OK ladies, I was reading in Baby Magazine the other day. I dont recall which month (May I think) and it had a letter from one of the readers. This lady stated (not verbatum, but to the best of my knowledge) that women who work and have children are selfish and bad mothers. She went on to add (something to the effect of) if you cant stay at home with your kids, then dont have children. Did any of you see this?
It was in the section where readers could send in their opinion on a topic that had been in the magazine before. I started to write in and give my opinion, but I dont subscribe to the magazine. The ones I got were free for registering for something on the internet.
speaking of articles, i was reading a girlfriends guide to pregnancy and in it the lady tells breast feeding moms to just let the baby sleep in bed with them. i understand that it is hard sometimes to get up for those late feedings, but NEVER let a baby sleep in bed with you. roll over deaths are way to common now. i live in the st. louis area and work with the coroners office, believe me they are more commmon then sids!!!
This is a book for expectant moms? I cant believe they would put that in there. I mean, the statement about stay at home moms is an opinion, but it is a fact that is dangerous. OK, now for those of you who sleep in the bed with your babies, take no offense.
There was a talk show once about this. It had both sides. You had your stay at home moms and your working moms. It was back and forth fighting and bickering and you could not get either side to change their views. I did both. I stay at home for as long as I can and I feel if ppl can afford it then that is great. I do feel children benefit much more by having the parent home with them. I went back to work when my DD was 2 because we needed money and I did get bored. I went to a daycare though where I could take her with me. I was let go after a year and had to take her to daycare. She was 3 and I felt it was ok because she really needed to start interacting w/other kids to prepare for school. I never once felt like a bad mom for working and noone would make me feel that way. I plan to hopefully go to school unless our church gets a successful preschool where I can be a Pre-K teacher then I will hopefully be able to take my DS to work with me but if I decide to go to school instead I will not work (if possible) until I get my education degree. I feel we have to do what we have to do. If you are able then great stay home if not do not feel guilty about trying to make a better life for your child by working. Take Care
None taken!!!! I sleep with my DS and also slept with my DD from the time she was 3 months old. She is now 7 and still wants to lay in there and cuddle every so often. I am a very light sleeper when they are in my bed. I have been nervous but I guess I got lucky. It is really much easier to nurse with them in our bed. I put him down more now in his crib just because I am wanting to get a better night sleep.
I personally would take days. If you work 2-10 then you see them for a couple hours in the morning and they are off to school. You are at work when they get home and when you get home they are in bed (hey wait that might not be bad LOL!!!) If you do 6-2 then you are there for dinner with the family and can see your kids off to bed. I have always like the early hours. I feel you have to do what is best for you and your family. Hope it works out for you. Let us know what you decide.
My view (Lord knows i have one...lol)
It is QUALITY time not QUANTITY
You can stay at home and not pay attention to your kids or you can work and spend quality time with them...(JUST To cover my a** not saying that stay at home moms do that)
I loved the year maternity leave and would love to stay at home.Depends what you want in this world If you like the fun things and "toys" they you need to work to pay for them..
Heck I think I need to go to work just to pay for the groceries!!
Every one does what they feel comfortable with and the way I see it is if you make a choice and you can live with it...Then thats okay.. Who do you have to prove anything to besides yourself and the man upstairs
Hey have a question
How is the morning rush ...What time do you have to be at work
Is it crazy with AJ and getting out the door?
Its 5 weeks today I go back We have been debating on which shift to take...Days or Afternoons
I love afternoons that was the shift i did have but I have enough senority to bump someone if i want to
DH wants days thats so I am home at night(so he doesnt have the kids ..) but that means he gets them up and loses 3 hours of his work to wait for the bus and get Cody to a babysitters then he spends most of the day at a babysitters
I want afternoons Im here to get them off, do some stuff around the house , Cody only has 2 hours at a babysitter
Dh would have them from about 5 pm-10
I am definetly not going to work as much as I use to ! What do you think Im trying to be objective
I can only tell you what I would do, from my work situation now. I would choose 6-2. This is why: I could get up and go to work, DH could give AJ his bottle and get him to daycare around 8:30 like he does now and I would be able to pick him up at 2. He would only be at daycare for 6 hours. But, I see your point with the afternoon. I guess it depends on what would keep you happier. Cause if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!!
i think that article is rediculous. and i am a stay at home mom and have been with all 3 of my children. i think it is up to the mom. like cinnamon said, it is the quality of the time you spend not quanity. now if soemone worked all day and then came home and threw the baby in walker or swing and let him sit there it would be different. there are pros and cons. the pros are that i am with kids 24/7 nd i know what is going on but some of the cons are that when my kids started school they were not used to being in a daily enviroment with alot of people so they were and still are very shy.
