Mother-in-Law or Monster in law???

Good morning ladies,
I could not help but to ask how is everyone doing with their in laws. As you can read from my title, my MIL is more like a Monster IL and I just need your advise and input. At the begining we used to get along great. I loved her and I felt she liked me too. 2 years into the relationshiip, she started hiding from my phone calls and would only comunicate with me and DH via e-mail. Then 2 years ago, from out of the blue, she pulled out $10, 000 ring and gave it to her younger son and completely skept us. Year after that, she started complaining aout us not spending the whole X-mas break with her and after that she toped it of by occusing me of marring my DH for a green card which I already had before I married him. I have cut all of my communication with her, by I still get her by things she does. For example, when we send out email about being prego and having a girl, she never responded. I made myy DH to call her two days later just to see if he got the email and she did. No words why she never replied or called. My DH is on my side, but he does not know how to eas up the pain for me. Any suggestion? I feel like I do ever want her to see my girls because of the way she is to us. By the way, she treats my SIL great, but they both live on the same coast and I am ot exactly the "kissing ***" person as my SIL. Anyway, just need to went and get it out of me! Thanks

[low22]

I have no advice because I am living the same exact scenario!! It's hard to ignore it.  I never want to talk to mine but insist that my dh tell me EVERYTHING she says to him when they talk about once a month.  Then I get PISSED when I hear what she says.  It's no fun.  The problem is that they won't change.  They're too set in their ways now.  My mil will always be a crazy person and it will get worse and worse!  Btw -- she likes my soon to be sil way better than me too :)  They're both teachers so they have something in common.  

Good luck with it though and try not to let it ruin your happiness!

[petanka]

OMG, this is exactly how it goes in our house. I absolutely do not want to talk to her and she probably does not either, but when she talks to my DH about once a year, I want to know everything and then I am SO pissed off. I know that it does not help much, by I am glad that it is just not me!!! What is wrong with them???

[5preg2B]

my mother in law lived with us for 8 months. It was the worst..  she was very verbally abusive, only when hubbie wasn't around.  didn't want to work and was overall very needy, I already have three kids I didn't need another.  One day she went off in front of my kids.  I immediatley called my husband at work and told him it was me or her.  Mind you I reminded him that I keep his bed warm.  she moved out that day and I have not had any communication with her. she calls him on the cell once in awhile.  I don't care.  I am the one who still sends her xmas presents though.  NO thanks you for me.  I'm just glad shes gone,  moved to alabama...  we're in Pa..

[girlybuff]

I'm in a dif situation.  My MIL LOVES me and I can't stand her.  I mean, as a person she's fine but I hate the fact that she is always around and assumes we always want her around.
I'm pregnant with #1 and the sun rises and sets on my husband, which is terribly annoying since I will treat him the way she does.  She doesn't like my sister in law and my husband is clearly the favortite child so it's all on me.
She comes over expects to stay and just takes up space with her 3 pack a day habit and coffe drinking all day long.  
We're in the middle of moving and I'm 37 weeks pregnant and she thinks she's coming this weekend (she lives 3 hours away) and I finally put my foot down.
I don't even like seeing my mother this much.  I like her but I'm beginning to HATE seeing her.  Oh and did I mention she NEVER shuts up?  As soon as I open my eyes in the mornikng she wants to talk.  GO AWAY!

[girlybuff]

I meant I will NOT treat him the way she does.  LOL

[low22]

I don't know what makes them so crazy!  Unfortunately for me, we still have to go there about twice a year -- we live about 2.5 hours away.  Besides the fact that she's annoying, manipulative, and mean, I hate it because her house is SOOOOO dirty.  I wear flipflops in the shower and never sit on the toilet seat!  It's nasty!  And there are bugs!  So I ask -- how do I bring a baby to that environment?  There are no close hotels either b/c they live in this really small town.

[jd1419]

I have the opposite situation.  I love my mil and she really likes me.  We do things together on occasion and she watches my children for me.  I don't think I could ever live with her but I get along great with both in laws.  We are the only onest that live close by and have wonderful relationship.

I am sorry for those of you who don't have this type and someday maybe you can find common ground with them--always remeber in a little way they will always be part of your life for the kids.

