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How do you know when your mind/body is ready to try again??
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How do you know when your mind/body is ready to try again??

The OBGYN I saw in the hospital told me we only have to wait one normal cycle before trying again after our miscarriage.  Every other doctor I have talked to and every book I have looked at says to wait 2-3 cycles, or else your body is not ready and you may be more likely to have another miscarriage.  So what is the right answer?  I wouldn't want to just wait one cycle, as he suggested, and then have another loss - I would wonder if it was because I hadn't waited long enough.  What is everyone's experience with this?

If I can just vent for a minute here, I'm feeling really guilty about some feelings I have been having.  Right after the m/c, while we were still in the hospital, hubby and I were talking about 'trying again as soon as possible', and were happy to hear the doctor tell us one cycle.  We just wanted to be happy and pregnant again, and have something to look forward to.  Now I'm feeling intensely guilty for saying and feeling those things.  It's almost like I was betraying my baby I had just lost, by saying that we could 'replace' it or just move on and not grieve the loss.  Instead of giving myself time to grieve and be sad for the baby I lost, my first concern was getting pregnant again.  I feel like a bad person for feeling this way, and I can't stop crying.  I feel like I have dishonoured the baby I carried for 12 weeks by even considering trying again so soon.  I don't know what is the proper 'time' to grieve.  I also don't know if I would ever be 'ready' to handle another loss if that happens.
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I am so angry that I will never be able to have a happy, stress-free pregnancy, even close to 12 weeks.  I'll never feel that I'm 'out of the woods'.  I'm so jealous of women who can carry children without any problems and they're never stressed about losing their baby.  I feel like this whole wonderful experience has been tainted for me, and my innocence about pregnancy is forever gone.

I'm just feeling like s*** today and it's getting worse, not better.  Poor hubby doesn't know how to console me.  All I do is cry, feeling guilty and empty and angry.

I'm sorry for posting this here - I don't mean to upset anybody, especially those having healthy pregnancies.  I really do wish you the best, and hope that I am able to have that experience someday.
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Avatar_n_tn
My sister lost 4 angels some 2 at 11 weeks and two at 5 mths. After the first three they tried again right away, which didn't happen. So they waited almost 2 years later she found out she was preg around the same time I found I was with my DD. She went for an ultra sound and found out that the baby was gone. She had a D&C and was deter,mined she was gonna wait a awhile to try again, but God had other plans.

It was 6 weeks to the day and she was standing on a chair hanging pictures. Her DH came home from work early and was how shall I say, He liked what he saw. My nephew is now 4 and my niece will be three in August.

You may not be ready or you may be ready, but God has the last say so don't feel guilty. I felt guility after I was glad I lost my 3 angels. I had only been a week past a BFP with all of them, but it was not a good time with any of them. I know that God knew that too.

I wish you all the luck and comfprt in your time of need and I am glad you have come here for the support and help you need.
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PS. My sister was put on baby asprin and Progeesterone suppositories to be able to carry both my neice and my nephew. She was lucky and found a doc who cared enough to try and help her.

Don't worry about posting here that is what it is for and am for one am glad you have us here to help you. Hang in there.

((((((((((((((((((Siren)))))))))))))))))))))
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First of all, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Losing a baby is never easy and is even more heartwrenching when you think you are "out of the woods" of the first trimester. Before trying again after my losses I had to ask myself a difficult question, could I handle losing another one? Not that you ever want to think about that, but once I thought I had taken enough time to heal emotionally I knew I was ready. With my third miscarriage, I was anxious to try again soon. But then I realized that if I were to get pg and lose another so soon, I would tumble into a world of depression and possibly never recover. We waited for a few months before even thinking about trying again and within 7 months we found out we were pg with Jonathan. After my last m/c, we waited 1 cycle and got pg right away. Tristan is now 6 weeks old. I can tell you that the fear of losing another pregnancy will never go away, nor will the thoughts of the baby you lost. Those of us who have felt that pain will never be the same, but we are fortunate enough to have found a place such as this to offer support to one another. Please feel free to seek support anytime, that is what we are here for. You and your family will be in my prayers.


