My 13 years old stepson sleeps with us in our bed

My husband just got his son after two years battle with his ex. My entire two and half years of knowing him and two year of marriage I have only seen him crying and under serious depression to the point some of his friends were worried about him hurting himself emotionally and physically because he missed his son so much. The mother had moved to another country and would not allow my husband access to his son mainly because he married me.
Now the question is father and son are extremely close they sleep together eat together and even when my husband goes to the bathroom my stepson stands out side asking his father to come out quick. He gets mad even if I stand next to his dad telling me that he is possessive about his parent and I can physically be close his dad and I just need to deal with it. My husband never stops checks  anything, now I can visibly see my stepson upset if his father comes to me first when he comes from work before going to him. He stops talking to his father and his father goes crazy asking him why is he quite. Understanding that it upsets his son my husband has stopped greeting me affectionately. I baby sit my stepson while with me I can not nap or go anywhere he says he is scared.
I am a woman in my forties and have to understand the relationship that starved for each other needs a lot more togetherness. However; It has been three months, my husband and I have no intimacy or personal time. obviously no sex, he does not allow his father to even face me forget about being a couple. Couple of times when I thought he was out of line I have been a little upset with him or corrected him. This made my husband angry and in front of his son he yelled at me saying that I am a horrible person and nasty to his son. Now let me tell you I cook, clean pick up after my stepson, all the time we sit and share stories, I buy him good clothes, games, give him kisses just walking around, give a bear hug show affection so that he knows that i like him. I would like to see my husband ever understanding how lonely I am and need to see him support me at times. BY the way I have three sons of my own two residents after medicine and one in premed. I have raised three successful boys. However if I tell my husband that he needs to get help for his son and prepare him to be independent a bit. Both father and son think that him being this way is genetics from my husband and by the time he 16 there is no harm in father and son sleeping together. They sleep on my bed hug and cuddle together it is so uncomfortable. Absolute no privacy for me. My husband seem to love the fact that his son is so physically and emotionally depended on him. He at times acts a if this kid is 4. what should I do? Telling my husband about my issue is being blamed for being selfish.
Am I being selfish ?? at times I feel guilty for wanting to change things because father and son love each other so much and I am coming in between....what do I do?

[AnnieBrooke]

Three months is a little early to expect them to knock this off.  I'd give it more time.  If you want more intimacy, schedule a babysitter and a date night, including a stop at the local hotel.  Sorry I don't sound too empathetic, but I really feel for the poor child and the lost dad.  They will take more than three months to get over their joy at being reunited.  Don't stand there looking at a stopwatch.

[RockRose]

kal,  are you saying his friends believed he was suicidal when he was separated from his son?

This sounds very odd and concerning to me,  all round.  I think your husband needs psychiatric intervention.

This bed time bond with his 13 year old son can't be healthy for the boy.

Best wishes.

[kal105]

I agree with Annie on the fact that I can stand there with stopwatch. However; it would be wonderful if  I could call a baby sitter and go out with my husband on a date. Any suggestion like that would make my stepson so angry that his father will give me an ear full for even a suggesting to leave the kid with a baby sitter and go out without him. I will have two angry men in my hands....it is not as simple as you think Annie..I said he does not his father to even face me in the night...RockRose..I agree that it is not healthy for the child, for his all round growth. It is actually his sister who told me to get a psychiatric help for her brother because she is worried her brother will hurt himself if he does not get access to his son soon...I can only wish that they will agree to go for some therapy, as I see a desperate need for both of them and possibly me. But this in insulting  to his macho ego. In his culture therapy is for crazy people..which of course him and his son are not.