Cosleeping

I am currently pregnant and I really do not want to cosleep when my little boy is born because I think it is a never ending slippery slope.  Nonetheless, DH wants to cosleep.  He thinks it will help the baby to sleep by being warm and close to us.  He thinks it will help the baby breath by hearing our breathing.  And he seems to think the baby is going to be a cute little toy he won't be able to put down for a second.  With that said, we seem to have compromised that the baby will sleep with us for the first two months.  I have been looking at the different sleeping widgets on target.com in the baby section.  I just want to make sure cosleeping is as safe as possible for the baby.  Any suggestions?  Do any of you have any particularly good sleeping widgets?  Would somebody please check out the target stuff for me?      

[pixijal]

I breast feed, and co sleep until the infant is 6 months old...General rule:  you can't spoil them the first 6 months, meaning, answer every cry.

To keep it safe, I don't allow the baby to sleep in between us.  Make sure to not have a bunch of pillows or thick blankets.  I usually dress the baby warm, and skip the blankets.  I bought a gadget that you put in your bed, that has sides on it to prevent you from rolling over on the baby.  

We had both of our children in bed w/us until 6 months, and it worked very well for our family...It doesn't work for everyone.  Try it, and see if it is right for you before you commit to anything.  

[lilcountriegal]

Try a bassinet or something close to your bed before you try the Co-sleeping.  My pediatrician is adament against it, but I am guilty of doing it with my first two children.  I now have a two week old son who I'm starting the pattern with.  He doesnt sleep as well as he does if he is in the bed with me and DH.  

I advise against it only because its so hard to transition them to the crib once they are used to sleeping with you.  

I have a bassinet that I use, but my son just doesnt sleep well at night so I'm kicking myself in the arse, but Im giving in and letting him sleep in my bed with me.  If I had any other option, Id try it first.  

[AndiJ78]

My dh and I had a different arraingment when our babies were babies ; ) With ym first, I slept in the relciner for the first 5 mos, then we all slept together for a few months and then my dh moved to the couch. We had little to no issues transitioning him to his own bed at 14 mos. With our second, ym dh didn't even sleep in the ebd with us at all. He happily took his place on the couch as that meant he got lots of uninterrupted sleep. Again, we did that for 15 mos and had little to no issues with the transition. I am currently co-sleeping with our now 4 month old and, yep, you guessed it..dh is on the couch. While we miss sleeping together, we both find the benefits of that temporary arraingment mutually beneficial for us. He gets to sleep and brag to his buddies he has never had to wake for a feeding with 3 kids and I get to sleep more becausee I don't have to keep getting up to nurse. We follow all the safety practices such as no pillows, blankets, etc. Happy baby, happy parents.

But, it is not for everyone. I am a very light sleeper, never drink or use any sort of sedating medication and am not overweight. Any and/or all of these factors should prevent you from co-sleeping as these have been linked to the problems arising from the practice.

We have been very lucky to not have any issues with transitioning. Our kids knew how to fall alseep on their own as I did not co-sleep while napping or nurse them to sleep.

Good luck with your decision. We have been very pleased with it, in fact that is the one thing i will miss most about having a baby, nursing and co-sleeping!

[Tia Lucila]

Ok, this is probably a dumb follow up question, but that's what anonymous online postings are for.  When you ladies say, "no blankets," do you mean for me and DH or the baby, or all of us?  

[rita02]

no blankets on or around the baby. and i would agree with one of the other posts..do not go past 6 months of cosleeping. we went further and still have our 4 yo in our bed. i love the bonding but it makes intimate time together very hard.

[Agiesmom]

We co-sleep.  I bought a Baby Bunk (www.babybunk.com) second-hand and our daughter was in it the first two nights.  She woke every hour and a half.  The third night, I stopped taking my pain medication at night (I had a c-section) and I swaddled her and she sleeps in my arm.  I am an extremely light sleeper and co-slept with my son 10 years ago.

She sleeps for hours that way (I actually had to wake her to get her to eat a few times) and I have read the same thing your husband has obviously read--that babies take on the breathing rhythm of the mother or person with whom they sleep.

There are ways to make it safer--firm surfaces only, no pillows, blankets, or comforters, etc.  (You can find a lot of good info about this at www.mothering.com.)

I know that if you were to tell most doctors that you co-sleep, they would be obligated to tell you not to do it--mainly, I believe, because if something were to happen, you can't go back and say, "You KNEW I was co-sleeping and never told me not to."

I think you need to do what you are comfortable doing--if you aren't completely comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping, then I wouldn't do it.  If you think you could ever possibly not wake up to your baby fussing or could possibly roll on your baby, then I don't think you should do it.

I know someone who uses this and likes it:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-16/qid=1173495711/ref=sr_1_16/601-8250112-9079332?ie=UTF8&asin=B000BM8FXG
Although it does not allow them to be warm and close to you, like your husband says he would like your baby to experience, it may be a good compromise (?).

