How do/did you know when your family was complete?
This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. We have one daughter and I feel so happy and complete with just her. It is so hard to imagine loving another as much. But still we are trying to have another baby, more so for her than for us. I am very torn about this. So how do you know when you are done, especially if you only have one child?? Do all moms feel so hesitant like this after their first baby??
im so sorry af showed, i had my pom poms out for you!!
when i had my son he was never to be an only child. however divorce makes it happen lol. i felt complete for awhile. i went on field trips, i spent every tuesday helping in class, we were happy. he then started asking for a brother. always in places that were hard to discuss lol.
then i met dh and he didnt have children. we both wanted another and caleb was excited to finally be a big brother. i still didnt feel complete. my son goes to his dads part time so addison was alone . she misses him so much, and i felt one more would be perfect for us.
i know many families with one child and they couldnt be happier. they can afford larger things, big trips (have you seen the prices at disneyland???lol) and its easier to just pick up and go. it is such a personal decision. i know this is our last, even if she didnt have down syndrome. i already feel we will be complete.
do what your heart feels, not what you feel is best for everyone else. i think a small part of us women will always have the little urge for that shiny new baby. we cant help ourselves lol.
I totally get your question. I'm struggling with this one right now. I actually really wanted another one after the first & was nervous as you mentioned about loving another that much while I was pregnant. It's crazy how it happens, but you just find more room in your heart & love them all as much. I have 2 & really wanted a third, but have been questioning it now too. I have had 2 very difficult babies & not sure I want to put my boys thru it again. My big sis has 3 kids & all of them have autism of some sort, my husband's sis has 2 kids, one with severe ADHD & learning disorders that they are handling very well, but it was a huge challenge for a while. I fear that with both sides having these issues, odds are not getting any better for me. I think it's normal to feel this way, it's hard to close that chapter. I can say my boys are so good together. Carson begged me for a baby brother & was thrilled when Cam came along. They are a joy to watch together.
perty- shiny new baby! You crack me up! I get a little misty when I see a baby, but I remember the colic & months of no sleep & stress, after the second one came along like that too, I began to question if my sanity would hold again. I keep waffling when I see those new little babies too though, everyone else's babies seem so peaceful, I always wanted one like that!
I was prego last summer and was perfectly fine about it(ended in ectopic). Now I am so worried about the pregnancy at age 40y, the affect on my daughter, the stress of a new baby, what if we had twins, etc. I held my new baby niece last week and didn't feel like I was missing anything. In fact I feel exhausted when I think of a newborn. I think dh and I both view a life with just Izzy as very good. We could give her soooo much both financially and emotionally. But the thing is - I can't stand the thought of her alone after we are gone. I get teary just thinking about it. I myself have 2 sisters and a brother and feel like its not fair to deprive her of that. I don't want her to be alone. Is that a bad reason to have another??
well being alone after you are gone is something to think about, but is it reason to have another? she has cousins and other family right? by the time you both pass she will most likely have a family of her own and she wont be alone.
it sounds like you know what you want, go with it ;)
yes newborns sound exhausting lol. i am sleeping better the past several weeks than i have in years, and soon i have to give that up haha. i guess ill sleep when im in the retirment home lol.
dont cry, what we feel is better for our kids is more likely what is better for us. get her in a play group to meet other kids. then you can have playdates and still sleep at night. when school starts you can devote your time entirely to her. its amazing what schools require now even in kindergarden!! the homework amazes me!
