pretty site.  And I'm not even pregnant (at least I don't know if I am, yet).

[lovethebops]

NOPE!! I am definately not the super mom you are looking for! When I read your post, I though She sounds like me! I only have dinner made about have the week, and we often get take out the other nights. I feel horrible, because the house looks awful when DH gets home, my very active 2 year is running around like a nut and her toys/books are strewn from one end of the living room to the other. And I am typically lying on the coach w/ he gets home because I am so tired from chasing her and I am almost 5 months pregnant. I would love to know some secrets myself!! LOL!

[lovethebops]

I wish our Living room had a door!

[kellym]

Why in the world are you giving ds a bottle at 2am, aren't you going crazy???

[KatsPlayland]

Not a supermom here. *lol*  I have  3yr old and a 26yr old-the DH- to chase around and clean after.  Some days I have the house clean and dinner done, but never looking all too hot.   So I wouldn't worry.  We're trying for another as we speak so I guess I don't look as bad as I think.
What helps me some is MY mom lives near me so she'll take my daughter once a week so I can overhaul the house and have a me day. So Don't worry about gettin it all done.  I also have my daughter "help" me when I clean by giving her a duster or pickin up her toys. She also likes to help "fold" and put laundry away.  I wish you luck and you'll find our own groove soon.

[Me2mommy2b]

LOL...do you mean the stroller?  She will sit there ONLY if we're going out for a walk.  DD is a very difficult/needy child but I love her to pieces.  If I don't see her for more than a few hours, I miss her so much.  

[jifnif]

ok, here goes....the reason i give ds a bottle at 2am is b/c our house is haunted...eeek i know.  we are moving in 3 weeks but it keeps me and ds up from 12:30 to about 2am.  dh sleeps right through it.  it is a very long night every night.  :(

[ShamansMommy]

Get one of those wraps and tie her to u, they love it, u get sooo much more done, and its an effortless way to get them to sleep! Here is a link to instructions on how to wear them, there is a section for each age and if u need to wrap for nursing, housework, etc...and just between us, u dont hafta spend a fortune on one...just go get several yards of some comfy cotton fabric from a fabric store and u r good to go!! It even eliminates the need for strollers...yay for baby wearing!!

http://www.mamatoto.org/StartHere/ByTypeofCarrier/Wraps/FrontWrapCross/tabid/180/Default.aspx

[AnnieBrooke]

When family ask how they can help, I tell them that they can come over and hold the baby while I cook, clean, take a bath or run an errand.  I don't need a sitter when I'm gone, I need a sitter when I'm there.

[kellym]

COME ON!! I'm the biggest boogie man freak you'll ever know... You've got to be kidding me. Don't you know that the spirits come out between 3am-4am DUH? ha ha at least at my house... That's what Sylvia Brown says :) (love her)

[jifnif]

omg..my sister loves that sylvia brown...she tells me that i have to read her stuff...but her stuff scares me.  i actually got some advice on how to keep it at bay and also make sure it doesnt travel w/ us...i pray and pray and pray it will all work out...i just want ot live in peace

[bizeemom]

yes, the joys of toys...b/c both of my children were and still are very attached, I've tried (key word there) getting them involved in what I'm doing and they love it.  They don't love it all the time mind you but it has helped me monitor what they are doing and has kept them still ie. in highchair while I washed dishes so they were up higher to see...w/ my son esp. something else that works (most of the time) is sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing and wrestle or read a book, something personal and one on one and then it seems as if he's content again for a while.  He's 4 and dd is 3...

[lovethebops]

OMG!! your house is really haunted?? I am scared to death of stuff like that! You couldn't get me to stay in a haunted place one night! How do you deal? I would be totally freaked!

[nalla]

I used to be a "supermom" up untill my second was about 6 months or so. Trust me, it's NOT worth it being the "supermom"  I would get up extra early and take a shower and then clean up from the night before. Then spend my days playing w/ the kids and cleaning up after their messes.  I litteraly didn't have time to sit and relax and was so exhausted by the end of the day that I didn't have anything left for DH.  Yes, my kids were clean and my house was spotless, but I was running on fumes.  Now that I have 4 kids we are lucky if everybody has had a bath in the same day, and my house is usually a mess. LOL  But I love it. Yes, I'm tired at the end of the day, but nothing like I was before!  I'm SO much happier just sitting and playing with my kids and not rushing around all day making sure things are clean and spotless.
Enjoy the time you have. They are that age for such a short time.  Pretty soon they are going to want to be out with their friends and not at home with mom.  Also, when they are older they can help out a lot.  My 10 year old loves to vaccume and mop and my 8 year old loves to dust and sweep. When they were younger I would have them help me with the chores. When I would dust I would give them a rag and let them at it. Now they enjoy doing some chores.
But don't worry about the house right now.  It's more importnant to have that quality time with them. Trust me, it goes SO fast!  I wish I would have spent more time with my first dd than cleaning.