Good luck with your decision.

[ImmortalOne]

They have these small "beds" that attach to your bed and have a small open against your bed.  It makes it safer to "cosleep" than just about anything else, and the baby will be closer if you are nursing.  I wish they had them with my 2nd daughter, she slept with us till she was 4 months, then it was a hard habit to break but from day 1 she just would not sleep in her crib for anything.

[AnnieBrooke]

I am not against co-sleeping, but for the record, the medical examiner in our city who handles all the infant deaths is entirely against co-sleeping.  Especially if the baby is cuddled into the arm of the mom, apparently this can cause the carbon- dioxide pooling that is sometimes implicated in SIDs.  There are also deaths that come from being rolled on, getting into blankets, etc.  My son sleeps very well in our big bed, and at first especially did not sleep well in his bassinet.  I do sleep some nights with him in our bed, but because of the ME's comments am just as happy when our baby will sleep in his bassinet (we have the Arms Reach, which is almost the same as co-sleeping) or his own (Amby Natural Motion) bed.  It would kill me if anything happened to him from sleeping in our bed.

[Tia Lucila]

Thanks everbody.  I will ask my DH to read your comments and we will put some really thought into this.  This is the first baby for both of us, so we really want to make careful, educated decisions.  

[Tia Lucila]

Thanks again everybody.  Girlybuff, I've seen your postings on this site before and curiousity is killing me. Based on your user name I can't help but wonder if you are an alum of the University of Colorado.  If that's the case, I'm a girlybuff too.  

[2songbirds]

I won't have anything else than having my babies close to me. I can NOT let them cry it out. MY 3 1/2 yo DD slept with me until recently, and my 18 month old DS just started sleeping with me. He always slept in his crib. Then I moved him to the toddler bed at 13 or 14 months. It worked, then he gradually move into my bed, and my DD went into the toddler bed on her own. I plan on doing the same with my next one....he'll sleep in the crib, then choose where he wants to be when he's older. I feel so much more bonded with them. Plus, the crib is right beside me. I'm sooo afraid of sids.

The kids will decide when they're ready to move into their own beds. I just can't stand to hear them 'crying it out'. And they're little only once.

[angel07]

I would never risk co-sleeping again!

I lost my son to SIDS last June at 10months of age. It was also the first time he had ever sleept with us.(as we were on holiday) we thought he would be safe enough to sleep in the bed with one of us. He was a strong,big boy, he could pull himself up,stand on his own and shout and call our names.
We always follow the safe sleeping act, no pillows,blackets, we don't smoke and we would not drink with him sleeping in bed with us!

Although, the co-sleeping might have nothing to do with my sons death, you will never know the pain and guilt we have to live with. If only we had taken his crib, it was only 2 nights away!
I have met so many people where there babies have died of SIDS and SUDC since. Although SIDS is more common in under 6 months, it does happen to older babie age 2 is the guild line.
I have met mums/dads who said they co-sleept esecially brest feed babies with there previous 2-3 children, it did then no harm etc.
There is new research on SIDS, i will post the link.

I did have a bassinet next to my bed, untill my children sleept through and then i would put them in there own room. This is something new i will have to tackle this time, i might have my child in my room untill he/she is 1 year old, but they will not be in bed with me.

[ImmortalOne]

Angel, thank you for sharing that with us.  While I coslept with my 2nd daughter (she was sick from almost day 1 so I was afraid to leave her in her bed as much as she didn't want to be there), I cannot imagine doing it really again.  When it came time to break her of not sleeping in our bed it was hell on the whole household because nothing could be done to sooth her and I had to let her cry it out unfortunately.  For hours what seemed every night, it was gradual but 9 years later it feels like it was every night, she would cry and scream at the top of her lungs and it went on for about 2 months.

More so however is not just the lack of intimacy between hubby and I but more so because of the scares of SIDs and cases like yours.  I cannot imagine the horror you went through and I hope that you have been able to receive counseling for your situation.  There is a lot to learn in what you shared in your experience, it becomes far more real when it happens to someone you are at least familiar with.  by the way!  Congrats on the good news of your U/S!

[angel07]

Thank you. I have posted a link above for the new research on sids. 8 months and 3 wks late for me.
I already knew the risk of SIDS before i let my son sleep with us, but becaurse of all the factors i meantioned, his age,strenth and the fact he was my thrid and last child, i thought he would not be at risk.

I never thought i would be in that 23% of SIDS by co-sleeping.

Thankyou also for your kind words on my new baby. It has given me something to look forward to, i think it took the miscarridge to make me realise i was not betraying my beautiful son.