Andrea
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Avatar_n_tn
Siren I am so sorry to hear of your loss and kck you took the words right out of my mouth.  I know what you mean about losing a baby.  Siren I lost one Sept of last yr as well and I got pg after my 2nd cycle and every little ache and pain and discomfort I have I enjoy every minute of it.  I can't stand to be around women who say I am so sick now of being pg.  I am so glad to be pg right now.  I know it will happen for you when it is time.  I know you want that time to be now but like everyone else has said God has other plans for you.  You know I also hate to say you are never out of the woods in a pg.  As some of you know from a previous post I opened I am showing high levels of amniotic fluid which could be really bad.  I am so nervous right now.  I do have to say as sad it was to lose my baby at 12 weeks like you (and I had no cramping,bleeding, nothing just no heartbeat) I think I would much rather it happen then then to have the baby and be with him or her for just a very short time then lose it.  I was still very attatched to the baby I lost but it does get better with time.  I started something though every Christmas I am going to light a candle for that baby.  I pray you find strength to go on and try again when the dr says it is ok.  Like another post said just be sure you could handle losing another just in case it does happen.  I will pray for you.  Post anytime you need to vent.  Good Luck.
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I lost a baby last Sept. and got pregnant after one cycle.  I think your emotional stability is the important factor in determining you are ready.  I can tell you that after I conceived this baby (I am due in less than 4 weeks), I "healed" more from my loss.  The fear of losing never went away.  I still freak out if she doesn't move  a lot.  I truly believe that I appreciate this pregnancy more because of the child I lost.  It made me realize that having a child is not a given and should not be taken for granted. I have to be the best mom I can be to this baby and to my 3 year old because God has given me the opportunity to do so.  So in my opinion, the grief of loss and the experience I suffered made me a stronger person and a better mom.  Do not feel guilty about wanting to get pregnant again so soon.  We all heal in different ways and if conceiving another baby will help you to accept your loss, then there is no harm in trying again.  Good luck!
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Wise words, Andrea.
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I know how you feel - I had a similar situation in April.  I would be ok for certain time periods, then seem something that would now seem trivial, like a pregnant woman, or something silly, and cry and get angry with my dh, and just miss my baby so badly that I've never even allowed myself to discuss how much.  I have a little lamb that I bought for the baby that sits in my kitchen now.  I was torn between wanting to try right away, and never wanting to try again and put myself through it all.  I would sob at the drop of a hat, unlike any crying I've ever done before.  I still think of the little one, but not as often, and I think of him/her more now as an angel who looks over us.  I take baby aspirin every day, folic acid, and will be taking progesterone if I'm blessed enough to conceive again.  I feel for you because nothing anyone says will make you feel better - only time will.  Take care & best of luck.
Chrissy
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What you are feeling right now is very normal I too went through several miscarriages. You are so right a year and half ago I did deliver a healthy baby girl but I worried the entire pregnancy. I agree every pain I had I was worried I was miscarry - I hated going to the rest room because I was afraid I was going to see blood. But I agree with the other girls you just cherish the baby you will have!!! My little girl is everything to me I truely thought I wasn't going to be able to have children after miscarring that many times. I too was put on progesterone medication after my third miscarriage and I believe it worked because I have my daughter now and I am 3 months pregnant with our second child and I was on the progesterone medication again this time too. I hate the fact that they won't run test on you until you have miscarried several times. But I just want you to know their is hope because I felt just like you so empty and hurt. Then I worried my husband would leave because I couldn't give him children - it didn't matter how many times he reasurred me he wasn't going anywhere I just felt terrible inside. The hormones I think have a little to do with it too. We are here if you need to talk it helps to know people who have been through similiar situations....thinking of you...
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