[jifnif]

i have had to really try to get a handle on myself, when it first started happening....i would wake up screaming, crying, freaked..whatever else you wanta call it.  when it started waking up my ds I had to become more in control.  now i only care about loving my lil one so that he is not bothered by this.  it still freaks me out.  

[bizeemom]

Nalla, I totally agree!  I've always tried to keep up to what my mom tells me she was like.  There have been days that I did 10 loads of laundry just in case my mom popped by.  The biggest help is hearing everyone else say they are/were in the same boat, and like you said, enjoy the kids...Often I just leave everything hoping noone drops by during the day and then quickly run around before dh comes home...but that certainly doesn't happen every day!  And if anyone hasn't heard this lately "You ARE doing a great job..."  Our kids will remamber the times we made for them.  I have to remind myself, it's about building a relationship now!  

[jd1419]

Just an idea for you--if DH is not opposed to left overs.  Make a big enough supper than you can have it the next day.  Then the day after make something really simple (if not opposed) like a microwave dinner-with a healthy salad--easy and not very time consuming.  The fourth night try and do a big meal again for left overs for the next night--it is not always perfect but does help if youcan do this.  I am lucky that my husband is a neat freak he does more picking up and cleaning than I do.  Though we do let the dusting slide--not big on either of our lists.  I do the cooking he does the dishes.  I am by no means super mom--I try and spend as much time with my boys at night--I wok during the day.  But I know sometimes When I was off I would want to get stuff down and it be impossible--for the baby was crying or what not--I finally figured out that it is okay if they cry a little bit it won't kill them to learn to entertain themselves.  I think it actually gets harder to get things done at this age 2 1/2 and 4 for they are always either trying to help or going in two different directions.  A good idea I got from a friend to take a shower--when they are able to sit up--bring a laundry basket into the bathroom with you and put a few toys in it...portable playpen--gives you time to actually rinse your hair.

[ImmortalOne]

"super mom".... This title really annoys me because it reflects how society has assumed that most of everything falls on the woman of the household.  The care of the children the house, and being the breadwinner/working full-time.  Simply put we carry a large portion of not just our families but many other responsibilities on our shoulders, to even bother trying to live up to the "super mom" appearance that we are forced to assume is how the perfect woman survives... is only detrimental.  Being a mother, working or not, is a full time job that doesn't end at 5pm like our husbands sometimes feel theirs ends.  We can't just clock out of our jobs and let the next "shift" take over.

Ladies, assuming that you can be superwoman/supermom is really cutting yourself short, and robbing your families of some of the important things in life (your presence).  Life isn't about how clean the floor is, or how tidy the beds are, its about your life and how well you live it.  The legacy you leave behind isn't about how clean your house was and how perfect you looked doing it, it will be how much time/energy/love you were able to totally devote to your family.  It will be about your children talking amongst themselves of the fond memories you and your husband supplied to your children together as a family.

The cleaning can wait, it will always be there -of course I'm not saying to live as slobs-, however your children are only small for a short time.  And as those of us with older children know, enlisting the help of our little darlings is always some way to help with the chores and day to day upkeep of a home.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

First of all, the supermoms I've known are usually on meds as they are a neurotic mess, so don't try to emulate them.

Secondly, have a serious chat with your dh.  Where can he pick up some of the slack?

Maybe he will cook dinner a few times a week.  Buy a great bbq cookbook to inspire him.

I run a business and my time is often limited, for good home cooked meals in a timely manner, I highly recommend a slow cooker.  

If things get too messy, hire a housekeeper to help out once a month.

Just so you know, it doesn't get easier, you will just learn to cope better.  Wait until you are running them to activities, balancing work outs, girl guides, your job and volunteer hours.