I think that it is the parents choice in whether to stay home or not. Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone. Personally I love it, but I know many moms that have tried it and gone crazy. Also, sometimes people can not afford to have one parent stay at home.
I also read the girlfriends guide to pregnancy and let me tell you it was different. I actually had a chapter talking about while a woman is pregnant is the best time for her husband to have an affair, because it takes the pressure off of the wife to sleep with him. If I was pregnant and found out Dh was sleeping around I would kill him. I couldn't believe some of the stuff that was in that book.
I worked at a daycare/preschool and I know the toddler room teacher slapped hands. The kids were one year old and she told me she did this. The director was horrible as well. She was just into the money and NOT the well being of the kids. I suspected one of my kids may be abused so I confronted my director and asked if I should turn them into CPS to investigate and she said "Well I wouldn't if I were you". The only reason she said this was cuz she was afraid the child would be pulled out of the center and she would lose that money. There was also a girl who got fired because she refused to feed the kids 6 day old spaghetti because her son attended and she would NOT feed that to him. The director said she made an executive decision and was fired. I could not wait to get out of there. I was let go after a year because I obtained my Child Development Associate License and they could not afford to give me the raise they promised so the director started making things up about parent complaints to look like she had a reason to let me go. It was horrible. I sometimes enjoy being at home but I think I was a better mom to my daughter when I was working my office job. It made our time together better I think. I get very STRESSED being with a screaming, nursing kid 24/7.
There are good people out there in daycares--probably more good than bad. I have been very lucky-I trust my daycare with my life. ALthough I would come a lot close to trusting a larfger facility daycare than an "in home" care taker. I have always felt that way.
That one experience will now haunt you forever with daycares. I'm sorry it happened to you.
It was explained to me that the daycare centers have different rules than home care centers. If what happen to my son happen in a daycare center something would have been done about it. Plus there are more people around to see if something does happen. I think that there are a lot more good people that really care about children than bad ones but it only takes one rotten apple to ruin the bunch unforuntily.
wow!!!!!.....i work and was a single mom for many years with no choice. my son is a great kid, i don't believe he suffered from daycare at all. in fact i think he learned alot. he shares his stuff and doesnt have any anxieties about me having to go out like some kids do.
now that dh and i are together, he has adopted ds, i work 6 am to 10 am or 2 pm depending on the day and dh works in the afternoon to evening. DS stays with dad all morn and mom all afternoon when not at school. DH and i have decided that when we do have another child i will stay at home for 6 mos to 1 yr....he is an engineer and makes more than i do. this way i can breast feed and not have to worry about inadiquate milk supply like i did with DS.
i beleive there are many benefits to staying at home and working, it is a family decision that is based on the circumstances in ones life.
i remember at the WIC office when DS was a baby a lady came in and got mad when they would not help her with daycare for her to have a "break". she said in front of us all, not exactly of course, why should i be punished because i chose to stay home like i am supposed to. these women throw there kids away for a paycheck and arent really mothers and you will help them, but wont pay for me to have 1 hr a day by myself. i was truely mortified.
sometimes peoples ignorance and greed really suprise me.
Daycare is a wonderful experience for children. It creates social awareness and great social skills in interacting with other kids. Although, many times as a full-time working mom, I am very jealous of those stay-at-home moms, I also have to make a living and I sometimes feel sorry for kids sometimes who don't get to experience some "out-of-the house" learning experiences at daycare or preschool.
I also think I would get bored at home every day. Not that my children could not keep me totally busy and fun-filled, but my life requires routine and sturcture. I don't know how long I could do it.
Quality time is very important. On the weekends and during the evenings during the week, I make special efforts to do special things with my children. This helps me make up for not being able to be with them all day every day during the week.
