Boys and dolls

[April2]

I would like to get some opinions from you ladies, please. My teenage daughter doesn't like the fact that my 4 year old son is enjoying playing with her old doll. He puts her to bed, feeds her, changes her diaper when he sees me change my daycare baby's diaper or put him to bed, he wants to do the same with his doll. He wants to take her in the car with us (and buckle her up, of course!), everywhere we go. He's not really sleeping with the doll but does put her to sleep. I don't let him take her out of the car. She has to stay in the car when he goes to preschool or we go to the store, etc. and he's been fine with that. But it's been really bothering my daughter as she thinks this is "weird" for a boy to be playing with a doll. Is it weird? Should I discourage him from it or not worry about it? I figure sooner or later he'll give it up.
Also, just to mention, he does love playing with his matchbox cars and train set and mostly plays with those. So he definitely plays with boy toys!
What do you all think of boys playing with dolls? I kind of look at it like an opportunity for him to learn to be a good dad some day. Still, I know people might look at him funny if they see him playing with it. What do you all think?

[Trialanderror]

Tell your teenage daughter that he will be the new "breed" of wonderful future husbands and dads who know how to nurture. My son has been just the same and I see it this way: the day he gets teased by his peers for being in touch with "his female side", he will probably stop taking his doll and his horse for a stroll. He knows to be boyish and rough and tough but those moments of innocence about gender roles are precious. Way too soon are boys pressured to conform to male stereotypes. I think your daughter will understand one day. If she fears for being ridiculed herself becasue of her little brother, just stick to the rule that the doll stays in the car. That should be good enough a compromise!

[houseofgirls]

I think it is perfectly normal for a boy to play with dolls.  They enjoy pretend play just as much as the girls!  Toys are made to be either "girls toys" or "boys toys" by adults.  Adults make it into a big deal.  I have bought "boy toys" for my 4 year old when she asks for them.  I don't have a problem with her liking all different toys.  I say let him play with the dolls for as long as he wants too!  

[Jenny100]

Go to Barnes and Noble and buy a book called, "William's Doll" by Charlotte Zolotow. It is my very favorite childrens book.
It tells the story of a little boy who really wanted a doll and how his father and others didnt want him to have one. How it would make him a "sissy". His wise Grandmother finally gets him one, and explains to everyone that he needs it to learn to be a good father.
It is written very beautifully, almost poetically. I cry every time I read it.
Perhaps if we DID encourage our boys to play with dolls more often, we would find that they would learn to be more tender and nurturing than we've come to expect boys to be.

[April2]

Wow, I guess this is more common than I thought! Thanks! I'll check out that book, too!

[AnnieBrooke]

One of my son's early favorite toys was a baby doll.  Maybe he found its miniature picture of himself amusing, who knows.  He plays with it as unselfconsciously as he does his stuffed animals or his cars and trucks.  I like it that for him it is no different than any other toy.  It's only our own social interpretations that label it unusual for a boy to play with a doll and not unusual for him to play with Lightning McQueen with his human character and human-like face.  Why force little boys to play with items that are just coded substitutes for humans, if they want to play with humans?  

I think a child likes to play with things he often sees, acting out what he sees done with them, and besides cars, trucks, cats, dogs, airplanes and tractors, that includes babies, shopping carts and kitchens.  Tell his sister not to worry.  If she can play sports, he can take care of babies, and it will be a better world for both things.

[babypooh]

It's perfectly normal! Most children don't consider everything being either for boys or girls and whatever they play with doesn't imply they will continue to like things meant for the other gender :)
I think it's nice that he enjoys playing the caregiver to a baby :)
My son does that too! Encourage it!
I hope your daughter can understand that there's nothing wrong or weird about it :)

[tam2girls]

I have a boy and girl 20 month old twins and they love to both play the same. They will both play car or dollies or feed the babies. She enjoys playing with his "boy toys " as much as he enjoys playing with hers. I also think that my husband being involved with feeding and bathing and changing that he wants to do like Daddy does. So there is nothing wrong with it and if it will end up that he is a better father and husband for it then you will have raised a wonderful Man.

[jenstam]

I agree with everyone's posts above. We have a baby doll leftover from when my girls were really little and he does on occasion play with it. I want him to! I always said if I ever had a son that he would have a baby doll because I think this "role playing" type play is where they get a lot of their skills for later in life from! Boys are always given cars, trucks, tools, etc...and girls are given dress up clothes, tea sets and dolls. There is nothing wrong with either playing with the other! This is good for boys to learn to nurture. I think it is very good for them when they get older and become Dad's someday. Of course, the behavior modeled in the home is important too. But it's sweet that your son is being a Daddy to his baby just as it is sweet when a little girl is being a Mommy. I wish more parents would allow this in their homes. Girls should also be allowed to and have access to "boy toys". I once read an article about gender stereotyping which stated that a lot of this comes from the toys we force our children to play with. An example from the article was that boys should be allowed to play with dolls to develop nurturing skills and girls should be allowed to get dirty and have a tool set to develop the more mechanical part of their brains. It's great that you are allowing this for your son! Maybe your daughter will understand when you explain it this way to her.