[Me2mommy2b]

anxious-DH is very supportive and NEVER says anything.  He understands how DD is so instead of getting upset that there is no dinner, he just orders out (which I'm totally cool with :)))  I am getting a slow cooker and I can't wait to cook in it.

jd-Dh is fine with left overs.  He has no choice (hehehe)

Annie-in laws came over today and took DD for a stroll for a couple of hours.  I vaccumed, washed the floors and made dinner.  I never knew I could get so much done in a couple of hours :))

[myproblem]

Can we print this thread and show it to our husbands?!

A few weeks ago a lady at church mentioned an article she'd read back in the 70's when she was a young mother. It was titled: "Who is Super-mom, where did she come from, and why doesn't she go back there?" I think that about sums it up. I wish I could find that article now.

[pertykitty]

some kids are just easy and some are more adventurous or needy.  my son was easy.  he napped twice a day so i got my chores done, i could take him shopping anywhere, and with this one i bet i get the opposite!! i had a client from work remind me its not the clean house or the hung clothes that matter. so it doesnt get done everyday.  i had a boyfriend that was born in 1960.  he was adopted, and the "instruction sheet" said to put him in his play pen for most of the day! can you believe that lol. it actually had a schedule of when to feed hime, take him out for a walk, naps and playpen time so the mom could clean and do her wifely duty.  there are no supermoms.  like anxious said you cant have it all.  nor should you want to.  my neighbor has a teen girl come over to help her with her 3 kids while she does her thing, clean or yard stuff, i think she sells things on ebay.  i worked 9 hours a day when i had my son and it was easier to stay on top of it than being home all day.  i guess because we werent there to mess all day.  

[[e-mail]]

i am amother of 4   age are 7 y/o 4 y/o 2 y/o and 6 month old  i find the only way i can get thing done around the house is to 1: get snacks out for the older kids (not to late to mess up dinner) 2: put little guy 6 m/o in pack nd play with toys ( no  toys not age appro.)  3 : try to get as much done while younger ones are taking a nap   (but do not over excert yourself ) 4: try to set a schedule like  laundry 2 days a week mop any floors after little ones are asleep dinner try to  cook things that can be put in the oven and the timer set  so as  you can still take care of little one and not have to constantly stir  then make the things that go with it start right around the time dh is to come home so as he can  keep an eye on litltle one   and dinner will be done shortly after    5 : try to set a strict bed time   (by strict i mean  lie baby down at same time every night  a little crying wont hurt her matter of fact it helps her to keep her chest and throat clear) 6. if nanna or mema   wants to come over let her  while she is playingand hold the baby you can get things done like picking up floors  or have her sit in kitchen and hold little one while you wash dishes    


i ain't saying i'm super mom but with 4 kid 2 dog 1 cat and two gerbils and a 4 bed 2 bath   house  i have to have some kind of schedule i hope  this helps you

[pertykitty]

true having a schedule makes life easier. during the school year especially we live by a schedule and i only have one at the moment.  but we both know what we have to do and when to do it.  the sahm should wear a giant S on her shirt!

[ImmortalOne]

Keeping a schedule and organized helps, of that there is no doubt.  However, why be as it has said "neurotic" about it?  There are better things to be doing in our lives than worrying about if that pea on the floor the kid dropped at dinner last night is going to ruin the status of our perfectly clean OCD houses.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

My house is lived in, some days it looks like 30 people live here, rather than 4....but I keep the kitchen and bathrooms clean and the rest, well, that's what doors are for.

[AndiJ78]

I must be supermom ; ) We all know I have my fans here who hate me anyway, but here is what works for me. Unless we have a fridge full of leftovers, dinner is on the table at 5:15 every night, sometimes two different dinners to accomodate the kids tastes as well. The house is clean, the dishes done, the kids bathed, etc. But here is my secret: The baby wakes early but goes back to sleep for a few hours if I nurse him around 7am. SO while he is sleeping, I can get the older two boys in the bath and then get them breakfast. Sometimes I have chaos to clean up during that time as T likes to experiment in the morning : ) A week or so ago it was seeing if grass seed would grow in the kitchen or dining room, turns out the only thing that grew was mommy's temper!

Anyway, during that time I also unload the dishwasher from the night before and load breakfast dishes. Once CJ wakes up, I change and feed him again and the kids and I play for a few hours while I take mini-breaks to spot clean  things. My two older boys eat lunch and then go to "quiet time" from Noon-2pm. During that time I usually get CJ down for another nap and then I make sure things like the bathrooms get clean. After the kids wake up from their naps, we play silly games, color and draw, whatever strikes their fancy. At about 3:30 or so I start dinner. Depending on what i make it could take longer or less time. We go through the rest of the afternoon early evening playing outside or whatever. My older boys are in bed at 7:15, my husband goes to bed around 9pm, and CJ goes down whenever and I stay up until at least midnight. When everyone goes down for the night I pick up the house, finish the dishes (we average 1 full load a day!) and then I relax for a spell.