[Agiesmom]

I'm sure that the reason people get along or don't get along is a matter of perspective.  There have been times when someone was upset with me and if I hadn't asked point-blank what the problem was, we still wouldn't be speaking.  Can you write to your mother-in-law and ask her if there was something that really upset her that caused her to be distant?  Could she be upset that she didn't hear the news about the baby in person or on the phone?

My mil did not like me one little bit in the beginning--they are from another country and she was not happy that her son was marrying an American (mainly because she knew he'd leave their country).  There were a couple of years when we didn't speak, but she has totally warmed to me and we get along very well now--it's so much nicer this way.

[petanka]

I have already tried the "what did I do wrong" conversation and that is when I learned that I merried my DH for green card (I already had) also that I steel her son away from her and that I planned our wedding so she would not be able to come.
One of you mentioned that she will always be a part of my kids life. See that is what bothers me the most. As much as she has no interest in her son, she has no interest in her grandkids. All she cares about is her 6 dogs. She thinks that Christmas MUST be spend at her house and only on her terms. No friends, no nothing! I think I am in perpective and I am just starting to understand that my Monster IL is hard headed, staburn woman, who has not been in relationship for over twenty years and therefore does not how to compromise on anything and is having a really hard time understanding that her son is happy and is not momma's boy any more.

[jen023]

Big mistake on our part - we live in a very small town and ended up buying the house across from my inlaws. Word of advice: Don't ever do that!! :) My mil walks into our house without knocking, got so bad I started locking my doors and sometimes even ignoring her. My fil is great but I hate having dh disapear across the street all the time or have them "borrow" things and "forget" to ask. All in all, it could be a lot worse - we do get along pretty well. But I think we would get along great if we could move (which I'm hoping to do sometime soon).

[JJety]

This sounds just like Everybody Loves Raymond.  LOL!

[jen023]

LOL! Yeah, I've definitely compared myself to Debra lots of times! At least my mil doesn't criticize my cooking cleaning skills! ;o)

[Agiesmom]

Similar thing here...we were married here in the U.S. without much notice (we fell in love while we were both on vacation)--just decided to get married one day after knowing each other 41 days!  That did not go over well with mil.

Sounds like your mil is really tough...it doesn't sound like she's willing to bend in any way to make things work.  I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.  If your dh is supportive and won't feel torn, then I think minimal contact would probably be the way to go.

[pmom]

Ok here is the scoop on my MIL. She hated the fact that her son left her house to move in with me. then I got pregnant and she told people she was going to wait after I got off work and jump me and beat me with a baseball bat. Then our DD was born and she was saying that the baby was to ugly to be her son's child, my DD was and still is very beautiful, she was aying it was a guy who I dated before I dated her son, I guy I never even slept with. I have a DD from a prevoius relationship and she is so mean to her. She is a drug addict and an alchohlic, we won't allow our kids around her. Then she got in a wreck where she almost died, and she said she was going to turn her life around so we let her back in well she says she has tried and failed every time. We see her every once in awhile and she tries to talk to the kids but they don't respond to well, they call her daddy's mom. My children are kept away from her for thier safety, my DH went through alot when he was young. She got him started on drugs when he was 12 but as soon as he got with me , almost 8 years ago, he has been totally clean. So I know all about monster in laws...lol.
Tiffany

[Silvee716]

OMG..I am so glad I am not the only one that can't stand her inlaws.  Me and my b/f found a house by ourselves, did everything.. my b/f told me that he wanted to help his mom and his step dad by asking them to move in with us because his stepdad is no man at all, they lived in a filthy ass apartment, the man was good at suing the placed he worked for and spend all the money in a months time.  Well stupid me says ok to that.. BIG BIG MISTAKE.. they are living with me and my b/f and his mom...UUURRRRRR... I can't stand.  My brother is the second oldest of her kids, they are four, they range from 19yrs to 27.  Well this lady is constantly asking my b/f if he is hungry, she cooks for him, serves him.. loves saying, omg I need to get home so will (my b/f) can have something to eat.. I can't stand her, I have told her a few times not to serve him because I would do it.. I thought me and her were in good terms because before me and her son got involved this lady use to go out with me and my sisters all the time.. this lady has known my family since she was 13yrs.  Well I thought that me and her had a good relationship, but later on I found out that she had told my b/f to really think about being with me because I had a bad temper, and I am 8 years older than him, so that she would say, you are young, she has  been married before.. what the hell I was so mad.  This lady that actually already had my b/f and his sister before she got involved with her husband now..  I don't like non of his family they are all hippocrites..