I know, I know....I just feel I will regret it later if we don't try. This is pretty much our last chance. Sorry - I am a basketcase about this lately. I am under the gun age wise and insurance wise (ends in August so we want to be done with the fertility treatments by then). It is not helping my stress or emotional level. Sometimes when I feel too much pressure I have the urge to run away from whatever I am facing but I don't want to Not do this because I am having anxiety at the moment from the pressure. It's hard to clear my head and figure out what I really want over the long run. I am trying to remember back to last summer when I was prego and happy. It helps to let it all out here though - thanks for that!! :)
Best of luck with your baby though Dana. Are you seeing a high risk OB today?? I am so happy for you - life works in mysterious ways doesn't it?? It is funny how I just loved nursing Izzy but now I feel tired just thinking about it! I am sure I would do it again though! If we have another I won't work so it will be a little better that way. I know if I got the BFP I would be so happy and relieved. If it's a BFN well then we tried our hardest. (See I am just a nutcase right now!! ;))
i have 2 drs. one just monitors me and does an u/s every so many weeks and will show my dh how to give my steroid shots for her lungs next week (because of my history with preterm). my ob i see today is not just high risk, but he is one that delivers at the hosp i need. they have the best nicu!!! they are a specialty team and there is always one on call to do high risk.
i am exhausted from reading about babies with ds and their nursing woes. i know it will be a rough time but the stubborn irish side of me is taking over lol.
you never know, maybe by some strange rotation of the earth you will say nevermind and concieve naturally! i hope the best for you and i know izzy will be just as perfect as she is a single child or not!! she has a great mom ;)
I have Jayden and I know deep down I'm not going to feel complete until I have another baby. I just now started feeling that way since Jayden is going on 2 1/2 and that want and desire to do it again has hit me. Didn't think I would feel that way but I do. I just feel like Jay is old enough to not get too jealous and he's gotten most of the attention and if another baby came along I think he would be happy since he loves babies. My biggest fear before was if I were to have a baby too soon, he would feel jipped. Like all the attention was on him and now on another. I just felt guilty about that. But now that he's older and more independent, I'm craving the pregnancy feelings and the new baby feelings. Although, the lack of sleep is really the only issue I have. I think you will know what you want just by the feeling. You won't feel any regrets.
It sounds like you have made your decision and you should have a another baby for her, it should be for you and your DH. You will be the one that has to take care of him or her. While having siblings can be fun and entertaining for her, the work is yours.
I think knowing your family is complete is different for everyone and it comes from inside you. Only you will know.
Your family is complete when you know there is "no way" you'd ever consider another one, when you look at pregnant women and think, "whew, been there, done that, glad that's not me" and you love newborns to hold--and then to give back to their parents. There are many reasons to want another child and wanting to have one so that you give an older child a sibling is fine, provided that you and your spouse want one as well. Just for the sake of giving someone a sibling, while nice, won't make up for the sleepless nights and the work of raising them. We had our last one so that our DD could have a sibling close in age but we also both really, really wanted another and we were prepared for the sleepless nights and raising another child.
I am obviously a lost cause. The question is there for me too. When is our family complete?
I still look at pregnant women and think wow I would love to be there again. I get hold of someone elses baby and never want to give them back. I have 4 children and I can imagine having at least 2 more. I think somedays I am insane and then at the end of the day when it is hugs and kisses time I am still wanting more. My head says you sooooooooo should be done the rest of me keeps saying just one more.
LoL, girl, I am right there with you. Some women know "that's it!" but I don't think I'll ever have that feeling.
I have four and think I will be satisfied with "just one more", but I bet I'll always be a little sad about it.... = (
I there with you guys too! I am currently pregnant with baby #4 and can still see myself having atleast one possible 2 more. I love children and know that i can just enjoy the ones I have, but my family does not feel complete to me yet! maybe after this baby is born, but I really think i want atleast one or two more! my biggest worry is what if i have one or two more and then still don't think I'm done! at what point will I really know that I am done! I am a fairly young mother ,so I could still have more children for a long time. I just hope I do eventually get that feeling of being done and knowing my family is complete! until then I wil just enjoy the children i have and this roller coaster called life! Goodluck!
When I was prego with our second I was adament that she would be our last. Now DH and I are planning on waiting until next April to start TTC again. I just don't feel that our family is complete. Both DH and I had 2 siblings and loved having 2 siblings so we want that for our children too. I too say "just one more" but we shall see when the next one arrives.
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