In all honesty, having a dog has helped tremendously ; ) He is a great vacuum! But he also leaves a trail of long black hair that needs to be cleaned up. I used to fret because CJ hates the vacuum, but I recently bought one of those carpet sweepers and it isn't electric so I can use it several times throughout the day. My older two boys see carpet sweeping as a reward, so I accomodate! They aren't terribly effecitent with it, but every little bit helps.

I am a neurotic person, I cannot stand a messy house and my kids enjoy helping. I found it takes me no time at all to pick it up if I keep on top of it. The only things i hold off until the weekend when John is home is laundry and the kids' rooms. I will usually do a load or two during the week, but i tend to work through it all on the weekend. The kids' rooms get a thorough cleaning on the weekend, that is an endless battle when you have a 5 year old and a 3 year old.

Ask for help. Don't overdo it. Your house could look like a tornado hit it and as long as you and the kid(s) are happy, who cares! I just have my own issues, cleaning is therapeutic for me. But, I am lucky to get a shower every other day and I never wear make-up. Thank goodness my husband thinks I am "hot" au naturale!! Don't get me wrong, there are days when chaos rules the Jones house and the house is a mess. But that certainly bothers me more than it bothers anyone else.

[pertykitty]

i think a lot of it has to do with the kids as well.  some kids are happy go lucky and can sit and play even alone, so you can get stuff done.  then you have my nephew.  he is demanding of his moms attention and under her feet all day long.  my son was easy, he could play in the same room as i was cleaning, but fine to do it alone.  maybe this girl wont be the same! who knows.  

[AndiJ78]

My middle is hell on wheels, underfoot all the time and if left on his own trashes anything and everything! I have gotten used to having him underfoot or at the very least within my line of sight! I have a darling picture of him where he was in quiet time and decided he would paint, you can guess what he used! Cracking eggs is a favorite game of his, as is harassing the baby and his older brother at every turn!

He is something to behold, but thankfully my oldest (5) and my baby are easy-going kids.

[pertykitty]

HAHA oh my that is too much!  did you ever use a sling so you could have free arms?  im thinking of trying one with this baby.  seems so much easier shopping and whatnot if you dont have a bulky seat to carry around. but i have seen so many i dont know which one is better or if it is better than the other.

[AndiJ78]

I have tried a few different ones but i had two problems with all my kids:
1.) They would get too warm and cranky
2.) They were too big and heavy to lug around with my bad back. It didn't seem like any of the slings were accomodating for my back problems.

Tha being said, many people have had excellent luck with slings and front carriers. I would say go for it, you might find it to be very helpful.

Here is a link to my "bad day" picture. It is a wonder T made it to 3.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y136/AndiJ1978/My%20Boys/T002.jpg

[AndiJ78]

Let's see if this one work ; )

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y136/AndiJ1978/My%20Boys/?action=view&current=T002.jpg

The most awesome part was me telling peek just minute before how my nursing experience and NAC experience made me nearly immune to the smell of poo, second later I was up to my elbows in it! I didn't even have to punish the lkid, he loves baths but hates showers, so having to hose him off was punishment enough!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I am tired just reading about your day.

I am taking a nap now....

Can I come to your house for supper?

[pertykitty]

it wont let me see anything. too bad i was looking forward to it!

[ImmortalOne]

I couldn't stand the "slings" with my kids.  And now that they are older it is really easy to keep the house clean or a moderate form of it.  I still feel that if I'm not on them about chores it will never get done but I guess that is part of being a mom.  They each have their own bedroom and a room of the house they are 95% responsible to clean (the other 5% goes to a child that has been acting out of line).  My 9 yr old has the bathroom and hall, the 14 yr old has the kitchen and dishes.  I also absolutely REFUSE to clean up messes that aren't mine anymore, and the girls know this.  So if they made a mess, and they left it there, they will end up being the victim responsible for cleaning up the room that mess was made in.  I wonder if they have figured that part out or not, they haven't seemed to wisen up and make their messes in their appropriate rooms yet... usually my living room or my bedroom.

[AndiJ78]

Try the first one again, I made it public.