[Pippsquike]

Well... I had to get a restraining order against my psycotic alcoholic MIL. She no longer knows my place of employment (she'd call my work and harrass me and fellow co-workers after happy hour), or where we live (we moved).

It's been a pretty peacful two years after taking legal action. LOL

[AndiJ78]

Okay, my MIL may drive me batty from time to time, but man I feel lucky compared to you guys : )

Just remember, for those of us with boys or who will soon have boys, one day we will be MIL's. I figure at that point I will achieve a greater level of clarity for how my MIL feels about "losing" her oldest son. Things have gotten better for us since moving back to John's hometown, we still have our select issues (mostly about childrearing, different generations, different views) but overall it isn't too bad. Definitely not compared to some of you ladies...YIKES!!!

My advice is, despite that want and need to feel like you have her approval, back away for a bit. Nothing you say ro do at this point seems like it will make a difference. It only seems to hurt you more and widen that gap. Give it some time, you may find things change dramatically after your baby comes.

Andi

[lumeli]

My goodness,

You guys really had problems with MIL.  I thought mine was horrible but she does not sound too bad now.  I met my DH in my freshman year of college and we dated for 3 years before getting married.  I grew up in Europe and moverd in before going to college.  The first year of our relationship me and MIL had a great relationship.  She invited me to spend the summer with them since my family lived in europe.  I agreed and made a big mistake.  By July she was constantly getting upset with me for no reason.  For example, she got mad one morning because I woke her son up and made him breakfast.  She was very jealous of me.  See, she was never a good cook or anything and she is one of those women who never really had to work and got spoiled by her husband and always had everything in life.  She saw me as a poor girl from some other country.  She started telling my BF at the time that he should not be so serious with me and that I was only with him because I wanted to live in the US.  I was so hurt and angry at that pint.  I decided to leave ASAP and stay with my host family.  One morning she started screaming at me and telling me that I am a user and that I don't clean or do anything ( by the way I cleaned her 5 bdrm home twice a week and cooked everyday to help out since she hated cleaning and cooking) and finaly my BF at the time screamed back at her and told that either she learnes to respect me or he will never speak to her again.  I did not speak to her for 1 year until we got engaged.  She did apologize about her behaviour and speaks very nicely about me to other people now 7 years later.  I have a good relationship with her now, but it took a long time to get here.  Don't get me wrong she is not my best friend but we get along fine.  I always had my DH on my side and she is afraid to say a bad word to him because she knows that he would just walk out on her... FIL is great and always has been.

[Cheli6]

My mil is bad as well.  She prentends to be nice in front of my DH yet behind his back she is a complete B***c...and she says awful things about my family to him...things that supposedly they have done to her! I have caught her in many lies in front of my family b/c I do not like to be around the bush about things and she does not even apologize...my dh is a mommy's boy which is annoying when she stays with us (she lives out of us) she comes for 3-6 months at a time...and to me they are hell!!!
My FIL is the only one I respect and care for a lot...she measures everything on how much money we give her not gift I mean money!!! I am the only working since my dh is studying so I feel pressured to have money for her too! my poor dh does not know how to say NO!
the worst is when she makes comments on the fact that we don't have children yet even though she had problems concieving herself! I know things will get better with time but meanwhile I hate to put it with her!

[low22]

Is your real name Debra?

[myproblem]

My mil is great, but I feel sorry for my husband. His mil is a pain in the neck on a good day, and just plain nuts the rest of the time. People want to know why we 3000 away from my where we grew up. I tell them they should meet my mother (or my dad's side of the family for that matter).

[chubbies]

fil r nyc. my mil is driving me up t wall. we live wit her n she enters our room without knocking..she g