[girlybuff]

Actually, co-sleeping is known to reduce SIDS.  It's been done for centuries.  Ba  I co-sleep with my DD and she is 6 months old.  Babies are meant to be cloe to the mother physically.  All mammals do this.
They say having the mother so close allows the babies to hear the breathing rhythm and the baby copies it.
Also, as a side note... usually if a baby dies after the age of 6 months especially after the age of a year, and dies suddenly, it's not SIDS.  It's just mis-diagnosed and this also causes the SIDS rate to be higher.

They are now finding things in the baby's brain make up that show a predisposition for SIDS.  It has a lot to do with apnea.  
I'm sorry for any losses that anyone has experienced due to this.....

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I did not co-sleep with my infants.  I could not rest and it made me anxious.  I used a bassinet with both of them, once they were sleeping through the night I moved the bassinet into their own room. This is just what made it easier for me.  Both my kids slept through at around 2 months.  My dh helped with changing them and burping them in the night as I had to work immediately after having the babies.

Having said that, my three year old is in my bed right now.  He sneaks in after we are asleep and crawl in the middle.  He was so easy as a baby.  Now to break him of this habit for the next one arrives.

Do what makes you feel comfortable.

[Pearl99]

www.mothering.com has information about the advantages of co-sleeping and the confusion over it linking or not to SIDS. Debate is of course still open. Dr. Sears has a lot to say about this too.

I personally coslept with both of my infants (til about 1 1/2 years old) BECAUSE of SIDS fear and because breastfeeding at night is easier for both.  Babies sleep lighter when breastfed and when co-sleeping which avoids what they suspect is too deep of sleep triggered (apparently through this article posted) some serotonin level problems. They also regulate their sleep through relation with the person they are with. We made plenty of room, no blankets, etc,followed all the rules although I do believe if it is caused by a genetic predisposition or some as-yet-undetectable breathing problem(SIDS) you may not be able to avoid it no matter where you put the baby down or how, and it certainly wouldn't be your fault.

Medical establishment seem to change their mind all the time over what 'causes' SIDS--the sleeping position and the cosleeping thing are the latest--when I had first 2 they swore (including all the MD's) that the babies would die if we didn't put them on their sides.

I just like to keep a real close eye. It makes me feel better. My pediatrician recommends it, from birth on (the last hospital I gave birth in required new moms to sleep with babies for temperature regulation). BTW when the time came the children graduated straight to their own room and toddler beds--this was exciting and came with all sorts of new rituals-.  Never did have a problem with the transition although I'm not horribly structured so some things don't bother me that bother other people. .

We are getting the ARMS REACH co-sleeper, like a sidecar for the bed, this time.

[Me2mommy2b]

NO cosleeping for me.  DD is sleeping in our room but not with us in our bed.  It's just too much for me.  I can't sleep worrying if she's ok.  I don't get enough sleep when she's with us.  I'd rather her sleep in her crib where she can't roll off or me suffocating her (G-d forbid).  I'm happy with her in her crib and wouldn't really recommend it to anyone.

[vicky76]

Im a health visiter based in the Uk

SIDS stands for sudden INFANT death symdrone. As far as i am aware infant means under age 1. So SIDS is not a misdiagnosed course. It simply means, no course of death can be found. Like cotdeath.
In the UK we have NEVER advised mums to co-sleep with there babies. We visit new and previous mums on each new baby and go through the safty of care of sleeping.

We believe that co-sleeping does not advance there breathing habits to sleep when co-sleeping but infact the extra temperture of there co-sleepers could infact over heat or sufficate the child especially a child at such a young age of under six months.

Co-sleeping may not be the course of SIDS but can of course contribute to over heating or suffication of the child. This how ever can usually be determined on the sence or an autopsey.

Sorry for any loss that anyone has enjured.

[AndiJ78]

Recent information based on studies done in the uS I believe, has shown a strong link between SIDS death and a seratonin recptor issue in the brain. The baby is unable to process carbon dioxide as a result of this and then become hypoxic and eventually passes. This is something that can and does happen in cribs, play yards, ANYWHERE. If the percentage of co-sleeping SIDS death is only 23%, that still leaves 77% that occured while the babies were alone in their beds.

Now to clarify, if a baby dies because a parent rolled over on them, that is not SIDS. As the previous poster mentioned, SIDS is used when no cause of death can be readily determined. I do believe it can be over used as a cause of death. We all know the dramatic decrease that has occured since the inception of the back to sleep campaign, right? Every step made by medical research is a huge step.

Now, also to clarify, co-sleeping is NOT a cause of SIDS. No one really knows the exact cause but that recent research has helped to shed some light. There are many cultures around the world that practice co-sleeping and to my knowledge, their infant mortality rate is not higher.

Again, it is a personal decision, but do it safely. I cannot imagine not co-sleeping. It has been such a wonderful thing for our family. But everyone needs to consider many things before deciding to do it.

Andrea