[AndiJ78]

Sure, tonight I am making caesar pork chops for John and I, cheesy meatballs for the boys, corn for our vegetable and olive oil and herb noodles on the side. I am baking some potato bread as we speak to accompany it (gotta love breadmakers!!)

No dessert tonight, still have some chocolate chip cookie/brownie layer bars from the weekend ; )

[pertykitty]

is that poop? haha oh nasty you poor thing!! my son got his diaper off once in his crib and jumped around in it, i wanted to just move lol.  i guess the sling thing seems more work and trouble than a plus.  im glad you saved me money lol.  my son has recently startedhelping more, i have to tell him, but he will.  dont get me wrong, there is a loud and dramatic sigh that goes with it lol.

[AndiJ78]

I cannot wait until my kids are old enough to really help with the house. Right now it usually requires more effort to go behind them and fix what they "cleaned." But i do feel it is important to have them get used to the idea of helping. We have a few fun ways to encourage cleaning. hey like to put socks on their hands and help dust, the carpet sweeper is a big hit, and we have silly songs we sing when it is time to pick up the toys. When I put away the dishes, they call it "teamwork" and then proceed to fight over who gets to put away the silverware. Which usually means I go right behind them and straighten out the mess they have left for me ; )

And yes, that is poop! But doesn't he just look happy as a clam? Needless to say it has never happened again!

When I lived at my dad's for a few years, they split the chores up amongst my brothers and myself. It rotated weekly so no one got stuck with the harder stuff. We all rotated weekly on loading, unloading the dishwasher, and on the weekends we had it split up into: vacumming the main floor, cleaning all the bathrooms (3 total), and vaccumming the upstairs and dusting. We each had our room to care for and a common game room we shared the duties for. We were never allowed food anywhere bu thte kitchen table. same with drinks. It made housework much easier and now that I am older and wiser I understand why we had those rules!

[taysmommy]

i dont know if anyone mentioned this yet, no im not supermom either, but im pretty good at quickly picking up and making things look clean (deep down there probably not so clean lol, i only get to deep clean about twice a month if im luckly!)

my swiffer is so easy to use, its the kind where you dont have to sweep before you mop, its wonderful and quick, no drying time, and i do it every day, takes about 10 mins for the entire kitchen floor, like i said it doesnt deep clean, but it does a good enough job,

also i have clorox (why cant i spell that right now!) well clorox wipes that i wipe my couters down with, which takes about 5 mins, and it smells so clean after words, and disinfects

and as for dinner, sit your dd on the kitchen floor, give her some pots and pans and a spatula to bang on them with (my dd loved that at that age) so you have a little time to get things done, i try to cook a lot since im a stay at home mom, i feel like its my "job" but i rarely cook more then 3 big meals a week, left overs is a good idea!

also, before i got gates in my living room i would take dd in the bathroom with me for my 5 min shower a day (sad but it gets the job done!) and i would save old bottles of shampoo and let her play on the floor with them, turn on the radio and she would be occupied for at least enough time for me to shower and dry off

the only thing i havent conqured is the living room floor, im picking up toys all day long, and that doesnt bother me too much, its the crackers and snacks on the floor, if  i wanted it clean all the time i would have to vaccuum 5 times a day, so ive settled with having DH call me when he's on his way home to warn me, then i vaccuum (he thinks i just want to know when hes coming home to get dinner ready lol. really i want it to look like the house is somewhat managed)

as for being tired, tell me about it, im 6 months pregnant with a wild 17 month old running around, juming on and off the couch if i turn my back, and im going to have a new born soon, ive just dealt with the fact im going to be tired for the next ohhhh 5 years or so lol

[toyml99]

Well I am not super mom that is for sure.  I work from home doing life insurance interviewing and I also watch the nieghbor boy and do massages during the week.  I am mostly an at home mom with a few things to do a day.  I have no problem keeping my house picked up but the closets need cleaned out the floors need mopped and the bathroom could use a bleaching.  It always looks nice but I know it's cluttered.  The closets are so bad.  I try to make sure the house is picked up everyday and when my husband gets home he and I do dinner or just one or the other.  I am no servant.  That's how I feel he worked all day but so did I and probably harder.  I pay my half of the bills and I am staying home with the baby so dinner is OUR duty not just mine.  Sometimes I need an hour to catch up on paperwork in the evenings and he'll play with the baby and I can do that and maybe run downstairs to do laundry or whatnot.  It's a team effort everyone has to pull their weight.  If you all work together it is possible to maintain your home but it is a task.