I am a stay-at-home Mom and sometimes I wish I did work. I think that I would actually be a better Mom. I think time away does wonders. Like Cinn said before its qualty not quanity. I know there are a lot of great Moms at there that are stay-at-home. I just wonder how they do it soo good. On the other hand I have a son from before and it was just me and him so I had to work. Then one day when I pick him up from a license home daycare he had bruises around his neck. It took all I had not to beat that woman to the inch of her life. She got mad at him because he wasn't quite while she was on the phone. The state wouldn't revoke her license because it was classified as a rude touch and that because she was a home provider she could punish kids in any way she chose. I thought this was a load of ****. The police said that they couldn't do anything about either. They wouldn't even interveiw my son. They said that they could only arrest her if she had done harm like killed him or broke his neck. The only thing that was done about it was the proceccutor sent her a letter stating that she was investiagated about a possible child abuse and that she would be on his watch list. He thought this might scare her into not watching kids anymore. I still get some mad over this. I wanted her at least arrested if I had done this to my own child I would have gone to jail for child abuse. I'll tell you if I knew all this before hand I would have knock her on her butt. Anyways I am afraid to send my kids to daycare.
I don't have a choice with this baby. I have to go abck to work after she is born and I only get 3 weeks total off or loose my position.
With my first child my mother was a live and watche dhim , with my second I stayed home with her. Yes differnt but fufilling both times.
This time will be hard I work &;30 - 6:30 3 days and then 2-6:30 the others.
Sometimes it is a financial nessaty and sometimes an emotional oen to have to go back to work. Either way no one should be jusged for it
Also, if the company has at least 75 employees within a certain radius it has to abide by the Family Medical Leave Act which allows you 12 weeks leave (not paid) and you are guarenteed a job of equal pay and status when you return to work. You arent guarenteed your old job (however I bet they will keep it for you), but you have a job at the same pay. I would check in to that.
Also, check on the part about not being able to return to your old job. I was under the impression that my job was guaranteed until I returned from both of my maternity leaves. (And another coming up in February.) What would be the point of coming back to a different job?
Are you in the United States? Do you have Short Term Disability coverage through your employer? If the answer is yes to both of those questions, then I believe you are entitled to 6 weeks leave. Childbirth is one of the items covered by Short Term Disability, and most doctors do not give their "okay" to return to work until your regular 6-week postpartum check-up. It would be the same if you got into a car accident - you wouldn't have to return to work until the doctor gave you the "okay".
I am so sorry if you have to return after only 3 weeks!!! Do some research - don't just take their word for it, make sure they are within the law!!
yeah the FMLA return guarantee is a benefit but many of us will see it as a negative. They can put you in a "comparible" position. In the school system that means any other school even a different subject. (but we need to look at it from the employers point of view. Lets say you were a financial analyst who procured and packaged loans. that takes a lot of training. SO they replace you, train the new person extensively - when you come back what should they do? It is not fair to fire her either. So only in jobs where you can get a temporary is it reasonable to expect your employer to hold your specific job!)
I live in PA which is an "At will employment state"
I work for a Catholic School with only 9 employees. I signed my contract without letting them know I was pregnant because I honestly though I would miscarry. In the meantime I knew they were restucturing the whole diocese and 4 of out teachers lost their jobs. I wanted to keep mine and didn't inform them of the preg.
Since i am high risk if the Dr deems it nessasry to leave work I will do it and just loose the job but if all goes well I will return 3 weeks after the birth.
They have made some consesions so that I can have the baby at the after school program when I need to even if its just so she isn't in day care all the time. As long as the number of my school childen on any of thoise given days does not go above 9 becasue 10 is the legal limit. My full teachin gdays in the classroom are something I can do nothing about. I have to believe things will work out.
Your Rights under the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993:
The FMLA requires covered employers to provide up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job protected leave to "eligible" employees for certain family and medical reasons. Employees are eligible if they have worked for a covered employer for at least one year, and for 1,250 hours over the previous 12 months, and if there are at least 50 employees within 75 miles.
for a copy of the Act that most employers post in their offices.
My name is Holly. I am 20 years old. I am planning on going off the pill (i have been on it for 3 years now) in November. I hope to get pregnant right away so I can give the news to my in-laws and my parents as an xmas gift. Do people usually have problems conceiving the first few months they go off the pill? How does it work? I also want to lose weight before I have a baby. As it is I am not comfortable in my skin. If anyone has suggestions or would like to chat, please email me at butterfly_baybee2005***@**** I will respond to everyone!
Also, will you only conceive on certain days of the month? I can use as much information as I can
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