[mami1323]

I've had this argument with my fiance but it wasn't about a doll it was about a baby stroller. My son loves to push strollers, he's 16 months and I think it's his age.  He pushes just about everything but for some reason loves strollers.  So my mom bought him one and my fiance got really upset.  He said he didn't mind if he played with one in the playroom in our building or even when he plays with his cousin's when we go to his sister's house but he didn't want him to have his own.  We basically agreed to disagree to keep the peace but it really is ridiculous.  See how early on it's basically programmed that girls play with dolls, kitchen stuff, push strollers and boys have to play with the trucks and the tools.  It makes me so irritated.  Thanks for bringing this up.  I'm scared how he would feel if Jayden wanted to play with a barbie doll.

[jenstam]

Brody loves to push the stroller around! Get him a baby doll to put in it and tell your fiance it's good for him (:

[GRose]

I think it is fine but Noah's dad is on the same page as mami's fiance, he really doesn't like Noah playing with dolls. Noah has tried to play Barbies with my niece and he always wants the Ken doll, I see nothing wrong with it but it does bother Joe.
I plan on getting Noah his own baby when the new baby comes so that he has something to take care of when I am taking care of the baby, I hope his dad doesn't mind too much.

[Annice1234]

my husband starts the police academy soon...but one of the questions (and i dont know why) they asked him in i think the psychological part of the exam was if he played w dolls when he was little...and he answered yes.  in his defense, he has 3 sisters.  i kinda made fun of him buuuut he is an absolutely fabulous father and i always get comments on how lucky i am bc he's such a great dad!  :)

[April2]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad to see so many who see nothing wrong with this.
I remember playing matchbox cars with my brother outside under the porch in the dirt. I'd make elaborate cities, etc. I also loved to climb trees. I guess I was a bit of a tomboy, although I liked dolls too.

We have a boy doll and a girl doll and interestingly enough my son chooses to play with the girl doll. I think he likes the hair or something. But he actually doesn't play with it much in the house. He just puts her down for (long!) naps. Then he wants to put her in the high chair that I use for my daycare baby and wants me to get a cracker for her. It's so cute. He'll pretend to change her diaper sometimes but he mostly wants to take her in the car with him and buckle her up. I don't know why that is!
He will also play with his matchbox cars in his room for hours and likes to ride his bike, so I guess he'll be well rounded!

Annice, that is strange to me that they'd ask that question on a psychological exam. I would wonder why too.

[kennedydp5]

i also believe its normal although i'm sure my dh would strongly disagree!  my nephew jsut turned 2 and he is extremely rough w/ my ds who is only 9 months old (like he'll pin him down on the floor to give him a "hug").  my sil is about to have another baby in june and i think my nephew NEEDS a baby doll to play w/ so everyone can help teach him how to be "nice" to the baby.  

[Mumita]

I'm 5 months pregant with a boy, my first.  And I can say right now (not having the experience of my boy playing with a doll) is that I would be more understanding of a boy playing with a doll, however my husband would absolutely not allow it.
In my husband's defense, he learned to be very nurturing by taking care of his dogs since he was little.  His dogs are and were always his babies.  When he got his first dog (she lived for 17 years!) he was around 4 or 5 he would crawl inside her crate so she would have someone warm to sleep with.
So regardless on wether its a doll or a puppy or a blankie, its important for boys to learn to be nurturing somehow, so that would be my argument if my baby decides to bring out my old dolls from the attic.

[babypooh]

I think it's so cute that your son does that, April :) It's great!
You know, I think that if little girls wanted to play with cars and trucks their dads probably wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I wonder why it becomes such a fear and problem when a boy wants to play with dolls. They're only little kids, they'll play with anything and it's good for them!

[Tanker Chic]

I vote totally normal!!  Of course my son will never do that tho.. :)  j/k...  

Anytime your dd wants to do anything physical or tomboyish, maybe tease her a little bit and say it is just for boys...  maybe she'll get the idea...  

[April2]

Thanks everyone! I'm not going to worry about this. He's not so attached that he has to take it everywhere with him. I'm sure this will pass in time. He's such a sweet little boy. I hope he does become a great daddy someday! :)